The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

For the Love of Zanax!! May 24, 2018

Filed under: Mood Swings,Whatever — DDKlingonGirl @ 8:46 pm
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Hello, all! I’m reaching out via The Journals tonight because I just need a place to vent. I took my “Happy Medicine” late today, might possibly have missed a day earlier this week, and now I just want to grab the entire world by the shoulders and shake it until its collective teeth rattle.

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Let’s see. Where to start? Primarily I think the problem arises because I spend too much time on Facebook. It’s my nemesis, my downfall, my electronic drug of choice. It’s the place where I share most of what I’m doing but comparatively fewer of my actual thoughts, lest I get into an argument with a stranger, or worse, a friend, or possibly get a free diagnosis of what I call FDD: Facebook Disclosure Disorder. FDD is the tendency to share one’s EVERY thought, mood, opinion, struggle, triumph, meal, baby, pet, funny meme, or religious conviction. I have a mild case of it, and I have many friends who are suffering from TERMINAL FDD.

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So I edit myself. I don’t say what I think the vast majority of the time, especially not on days like today.  I wouldn’t have any friends left. Seriously. Unflattering selfies, political GARBAGE, whiny life problems (I deleted two of mine in that particular category today for fear I was coming across as a big ol’ baby), you name it. I was in Super B^*% Verbal Slap Down mode today. I would have given anything to just let go on some people.

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Politics is driving me crazy. I can’t stand either side, but I think I have become more liberal-leaning at this phase of my life, and I am absolutely sick to death of the posts I see every day. “They want you to die in a school shooting so they can take away our guns”?!? Seriously? Nobody in politics WANTS children to die in school shootings!! I saw that meme today and I nearly lost it.

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On the other hand I have a friend who shares no fewer than 50 anti-Trump memes a day. Every last one of them just makes me want to gag, not because I like the guy, but because “OK, WE GET IT! You are a liberal and you hate Trump!! Why don’t you post about what you had for lunch or something, like everyone else!” I can’t stand him, I’ll admit it. I cringe and retch every time I see his face, hear his voice, or read something he supposedly said. But for crying out loud, find something else to talk about once in a  while!

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Anyway. I’ve got a million other things to whine, complain, and worry about, but I am beginning to get to that point in my rant where I fully realize I just sound like a cranky douche-canoe and I should just shut up. I just have so much work to do in and around my house, so many things I need to be doing, and so little desire and energy to do them! And I need help with about half of them and help is taking its sweet time coming.

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Even Alaska has become a source of stress. I can’t make up my mind on my itinerary, what days I want to do what tours, and whether or not I want to cut my stay short in one town and add a day in another. I have several options, I guess, but I just don’t know how we’re going to feel or what kind of mood we (read: The Boy) are going to be in, so I don’t know what I should plan for. I know I’m trying to cram a whole summer’s worth of recreated memories into a week-ish  vacation. I just want The Boy to enjoy Alaska and love it as much as I do. Mostly I am super aggravated at myself for not making it longer to start with, because now it is much too expensive to change my flights, so I am stuck trying to prioritize what experiences I most want him to have, and it’s hard.

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Anyway. I just hope and pray we have a good time. I’m sure we will, but it will help if I learn to relax and go with the flow. I’m definitely going to try.

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Until next time,

D.

 

Just Breathe. And Trod. October 20, 2014

Filed under: General Observations — DDKlingonGirl @ 9:45 am
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Hello all.  It’s been a while, as it usually has.  You know, some days I feel like I have so much to say, and no idea how to say it.  Some days I feel like I should have much to say, and I just… don’t.  Right now, I’m feeling something I just don’t have words for.  I’m tired.  I think this tiredness stems from being too much aware of the complexities and eccentricities of this thing called Life, and humanity, and this world, and the things in it.  Things that are exquisitely beautiful, and things that are so ugly as to tear the heart and soul into tiny little jagged-edged pieces.

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I wonder sometimes if we wouldn’t all be better off if we lived back in the frontier days.  The pioneer days where we didn’t have to deal with knowing what was going on in so many other places, days when all that mattered was whether or not there was going to be enough food on the table for that day, and whether we were secure from attack by outside forces like foreign soldiers or Native peoples or the unpredictable nature of the weather.

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Life was always a battle, though.  Life was always a struggle to contend with, a path to be trod with unrelenting determination.  The reward for some was something looked forward to in the unknowable future- heaven.  For some the reward was simply the pride that came from continuing to survive and live to trod another day.  Maybe there are more rewards that I just don’t have the ability to articulate now.  Maybe the only reward for topping one hill is the gift of a brief, easy downhill stroll until the next hill starts to rise in front of us.   Maybe, just maybe, the reward is the view from the path, and the little pebbles and flower petals we reach down and pick up along the way.

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So many little stresses.  So many things to worry about and think endlessly about.  So many things to try to figure out what’s going to happen about.  Jobs, parenting, friends, relationships, family, beliefs, society, the world.  We can drive ourselves bananas in a heartbeat.  There’s only so much room on a mountaintop in Tibet, or a cabin in an isolated woods in Alaska, two of my favorite locations for “escape jokes.”  We can’t all go there.  We can’t all run away and hide.  Eventually all the problems and stresses and things to handle would join us there and we’d have to find another place to run.

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What do people do?  What do people do when maybe they don’t know what they think or where they stand or what they can lean on?  How do they keep trodding?  I know some don’t.  Most do.  How do they fill their lives with enough light to see the next step?

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I realize this post is just chock full of the rhetorical, metaphorical, and vague.  I don’t really know what I’m even trying to say.  These are just my thoughts.  On a day when it feels like you actually have to push up on the air around you to have space to even breathe.  On the elevator to my office this morning I was thinking about some fairly insignificant things I needed to handle, and I sort of growled to myself and thought “Argh.  This is the day I’m going to have.”  And of course many of you might know what immediately happened when the Universe caught that thought and lobbed it back at me with a quick backhand:  “This is the day that the Lord has made.  I will rejoice and be glad in it.”  The words popped into my head as soon as my own thought left it.  So that’s the goal.  Just rejoice and be glad.

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Until next time,

D.

 

Whiplash Mood Swings and Rabid Cheez-Its! May 4, 2010

Hello all.  I wanted to write a new post this morning, about a recent discussion with a friend of mine, and all the things I’m confused about, and about how my kids drive me nuts and I think I might be completely bipolar because my mood switches back and forth so fast it gives me whiplash.  Then I thought, ‘Just because I’m under a wide variety of stresses and I occasionally get upset and wish I could be dead doesn’t mean I’ve got a mental health condition, does it?  It just means I have too much junk running through my head.’

Anyway.  I don’t have time to write the longer, more detailed version of the above because I have to go put on my ‘weigh-in’ clothes and go to Weight Watchers and counseling.  I don’t know how WW will go- I have been pretty good overall this week, but haven’t been walking since my back has been hurting.  And on Sunday I had a violent, vicious run-in with some rabid Cheez-Its in which I was the loser.  They attacked me and jumped down my throat.   Really.  (No, I’m not seriously saying I don’t have control over my own self and what I eat.  I accept responsibility.  I ate the darn Cheez-its, ok!?)

Anyway.  Stay tuned for a further explanation of the above, and some of the stuff that’s making me so nuts today.  It’ll be a real page turner!

Until next time,

D.

 

 
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