The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Merry Chrismarch! March 1, 2016

image.jpgHello, all!  Merry Christmas!  Wait, what?  It’s March 1st?  Super Tuesday?  Oh.  Well, here’s my thinking:  when one works in the shipping and postal business at Christmastime, it causes a certain distaste for the whole season, a certain dread of the holiday and a certain feeling of just looking forward to surviving and to the holidays being over.  So I woke up today thinking about politics, and the haters and complainers and the complete circus the election process has been this time around, and I thought, “Wouldn’t it be great if all the love and good will and peace on earth stuff could be back at the forefront of people’s minds on a day like today??” So I pulled up my iTunes and started digging my Christmas playlist!  Admittedly, it’s not very extensive, consisting mostly of Glee versions and a two-album set by the Osmond family from the late 70s that I utterly loved when I was a kid.

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So, love and good will and peace on earth notwithstanding, I am coming out of the closet.  I never talk about politics with anyone I expect to get an argument from, because I detest arguing politics.  I don’t like confrontation in general, and the people in my personal circle who are most vocal about politics are not people who are likely to agree to disagree.

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I haven’t taken the time to research a lot of facts about voting records or the facts surrounding the many scandals, nor have I studied definitions of socialism in a while, or looked at government reports or independent studies.  I don’t know their bios by heart, their successes and failures in the worlds of education or business.  But I do know what I perceive without all that.  Hillary strikes me as utterly corrupt.  Donald Trump strikes me as utterly worthless.  Bernie strikes me as well-intentioned and capable.  The rest of them haven’t been on my radar enough to form an opinion. Carson, I am having trouble describing and categorizing.  He seems like a very decent person and for the most part I like his values.

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Ok, so I didn’t really come out of the closet very far.  The thing I hate about politics is the way it divides people.  It has broken my heart to see hot-headed people spouting their beliefs with no tolerance for opposing views, even to the point of breaking off ties with family and friends.  Over POLITICS!  Really?  When it comes right down to it, how could these issues be more important than the people in our lives?!  There are a couple of people I know who have voiced support of candidates, and I know how that influences my opinion of them, but I can’t bring myself to call them out on it, express to them that I think they might possibly be crazy.  However, I do very strongly believe in the importance of taking advantage of the great privilege of voting.  That’s the bottom line.  If you don’t vote, you can’t complain.  You can threaten to move to another country, or you can go hide in the wilderness and live off the grid, but you can’t complain.  If you don’t vote, you give up that right.

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Thanks for reading!  Now GO VOTE!

Until next time,

D.

 

 

 

Just Hanging Ten and Riding the Old Mood Wave September 2, 2013

Honey Badger

Honey Badger (Photo credit: Rainbirder)

Hello all.  Today is one of those days where it wouldn’t take much for me to become that woman in the news clip who is seen being wrestled into the back seat of a police car by five or six burly cops who could give The Incredible Hulk a run for his money, simply because the cashier at the grocery store, or the guy in the next car at the stoplight, or the neighbor to the north whose back yard just went up in flames, or one of her own offspring, said something that she in her pre-hormonal state just kind of took wrong and with little or no warning became a raging ball of psycho that even a rabid honey badger would skirt around with caution.

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In short… I AIN’T in a good mood.  Aside from the reasons for this hinted at in the preceding paragraph (pre-hormonal state, obnoxious neighbors, offspring), I am basically just at a loss as to explain why I am so volatile at the moment.  It’s not like things are going badly.  My birthday’s coming up, I have plans to go to the local Little Theater and see a new play this week, an event for which I will also be reuniting with my Les Mis castmates, the house didn’t catch on fire when the neighbor’s yard went up in flames this afternoon… I have plenty of reasons to be in a better mood than the one I’m in.

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Today was one of those days where I had to self-edit much more heavily than usual.  Every time I wanted to post something on social media or send someone a text message, I had to think, “Ok, do I REALLY have anything to say that is worth hearing at this point, or am I merely about to complain, whine, gripe, grouch, or otherwise suck the joy out of someone’s day?”  When it turned out that the answer to that question was ‘no and yes’ then I decided Grandma’s old adage was definitely applicable, and if I couldn’t say something nice… well, you know the rest.

