The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

I Had No Ideas Whatsover! (Wonder how you say that in Spanish?) August 24, 2010

Hello all.  Tonight is one of those nights where I don’t have any particular ideas in mind, or things I really want to talk about, so I’m just going to start typing and see where the road leads.  I apologize in advance for the loss of the next few minutes of your life, but gratefully thank you for reading!

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My son cracked me up this morning.  I was still on my own bed, but I was yelling at him, asking if he was up yet.  He didn’t answer, so I yelled his first and middle name, and I heard this exasperated, sighing, more than a little annoyed voice answer, “YES, MOTHER!”  🙂  Then again, he always cracks me up.  He prides himself on his funny little antics and absolutely loves making people laugh. 

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Great thing today- we got rain.  I mean real rain, not one of those that’s just enough drizzle to make the grass strain upward desperately and beg.  It sprinkled a few days ago, which was good, but it wasn’t enough.  We hadn’t had rain in so long, I turned on my windshield wipers and they looked at me with puppy-dog eyes like they didn’t know what to do!

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I was reading some other blogs this morning.  I should never do that.  It just gives me a complex and makes me feel like I should give up writing and apply to clown college.  Some of the writers out there seem soooo talented.  Some of them just like to say f*ck a lot. 

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My 20-year class reunion is coming up next month.  I absolutely deny that I am old enough to have been out of school for TWENTY years!  I was a child prodigy who graduated from high school at age 10.  That’s what it is.  Yeah, that’s my story.  What do you mean I’m full of crap!?  Well who needs you, anyway?  Oh that’s right-  I do, or this thing would be non-existent!  Ok, so the reunion is coming up and I don’t have a thing to wear!  It’s not a fancy-schmancy, la-di-da affair- just a catered dinner and dance at the Elks’ Lodge.  (Boy, does that sound Small Town!)   The dress code isn’t too demanding- it’s just business casual.  The problem is that everything I own is either 3 sizes too big or looks like an old lady, or both!!  I bought a dress a while back, that I actually love, but I don’t have the proper undergarments to wear with it.  It’s a halter top dress, and since I don’t have a strapless or halter top bra, I could either wear a tank top under it or some kind of shirt over it, but I don’t really think it would look right.  So I’m stuck either wearing something I already have that is all baggy and old lady-ish, or borrowing something from I-know-not-whom!  Guess I’ll just have to keep working on it.  The date is Sept. 18, so I have a little less than a month to get this problem solved! 

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Daughter S. is taking Spanish this year, and I think it’s going to be really fun to re-learn it along with her.  My poor Spanish teacher in high school only lasted one year because she was not accustomed to what rotten little beasties high school kids can be.  She found out quick when one little punk made a hairspray can torch in the back of the classroom.  Miss Rosa was much better suited to teaching elementary school, I think.  I was showing off to Daughter S. this morning the only things I learned in that class:  the words to La Bamba, and the Pledge of Allegience in Spanish.  (Which I can never recall the first phrase of- arguably the most important part- the ‘I pledge allegience’ part!)  Just for the halibut, I’ll show it off again, minus appropriate punctuation marks:

(I pledge allegience)

a la bandera

de los Ustados Unidos de America.

y a la Republica que representa

Una nacion, bajo Dios, indivisible

con libertad y justicia para todos.

_________________________________

This post is dying on the vine, so I guess I’m going to give it up for now.  The Boy was working on his homework and he decided he was going to “take a break.”  Only now it’s after 9:30 p.m. and he’s not doing homework and he’s not getting ready for bed either, so it’s time to provide some gentle guidance:  GET READY FOR BED, YOU LITTLE CRUMB-CRUNCHER! 

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Maybe for the next entry I’ll translate the meaning of the words to La Bamba.  You guys totally better run for the hills! 

Until next time,

D.

(ETA:  MILESTONE!!!  Apparently this is my 100th post!  I know it’s just a beginning compared to some of the blogs that have been out there for a while, but wow!  I can’t believe I’ve already gotten this far!  I’m also pushing 2700 total views since I started this thing.  Thanks again to everyone who has taken the time to read me, and super thanks to those who keep coming back!  Hugs to you!)

