The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Do You Hear the People Sing? May 17, 2018

Hello all!!  Wow, am I all over the map today.  I have the whole “Do You Hear the People Sing” thing stuck in my head because… it’s the last day of school AND Les Mis auditions at Ardmore Little Theatre were five years ago tomorrow.  OBVIOUSLY I’m an emotional wreck. But totally in a good way.

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First, the last day of school is a major milestone.  It feels like barely a few days ago I was working in my classroom, getting ready for school to start, being scared, nervous, intimidated, and completely unsure if I were supposed to be here.  I made it through the year though, survived all the moments when I felt like I should run away and become a sheep herder in Tibet, and kept plowing despite a somewhat critical bout with depression.  I think I’ve come to the conclusion that the first year of teaching is about like the first year of college:  I’ve probably gained at least fifteen pounds since I was hired.  Still, it’s been a good year.  I’ve tried to operate in a mode of loving these kids and remembering that they ARE just KIDS.  They are not fully formed humans yet, and they can be jerks on occasion.  Sadly, many adults can be jerks too, but that’s another post.  The point is… IT’S THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL!! WOOOO!

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Second, the anniversary of the auditions for Les Miserables (I don’t know how to type it with all the correct little accent marks) is tomorrow.  FIVE years ago tomorrow, I got on a stage and sang in front of strangers, and opened the door to a world I couldn’t have imagined.  It has brought me some of the greatest joy and the worst pain I’ve experienced in the last few years.  Between great new friends, disappointing audition results, crushes that were not meant to be, sharing the worst pain of those new friends,  celebrating victories and learning new things I never knew I could do… theatre has been a blessing in my life.  Note: the featured image of this post is my best friend who I met at auditions and who played Madame Thenardier.  She was and is nine kinds of awesome!

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I haven’t been actually ON stage in a long time, because I allowed myself to feel like I was too fat and ugly to be up there, (and also that I wasn’t really a good enough actor) but I’m hoping to conquer that this season.  There are a couple of shows I wouldn’t mind auditioning for, directors I would love to work with, and of course, the chance to reprise a role and play the same character I played when I first started, when we produce a new entry in the Buttermilk series: A Dark and Stormy Night at the Buttermilk Hotel, written partly by one of those new theatre friends.  I’ll have hopefully had my weight loss surgery a few months before the Buttermilk play is ready to audition, and I’ll be feeling a lot better about my weight. I’m also probably going to start working with a practitioner of FDN, functional diagnostic nutrition, and getting some health issues solved even before I have surgery.  We’ll see how it works.

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So back to the last day of school.  I just feel like I want to try to remember everything.  So far it’s been a good day, but it’s only 2nd hour!  I’m going to finish this post and grade the tests from 1st hour.  Let the day only go up from here!  And in only three weeks, I’ll be on my way to ALASKA!!! Yessss!

Until next time,

D.

 

 

Fly, Fly Away May 4, 2018

Hello all!  Things are finally starting to settle down here.  The show is over, school is almost out, and very soon I will be returning to my beloved Alaska!  I can’t wait to show The Boy all the places I went when I was there, the tours and other adventures.

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One thing I dread is the flights.  Both there and back, I dread flying.  I’ve gained back a lot of weight in the last few years and the prospect of flying and worrying about whether some fellow passenger is going to be hateful to me if I am crowding their space is just not pleasant.  I read an article on Fb today about some women who got into it on a short flight because they were in each other’s space, and man, the comments!! The hateful attitudes toward overweight people are absolutely incredible.  People are cruel, people are judgmental, and people have NO love.

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Now granted, I don’t feel like I encounter this in my everyday life, partly because I live in the South-ish, where most people are fat and most people don’t see the need to be hateful about it.  There is a fitness subculture in my town, with many gyms and groups of women jogging through the streets at all hours, and more power to them.  But for the most part, as far as I can tell, the average fat person around here does not encounter hatefulness about their weight from random strangers on the street.

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So what’s my problem?  Well… I won’t be in the South.  I’ll be on a plane with people from all over, with a layover in Seattle, where people are crunchy-granola, healthy hippie, tree-hugging hiking types.  However, I’ll be traveling with my son, who, while he’s not huge, is a nearly 6 ft. tall, broad-shouldered, 17 year-old boy.  I figure I can put his smaller body between me and any strangers and hopefully neither of us will infringe on anyone’s space.

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What’s really sad is that I let this fear and dread of fat-shaming strangers dampen my enthusiasm for this much anticipated, greatly longed-for trip to Alaska, my happy place of all happy places.  I even bought my own seat belt extender online so I wouldn’t be embarrassed by having to ask the flight attendant for one. I guess you could say, short of losing 100 pounds, I’ve done all I can think of to do to limit the likelihood of pain, hurt feelings, embarrassment, etc. Now I just have to go and try to enjoy the adventure. (Except I also still have to worry about river raft floats and water boots and other size-related humiliations just waiting to happen.)

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If it were this time next year that I were going, it would be a whole other story.  If all goes as planned, I will be having weight loss surgery over Christmas break.  I’m not sure yet whether I’m doing the RnY or the sleeve- that all depends on what the doctor recommends.  I can’t even start the process until September, unless I wanted to just pay for a bunch of fees and stuff out of pocket, which, why do that when I can just be patient a couple months longer and have it covered on insurance?  Regardless, I am REALLY looking forward to having a little help in that department.  Sometimes the right tool helps get the job done.

