The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Making Friends Who Disagree With You (is the healthiest thing in the world) May 16, 2013

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Hello all! I am sharing this because I think it is true and correct and extremely important in this world where suddenly disagreement = hate and dissention = judgment and the way people form their world views is limited to listening only to those who agree with them. This woman is so worth reading! I have a lot of other things on my mind, but for now, enjoy!
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Until next time,
D.

Shaunanagins

I did not expect this to be the most life-changing part of my semester in Washington DC.

When I first left, I thought the biggest impact would be academic–the Smithsonian, Library of Congress, Museum volunteering.  Either that, or my health would improve with the balance and space.  Or maybe I would meet a tall, dark, handsome American man and run away to Hawaii with a green card.

Not quite.

There was an academic impact, of course. A huge one.  And, yes, my spiritual, emotional and physical health is in decent form.  I am also currently acquainted with many tall/dark/handsome American menfolk (‘sup, gents?), though I certainly won’t be marrying into a green card anytime soon.

But none of these things are at the top of my report back to Canada.  Instead, I have been pouring out stories and joy regarding one overwhelming, unexpected gift: While in DC, Ibecame close…

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The Opposite of Yesterday March 20, 2013

Filed under: Lovin' Life,Mood Swings,Victories! — DDKlingonGirl @ 11:19 am
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JOG fleet heading for the finish Solent race.

JOG fleet heading for the finish Solent race. (Photo credit: JOG offshore yacht racing)

Hello all.  Ok, I just re-read my last post, and y’all- I am such a whiner-baby!  Really.  I am so thankful for all my friends, family, and assorted others who endure repeat after repeat of posts like yesterday’s where I am always on the same darned hamster wheel, yet still continue to read me- it makes me feel so loved.  BUT… you know what?  Sometimes, just sometimes, getting it all out and venting a little can be a good thing.

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Specifically, I’m thinking of the exercise thing.  Yesterday was a workout day, and I wanted to get my C25k workout in, but I figured the high school track was still closed and I didn’t really want to do it around my neighborhood.  Ridiculous, I know.  Just bear with me.  So it was about half an hour before I had to leave work, and suddenly it occurred to me:  Why not do my workout… at work?  I work in a church building.  My actual office area is this huge wide-open space, tucked away from the rest of the building, just right for this sort of thing.  So I did it!   I started the app, set my phone down on the corner of a desk on the far side of the room, and took off!  My knees were still a little achy, and I definitely wasn’t setting any land speed records, but I did it!  And since I wasn’t carrying my phone with me, I wasn’t tempted to keep watching the time and feeling overwhelmed.  This was Week 3 Day 1, and I completed it perfectly!  I jogged both of the 3-minute segments and both of the 90-second segments, AND I did arm exercises as well during the walking parts!  And the 3-minute jogging segments that I was so worried about? They were not bad at all!  The workout seemed to go by really quickly, and I felt happy and satisfied with myself, and just… pretty fierce!

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AND… I also came up with the idea to set a timer on my phone to help me hit my WW ActiveLink baseline.  Every 45 minutes or so, I’ve been walking from my little corner in the building alllll the way up to the opposite front corner of the building and going up and down the stairs a couple of times.

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AND… I studied the Help and FAQ sections on Twitter so I kind of get more what it’s all about now, and I might feel a little less inept at actually using it.

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AND… the kids will be going to visit their father for a few days this week, so I will have some time available to cultivate friendships or relationships by maybe inviting someone out to do something.

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There, see?  Ranting, raving and venting can actually sometimes serve a purpose.  Once you’ve gotten all the aggravation and frustration out of the way, you can actually start to consider solutions.  Which is also the focus of this blog post I read today.  I wish I could write more like she does, but at least I can share it and point people in her direction.  Another goodie I found was this post.  I read the obituary she mentioned and thought, “What a great way to go!”

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Basically, I’m on the opposite end of the swing from where I was yesterday, which is always good.  Another thing I’ve been wanting to talk about is that I use the YouVersion app on my phone, and I found a new version/edition/whatever the right word is, of the Bible that I am really enjoying reading.  Now, I know that some of these “contemporary English” versions of the Bible are suspect at best and completely corrupt at worst, but this one seems pretty good so far.  I have been reading it every day this week, which I have needed to do for a long time but just haven’t done.  This version makes it really easy.  I decided I was going to start at the beginning and read the whole thing when I was flipping through and found the part where Jesus is being tempted by Satan, you know?  And in the older English versions he says “Get thee behind me, Satan” but in this one he says “Beat it, Satan!”  I just burst out laughing.  That has never before happened while reading the Bible, and I thought it was pretty great.  So anyway.  I will have to do some more research and see if this version has any serious flaws or problems, but for now, I highly recommend The Message if you use YouVersion.

