The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

The Dirtiest Thing I’ve Ever Written (Part 2- the REALLY Dirty Part) August 5, 2011

Hello all!  Thanks for sticking with me for this long story.  Where were we?  Oh yeah, we picked up our race packets.  We flashed our IDs and were handed our free race shirt and a large envelope containing marketing materials and the most marvelous thing- our race numbers!  You know, the little bib thing you pin on your chest that has a number on it?  I got one!  It even had my name pre-printed on it.  There was also a little orange rubber strap with a little box on it that I was told was our timer chips.  This racing business is serious, see, and these little orange thingamajigs go around our ankles or on our shoelaces, and they capture our race time!  Who knew?  (My entire team did, of course, because I was the only 5k virgin in the group!) 

 

*

So we had time to kill before our heat, and we took pictures and sat in the car trying to soak up the cool air and get un-nervous.  (I was, anyway.)  Then it was time to line up and we were herded into what can only be called a chute, grouped under a tent and crowded together like so many sheep.  Some guy was giving instructions over a bullhorn, but I couldn’t hear a single word he was saying.  I’m deaf like that.  Then we heard the start siren and we were off!  I’m not sure how many people were in each heat, but I’d bet it was at least 75.  We jogged off down the path.  I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep up the jogging too far into the thing, but I wasn’t going to start off from the gate walking!  So we went down the straightaway and around a little curve, where we encountered our first obstacle, a minor one considering what was to come.  It was a tire run, where there were maybe about 10 or 12 tires laid out for us to run through.  Did that with no problem, although I wasn’t breaking any speed records.  I was terrified of rolling my ankles or twisting my knees, because they are my weakest points.  I came to finish, not to finish first.  So we cleared the tires and on we went. 

*

Middle sis and Bro-in-law had long since left me and the youngest behind, because hey, Sis is a fitness instructor and her hubby is in the second best shape of the group.  They amaze me- they ran almost the whole time.  So anyway, we continued the course.  Now I might get these somewhat out of order, but this is basically everything we went through.  I think The Wall was next.  It was a big plywood reinforced wall with ropes hanging down.  The idea was to use the ropes and climb up and over the wall.  I got up to the second knot on the rope, which translated to about 2-3 feet off the ground, and I had to let go because I had somehow caught the rope between my second and third fingers, and I was about to break one or both of them.   Not a good thing!

*

So around the wall we went, down through a little patch of mud, down into a ravine, a dry creek bed sort of thing.  We plowed along through there for a while, and it was difficult because the rocks made it very treacherous for weak ankles.  Finally we came to the next obstacle, which was similar to the rope wall, except it was the side of a ravine and it wasn’t straight up like the wall.  There were ropes hanging into the ravine, which were anchored to trees on the upland.  This was fairly intimidating.  Youngest sis went first, climbing up and over the edge with relative ease.  I tried to let the three skinny girls behind me go first so I might not embarass myself, but they said “We’ll let you.”  Which I think meant, ‘We want to have a good time laughing at your big butt climbing that ravine wall.’  But either way, I got a running start, grabbed that rope and powered on up the wall of dirt.  Sis was there, cheering me on, as I tried to figure out how to get my legs or feet up over the edge.  Finally I was able to get a knee up.  I jumped up and let the obstacle have a little of my rage as I called it a not so nice name.  “That’s right b****!  Woooo!”  Yeah.  I got a little carried away.  I hope the three skinny girls didn’t think I was talking to them.

*

Next, I think was the spider web, a bunch of small ropes crisscrossing the trail, that you had to crawl through.  This wasn’t really hard at all.  Then there was the section they referred to as “Over/Under” which was a series of waist-high walls followed closely by barbed wire things you had to jump over and then crawl under.  Next came a frame with a bunch of tires hanging down that you had to kind of beat your way through.  Somewhere in there was a series of three mud pits you had to go down into and come up out of, one after the other.  Later there was a pond to wade through, about chest deep.  Toward the end was a cargo net, which was like a big playground swingset frame covered in rope net, which you had to climb up and then back down the other side.  This particular obstacle was pretty scary for me- it was pretty high and shaky, and when you got to the top, the hardest part was figuring out how to get one leg over and then turn it back toward the net while trying to keep your footing on the other foot that was still standing on the backside of the net!  Quite an adventure.  Then came the hay bales, the big round kind, that you had to run and jump and scramble over, and finally a long hike to the finish line crawl, where you had to army crawl through the mud under the flags to get to the end.  There was supposed to have been a fire jump in there somewhere.

