The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Nostalgia and Anticipation! May 29, 2013

Hello all.  This will be relatively short, as I only have half an hour left at work to write.  I promised in my last post before all the tornado stuff to keep you updated about the Little Theater audition for Les Miserables, how it went, and the results and all that.  But first I also have to say, I am super nostalgic this week, because exactly one year ago this week, I was on the biggest cruise ship in the world, cruising the Caribbean for the first time ever in my life, and you guys…I wanna go back so badly!  I absolutely cannot wait until my next opportunity to go on a cruise.  I told the kiddos if I had the money I’d take them back again in a heartbeat, but Oh! what I wouldn’t give to go on a cruise with just me and a Significant Other!  The romance, the beauty, all that sickening stuff.  🙂

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AND exactly TWO years ago, my whole family was at Disney World thanks to my incredibly generous mother, who took all of us to Disney to help celebrate her retirement.  It was something she had promised the grandkids a long time ago, and she saw the opportunity and took it.  So I keep looking back on that too, remembering how much fun we had together, and even though there were moments that were not so pretty, I would definitely do that trip again too, if I had the chance.

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Ok, so the auditions.  It was Saturday, May 18.  I had felt really nervous and undecided about it, right up until I woke up the morning before auditions, and the theater group’s Facebook status was something about just coming to watch if you were nervous or undecided, checking it out, seeing how things went, and coming back on the second day if you wanted to audition.  Y’all, I cried.  I know that sounds insane, but it was like a message from God, telling me I needed to at least GO to the auditions on Saturday, whether I went ahead and sang or not.

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So on Saturday morning, I got up, showered, etc., tried to put together an outfit that looked confident, but not desperate.  I drove into town, singing along with my warm-up exercises that I had added to my audition CD.  I was among the first people there, because when I originally called about it, the lady I talked to said to come early.  I parked outside and waited around until I saw someone else go in, because I wasn’t sure if I was at the right door, and I’m just a big chicken- that’s how I roll.  So I went in, signed in, had my picture taken, and went to go sit in the auditorium and be nervous.

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I almost immediately struck up a conversation with another lady sitting there who looked about as nervous as I was.  We chatted a while and she was very friendly.  It turned out that she was from a nearby town, and a member of the same type of church I attend!  (By the time it was all said and done we had exchanged phone numbers and added each other on Facebook!)

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So first they took all the auditioners who were using sheet music because the pianist had a prior commitment and we needed to get her out of there.  There were probably at least 30 folks there to audition, and about 2/3 needed the pianist.  It immediately became apparent that this… was going to be SO. Much. Fun!  Just watching people perform and listening to them sing was so inspiring.  Some people were really good, others pretty good but really nervous, but the audience was always extremely supportive and respectful.  Everyone was applauded, which was really encouraging.

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Now, all this time leading up to the auditions, I had been so nervous, so worried that I wouldn’t be good enough compared to everyone else, but by the time I had my name called, something weird had happened.  I realized I was at least as good as most people there, and had as good a chance as any of them to be selected, and something in my just sort of went, “Go for it!”  So I took my spot on stage, assumed an attitude, and waited for the music.  When it came, I just pushed down my fear and nervousness and performed.  I strutted, I danced a little, I made eye contact with the audience, and I felt like a seasoned pro.  As a reminder, my audition song was “When You’re Good to Mama” from Chicago.  They had said in the information that the time limit was 2 minutes, but at first they were not stopping anyone.  By the time they got to me, they were cutting people off at 2 minutes, and when they stopped me, I literally had like 15 seconds to go, if that.  But oh well.  I was able to do the best of the song, and felt like a smashing success.  My new friend was right after me, and she also put it all out there and was really great.  She was auditioning for an actual part, the one I would have gone for if I’d had any experience.  But she’s braver than I am, because she’s a member of the church, and her songs have some profanity in them, and I could never have dealt with the disapproval of those who would come watch the show and gasp at me saying those words, even as a character.

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So anyway.  There was another day of auditions on Sunday, and then we waited.  And waited.  And WAITED.  Finally on Wednesday afternoon late, they posted the cast list on Facebook, AND….. I made it! I got in the chorus, and my new friend got the part she wanted.  Now it’s just a few more days until rehearsals start June 3rd.  It’s a huge time commitment- rehearsals are every weeknight from 7-10 pm, but I can’t wait.  It’s going to be awesome!

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Until next time,

D.

