The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Up From Here. Except for the Scale! August 28, 2012

June's multi-colored eyes

This cat kinda looks like I feel!

Hello all.

*

Allow me to re-introduce myself.  I am a struggling-with-weight loss, struggling-with-loneliness-and-non-dating, struggling-with-parenting, full-time-working, home-educating, brilliant-but-confused, hot mess.

*

Let’s take it from the top, shall we?  I’ve been on a weight loss journey for two years, seven months, and nine days.  My current total loss stands at 116.8, down from an all-time high net loss of 130.6 in June.  I have basically been hovering and bobbing like a cork in the water, weight-wise speaking, for almost this entire calendar year.   Somewhere, I have lost my way.  I have lost my motivation and my drive.  In theory I should congratulate myself on basically maintaining my weight for this long, rather than going into a full-scale retreat and gaining scores of pounds.  But I went to my Weight Watchers meeting tonight, and registered an obscene gain.  Obscene.  I was expecting a gain, but not one that made me want to scream and cuss.  So as of tonight, I am back on track.  I am once again following the WW plan to the letter, even if it kills me.  And it won’t.  I have set new goals and I am going to move forward no matter what.

*

Secondly, the struggling with the loneliness and non-dating thing.  This is something that is SUCH a source of confusion and just…being torn.  On one hand, I would really love to find a boyfriend-type person, someone to go out to dinner and a movie with, someone to talk to, someone to hug and kiss on, a little.  I feel like in the dictionary under ‘Needs a Life’ it says ‘See Her.’  BUT.  The kicker is that I usually feel too overwhelmed with all the other stuff I have going on, too busy, too mentally scattered to be in a relationship at this point in my life.  I’ve had one or two minor relationship opportunities/possibilities that have fallen through in the last couple of months, and I have been quite alone in dealing with the disappointment.  But there is also a slight feeling of relief that they never really developed, because I’m not sure I was really ready for them anyway.  And then there’s the question of who am I really looking for and what do I really want in a significant other?  I know you’re thinking, ‘Wait, didn’t we cover this a month ago?’  Well, yeah.  But it’s still on my mind, especially with regard to all the other personality traits, opinions, likes, dislikes, and REALLY dislikes that my 13 Things didn’t cover.  All I know is, I’ve read a LOT of profiles on a major dating site recently.  This could be a whoooole other post, but there are some apparently decent guys out there, and some real wackos, to put it nicely.  So much so that I’m thinking, “Eh.  Dating can wait.  The kids come first.”

*

Which leads me directly into the next two points:  1) home-educating is a huge chore, especially when you’re trying to work full time literally at the same time! and 2) getting your High School graduates launched is much more difficult when, despite your half-hearted attempts at trying to do otherwise, they’ve been kept sheltered, coddled, indulged, and allowed to get away with immense amounts of slacker-ness.  I’ve got one daughter I’m trying to get set up with Vocational Rehabilitation services to help her identify and acquire a job that she can do and wants to do, and one daughter who finally at the 11th hour got signed up to take some college classes but still doesn’t have a job and doesn’t drive very much.  All the paperwork, applications, meetings, assessments, etc. is what you might call seriously overwhelming when you’re just one Momma!  (And yes, I could and should delegate some of that responsibility to the slackers-in-question, but haven’t managed to do that yet.)

*

So yeah.  Just needed to get all that off my chest.  I was planning to start a new blog about our home-schooling adventures, but haven’t really got the kinks worked out yet.  Stay tuned for that.  Alternate titles I considered for tonight’s post were “If You’re Not in the Mood for Debbie Downer, Skip This One” and “In the Dictionary Under ‘Overwhelmed’…”  but I decided it was best to go with the positive.  Stay with me- it can only go up from here!

*

Until next time,

D.

 

In Pursuit of Sparkle and Growl! October 6, 2010

Hello all!  It’s been too long since I posted a new entry.  I was getting my computer fixed, and now it’s mine again and I am happy.  And now I don’t have to use my purse or a pillow on my lap to prop the screen up because it stays up on its own!  Ah, bliss.  I’m actually supposed to be doing dishes right now.  That’s what I told myself I was going to be doing when I got home from taking the Crumb Crunchers to school.  But like the disciplined, self-controlled, energetic, tightly organized machine that I am, I sat down and started messing with the computer instead! 