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Then finally, late in the day, I was able to share something humorous and positive, which was that I had finished my playlist for Little Theater set construction days.  When I help with building sets, I am surrounded by several older guys who, for the most part, don’t appreciate music by people like Gaga, Beyoncé, or any of the other artists whose music might be likely to appear on my teenage daughter’s iTunes, so I created a playlist of mostly 50s and 60s rock and similar songs, which I know my set-building cohorts will likely really enjoy.  We just finished the set for the play that opens on Thursday, and now I can’t wait for the next one to start.  And hopefully, I will be working on set as a cast member next time, because I plan to audition for a role in this one.  Granted, I have never acted in a non-musical play in my life, and I really don’t know what I’m doing, but what the hey.  Gotta start somewhere, right?

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So anyway.  Not much else going on, really.  My trip to Charleston is a mere four and a half weeks away, which is amazing.  I can’t wait to go, but I wish I had gotten my act together and stayed serious about WW a couple months ago so I could have been at a smaller size for this trip.  But oh well.  It is what it is, as they say.  And besides, if I’d been a smaller size, I would have had to shop for new clothes for the trip, and ‘ain’t nobody got funds for that!’  (Slight adaptation of the popular meme.)

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With regard to men and relationships, my current dry spell makes Death Valley look lush.  I still have the monster crush on the one guy from Les Mis, but not much is happening there.  We are friends, and we work on sets together, and that is all.  Possibly one day something will change, but I am thinking perhaps I should resign myself to a future career as a sheep herder in Tibet, or start looking into becoming a nun.

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In reality though, I will probably be too busy to worry about the non-date-filled status of my schedule, because I am about to begin training to be a literacy tutor volunteer, and once I get assigned a student or two, I will have several hours less time to think about it.  The recommended amount of time to spend with a student is two hours, twice a week.  Which is actually quite a lot to expect of a volunteer tutor, if you ask me, but no one did.  And again, I will be building sets for the next play, and with luck, will be in rehearsals for same, so I will have plenty to occupy my time.

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So overall, I guess I can consider today a success primarily because I did NOT go ballistic and commit aggravated assault on someone for no apparent reason other than hormones and mood swings, and my house didn’t catch on fire, and I have a ton of things to be thankful for, and really I am.  I have much to look forward to, and much to keep me busy, so those tiny little issues that are mere ‘fly in the ointment’ things should be pretty easy to just ignore.  I’m going to give it my best shot, anyway.

 

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Until next time,

D.

PS- By way of announcements, I have been doing a lot of editing and adding to the Poetry and Fiction page at the top of the blog- if you like poetry or are interesting in reading mine, please feel free to check it out.

 

I’m Leaving On a Jet Plane (I Wish) January 11, 2013

airplane halo

airplane halo (Photo credit: Sean MacEntee)

Hello all.  If it is true that I live in a state of emotional bungee jumping, as I once said, then today is the day where the stretchy band attached to me is pulled to its full length, stretched to capacity and I’m momentarily hovering two inches above the rocks.  It’s not that I feel down, necessarily.  I don’t.  I just feel a very strong urge to get. away.  I wish I were on an airplane somewhere that was taking me some place exciting and far away.  I’m remembering our cruise last June, how much I looked forward to the adventure of it.  I made a playlist of “beach/vacation/get away” songs and played it until I drove the kids berserk.

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Of course, getting away is not really a possibility at this point.  But in the interest of trying to find some way to make life more interesting, I left The Offspring a note when I left the house this morning.  (They were all still asleep, of course.)  I told them if they would work on laundry and finish the pots and pans today, we would try to come up  with something fun to do tomorrow.  I have no idea what that might be, as there is little to do around here, but I guess we’ll give it the old college try.

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It’s been a pretty good work week, really.  My boss’s out-of-town girlfriend has been hanging out with us.  We’ve accomplished a lot- cleaning, organizing, that sort of thing.  We received a huge donation to the program and I got a $0.50/hr raise.  It doesn’t seem like much, perhaps, or sound like much, but I just did the math and over the course of the year it actually will be about equal to, or a smidge more than the salary increase my boss got.

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So anyway.  I’m going to be mostly alone in the office today, and I am going to try to remain productive.  Boss Boy is taking off today, since it’s his girlfriend’s last day in town before she goes back to college.  But you know what they say about cats and mice and being away and playing and all that.  I may have to make a list and force myself to not goof off all day.  It’s pretty tempting when you’re completely alone in a huge old church building, stuck in a dreary-ish, back-room office, with nothing really pressing hanging over your head to do.   But that’s not what I’m getting paid for, so I guess I’ll crank up the iTunes, make a list of things to do today, and get busy.  First item on the agenda- write my paycheck for the week!  🙂

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Until next time,

D.

 

Stream of Consciousness Rambling. With a Soundtrack. October 11, 2012

Hello all.

