The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Newbie On The Boards! (Is that the right expression?) June 19, 2013

Broadway Posters

Broadway Posters (Photo credit: Broadway Tour)

Hello all!  Well, I suppose my last post with its little dose of drama and a minor reference to the Universe made the Universe decide I needed a little bit more to consider, with the result that a number of unbloggable things have happened lately, and it feels like my life and my family’s life is a snail on the sidewalk, and the Universe is the big dumb bully standing over us with a salt shaker:  “Sizzle, suckers!”

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But anyway.  Rehearsals for the play have started, and wow!  What a lot of work, but a lot of fun at the same time!  The first week or so, we just worked on the music, as if it were a choir rehearsal.  We sat in chairs, we sang, we repeated parts over and OVER.  But then we started work on the staging aspect of rehearsals, and it got really interesting.  Keep in mind, I had never been involved in any kind of theater production.  No high school play, no college theater, nothing.  I didn’t really know exactly how the whole process worked, or what the experience would be like, but I was thoroughly committed.  I signed up with the full anticipation that I would have little to no free time for the next six weeks or so.  Some folks have dropped out, some have missed rehearsals, been late, etc. BUT… we have plowed forward, and I think it will come together soon.

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The funniest part is our director.  He is clearly passionate about his work, and he is so very patient with all the newbies like me, like when he’s telling me something as simple as “Back up…” and I look at him like a deer in headlights because I’m in the middle of a crowd and I’m not sure he’s talking to me.  Or when he says “You…move over here…” and again, I don’t move because although my eyes are on him, my adult-onset ADD is taking over and I’m actually not even sure where my mind is, because I just had an “Obliviate!” moment.  He never gets aggravated at us, or at least he doesn’t show it.  He just grins his big ol’ grin and says, “It’s ok, that’s why we have these little get-togethers!”

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And then of course, there are the glimpses of how the show will turn out when it’s complete, when we get a great bit of staging right, or somebody hits a great note, or the whole chorus blasts forth with the final note of a very moving song.  Those are the best moments so far, because I just know the audience is going to love it.  Those are the moments that make me feel like I already know I am going to be part of something absolutely amazing, and I absolutely can’t wait.

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Until next time,

D.

 

Sweating, Hatching, and Breathing! May 16, 2013

English: Drops of sweat

English: Drops of sweat (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hello all!  Technically this is the second post of the day, but really the first, since the first-first was a  re-blog.  I want you all to know that this post is coming to you from inside a universe of sweat, both literal and mental.  For one thing, I just finished exercising.  At work. Never let anyone tell you that working in a church building is a bad deal, because hey- at what other job can you exercise and write a blog all in the same day and still get paid.  Ok, there are probably a lot of others I’ve never even thought of, but just let me have my moment.

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Anyway, the phone hasn’t been ringing much today, and I’m caught up on all my other tasks, and in the face of that boredom my weakness just crumbled.  I found myself scrounging in the fridge in the fellowship hall and discovering leftover triple chocolate fudge cake from their last gathering.  Now, I knew if I ate it, I’d be down to about ONE Weight Watchers point left for the day, but, sadly, I didn’t choose to stop myself.  So in order to combat my weakness, I decided to try to hike up some points on my ActiveLink monitor by going for a jog in the upstairs hall.  And that is the source of the sweat.  A) Heat rises, and it’s hot up in that old hall.  B) I just did something I’ve never done before in my entire life.  Now for some people, what I’m about to tell you is probably your warm-up for the actual exercise, but for me it was a pretty big deal:  After climbing the stairs to the second floor, I jogged up and down that hall…for 20 minutes straight!  Initially, I set my timer for 12 minutes.  At the end of the timer, I thought I might collapse, but instead, my mind said, ‘Hey, why not try for 20?’ So without stopping, I set my timer for another 8 minutes and kept going, and I finished it!  I was all proud of myself for the 10 straight minutes I did a couple of days ago, but this is a whole new dimension for me.  (At least I hope it will be a whole new dimension, as I want to lose 40 lbs. in the next four and a half months before The Blathering in Charleston.)

