The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

For the Love of Zanax!! May 24, 2018

Filed under: Mood Swings,Whatever — DDKlingonGirl @ 8:46 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

Hello, all! I’m reaching out via The Journals tonight because I just need a place to vent. I took my “Happy Medicine” late today, might possibly have missed a day earlier this week, and now I just want to grab the entire world by the shoulders and shake it until its collective teeth rattle.

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Let’s see. Where to start? Primarily I think the problem arises because I spend too much time on Facebook. It’s my nemesis, my downfall, my electronic drug of choice. It’s the place where I share most of what I’m doing but comparatively fewer of my actual thoughts, lest I get into an argument with a stranger, or worse, a friend, or possibly get a free diagnosis of what I call FDD: Facebook Disclosure Disorder. FDD is the tendency to share one’s EVERY thought, mood, opinion, struggle, triumph, meal, baby, pet, funny meme, or religious conviction. I have a mild case of it, and I have many friends who are suffering from TERMINAL FDD.

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So I edit myself. I don’t say what I think the vast majority of the time, especially not on days like today.  I wouldn’t have any friends left. Seriously. Unflattering selfies, political GARBAGE, whiny life problems (I deleted two of mine in that particular category today for fear I was coming across as a big ol’ baby), you name it. I was in Super B^*% Verbal Slap Down mode today. I would have given anything to just let go on some people.

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Politics is driving me crazy. I can’t stand either side, but I think I have become more liberal-leaning at this phase of my life, and I am absolutely sick to death of the posts I see every day. “They want you to die in a school shooting so they can take away our guns”?!? Seriously? Nobody in politics WANTS children to die in school shootings!! I saw that meme today and I nearly lost it.

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On the other hand I have a friend who shares no fewer than 50 anti-Trump memes a day. Every last one of them just makes me want to gag, not because I like the guy, but because “OK, WE GET IT! You are a liberal and you hate Trump!! Why don’t you post about what you had for lunch or something, like everyone else!” I can’t stand him, I’ll admit it. I cringe and retch every time I see his face, hear his voice, or read something he supposedly said. But for crying out loud, find something else to talk about once in a  while!

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Anyway. I’ve got a million other things to whine, complain, and worry about, but I am beginning to get to that point in my rant where I fully realize I just sound like a cranky douche-canoe and I should just shut up. I just have so much work to do in and around my house, so many things I need to be doing, and so little desire and energy to do them! And I need help with about half of them and help is taking its sweet time coming.

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Even Alaska has become a source of stress. I can’t make up my mind on my itinerary, what days I want to do what tours, and whether or not I want to cut my stay short in one town and add a day in another. I have several options, I guess, but I just don’t know how we’re going to feel or what kind of mood we (read: The Boy) are going to be in, so I don’t know what I should plan for. I know I’m trying to cram a whole summer’s worth of recreated memories into a week-ish  vacation. I just want The Boy to enjoy Alaska and love it as much as I do. Mostly I am super aggravated at myself for not making it longer to start with, because now it is much too expensive to change my flights, so I am stuck trying to prioritize what experiences I most want him to have, and it’s hard.

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Anyway. I just hope and pray we have a good time. I’m sure we will, but it will help if I learn to relax and go with the flow. I’m definitely going to try.

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Until next time,

D.

 

Teaching, Directing, And Other New Adventures July 22, 2017

Hello all!  What a hot, hot day here in my world.  So much has been going on lately, it’s quite crazy.

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First of all, I think I have probably posted before about going back to college, getting my degree after 30, my one year of teaching, the tornado, the house fire, how difficult it all was, and how I survived and grew stronger, but I didn’t really think I’d ever be able to teach again?  Well… I wouldn’t have believed it, but the Universe had other plans.  An opportunity arose, I seized it, and now I am the new 10th grade English teacher at my hometown high school!!  It’s almost miraculous, honestly.  I would probably never have gotten the chance without the help of a couple of amazing women and outstanding teachers, my friends D.B and D.J.  Between the two of them, they made me aware of the opportunity, encouraged me to go for it, prepared me for it, put in good words for me, and are helping make my first year back in about nine years easier by leaving a road map of lesson plans and complete units for me to use.  I am excited and nervous, and scared and thrilled and determined and ready.  I just pray so hard that I do a good job and make a difference in my students’ lives!!

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Theatre things are also cooking along like crazy.  I am now not only on the Board of Directors for the theatre, I’m the VP.  That in itself would be amazing for me, but on top of that, in their wisdom or insanity, I’m never sure which, my fellow board members voted to allow me to direct a show in the next season!  I’ll be directing a small cast play in March and April, called Ripcord by David Lindsay-Abaire. I am so, so looking forward to it, and I am so amazed and thrilled they gave me a chance.  In other news, the theatre is doing Oklahoma! this summer.  It has already opened and has five performances left.  I am planning to see it tonight and I’m sure it will be wonderful.