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Ok, so right now, here’s how I’m feeling:  restless.  I’m at work, and I’m all caught up, and I’m completely alone in the building, and I’m bored senseless.  I’m listening to my iTunes (yes, in a church building.  Currently I’m hearing “What Doesn’t Kill You (Makes You Stronger)” and desk-dancing to it)  I’m dying to text someone and check in to say hi.  Almost anyone will do at this point.

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Man, I wish I could dance.  My favorite self-disparaging remark on my dancing talent is that I move like the Tin Man getting electrocuted.  I’m listing to “Dynomite” now, and I’d love to be up and moving instead of sitting here typing and tapping my toe and bobbing my head and shoulders.  That’s about the extent of my rhythmic abilities.

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Next up, “Firework.”  I would so love to sing this one at karaoke.  And I think I will, eventually.  We’re having karaoke at the next family reunion if I have to sell a kidney on the black market.  At least I can sing here at work.  It goes over a lot better in an empty church building than behind the counter at the register at the UPS Store.  (That’s where I worked before, and where I plan on spending a few Saturdays leading up to Christmas.  Extra funds for gifts for the spoiled rotten offspring, you know.)

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I actually love the freedom of this job.  I can come in and leave whenever I want.  I can bring my kid with me and homeschool him.  I can listen to music and sing, and hope someone doesn’t come down the hall and surprise me making a fool of myself.  As long as I get my tasks done and don’t do anything sinful in the process, they don’t care.  I literally write and sign my own paycheck.  It’s actually kinda weird.

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And finally, we’re hearing “Fire Burning” by Sean Kingston.  This is another one I’d kill to be able to dance to, no kidding.  Maybe I ought to just check into lessons or something.

A Different Church Building

A Different Church Building (Photo credit: justshootingmemories) Our building looks a little like this.

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Ok, well, must go now, because my co-worker/boss will be here shortly and requires my assistance to follow him over to the tire shop and give him a ride back over here, so I’d better go clean out my embarrassing car.  The inside isn’t even the most embarrassing part.  The worst part is the horrible screeching grinding sound my brakes are making continuously, even when I’m not braking.  I really need that looked at, but I can’t afford it right now.  Y’all can pray they don’t fail at the most inopportune moment and get me killed.

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Thanks for listening to my ramble along with my dance party playlist.  More later.  Holla! 🙂

Until next time,

D.

 

 

Miley Cyrus Immersion/Aversion Therapy and Other Tortures July 20, 2011

Hello all.  Let me start off by saying I’m NOT a Miley-hater.  I’ll just get that out on the table right off the bat, because the title of tonight’s post could be somewhat misleading.  I just chose that as the name for what I’m doing at this very moment.  (Besides blogging.)  Ok, backstory.  I had listened to one of her songs on my way to work this morning, and then a few hours ago when I got home from church, that same song was still stuck in my head.  So I thought the only way to get that song out of my head is to just pull up iTunes and listen to it, right?  So I did that, and then I just let it continue to play all her songs that we have in our library.  Daughter J. was a big fan at one time.  Yeah.  There’s a lot.  So I figure I’ll either get it all out of my system or I’ll drive myself nuts and wind up in an institution. 

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I’m kidding.  I don’t have a problem with the girl.  I actually enjoy most of her songs, even from her Hannah Montana days.  Ok, so I don’t have very discerning taste in music!  Moving on.  The other tortures I was going to talk about have sort of resolved themselves.  I was hungry but didn’t feel like eating.  I realize this doesn’t sound much like torture, but when you’re “doing Weight Watchers” and you know you’re supposed to be eating healthy, you hate to just take the quickest, easiest thing if it’s not going to be both healthy and satisfying.  I finally did have some tuna spaghett leftovers Daughter S. made, followed by some grapes for dessert, and it was a good meal.  I just have no idea how to track it.  Tracking is its own special torture.  I always know that if I don’t do it, I won’t have a good loss, because I am NOT a good estimater.  Speaking of my loss, this week’s loss brings me to (drumroll……) 111.5 lbs since January 2010.  Not a typo.  One hundred eleven.  I’m excited and pleased and proud, but I also have to repeat the feat, as I still have just under that much to lose to get to my goal.  So daunting, but also not, because I’m halfway there.