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So basically, I guess one thing to be happy about is that these are the last flights that I will have these fears and worries.  I thought about putting off this trip until next summer, but we’re not guaranteed another day, so I might as well go now and try to enjoy it.  I know I will, because it’s freaking Alaska, and I love that place, AND I’ll be sharing it with my precious kiddo. I hope he loves it as much as I do.

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Until next time,

D.

 

I’m Leaving On a Jet Plane (I Wish) January 11, 2013

airplane halo

airplane halo (Photo credit: Sean MacEntee)

Hello all.  If it is true that I live in a state of emotional bungee jumping, as I once said, then today is the day where the stretchy band attached to me is pulled to its full length, stretched to capacity and I’m momentarily hovering two inches above the rocks.  It’s not that I feel down, necessarily.  I don’t.  I just feel a very strong urge to get. away.  I wish I were on an airplane somewhere that was taking me some place exciting and far away.  I’m remembering our cruise last June, how much I looked forward to the adventure of it.  I made a playlist of “beach/vacation/get away” songs and played it until I drove the kids berserk.

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Of course, getting away is not really a possibility at this point.  But in the interest of trying to find some way to make life more interesting, I left The Offspring a note when I left the house this morning.  (They were all still asleep, of course.)  I told them if they would work on laundry and finish the pots and pans today, we would try to come up  with something fun to do tomorrow.  I have no idea what that might be, as there is little to do around here, but I guess we’ll give it the old college try.

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It’s been a pretty good work week, really.  My boss’s out-of-town girlfriend has been hanging out with us.  We’ve accomplished a lot- cleaning, organizing, that sort of thing.  We received a huge donation to the program and I got a $0.50/hr raise.  It doesn’t seem like much, perhaps, or sound like much, but I just did the math and over the course of the year it actually will be about equal to, or a smidge more than the salary increase my boss got.

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So anyway.  I’m going to be mostly alone in the office today, and I am going to try to remain productive.  Boss Boy is taking off today, since it’s his girlfriend’s last day in town before she goes back to college.  But you know what they say about cats and mice and being away and playing and all that.  I may have to make a list and force myself to not goof off all day.  It’s pretty tempting when you’re completely alone in a huge old church building, stuck in a dreary-ish, back-room office, with nothing really pressing hanging over your head to do.   But that’s not what I’m getting paid for, so I guess I’ll crank up the iTunes, make a list of things to do today, and get busy.  First item on the agenda- write my paycheck for the week!  🙂

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Until next time,

D.

 

Let Summer Begin! May 31, 2010

Filed under: Kid Kraziness — DDKlingonGirl @ 9:55 am
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Hello all.  Somebody tell me again why I was in a hurry for Summer to get here?  I can’t remember.  I’m used to quiet mornings alone, writing or doing whatever I want around the house.  This morning I got up, and within five minutes, two of the kids are up and in the living room with me.  Within five minutes after that, Daughter S. has the PS3 controller in her hands, and is about to start playing her ‘Avatar’ game.  Well actually, she’s online using the PS3, and she has found a “translator” site to translate English to Na’vi, the language of the natives on ‘Avatar.’   She told me last night she wants a t-shirt she saw online somewhere that says “I’m With Stupid” in Na’vi.   I wonder if they have a shirt that says “Where Did My Sanity Go?”  I’m going to need that soon, I think.

But maybe not.  This week will be a super-short week at work. (Hallelujah!)  We’re off work today for Memorial Day and I’m taking off Friday and Saturday for the Family Reunion.  We’re going to be at Canyon Lake, Texas, which is where my grandpa lives.  For past reunions we’ve reserved the group camp at Potter’s Creek, but an attempt to do something different this time resulted in a snafu, and now we’re using some facility closer to town that has a meeting room, a game room, and a pool.  As for accomodations, I’m not sure exactly where we’ll land.  Mom was going to book us a room or a rent house, but when my dad got sick she didn’t get it done, so maybe we’re going to just be sleeping in the floor at Grandpa’s.  Sounds restful, doesn’t it?

Actually, very little about this weekend is likely to be restful.  We have to leave at about 7:30 in the morning on Friday.  It’s about a 6 or 8 hour drive down there, through Dallas, Austin, Waco, all the fun places to drive.  My sister and cousin and I are supposed to be making the food, and I don’t have a clue what we’re doing!  Dad is making brisket, which is his usual speciality.  Mom and I have discussed the food, but I was only half paying attention. 

The thing I was talking about a couple of posts back when I said the week would be difficult was that Daughter S. was going to go to Grandpa’s early with my dad to help clean Grandpa’s house and get things ready for the reunion.  This was going to leave Daughter J. and The Boy alone together during the day from Tuesday through Thursday.  Not a great idea.  Sometimes they get along ok, but most of the time, these two children get along like they want to kill each other!  J. can’t get The Boy to do what she tells him to, and he yells and fights with her, and she sinks to his level and starts hitting, and they accomplish nothing.  I was thoroughly dreading leaving the two of them alone if Daughter S. went to Grandpa’s house early.  Now it seems that S. has backed out, so I guess we’ll all be ok and there will be no bloodshed this week. 

Now all three kids are up and they’re watching cat videos on YouTube.  Something called ‘Caturday’ that is both funny and stupid.  This post has been brought to you by “I think I’m losing my touch and may never say another funny thing in the rest of my life!” 

Until next time,

D.

 

 
The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

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