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Theatre is bittersweet for me now, in a lot of ways. It is one of those places where the faces stay the same but the relationships ebb and flow, and someone you felt close to in one show may feel like a stranger in the next.  Or you may feel you fit in, and then feel like a stranger peeping in the window of your own living room.  I miss certain people who used to be part of it all, and I miss feeling like I am close to the heart of it.  Oddly, I became VP and immediate began to struggle with my enthusiasm for it, in the face of changing friendships and allegiances.  But I suspect that’s normal.

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I’m really looking forward to tonight, though.  As I said, the theatre is doing Oklahoma! this summer and my mom and I are taking my 90 year old grandfather.  I think he will very much enjoy the show.  I was supposed to be shadowing the director on this one, learning and preparing for my directorial debut, but after I got the school job, everything else in my mind just kind of jumped into the backseat and I gradually faded out of the show.

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Also, my son has had a rough summer.  He did some summer school, which he hated, but he has also been struggling with his moods and emotions, and it has been difficult.  We struggle on a daily basis to be able to see his path and his future, and it is… well, difficult.  He is just not your average bear, and we have a hard time knowing what to do with him.

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Clearly I have a million things occupying my mind, so much so that sometimes, like now, when I want to be able to SAY something, my brain is nothing but drowsiness and white noise.  OH!  I have also been doing my best to plan another trip back to Alaska, AKA The Mother Ship.  If all goes well in school this year and I am rehired for next year, I am taking The Boy and myself, and we are going to the Great Northern Frontier, and we are going to have many, many adventures.  No matter what!

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I think maybe that’s all for now.  I’m going to do my best to write more often here.  Maybe I’ll find something worth saying.

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Until Next Time,

D.

 

In Which I Try… Really, Really Hard. March 1, 2011

Chicago style hot dog

Image via Wikipedia

Hello all.  You know, all in all… I think perhaps my body hates me.  In my last post, I was on cloud nine because I’d cleared a big hurdle and gone to an exercise class at 5:45 in the morning, and I was all, “Yay me!  I’m changing!  I’m gonna start exercising!  Woo hoo!’  So I actually did go walking another two times that week, as well as a half-hearted attempt at Hip Hop Hustle and PiYo.  AND in addition to that, I had tracked all my food on Weight Watchers for an entire week, the first time I had done so in, oh, about 3 months.  And after all that, how does my body repay me?  By showing a 1.2 GAIN at the meeting today!  I was so stinkin’ mad!  How can this be fair, right?  But even at that, I tried to keep on track.  I went to the vegetarian/health food store in town for lunch and had a wonderful salad and some really good soup, and drank a lot of water the rest of the day, and felt pretty ok about myself.

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So then we come to tonight.  After being in what might be called a serious bad mood all day, I stopped by the grocery store on the way home and ended up buying a weird collection of various foods that may or may not have gone well together.  I was having much too hard a time trying to decide what sounded good.  In truth, nothing did, but I was also trying to find something for the kids.  For them, I ended up with a cheap, pre-made, “family size” lasagna from the freezer section.  For myself, I wasn’t sure what I’d end up actually eating this evening, but one of the contenders was some turkey hot dogs and wheat hot dog buns. 

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So I got home, got all the food carried in, and sat down for a few minutes.  By the time I had gathered the energy to get up and go fix the kids their “wonderful, homemade, prepared-with-love” lasagna, Daughter S. and The Boy had raided the hot dogs and started microwaving!  So I went and “put my name in the pot” and fixed my hot dogs with saurkraut and… believe it or not,  leftover spaghetti sauce!  I do not know WHY I thought spaghetti sauce was a good ‘hot dog topping’ but either way, I had three of the weird concoctions!  Despite the oddness, it was sustenance, which was good enough.  Afterwards, I felt the desperate urge for something sweet, preferably something chocolate, but so far I’ve managed to avoid eating anything like that, primarily because there’s none in the house! 

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So anyway.  I still wish I knew why in the world I am one of those people for whom food serves other purposes than fuel!  Why is it that when I’m bored, sad, tired, angry, disappointed, annoyed, or any other emotion you could name, I just want to eat?  Why do I feed my mind and not simply my stomach?  Talk about annoying!   In all fairness to myself, I was truly hungry tonight as well.  It’s not as if I had just had a huge steak dinner and THEN made a bunch of weird hot dogs when I had some emotional upset.  And at least, if nothing else, I can say there was some health value to tonight’s Supper of Strangeness.  The hot dogs were turkey, the buns were wheat, and there was no added fat on them, like mayo.  There’s something to be said for that.

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But anyway.  Hopefully, I can pull it together and continue doing the good things I did this past week, and next week, the scale will reward me with a really good loss.  I don’t know what I’ll do if it doesn’t.  But maybe I’d better not think of that.  I need to just focus on the upcoming Disney trip and what feels like dozens of doctor appointments for me and the kids in the next few weeks, and try not to let my emotions dictate what I eat.   

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Oh- another reason I was in a bad mood is that I found out today they hired someone at the place I applied for a job the other day.  I thought, “Nice.  Way to let somebody know.  Thanks a bunch, people!”  Oh well.  Another day. 

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Until next time,

D.

 

 
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One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Shawn L. Bird

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