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The mental sweat is coming from the audition for my local Little Theatre that is looming on Saturday like a date with death.  A few days ago, I had talked myself out of it.  I told myself I didn’t really want to do it anyway, and that if I am selected, it will mean a huge time commitment once rehearsals start- 7-10 pm every weekday for about a month, and who has time for that, right?  But here’s the deal.  This is just another one of those big steps for me, those ‘hatching’ moments where I take a chance on doing something just because I’ve always thought it would be fun.  This is just. like. Charleston.  Despite my misgivings and fears, I have to give it a try, or I will hate myself.  Seriously.  If I let this Saturday and Sunday go by without forcing myself to go to that audition, I will feel like a giant failure.  I really don’t know what the big deal is.  I mean, I’m not even trying for a part- just the chorus, for crying out loud.  Maybe part of me is secretly hoping they’ll think I’m good enough and just give me a tiny small part, but I don’t even care about that.  Really.  I just want to say I tried it, I took a chance, and I went for it.

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Ok, calming down now.  Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Repeat.  Oh, that reminds me!  I was about finished with the 12 minute section of my jog when I noticed the Bible verse on the bulletin board at the end of the hall.  I thought it was perfect for the moment, and that if/when I do another race of some sort, I will have this put on a t-shirt:  Psalm 150:1, which reads in part: “Let everything that has breath praise God!” So for the rest of my jog, I prayed thankful prayers that I had breath (albeit huffing and puffing breath), that I was physically able to even attempt to move, that I would have strength to finish the goal I had set for myself, both for today and for the next few months.  And I finished today’s, so woot-woot for me. 🙂  I know you’ll be holding your breath to hear how the audition goes.

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Until next time,

D.

 

Finding a Life, From Wildly Different Places. Or Maybe Not. April 25, 2013

Russell-Crowe-as-Javert

Hello again.  I wanted to talk a little more about the why of the fact that I considered, even for a moment, auditioning for Little Theater with the second lead MALE’s best song.  There’s just something about Javert.  He just reminds me of myself, in the way that he’s a dedicated rule-follower, kind of fanatical about upholding the tenets of the System he represents and works for, but he seems most content and happy when he’s subverting that system.  And yet it’s the internal struggle between what duty demands and the heart compels that ultimately destroys him.  Unlike Javert, I’m hoping to get that balance worked out before I throw myself onto a water-covered brick wall thing with a resounding crunch that is quite possibly the WORST-sounding death I’ve ever heard on film.

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On the audition thing, though, I finally did come up with the perfect song for me.  Are you ready for this?  “When You’re Good to Mama” from Chicago!  It’s not too high, not too overdramatic, (Evita, really? {see comments in last post}) and it will demand that I come out of my shy little shell and show a little sass.  Which is something I have long felt the need to do, and part of the reason I am even doing this.  In short… it’s perfect.  Instead of being nervous, I am now completely excited and looking forward to the audition.  If I had any experience in theater whatsoever, I’d probably have been auditioning for the role of Mme. Thenardier.  The Thenardiers are awful, awful people, but since I’m too old for Eponine or Cosette, she’s the only semi-major role I’d be suited for.  Until they make Javert a woman. HA!!

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I also thought I’d share a little bit about some of the things I’ve mentioned in passing in the last few posts.  Our trip to Medieval Fair in Norman went as planned.  I was able to meet the guy I had talked to online and hear his Irish pub band.  I even bought his CD.  He has jumped the ‘ship, though- hasn’t been online in weeks, so we’ll probably never talk again.  On a related note, anyone want a free CD of this group?  Their song, The Scotsman, is really fun.

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I went to a few “church lady” events the last couple of weekends, which I really enjoyed.  One was an overnight retreat at a Christian youth camp where we planted flowers and did some volunteer landscaping for the camp.  It was a blast, although nobody got any sleep.  Picture a big dormitory room that sleeps about 25 or 30 people, half of them little old ladies blissfully snoring in symphony, and the other half 30- and 40-somethings and teenage girls, who didn’t have the foresight to fall asleep before the snorers, lying there praying to GOD they could get at least a couple hours’ sleep before daylight! But it was a really nice weekend.  The theme was joy.  The guest speakers talked about finding your joy and learning to see joy even in the worst times, and for a craft project we made a Joy Journal.  Here’s mine:

photo

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Then last weekend I went to a Ladies’ Day event that was just a half-day thing, with some singing and a couple of lessons by another guest speaker, and a luncheon.  The theme for this one was courage, with lessons from the book of Joshua.  I enjoyed this event too.  I didn’t get quite as much cup-filling from the lessons themselves as I did from just riding in a van full of crazy, wonderful, beautiful Christian sisters for a few hours.  Something different to do on a weekend.