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Well, I’m behind schedule on my ActiveLink hike, so I’ll shut it down here for now.  Thanks for reading!

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Until next time,

D.

P.S.  I was looking for images of crossing the finish line, breaking the tape, etc. for this post, and couldn’t find one I liked, but I just thought this sailboat picture was beautiful and happy.

 

A New Creature February 1, 2013

Hello all.  You know what I love?  Helping people.  Encouraging people.  Always have, always will.  I’m a cheerleader at heart.  I’m guessing there have been plenty of occasions where I have failed spectacularly at encouraging the people around me at the moment they needed it most, but there is not much I love more than trying to pump people up and help them have faith in themselves.  I realize this proclamation comes totally at odds with my last few posts wherein it has probably seemed like I loved nothing more than making like a younger Maxine comic, grouching like an old bulldog about every topic that comes up.  And it is definitely true that I can be a Negative Nancy at times.  But overall I hope I am more of an encourager than a bring-er down-er.

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I got on Fb last night and saw where a few people from my town were posting about how they were embarrassed for our town and our state by the poor performance of a local girl who auditioned for a certain talent search reality show.  At first I was really angry.  (Which is usually the first indication that a severe case of ‘Open mouth, Insert foot’ is about to occur!)  I could just imagine how that girl would feel when she saw all those comments.  I thought about how disappointed she would already have been in the outcome and how that would be compounded and magnified by the lack of support she received from people in her own hometown.  I had not watched the show at this point, and I had trouble believing how self-centered and snarky people could be in witnessing this girl’s very public failure and then making it all about how it made them feel.  Then I watched the show, and saw that this girl was definitely not a gifted performer.  Or if she had any performing ability whatsoever, her nerves overshadowed them completely.  But not only that, she told the judges that God had told her to audition, which of course made her even more the object of ridicule.  I posted what I saw as a defense of this girl and an admonition against such hatefulness as I had seen displayed.  And then I got really angry, not just for this girl, but for all Christians.

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I mentioned in my last post that one of the things that makes me unhappy in my life right now is that I feel I should be doing more to share my beliefs, to stand up for what I believe in and try to help others believe it too.  I don’t know that I’ve ever really done that, as it applies to my religious beliefs.  I’ve shared my enthusiasm for TV shows and movies, songs, books, foods, even exercise programs, but I’ve rarely if ever said, “This is what I believe and here’s why.”  I’ve often copped out and said “Well, I don’t know what I believe.  I’m not sure.  I’m searching, I’m seeking, I’m questioning.”  And sometimes it’s because some of the things that are being preached to me are things that I struggle with accepting, myself, and so don’t feel comfortable trying to convince other people.  And very, VERY rarely, I have tiny, brief moments where I wonder, “What if it’s all just nonsense?”

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But then I decide that I believe God exists.  I believe Jesus existed and was who He claimed to be.  I believe we should worship.  I believe in a Judgement Day and eternity in Heaven or Hell.  But here’s where it gets so dicey for me.  I believe in baptism, immersion in water, for salvation.  I believe that there are some denominations and religions that are completely wrong and that you can’t be in them and be saved.  I believe that if you do what the Bible says, you will go to Heaven, but the trouble is that a lot of groups of people who are doing different things all believe that they ARE doing what the Bible says.  How can they all be doing something different and all be doing what the Bible says?   Jesus built one church.  If you’re not in that church, you’re lost.  That is what I see and hear every single day at my job.  Regarding specific issues, there are a few things that they would call “sinful” that I really struggle with believing are sin, such as using instrumental music in worship, or even listening to “praise and worship” music that uses instruments, clapping hands, etc.  Then there are other issues that I believe they are right about and I’m ok with what I’ve been taught:  the leadership structure of the church, roles of men and women, communion, adultery and fornication, homosexuality, and even, I’m sorry to say, divorce and remarriage.  As much as I’d like to argue the point, I’ve read enough Scripture now to be convinced that my second marriage was not scriptural because I did not divorce my first husband for the reason of unfaithfulness or sexual immorality, and that I am not eligible to remarry until both of my former spouses are dead, if ever.  (Obviously, I really struggle with this one, as well.  Not really thrilled about spending the rest of my life alone.  Some folks say life’s too short, but for me Eternity is too long.)  I will continue to study on these issues and search the Scriptures daily like the Bereans did, but for now, this is where I stand.

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And I’ve basically lost sight of where I was going with this, but I think that I admire people who have the guts to just state what they believe, whether it brings them ridicule or praise.  I admire people who have the courage to live by their beliefs.  It makes me sad that my adult life has been shaped by a theme of my wants and desires having overridden my beliefs and thus caused my actions, my decisions, my choices.  I’ve been supposed to be a Christian since I was in 7th grade, but I have never really lived like it.  I’ve never been strong enough to live like I knew I should, to publically condemn what I believe to be wrong, and to abstain from it, myself.  But I think I’m going to make it my goal this year and from now on, to walk the walk that matches my talk, no matter what it is.  If I believe that it’s wrong to use bad language, then I can’t only abstain from using it, I have to abstain from watching movies and TV that contains it.  If I believe that certain sexual relationships are wrong, then I can’t condone books, TV, or movies that contain them.  All I can say is I’m going to try.