 

Night and Day, and the Difference Between the Two November 17, 2011

Compact Disc

Image via Wikipedia

Hello all!  Yes, I realize it’s been a dog’s age since I updated.  I apologize.  Really.  Things are so different now than they had been at the time of my last few posts.  Some things are better, some not so better, but right now I am on an upward spike in the old mood graph, so let’s just go with that, shall we?  The biggest, most awesome news  is that I escaped from my job!  Yes, Virginia, I actually broke free of the cult-like pull of a place I had been for 10 years and took a step in a new and different direction, and it’s not even teaching high school English!  The new job is kind of in a field all it’s own.  You could call it ministry, you could call it television/radio broadcasting, but basically I am the new secretary for an evangelistic tv program called The Gospel of Christ.  It is under the supervision of the elders at one of the churches of Christ here.  I have a wide range of duties, including your usual secretary stuff, answering phones, taking messages, but in addition to that, I package and ship all the CDs and DVDs that go out, I enter donations received and pay the bills and do payroll and taxes, I order supplies, I send the media to our tv and radio stations, I burn the discs from new master recordings, design and print the disc labels, send out supporter letters, etc.

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So yeah, it’s definitely a departure from the Trained Monkey world I was in before.  And best of all… no crazy co-worker who hates me!  I’m in a Christian environment, with people who are young and energetic and passionate about what they are doing.  I’m learning new things that challenge my brain, and I am literally working for God!  It’s pretty awesome.

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Despite its numerous advantages though, there are a few drawbacks, extremely minor in nature.  I’m now putting the same number of work hours per week into 5 days instead of 6, plus I am still at my old job on Saturdays through the end of the year.  That means I have to be at work earlier in the day, which has rather wrought havoc with my exercise schedule.  I have dropped out of TurboKick class for a month or two because I am trying to get caught up on bills while also saving money for the girls’ birthday and Christmas.  In addition to that, the pay raise looks great on paper, but only resulted in about a $50 per paycheck increase in my net pay.  Not what I was hoping for, but it will do for now.  (I expect that when things settle down around here after the transition, they will realize they can afford to give me a substantial raise.)  The major negative about this job is that it does involve a lot of sitting on my caboose, which was not something I got to do very often at my old job.  This in turn makes me worry about the likelihood that my caboose will notice an increase in mass and volume, translating to an increase in size, which will make me very unhappy.  More on that in a minute.  Another drawback is that certain relationships at my old work, long and generally amiable relationships, have, I fear, suffered irreparable damage by my leaving and the timing of it all.  Coming up on Christmas in the pack and ship business, it’s kind of a kick in the teeth to a boss you’ve worked for, for more than 10 years, to suddenly take a new job on only a week’s notice. (But in all fairness, it was a now or never kind of thing.)  Worse, I’m no longer as close as I was to the few people there I did like, and worst, I was left out of a raise that was given to everybody else the week after I stopped being there full time, even though I’m still working Saturdays through the rest of the year.  That hurt, let me tell ya. I still haven’t had a talk with the boss about that one, but will hopefully have a chance to do so while I’m there this Saturday.

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All in all, though, it has been a change for the better, I think.  I don’t know what to expect about how long I will be here or where this will take me, but I am hoping that eventually it might become a part-time job that I do in addition to being a Weight Watchers leader and writer.  I have continued to attend Weight Watchers meetings, even though I honestly feel I have been sort of “phoning it in” for a while now.  By that I mean I haven’t really, truly dedicated myself to staying on Plan, but have been eating almost whatever I want, not counting the points, and depending on the 4x a week Turbo classes to keep me out of trouble.  I realized with a significant degree of dismay that this was not going to work for me any longer when I dropped out of turbo and gained weight two weeks in a row!  (By the way, I know only two weeks ago I was all fired up about Simply Recommitting and getting back on track with WW, but unfortunately I had not been able to make it happen until this week.)

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In case anybody was wondering when I was going to get around to it, the title of this post is a figurative reference both to how much happier I am at this new job versus where I was before, and also the difference a little extra motion makes in my weight loss journey.  But I am actually trying to look at this short break from Turbo as a good time to get back to essentials on the WW plan.  I want to really re-familiarize myself with the PointsPlus values of foods so that the overall picture stays clear in my head.  That probably makes absolutely no sense to anybody.  But the title is also referring to the difference between yesterday and today for me, because yesterday was one of those days that I think we all have every now and then (I hope to goodness I’m not the only one!) where we just sort of hate ourselves and our lives and everything we own!  That sounds pretty extreme, but in all honesty, The Boy and his twins sisters have been driving me berserk lately with their constant bickering and fussing, their complete lack of motivation to be much help around the house, and their entitled attitude in general.   In addition to that, my car kept dying when I was taking the kids to school, I couldn’t find any decent clothes to wear, and I had lost my temper with The Boy before we even left the house.

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Today, on the other hand, I’ve been in a great mood, didn’t mind my clothes (or lack thereof), the car didn’t die, and I got the kids out of the house and taken to school without any major breakdowns!  Furthermore, today at work has been a lot of fun, what with the guys trying to re-build and decorate the studio set and a few other goofy mishaps, and I’ve stayed on plan with WW, so it’s just been a much better day than tomorrow.  And isn’t that always a blessing?!

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Until next time,

D.

 

 

 

 
The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Shawn L. Bird

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