 

Let Summer Begin! May 31, 2010

Filed under: Kid Kraziness — DDKlingonGirl @ 9:55 am
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Hello all.  Somebody tell me again why I was in a hurry for Summer to get here?  I can’t remember.  I’m used to quiet mornings alone, writing or doing whatever I want around the house.  This morning I got up, and within five minutes, two of the kids are up and in the living room with me.  Within five minutes after that, Daughter S. has the PS3 controller in her hands, and is about to start playing her ‘Avatar’ game.  Well actually, she’s online using the PS3, and she has found a “translator” site to translate English to Na’vi, the language of the natives on ‘Avatar.’   She told me last night she wants a t-shirt she saw online somewhere that says “I’m With Stupid” in Na’vi.   I wonder if they have a shirt that says “Where Did My Sanity Go?”  I’m going to need that soon, I think.

But maybe not.  This week will be a super-short week at work. (Hallelujah!)  We’re off work today for Memorial Day and I’m taking off Friday and Saturday for the Family Reunion.  We’re going to be at Canyon Lake, Texas, which is where my grandpa lives.  For past reunions we’ve reserved the group camp at Potter’s Creek, but an attempt to do something different this time resulted in a snafu, and now we’re using some facility closer to town that has a meeting room, a game room, and a pool.  As for accomodations, I’m not sure exactly where we’ll land.  Mom was going to book us a room or a rent house, but when my dad got sick she didn’t get it done, so maybe we’re going to just be sleeping in the floor at Grandpa’s.  Sounds restful, doesn’t it?

Actually, very little about this weekend is likely to be restful.  We have to leave at about 7:30 in the morning on Friday.  It’s about a 6 or 8 hour drive down there, through Dallas, Austin, Waco, all the fun places to drive.  My sister and cousin and I are supposed to be making the food, and I don’t have a clue what we’re doing!  Dad is making brisket, which is his usual speciality.  Mom and I have discussed the food, but I was only half paying attention. 

The thing I was talking about a couple of posts back when I said the week would be difficult was that Daughter S. was going to go to Grandpa’s early with my dad to help clean Grandpa’s house and get things ready for the reunion.  This was going to leave Daughter J. and The Boy alone together during the day from Tuesday through Thursday.  Not a great idea.  Sometimes they get along ok, but most of the time, these two children get along like they want to kill each other!  J. can’t get The Boy to do what she tells him to, and he yells and fights with her, and she sinks to his level and starts hitting, and they accomplish nothing.  I was thoroughly dreading leaving the two of them alone if Daughter S. went to Grandpa’s house early.  Now it seems that S. has backed out, so I guess we’ll all be ok and there will be no bloodshed this week. 

Now all three kids are up and they’re watching cat videos on YouTube.  Something called ‘Caturday’ that is both funny and stupid.  This post has been brought to you by “I think I’m losing my touch and may never say another funny thing in the rest of my life!” 

Until next time,

D.

 

My Funny, Rotten Little Boy…and Other Topics May 27, 2010

Hello all.  Today was the last day of school (Hallelujah)!  I took the kids to school and went to The Boy’s awards assembly.  He got an art award that he wasn’t expecting and when he got it, he gave this big goofy grin, and a girl I graduated with who happened to be sitting behind me leaned down and asked, “Does anyone ever tell you he looks like Jim Carrey?”  And I said, “All the TIME!”  It was soooo funny!

He’s been on a roll lately.  Yesterday I was driving them to school and The Boy and Daughter J. were fussing in the back seat.  I reached back over the seat and swatted him on the leg.  You know what he said?  “Ouch. (beat)  Both hands on the wheel!” 

Then that night we were in church, and it was singing night.  On the last Wednesday night of every month we have a singing night where we learn and practice new songs.  We were singing a song called “I Am A Sheep.”  You know, ‘I am a sheep and the Lord is my Shepherd’ kind of song.  The Boy was sitting in front of me and my mom.  Daughter S. was sitting with him and Daughter J was beside me.  We were singing the song, and all of a sudden I saw S. lunge at him and get him in a sort of headlock with her hand over his mouth.  I leaned forward to see what the deal was, just in time to see him pull her hand down from over his mouth, and let out a tiny sheep noise! (baaaaah!)  I scolded him and told him to stop, but Daughter S, Mom, and I all got the giggles, and I was the last one to get over them!

I let Daughter S. drive (!) the back roads from church to Mom’s house last night, the same route that was my earliest driving experience.  She did very well.  Driver’s Ed starts for her in a few weeks.  On the way home, it was so sweet- they were listening to ‘I See You’ from Avatar, and The Boy was singing along with his sisters.  He almost never sings, but when he does, it blows my mind, because he can actually sing really well!  He sounded so sweet last night singing that song:  “I see me through your eyes…your love shines the way into paradise, so I offer my life as a sacrifice.”