*

All in all it was a great adventure and I really loved the opportunity to push myself and see what I could do.  The obstacles were not quite as scary as I was afraid they would be, and the walking/jogging in between was more the test of my endurance.  I may or may not do it again.  There is a similar event scheduled right here in my hometown in October.  Odds are, I will find myself once again slogging through mud pits with close friends and family cheering me on.  We shall see.  For right now, this …

My Beautiful Sisters and Me- Mud Warriors! RAAAA!

… will be one of my greatest accomplishments!!!

*

Until next time,

D.

 

PS- The mud on my face was less from the race itself and more from me giving myself a ritual ‘mudding’ like hunters do that ‘blooding’ thing with their first kill!  I did it when I crossed the finish line and got my medal.  Here it is, btw:

The Spoils of Victory!

 

Get My Drift? October 27, 2010

Filed under: Family,General Observations — DDKlingonGirl @ 8:42 pm
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Hello all!  I could be wrong here, but I think these “30 Days” posts were supposed to be… um… consecutive?  Oh well.  For my personal purposes, I guess I can change the title to 30 Posts of Truth-ish Which May or May Not Appear on Consecutive Days or In a Timely Fashion!  So anyway, today’s topic is:  Someone you didn’t want to let go, but who just drifted.  This is a great topic.  I can speak to this topic. 

*

There are so many people I can think of right off the top of my head who have been close friends in the past, people I never intended to let go of, friends who were part of my growing up, or even blood family.  Mostly I’m thinking of people from junior high and high school.  I can think of 5 girls right off the top of my head who were dear friends at some point between 6th and 12th grades.  One of them was actually my very first friend.  Out of those 5, I know approximately where 4 of them are, but we talk almost never, like if I happen to run into them in WalMart or something.  The 5th one, I don’t have a clue where she is or what happened to her.  I loved them, I miss them, and I hope and wish the best for them.  Jamie, Rhonda, Kim, Carrie, and Billie Jo- I miss you!

*

It’s even worse when you let family drift.  My oldest cousin is a complete stranger.  I have a lot of cousins, probably about thirty.  Many of my younger cousins are virtual strangers.  Of course we still love each other, because we’re family, but it’s kind of sad because the next time some of us see each other will probably be when the family patriarch, my wonderful, awesome, extraordinarily special grandpa, passes from this life, may God forbid.  He’s 83, and if he lived another 30 years, it wouldn’t be enough.

*

Then sometimes there are some people in your life who seem to be drifting, and you wonder if you should throw out a line and pull them back to you or just say goodbye and let them go on their path.  Ride their wave off into the sunset like Wilson on Cast Away.  I’ve heard it said that people come into our lives for a certain space of time, for a specified purpose.  As hard as it is to do, I think when we feel people drifting, we have to examine what their purpose was in our life and whether or not that purpose has been fulfilled. If it has, maybe it’s ok to just let them go.  Light a candle and set it adrift on a wave and watch as it fades into the horizon.  (Remember that scene in Karate Kid II?)  If it feels like they are still in our lives for a reason, like they have a purpose to fulfill in us, then we need to make sure we stay connected to them and keep the lines open so we are fully blessed by what they bring to our lives.   

*

I haven’t even touched on the casual friends we meet in church and school and work and various other settings, people we really enjoy and would like to get to know better, but somehow we never take the time to connect and actually get close.  We all know life is busy.  Everybody gets wrapped up in their own lives and their own dramas.  Sacrifices get made, and sometimes those sacrifices are potential relationships.  We either never learn or we forget how to make friends and how to maintain friendships.  My personal feeling is that I would really like to become one of those people who actually has a social life, who has friends I go out and do things with, friends that I talk to on the phone or text, or meet for coffee rather than just check their Facebook page every so often just to see what they’ve been up to.  I think it would be really great to feel like I have more people around me who enrich my life and make it more interesting and enjoyable.  People to whom I feel close and connected.