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Until next time,

D.

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[EDIT:  Correction to the above.  I’ve changed my thoughts on the above topic and I now know that a)my first divorce was scriptural.  I know why I went ahead and divorced;  b)my second divorce was scriptural, but some people would dispute that.  Therefore, my conclusion is that I can, in fact, remarry, but I have decided that I will not choose to do so until after Hubby # 2 (hereafter referred to as Old Track Shoes because of how he left, made tracks, as it were, and refused to return) has kicked the bucket.  Not that I have to worry about it really, because I have absolutely zero prospects at the present time. :)]

 

Simply Recommitting October 10, 2011

Hello all.  You know, sometimes, when I’m going through my day thinking, “I REALLY need to write a blog entry, I really need to update, etc.” I’ll sit down and try to write an entry and nothing really comes.  Often, I will just keep writing, rambling, ranting, and I’ll post the result, whether it’s good or bad, like that’s a cure for writer’s block, but it doesn’t mean that what I wrote has any quality to it.  That post may not necessarily be my true voice.  There’s something wrong with that.  There’s something wrong with a lot of things, and I am in the mood to change that.

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I went to a revival-type church service tonight that was sponsored by my sister’s church.  I had never heard of the speaker, a man named Ken Freeman.  My sister attends a Baptist church, but I got the feeling this man was inter-denominational in his preaching career, meaning he didn’t just go to one type of church.  His message was about the difference between ‘good’ and ‘great,’ and how we have to let go of certain things in order to fully accept God’s grace and blessings.  I realized there were a lot of things I have been holding on to, and I need to let go and re-commit.  I need to re-commit, not just in my spiritual life, but in everything- my job, my parenting, my health and fitness, and even my writing here. 

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So that’s what I’m doing.  Starting tonight, I am re-committing my life.  I am going to re-dedicate myself to my weight loss, my writing, my parenting, and most of all to a life that is dominated by Love.  Love for God, and love for my fellow human.  I need to work on showing Jesus to others through my life.  I’ve been in an ongoing cold war with a co-worker for weeks now, and I’ve made weak, pitiful attempts to pretend I was reaching out to her, to delude myself into thinking I was the bigger person by praying for her, but in reality I wasn’t willing to let go and truly acknowledge that I haven’t always been the Christian I am supposed to be.  I gave it lip-service, but I wasn’t willing to completely let down the barriers.  I’m still not.  I know I can’t trust her to be real and honest.  She is an excellent actor and faker- I’ve seen it.  My point is that I can’t worry about that.  I have to just say ‘You know what?  I’m recommitting to living for Jesus, and because I am, I choose to love you.  You can think what you want about me, you can like me or hate me, but I choose to love you in Jesus’ name, whether I can trust you or not.’  And really mean it, because I didn’t before.  I wanted to mean it, but the selfish, immature part of me said ‘Why do you have to mean it?  It doesn’t make any difference.  She’s not accepting your overtures, your gestures, your attempts.  What difference does it make if you really mean it?’  But I know now that I have to forgive all that, I have to forgive what she’s done to me, the hurt she has caused me, and I have to love her in Christ, and I cannot allow myself to add anything else to that sentence.  My judgement of her is irrelevant. 

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In addition to this, I have to be brave enough to re-commit to my health and fitness efforts.  I have done well.  I can say that.  I have lost almost one hundred and twenty pounds in almost 2 years.  But I have not been fully committed.  I have chosen to take easier roads- skip workouts, eat junk food.  I signed up for another 5k mud run as a volunteer, knowing I would be allowed to participate in the race for free as a volunteer, but thinking I wasn’t obligated to do the race if I chose not to.  That wasn’t committment, that was fear.  I completed the first one, the Dirty 30, back in July.  I did it on adrenaline, not knowing what to expect, not knowing what kinds of obstacles I’d face, but determined to tackle them no matter what.  In this next race, I know what kinds of things I might see, and I feared them.  I was afraid I didn’t have it in me to put that much effort out again, but now- I know I need to re-commit.  I need to grasp the fact that I have the strength to finish that race, complete the obstacles (or go around them if I have to) and finish.  I can’t be afraid that I might twist an ankle or a knee- I just have to take the steps. 