*

Life has been good lately.  I have been feeling pretty happy and empowered and like I have an almost unbearable amount of potential and limitless future ahead of me.  I’m sure I’ll get kicked in the teeth again shortly, but for now I’ll just enjoy smiling.  (I know, is that not the most sadly pessimistic thing you ever heard or what?) 

*

Weight Watchers was great yesterday.  I had been slacking off pretty seriously for about three weeks.  Not trying hard, not writing down what I ate, not making it a point to eat healthy.  I wasn’t eating everything in sight, and I was trying to eat healthy-ISH, but definitely not at the top of my game.  So this past week I finally got my head out of my backside and got it on straight, ate more veggies, tracked all my food, basically started over as if I were on Week 1.  I lost 11.4 lbs!  No, that’s not a typo- E. Leven!  I know a large portion of it was probably water weight, but part of it was not.  So now I’m all hyped up, but I’m hoping I can at least be good enough to lose 1 or 2 this week.  I know it’s not really possible to have such a huge loss two weeks in a row, and I actually don’t want to; I know that the slower it comes off, the more likely it is to stay off, and that’s definitely my goal.  Slow and steady and permanent is infinitely preferable to fast and flashy and temporary.

*

Another reason I’m happy is that The Boy is doing much better in school this week.  Last week I was stressed out because he wasn’t getting his work done in school and got in trouble and got paddled, and this week he has gotten most of his work done in school, seems to be in a good mood, and I have had no more calls from his teacher.  Big. Improvement!  The Golden Goddess and her cohort Big Curly (my counselor and the kids’ counselor) have been suggesting I consider home-schooling him.  That has not seemed do-able up until now, but I’m thinking it could be accomplished if it becomes necessary.  He still hates school and thinks it’s stupid and pointless, but at least he’s doing what they tell him to do and not getting swats just for being stubborn like his Other Biological Parent.  (Hi, OBP!  Love ya!)  But you know what?  I’d really rather him enjoy learning and be interested and engaged in what he’s doing and be forming a habit of being a lifelong learner who is open to what the world can teach him, rather than just counting the minutes until he can check the last requirement off the list and walk across a stage in a funny hat and grab a piece of paper from (most likely) a man who has made his life miserable for 4 years!  If that means I become his primary educator, I’m open to the possibility!  So it’s definitely something I’m praying about, and I’d appreciate any of my readers who feel inclined to do so to pray with me, that I will know what I should do and what is best for my son.

*

In fact, my counselor has suggested I could start a small homeschool that would include other kids like The Boy, who don’t really have learning disabilities, but who struggle to function in the Box that is traditional educaction.  She seems to think I could charge a reasonable rate, teach a small handful of kids, and be doing what I have wanted to do, which is teach, in a setting that was more suited to me than a public school classroom.  When she first said it, I thought, “Yeah, right.  I could never do that.”  But now when she has told me she already knows of several people who would be interested in such an arrangement, I’m thinking, “Why the heck not?  I can do anything I set out to do, and with God, all things are possible.”  So maybe there’s some research and study to be done and some serious prayer to be said, and a new direction to my career in my future.  Who knows?

*

Overall, I’d say life is pretty good right about now.  I’m feeling peaceful and contented and looking forward to the future and all the possibilities.  I’m in hot pursuit of the qualities I desire:  Sparkle and Growl!  I think I’m catching up!

*

Until next time,

D.

PS- I’ll define Sparkle and Growl next time!

 

 
The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Shawn L. Bird

Original poetry, commentary, and fiction. All copyrights reserved.

Broadside

Smart and surprising

Mostly Bright Ideas

Some of these thoughts may make sense. But don't count on it.

Mad Scientist.Crazy Mom

Welcome to my laboratory: five kids on a farm

A Clean Surface.

simplicity, organization, inspiration, minimalism, humor...and reality

She Likes Purple

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Crazy with a side of Awesome Sauce

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

musings of a madwoman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Glam-O-Mommy

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

happily ever me

a life in progress

mighty maggie

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Writing Finger

Translations of Poetry from Galician and Spanish into English

The Better Man Project ™

a man chasing dreams