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Back on the topic of tortures, I discovered an old message I had overlooked on a popular social networking site that made me want to run my mouth and tell people off and make a donkey of myself again.  That urge is particularly torturous because this is a 17 year-old child we’re talking about, and it is completely pointless and futile and definitely nonproductive.  Teenage drama.  Oy.  I hope I outgrow it someday!  Maybe choosing not to respond to the aforementioned message in any way (except mentioning it here) is a step in that direction. 

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Another torture that’s not really a torture, but gives me something to talk about, is the adventure run/mud run/warrior dash 5k I’ve got coming up- The Dirty 30.  It’s Saturday, July 30.  I’ve never done a 5k before, let alone one that includes mud and obstacles!  I can’t wait to see what it’s like, but I’m also nervous.  I’m particularly concerned about the obstacles.  Wondering if I’ll be able to get through, over, under, and past them without bodily injury or humiliation.  My counselor said I should go to the local park and climb things.   Any things!  Things that involve the upper body.  Just for practice, you know.   I’ve only got a week and a half, so I’d better get climbing if I expect it to do any good. 

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So anyway.  Lots of angst-y things going on in my head right now- things from the past, things from the present, things from the future.  All tenses covered.  Just stuff.  Nothing really bloggable.  (Is that a new word?  Probably not.)  So I guess for now I’ll just say we’ve made it through the entire catalog of Miley tunes in my library and have now graduated to Lady Gaga.  That means it’s time to cut this short and go to bed!

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Until next time,

D.

 

Ok, NOW I’ve Worked Out! April 11, 2011

iTunes includes visualizers. Shown here is a v...

Image via Wikipedia

Hello all!  Well, today there was another episode of alien body snatching, and I found myself at TFP- The Fitness Professional at 5:40 IN the morning, to participate in something called Turbo!  I think its full name is actually “TurboKick, or The Workout That Kicks Your A$$ and Initially Makes You into a Pathetic, Quivering Blob of Wuss-Ness Until You Get the Hang of It and Become a Fierce Machine” but we’ll shorten it for time’s sake! 

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So there I was, ready to Turbo it up, and the class started, and I kept up for a little while, but eventually I felt like Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality, you know, where she’s in the class with all the other pageant contestants, just making up moves as she goes along?  Yeah.  Definitely me.  So I make it through the class, but I don’t feel like I did a good enough job.. I don’t feel like I really hit it hard.  So I come home, get the kids ready for school, take them to school, return home, and decide I’m gonna hop on the treadmill for a while.  So I start out slowly, warming up with no real idea or intention of how long I’m gonna go.  I always think I’ll just walk for 15 or 20 minutes, maybe 30.  But then I put my laptop close by me, brought up iTunes, cranked up my exercise playlist and walked.  And walked.  And walked!  I kept thinking, Ok, I’ll stop after 2 songs.  Ok, I’ll stop at the next 5 minute mark.  Ok, I’ll stop when I hear a song by this particular artist.  Well… I ended up warming up slow for 5 minutes, then cranking it up on high speed and walking for FIFTY-FIVE minutes!!  That’s 55, people!  Plus another 5 minute slow cool-down.  I think my music helped.  Here are the songs I walked through:

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So there you have it.  I walked for an hour and 5 minutes total.  I sweated like a pig.  I got in 3.2 miles and over 7500 steps.  I earned 4 Weight Watchers points.  And I am Proud of My Self, yes I am.  It’s only a little after 10 and I still have to go to work and be on my feet and walk all day, and I need to make the kids walk when I get home, so I wouldn’t be surprised if I get in over 15,000 steps today.  Woooo!  Go me! 

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Until next time,

D.

P.S.  Thanks to my youngest sister, I am planning to sign up for something that sounds like awesome good dirty fun, and that is The Dirty 30 Race!  A 5k + 7 tons of mud + 15 obstacles = a heck of a good time!  Oh, it’s in July.  In Mulhall Oklahoma.  In mud.  A 5k.  Who doesn’t want to do that!?  Find one near you!

 

Class Reunion Weekend! (and a poem) September 17, 2010

Hello all.  I was just re-reading the last few entries I’ve posted, and I realized I sounded kinda… intense.  Kinda wound up, you know, all angsty, extra-long sentences, stressing out about everything under the sun.  So I decided I needed to write an entry that was a little more mellow.  More contemplative, meditative, kinda chilled.  So right now I’m listening to a podcast by two doofy, redneck liberty enthusiasts, one of whom I go to church with, so it’s a real hoot to hear him talking about what he’s drinking, saying things like ‘sweet hot violent magical mama parts,’ talking about snorting blow off hookers’ butts, and cussing like a longshoreman.  Ok, that wasn’t what I planned to talk about.  My class reunion weekend has finally arrived, and that’s what I wanted to talk about in this relaxed, chilled, calm little post.