I finally talked to RMB tonight after not hearing from him all day yesterday.  I went over to his house for a while.  We watched Terry Fator: Live From Las Vegas.   He is such an amazing entertainer.  I still feel pretty annoyed with RMB for not contacting me all day yesterday, just because he was in a bummed out bad mood and couldn’t deal with it.  But I guess I felt the same way or I would have called him sooner.

Anyway, I’m really glad school’s out, and I’m looking forward to the summer.  Our family reunion is next weekend.  My mom got sad last night at church because we sang a song called “The Family Of God.”  It was a song that my grandfather and his brother and sisters always sang together at previous reunions, and now Grandpa is the last one living.  They had such beautiful family harmony together.  My kids wanted to sing a song at the reunion.  They wanted to sing “Long Black Train” by Josh Turner, but Daughter J. will not be there because her church camp session begins on Sunday and I wouldn’t be able to take her to camp until Monday if she goes to the reunion.  She’s staying the weekend with some people from church and they are taking her to camp with their daughter.  So she won’t be there, and I really don’t want to sing it without her.  We’ll see. 

Well, it’s time for bed.  We’re watching Avatar yet again, and it’s nearly over.  Things to do tomorrow, including work, but mostly sleeping in!  Woo Hooo!  Yay for Summer! 

Until next time,

D.

 

7 Quick Takes (Vol. 2) May 17, 2010

Hello all!  It’s a ‘7 Quick Takes’ day, and I’m going to try to actually make them quick!  Because…..

1) I’m going to try to get my hair cut today, because a) I have way too much hair, and b) people say the older you get, the shorter your hair should get.  Either way, I’m tired of looking like a wild and woolly hippie woman! (Hey, that could be my next blog title after I’m not fat-headed anymore!)  (Which, see #7)

2) If I decide I can spare the money, I’m also going to get my nails done because it’s past time.  If I can’t spare the money, I’m going to buy some gloves! 🙂

3) In the Kid Funnies category, the other night I posted a status update on Facebook about how my kids were asking questions about ouija boards.  Of course I told them this was something they did not want to mess with, and to leave them alone.  Then Daughter S. came back from her room and said “I have a question.  If there were ghosts and spirits, why would they choose some random piece of board to talk to people through- why not the tv?  Why not this wall?  Why not that desk?  Why not…” (you get the idea).  So I said I didn’t know, and told her to go to bed, and she went to her room and I heard her ask, “Hey, why are my pants unfolded?”  And I said, “I guess it was a ghost talking to you through your pants!”  We shared a good laugh over that one!

4) Also in the Kid Funnies category, a couple of nights ago I was in the living room using the computer after the kids had gotten in bed.  As usual, the girls were in there talking and giggling, until finally Daughter S. yelled, “MOM!  WOULD YOU COME IN HERE PLEASE!?”  So I did, and she goes, “Would you turn off the light, please?”  I looked at them with that Mom-look that says “Let me get this straight.  You called me in here to turn off the light?”  And she’s giggling like crazy and says they’ve been lying in there arguing for 10 minutes about who’s going to get up and turn off the light.  I couldn’t help but laugh too.   Those girls are so nuts! 

5) Today was a rough morning with The Boy.  He got up and started playing Avatar on the PS3 before I was even up, which he knows he’s not supposed to do in the morning, and then he got all mouthy and grouchy when Daughter S. had to help him turn the thing off. (Actually, she pushed him out of the way- I guess that would make me mad too.)  But I had to swat him on the butt, and he was crying and yelling about how his butt was already hurting from falling down at the skating rink yesterday on his field trip and I should never spank his butt again!  Then later when we got almost in front of his school, he said “I’m not getting out of this car.  I am comfortable where I am!”  Of course, I begged to differ, and I told him he was too, indeed, getting out of the car, and he was whining about why do we have to go to school, and I told him because you have to get smart so you can get a job that makes money so you can have what you want in life and not have people have to help you all the time.  Then I reminded him we only have 6 days left after today, and we will be out for the summer.  He was not much cheered, but got out of the car, nonetheless. 