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I realize this entry has had a serious tone.  I usually like to try to be funny here, and I hope I succeed at that sometimes.  But tonight was a night for seriousness.  I had a talk with my kids on the way home from the revival tonight, because I have been really concerned for them in their spiritual lives, because they have not yet obeyed the gospel and been baptized.  Despite what some people may say or believe, I truly believe what I have been taught, that baptism is the point at which we are saved, and I want my children to be baptized and commit to living their lives for God.  I believe it is on their heart to do it, but they just haven’t taken the step.  I am praying that they make that decision soon, but at least I took the opportunity to share with them what I want for them- the peace that comes with knowing they are saved. 

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I’m not saying I have it all figured out, or that there aren’t sometimes brief moments when I question everything I’ve ever heard and wonder if maybe, possibly, it could all be crap.  But when it comes down to it, I’d rather just believe what I believe than buy into “something from nothing, for no reason, with no purpose, and nothing after, and nothing matters.”  It’s just not enough.

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And in the middle of all this recommitting, loving, being brave, and trying to bring my kids to heaven with me, I am going to embrace all I can possibly accomplish in this life that is fun and joyful and meaningful.  To that end, I can announce that my daughters’ senior trip in May is a done deal!  I booked the airfare today, so Lord willing, we’re definitely going!  We’re going to be Royal Carribean cruising fools!  Wooo hooooo!  Allure of the Seas, here we come!

Until next time,

D.

 

Name it and Claim it! July 9, 2011

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Image by moosepics via Flickr

Hello all.  I usually don’t come up with ideas this fast, but as I was finishing last night’s post, I came up with this idea.  The previous entry was the first in a series.  I think I might call it Daily Victories.  Yesterday, I had a lot of disappointments about a lot of things I’d been hoping for and holding onto, and I managed to stay positive and concentrate on faith that everything is going to be fine, which is something that is usually very hard for me.  So I thought, why not work toward making that a regular habit?  What if I try to search for some kind of victory in every day, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant it may be? 

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So that’s what I’m doing.  Today’s victory is choosing to believe that yesterday’s bad stuff wasn’t in some way a punishment for some recent mistakes in judgement and making a big donkey of myself.  I think sometimes I have this misguided perception of God as some kind of vindictive scorekeeper, you know?  Like, “Oh, look there- D. acted like a big ol’ jerk and reveled in her pride and judgemental-ness.  How about a little financial crisis there, D.?  Oh, still think you were right?  Still think you want to depend on yourself instead of me?  Boom!  Let’s cripple your career plans.  Pow!  There goes your dream vacation you planned for your kids. ” 

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It’s ridiculous, right?  I don’t know how I ever developed that perception, but sometimes that’s how my brain seems to think God works.  So today I’ve been trying to figure out some other explanation for all the crapola that’s raining down on me right now, and ALSO I’m focusing on being extraordinarily thankful that my life is as blessed as it is.  A girl from my graduating class was killed in a motorcycle accident last weekend.  Other people have diseases, floods, fires, plagues, locusts!  All I did was lose 1/5 of my monthly income and a career change and possibly a once in a lifetime vacation.  What am I whining about? 

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Now, to be fair, I do know that it is ok for me to be upset about stuff.  Everybody’s life has “stuff”!  Nobody’s life is perfect, and nobody is 100% positive and thankful every minute of every day.  If such a person did exist, he wouldn’t last long, because one of us struggling Negative Nancys would CHOKE him!  The question is where do we draw that line between acknowledging that we are in pain and difficulty and perpetually whining about little stuff that we can fix if we just decide to?  Or heck, whining about stuff we can’t fix, but that isn’t all that tragic compared to, say, holding your 20-week old fetus-now baby against your chest and watching his little mouth move as he struggles to breathe for a few minutes before he finally goes back to Jesus.

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Ok, enough heavy.  I had a couple of other small victories today.  Example- I usually eat too much pizza at lunch when I work with this particular boss on Saturdays, and I had 2 small pieces and wasn’t even really tempted to snag the last leftover pieces when no one was looking.  Also, I actually removed some stuff from my garage last night.  And this afternoon sold it to a friend.  🙂 (To whom I am eternally grateful for the funds.)  And finally, Daughter S. was craving Subway so bad she was willing to pay for it herself out of her hard-earned babysitting and long-squirrelled-away birthday monies.  So we went, and part of our meal was three of their macadamia nut-white chocolate chip cookies.  (about a zillion Weight Watchers points each, but super worth it.)  I ate ONE of the cookies, very slowly, tiny bites, and it was like eating half a cheesecake, only better.  I felt so completely satisfied! 

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So that’s it for today’s Daily Victories.  I’m in such a better place tonight.  I am still thinking that things may hold together long enough for me to take the kids on that trip after all, if we can just stumble along and get by until then.  Maybe I’m delusional, but I feel happy and content and strong.  That’s a pretty big victory all by itself!

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Until next time,

D.

 

 
The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Shawn L. Bird

Original poetry, commentary, and fiction. All copyrights reserved.

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