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So I’ve been out of school for 20 years this year.  I graduated in 1990, when things like Google, iTunes, the World Wide Web, and even cell phones and Starbucks had barely been heard of, and stamps cost $0.25!  My cousin and I were making some posterboard photo collages for the reunion and those pictures were so hilarious!  Talk about some big hair and crazy clothes!  But the shocker was how young we looked!  We looked like babies.  It’s amazing to think that my daughters are now only about 10 months younger than I was when I graduated.  Looking at them now, I remember how I felt at that age, how I thought I was so grown up and mature.  They don’t even look their age to me!  And I think about when I had my first boyfriend, and my parents were always driving us around and we were kissing in the back of the van, and maybe it’s just a lack of memory, but I don’t remember them acting like it bothered them that much!  If I were hauling my girls around these days and they had boyfriends, I think I’d make the boys ride up front with me and the girls in the back seat by themselves! 

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Anyway.  Class reunion.  I’ve been on the planning team for this thing from the beginning.  We’re meeting tonight at the Homecoming football game, sitting together to cheer on the old team, and seeing each others’ kids and all.  Tomorrow night, we’re having a classmate-and-guest-only, catered dinner and dance at the Elks’ Lodge.  (I know, I mentioned that before and it sounds so small-town, but that’s because I live in a small town! And proud of it!) 

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Anyway, the big news is, I took a chance and invited someone to go with me.  He is someone I met back in March and have been talking to and texting off and on since then, hung out with a couple of times.  I thought he’d make a fun reunion escort, and he agreed to go.  I’m really looking forward to spending the evening with my new friend and all my old friends, looking back and remembering, having a good time. 

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And now it’s time for me to post the poem I’ve been saving, the piece I wrote for our last reunion, the 10-year we had in 2000.  I hope it speaks to everyone.  Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you…

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*

Class Reunion

Tonight we celebrate a time when our tomorrows outnumbered our yesterdays,

When dreams and hopes, plans and ambitions all lay ahead of us, ours for the taking.

We remember moments.  That big touchdown, that homecoming crown,

That final grade, that first big date, and all that they made us feel.

Back then everything was bigger than life.

Every joy, every sorrow, every love, every hate, every thought and fear,

was the defining moment of our existence.

Remembered through the mist of passing time,

Very little seems to have been so crucial as we thought.

Disappointments we thought would crush us then, seem humorous and trivial now.

Happiness we thought could never be surpassed was only the beginning.

Ten (20) years gone past, in some ways the blink of an eye.

In some ways they seem a lifetime.

Tonight we catch a glimpse of ourselves as were were then-

The brain, the jock, the homecoming queen, the lonely outcast and the center of attention.

Some were on top of the world, some foundering hopelessly lost.

Ever wonder which ones were which?

Yet all of us have found our way to this time and place.

We’re smiling, we’re laughing, looking back, looking forward.

We know so much more than we did then.  And so much less than we thought.

We are so different, and so much the same.

But whether we run a bank or a Burger King,

Balance payrolls or checkbooks,

Perform brain surgery or kiss babies’ skinned knees,

Chase hardened criminals or sticky-fingered toddlers,

Reach the medal podium or sweep the floors,

We all share a special past.  We hope for a happy future.

We steer our ships toward our own horizons.

And our tomorrows still outnumber our yesterdays. 

D.D.-    June, 2000

 

Until next time,

D.

 

 
The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Shawn L. Bird

Original poetry, commentary, and fiction. All copyrights reserved.

Broadside

Smart and surprising

Mostly Bright Ideas

Some of these thoughts may make sense. But don't count on it.

Mad Scientist.Crazy Mom

Welcome to my laboratory: five kids on a farm

A Clean Surface.

simplicity, organization, inspiration, minimalism, humor...and reality

Princess Nebraska

If I am a princess in rags and tatters, I can be a princess inside. If would be easy to be a princess if I were dressed in a cloth of gold, but it is a great deal more of a triumph to be one all the time when no one knows it. -Frances Hodgson Burnett

She Likes Purple

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Crazy with a side of Awesome Sauce

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

musings of a madwoman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Glam-O-Mommy

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

happily ever me

a life in progress

Our Little Geekling

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." - Helen Keller

mighty maggie

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Writing Finger

Translations of Poetry from Galician and Spanish into English

The Better Man Project ™

a journey into the depths

An Unexplored Wilderness

A writer's journey