6) I love reunions!  We’re having a family reunion of my mom’s side of the family the first weekend in June.  I’m so looking forward to it, except the drive.  Because my car is still a piece of crap that gets on my last nerve because of the gas gauge thing and the ‘missing/surging’ thing it does.  However, I will not complain about the car because it is still running and gets me from here to there.  Maybe I’ll go have that checked out today too.  (The other reunion is the 20-year Class Reunion I’m helping to plan.  We had a meeting last night, and it was much fun-ness!  Can’t wait to see how much weight I can lose by the time we finally get it together, which leads me to…….

7) I was really upset and devastated by my 5 lb weight gain last week (which I really think was mostly water retention because of all the junk food, but still) so I worked really hard this past week, stayed on track, watched points carefully, and lo and behold!  This week’s weight loss…. 9.2 lbs!  WOW!!  I knew I’d do well.  There was no question I’d lose, and I was hoping to undo the damage I did last week plus a pound or two at best, but 4.2?!  As Daughter S. says, “That’s Awesome-Sauce!”  My next 5% goal is another 16 lbs.  I think I can accomplish that by the end of June.  The next 16 need to come off by mid-late August.  At that point, I will be lighter than I’ve been in 6 years.  Woo hoooo!

And those are my 7 Quick Takes for today.  Gotta check my bank balance and see if I can track down my old hairdresser’s phone number!  Then shower and get myself to town!  See more 7 Quick Takes here.

Until next time,

D.

 

Ok, Did I Drink A Gallon of Espresso In My Sleep?! April 28, 2010

Hello all!  I’m so excited!  I’m just wound up about everything!  Let’s see, where to start?

Weight Watchers meeting was yesterday.  I lost another 2.8, putting me at -33.6 since January 19.  I’m really excited because next week all I have to do is lose about the same again, and I’ll get a 5 lb. star, my 10% goal keyring, and my Stay and Succeed charm.  Yay me!  It’s funny though- I was watching the leader in the meeting yesterday, and she was wearing this cute little minidress…. I can’t imagine ever having those skinny little legs, even when I do get to my goal!  The Golden Goddess tells me I may never have skinny little legs- I may be built differently.  I guess only time will tell.  I’m still not able to clearly visualize myself at my goal weight, but it’s getting a little easier to imagine.

And speaking of the Golden Goddess, I’m not sure, but I think she’s planning to try to kill me!  We met yesterday for my regular counseling appointment, which lately has been at Regional park, walking on the trail, and she mentioned that her plan is that eventually we will meet 30 minutes earlier and walk the trail all the way to the lake and back.  You know how far that is!?  5 miles!!!   I think she might be nuts.  But we’ve talked about me training with her to do a 5K, which I don’t think would be all that hard, but walking FIVE miles before I have to go to work?  I don’t know if I’d make it through the day!

Another thing I’m super excited about is my 20-year high school reunion.  We’re just starting to plan our reunion and I’m really looking forward to it.  I know, call me a nerd, but I really do love getting to see people I graduated with, talking to them, seeing how their lives turned out.  I think it’s important to keep connected with your roots and your history.  And really?  We’re all adults now.  It doesn’t matter who was friends with whom in HS, who stayed skinny, who got fat, who has gray hair, who has NO hair.  It’s about people you loved, people you grew with, matured with, experienced and journeyed with.  And getting the chance to know people you weren’t friends with in HS but might be able to appreciate now that you’re older and wiser.  It’s about sharing what we’ve learned on life’s path, and about having fun together!!!  And miraculously, as far as I know, of a class of 90-something people, we haven’t had anybody die.  (Forgive me if I’m overlooking someone I didn’t know about, but to the best of my knowledge, we’re all still alive and kicking!) 

Also, I’ve been connecting with old friends on Facebook, which totally makes me happy.  Facebook might be the best invention ever.  It has given me a way to get to know people I thought I’d never actually know for themselves, as people, rather than just people I used to admire from afar.  To connect with people I thought had been lost forever. 

Work has been ok, even though one of our co-workers is definitely lost for good.  She’s left her husband and gone into hiding.  I was afraid we’d be horribly busy and running ourselves ragged, but so far it’s not too bad. 

Anyway.  I’m happy, life is good, and I’m still all jittery excited.  Who slipped me the espresso in my sleep?!  I haven’t even been to Starbucks yet today!

Until next time,

D.

PS!!!!!!   Holy Crap!  I forgot to mention that if I decide to go, and can save up enough money, I’ll get to sing with my baby sister in a concert on the GREAT WALL of Flippin CHINA next year!  How totally cool is that?!

 

 
The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Shawn L. Bird

Original poetry, commentary, and fiction. All copyrights reserved.

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