The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Shake It Off, Rock! January 31, 2013

Filed under: Mood Swings — DDKlingonGirl @ 1:44 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , ,
Grinch

Grinch (Photo credit: Mad Manchegan)

Hello all.  I hate to follow up a rant-y, cranky post with another one just like it.  Really, I do.  I generally try to avoid extensive periods of rant-yness, at least in this forum, if not in life.  At least I think I do.  But here’s where I am today:  1.  Facebook has outlived its usefulness.  Instead of the majority of friends posting actual updates to their actual lives, everyone posts politcal articles, fitness-nazi rants that actively belittle 98% of the populace, the “Verse of the Day,” and posters with cheesy, “Duh”-inducing quotes on them.  2.  When I was preparing to leave the house this morning, my entire attitude could be summed up as follows:  It would be a totally ideal day if I could only be allowed to wear my fluffy green Grinch slippers, ((love)) everywhere, all day long.  3.  I am currently in the throes of a surge of negativity concerning my job.  It’s cushy, no doubt.  (See: freedom of schedule, autonomy, decent pay.) The negativity lies in the expectation to believe certain things that are currently beginning to make me want to simultaneously sigh, growl, and roll my eyes every time I hear or read them.  (For those not in the know, I work for a ministry, of the type of church I was raised in, certain tenets of which are now beginning to chafe, some because I question and sometimes do not want to believe them, and others because I do believe them but am currently failing miserably at sharing said beliefs.)

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((deep breath))

Ok, on the plus side, I am doing very well on my Weight Watchers this week.  The meeting was just on Tuesday, and I had another obscene, unmentionable gain, but since then I have measured and tracked everything most carefully.  If I can (I shouldn’t say ‘if’ but oh well) continue to stick with that through the weekend that usually kills me, I will manage to have a good loss next week, and that will help me to continue doing the same for a second whole week in a row, and then perhaps it will snowball into a sustained period of success.

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So I will look ahead to that success with hopeful anticipation.  I will forget all the things that have been making me have a particularly cactus-like personality today.  I will be thankful for my silly Daughter S. who stopped by my work to kill time between college classes and succeeded in making me laugh, even when I didn’t think I felt like it, and also thankful for the fact that she is especially skillful at recognizing when I need to laugh and making that happen with her wonderful goofiness.   I will finish this post and do my job, and we will be one day closer to the weekend.  And I will think of others instead of myself, like for example my poor baby sister, bloggy code name: SparkleAndGrowl, who is suffering from back issues and is in extraordinary pain.  My Mom is taking her to the ER today, and hopefully Little Sis will feel better very soon.

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Thanks to all of you who read and stick with me through my rants, my raves, and my emotional bungee jumping.  You rock!

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Until next time,

D.

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PS- The title of today’s post comes from something that my former husband used to say (that I’m quite sure he stole from somewhere else) whenever I started being all rant-y and whiny.  I didn’t think of the title until I finished the post.  Sometimes it happens the other way around.  Later, peeps!

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Strutting and Fretting September 24, 2012

Corcovado jesus

Corcovado jesus (Photo credit: @Doug88888)

Hello all.

I’m typing this from memory.  Go ahead, be amazed.  (I can do the prologue to R&J too):

“The Queen, my Lord, is dead.”

“She should have died hereafter.  There would have been a time for such a word.  Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in its petty pace from day to day, down to the last syllable of recorded time.  And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death.  Out, out brief candle!  Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player who struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more.  It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

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This post will be nothing more than the satisfaction of my need to be writing and sharing my mood, which is dismal.  I’m circling the drain right now, folks.  Seriously.  Right this minute I am just heartsick.  There are so many reasons why, so many things, so many sadnesses and disappointments and stresses and worries and fears and dreads, none of which I can really share here.  I suppose it would make for much more real, honest, raw, gritty reading if I could, but I can’t find the words right now.

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Facebook.  Man, what a source of depression.  You’re sitting there looking at something that tells you you have 213 “friends” and you can’t think of one person you could really call and talk to, one real live “human bean”, as it were, who would listen to your litany of bummed-ness and understand and not say “your life is not really all that bad compared to (fill in the blank).  Suck it up, Buttercup.”  And really, who needs a friend to tell you that, when you tell yourself that every moment of every day?

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I know so many people who would tell me “Just pray about it!  Let go and let God!”  But for some reason, most times when I pray about things, I don’t feel any feedback coming my way.  I don’t feel any change in the situations or any peace in my heart about them.  I just feel like I’m shouting over the edge of a canyon and all I can hear is the echo of my own voice.  But then sometimes I pray and something happens the next day or the next hour or whenever, that convinces me Someone was listening.  That happens just often enough to keep me from giving up completely.

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I blame it on hormones, darn those rotten little things.  (The moodiness, not the echoing canyon phenomenon.)  A 5-7 lb water weight gain and a few days of utter despair every stinking month, and for what?  Fertility I never plan to use again.

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So anyway.  I’ll soldier on.  One does, you know.

Until next time,

D.

PS: Also typed from memory:  🙂

“Two households, both alike in dignity

In fair Verona where we lay our scene.

From ancient grudge break to new mutiny

where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.

From forth the fatal loins of these two foes,

a pair of star-crossed lovers take their life.

Whose misadventured, piteous overthrows,

doth with their death bury their parents’ strife.

The fearful passage of their death-marked love

and the continuance of their parents’ rage,

which but their children’s end, naught could remove

is now the two hours’ traffic of our stage.

The which, if you with patient ears attend,

what here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.”

 

 
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One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

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