*

In the meantime, I will settle for the joy I had this afternoon on my way home from the City with my son.  We had accomplished our goals for the day, done what we needed to do, had some fun, talked, spent time.  It was pretty perfect.  As I was driving back toward home on the interstate, I just felt a deep, profound sense of peace and wellbeing that I couldn’t exactly name or define.  It came from just enjoying the quality time I had with The Boy, talking to him, listening to him, and being happy together.  I couldn’t necessarily explain it, but I was grateful.  Maybe sometimes people can drift even when you see them every day.  Maybe you can be drifting while sitting in the same room.  Maybe the secret to avoiding losing people to “drift” is just to be thankful for every moment.  Thankfulness keeps us coming back for more. 

*

Until next time,

D.

 

Regarding The Boy: From Ranting to Tearjerking in 700 Words September 9, 2010

Filed under: In Memoriam,Mood Swings,Parenting Perils — DDKlingonGirl @ 7:36 pm
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Hello all.  I’ve been trying to come up with a good reason for why I haven’t been very prolific lately with the writing and blogging, etc.  I have no reason or excuse except that I am not sure I have anything particularly entertaining to talk about, not that I’ve ever let that stop me.  I’ve just been in a general slump lately about everything!  For example, I have needed to fold laundry for about…. oh, EVER.  And I’ve needed to sort through a ginormous box of pictures and find pics for the class reunion (that is coming up in only 8 days and to which I am very much looking forward, but with a significant degree of trepidation.) I need to find some way to get some work done out in the garage because my dear, sweet, insane mother is planning to use MY house for a garage sale!  And if time allows, after all that, I need to find some way for my son not to wind up in a mental institution, with me sharing a room, because he’s driven us both nuts.

*

Frankly, I blame the entire American educational system.  I blame a system that wants kids to learn the difference between historical fiction and realistic fiction in the 3rd grade.  I blame a system that wants kids to “start thinking outside the box” when they’re NINE years old.  And, OH, how I blame a system that measures a kid’s success and potential by their score on a standardized test! 

*

Right now I just want to blame everything.  The kids were just on the phone with their Other Biological Parent, which for no particular reason at all, puts me in a bad mood.  It shouldn’t put me in a bad mood for them to speak on the phone to OBP.  I don’t know why it does, except that they think OBP is all things wonderful and fabulous and perfect-parent-like, when OBP gets to see them all of once every 4-6 months, and when that occurs, it’s for a maximum of three or four days, and their entire visit consists solely of him listening to their every word, playing video games with them, watching movies and doing whatever they want.  He doesn’t have to be the one to say, “No, you can’t go to your friend’s house,” “No, you can’t have sugar for breakfast,” “No, you can’t play that game right now, because you haven’t done your homework,” “No, you can’t play outside because you left the yard without permission last time.”  They never have to hear him ranting, raving, or otherwise requiring of them horrible MOM things like, “Bedtime, go brush your teeth, clean your room, do your chores, finish your homework, eat this healthy food, put on clean clothes, turn off the tv, turn down your earphones, get up, get dressed, hurry, let’s go, we’re late, you can’t wear that, clean up this mess…”  They see him with a freaking halo and wings, and it drives me up the wall. 

*

So anyway.  I am under tremendous stress because I feel like my son is having all the joy of life and learning sucked out of him by an effed up educational system and I feel powerless to change it.  I cannot afford to send him to any other type of school, even if there were a superfluity of options here in Southern Oklahoma, which there are NOT.  He’s only in the 3rd grade.  We have 9. More. Years. of. School, God help us.  I cannot imagine how he will be in high school if he is this difficult now.  He is cranky, irritable, frustratrated and unhappy, and that’s on a better day.  On a bad day, he is literally unmanageable because absolutely nothing satisfies him and he has ZERO patience for anything and I don’t have much more than that!

*

But sometimes.  Oh, sometimes!  He can be so incredibly sweet and amazing.  Like the other night when we were on our way home from my parents’ house and he was leaning his head over against the car window and looking up at the stars.  He mentioned it was a very starry night and when I agreed, he said, “Stars fill me with joy.”  Or when he says he loves me, and it just doesn’t seem like enough for him to say it once.  He has to say it every five minutes for an hour.  Sometimes he says, “I just love you so much it breaks my heart.” 

*

Guess what, kid?  It breaks mine too.

Until next time,

D.

 

 
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