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What’s interesting about all this is that I have talked before about sometimes feeling just the tiniest bit like maybe my “religion,” by which I mean the church I attend, the things I say and do in the public eye (read: social media), and the things I believe and endorse or don’t, is kind of like an act.  A performance of sorts.  But I’ve recently been creating and building a more satisfying life by finding fulfillment in both true acts of expression of my beliefs (retreats and ladies’ events) and performance that everybody KNOWS is an act; that is, theater.  And it’s got me thinking that maybe the two things are often more similar than they should be, but that’s deeper than I want to get today, so I’ll save that for another post.  Just something to think about:  in what areas of your life do you find yourself ‘acting’ most frequently, and should you be working to change that at all?

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Well, I really need to get busy and get some work done.  Thanks for reading, and I hope YOU have a blessed and fulfilled day!

Until next time,

D.

UPDATE:  ETA:  Ok, NOW I’m nervous.  Just looked at the Facebook Event invite for the auditions, and looking down the list of all those names and thinking of trying to sing in front of those folks…I’m definitely feeling that little whisper that says, “Never mind…you didn’t really want to do this anyway, did you??”  Must. Ignore. The. Whisper!

 

ValJean, Javert, O’Hara, and Me April 24, 2013

Hello all!  I have needed, I mean literally needed to write a post here for so long, and I just haven’t been able to find a moment.  I don’t have a way to blog at home in the evenings.  Our family laptop is painfully slow, and also always being hogged by one of the kids.  I know it makes me sound like a Slacker Extraordinaire, but I usually write my blog posts at work.  When you’re a church secretary who basically gets paid to sit by a phone that rarely rings, you can do that.  The bad part is that all the things I have needed and wanted to write about have sort of fallen by the wayside.  I wanted to do the A to Z blogging challenge, NaPoWriMo, etc.  I wanted to talk about the bombings and explosions, and loving oneself and loving humanity and like, God and religion and tragedy and survival and all those things that swirl in our collective head when our lives are disrupted by ugliness and accidents.  But when I finally have a moment and sit down to try to write about it all, I just can’t think what I wanted to say about it.  Or I feel everything’s been said and I don’t have anything worth adding, or maybe I deal with certain kinds of things by just blocking them out of my head.

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Or maybe I’m just a remarkably selfish individual, because the things that are filling the space in my head right now are as follows:

First of all is Les Miserables.  (Sorry I can’t do the little punctuation marks in the right places.)  So right now I am obsessed with Les Mis.  I rented the movie the other night and have watched it about 3 times.  I downloaded the 40-song soundtrack on iTunes and have listened to it incessantly ever since, and to top all that off, my local Little Theatre group is putting on LM this summer.  I would love to audition for a part, but I realize I don’t have enough experience for that.  No experience at all, actually.  Therefore, I am thinking of auditioning for the chorus.  (Ok, I am going to audition for the chorus if I can find a really good song to use for my audition. I’ve blown about ten bucks on iTunes instrumental tracks of different songs I could audition with.) I can think of nothing else!  I have been reading the novel, looking at the SparkNotes info on the novel, reading about the June Rebellion and the whole barricade thing, just obsessing in general.  I don’t know why.  I have realized that there is so much more story than the movie could have included, and even reading the small part of the novel that I have read thus far, it’s just so much more tragic!  I just feel I have to keep reading and thinking about this book until I find out why it is just sort of taking root in me so completely.

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The other thing is The Blathering.  The trip to Charleston in October that I think about every single day.  I check flight prices every day.  I read Twitter every day looking for other writers mentioning it.  I dither and vacillate back and forth on whether I should really go, whether it’s a selfish and ridiculous expense, whether I’ll have fun and make friends.  I think about how much I’d love to lose more weight before the trip, but how every stinking day is a struggle not to put the wrong things in my my mouth and thoroughly defeat that goal, and how I have absolutely GOT to learn to love myself and develop a style and rock my look no matter what.  I think about how maybe I should be planning the tours I want to take and the plantations I want to see, but what if I don’t find anybody who wants to do those things with me?   Or what if the planned group events  take up all the time that I’m there and I don’t actually get to see anything but the resort and the airport shuttle?  I think about how I really want to ask all these questions and find fellow early-planners on Twitter and Facebook but feel like it’s too early to be obsessing over these things, and most people probably won’t even know their plans for a few more months yet.  (Maybe next year I should help organize!  That would put my pre-planning obsessive skills to good use.)

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So anyway.  I have plenty of other things that I continue to worry about, that as I told a friend the other night, are the usual things that decorate the hamster wheel that is my life.   Many things that I need to make decisions about and then follow through and be at peace with, many things that I need to just determine and do, so to speak.  But now is not the time.  Luckily for my dear, devoted readers, as Scarlett O’Hara said, tomorrow is (another post and) another day!

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Until next time,

D.

 

 
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