The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Welcome, 2017! January 1, 2017

Filed under: Whatever — DDKlingonGirl @ 1:13 pm
Tags: , , ,

Hello all! Today seems like an excellent day to begin re-organizing priorities and I want to make writing more a priority this year.  I haven’t posted to this blog in way too long- I think it’s been almost a year, if not more.  I’ve let technological challenges like not owning an actual computer get in my way. I’ve let blog entries that were begun and accidentally deleted derail my few feeble attempts at blogging. I’ve let the erroneous idea that I had nothing of value to say knock me off my track.  But no more.  I’m here, and once again, for what feels like the millionth time, I’m going to try to find, and continue to use, my voice.

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So it’s a new year!  Wow. The past year seemed to take on a life of its own, didn’t it??  By the end, some people were convinced the year 2016 was a sentient being, and a malevolent one at that- taking the lives of beloved celebrities one after the other.  I was really only touched by three, one of which I didn’t remember until I saw my Facebook memories, started out 2016 on this day last year- Wayne Rogers.  And then in a splash of irony, another M*A*S*H cast member died on the last day of 2016- William Christopher.  That one really made me sad.  M*A*S*H was my favorite show of all time, and the loss of any of those incredible actors is just …un-put-into-words-able.  It’s not like the loss of a celebrity is personally devastating, I mean come on.  We didn’t know them, not really.  And when they are mostly an old favorite and not someone we still see in the public eye on a regular basis, it’s really more of a nostalgia thing than any real and visible loss. Still, it’s a sad milestone. By the way, the other one was Prince, and I could write a whole new blog entry about the long bygone era when Prince was a big part of my life’s soundtrack.

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And speaking of things taking on a life of their own, how about that election, huh?  Despite being something that happens regularly every four years, that just felt unprecedented.  The rallies and the speeches and the personal tone this one took.  It seems to me that in the past, whom you supported in an election basically just indicated your opinion of the role of government. But now, wow! Knowing how someone voted takes on a level of illumination into their entire belief system, and it’s not pretty.  It doesn’t seem to me like knowing what political candidate you supported has ever before been such a cause to make judgments on your level of intelligence.  At least that’s how it is for me. Maybe I’ve just never paid that much attention before.  I do tend to live in my own little bubble and not notice what’s going on out there.  My 9th grade composition teacher, Mrs. H., once told me, in response to a journal writing prompt where she asked for opinions on a current event and I said I didn’t know and didn’t care,  “…you are simply going to have to become more aware of the world around you!”  I’m trying.  Really.  It’s only taken 30 years, but honestly I think most people prefer to live in ignorant bliss because World reality is often scary and depressing. For me, anyway.

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One thing I think fights off Scary and Depressing is having goals and plans and dreams.  In the absence of an active, well-defined belief in a ‘Higher Power’ I think what most people use to fight off the stress of being too informed about the goings-on in the world (yes, I’m pretty sure that’s a thing you could be) is just to have their wants and desires mapped out.  They know the answers to the questions, ‘Who are you, what is important to you, what do you want, and where do you want to be?”  Some of us spend our lives in the search for those answers and never feel like we have found them, some of us figure it out early and get started and never let up, and some of us change our answers over time, depending on the season of life we happen to be in at the moment.  I won’t tell you which of those people I am, but I think if you know me in real life, you can probably narrow it down. I’d really like to work toward finding more answers this year.  It feels like I’ve been just sort of treading water and surviving for a while now.

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So basically I’m going to give it a little more thought before I post one of those big, enthusiastic bullet point lists about my Goals and Dreams in the New Year.  I did notice I woke up very Manic today.  A quick glimpse at my Facebook memories made me realize I do that very often.  It seems pretty normal, you know?  It’s a New Day!  It’s a New Year!  Do ALL THE THINGS!  And that lasts about 24 hours.  So I think I’m going to try to keep an actual calendar journal, in which every day I write down the things that jump out at me as Must Do’s and the topics and thoughts that I have strong opinions on for future blog posts.  There are so many good ideas out there!  So many things to try.  We live in a world that includes Pinterest, y’all.  The ultimate mirror to hold up in front of ourselves and say “Do this, do it just like this, make it look Fabulous, or we’re going to mock you mercilessly for all eternity!” But honestly, I think there is worth. A lot of motivational and self-help ideas, tips, tricks.  One of the ones I think I am going to implement in my own life is meant to help you create a more positive outlook at the end of the year by writing down something positive every day (or week?) and putting it in a jar.  At the end of the year you read it all and get reminded what a great year it really was.  I think I need that. I have the perfect jar, too.  A few years ago, I took my kids on a really special vacation.  We had created a jar to save money in and decorated it with pictures.  That vacation had its good and bad moments, but it was the biggest thing I had ever done up to that point, and I think by using that jar to put my positives in, as well as money, I can remind myself that Big Things are still possible.  I struggle with remembering that there are still many adventures ahead of me.  I feel trapped and stuck a lot.  So I’m going to work on that.

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And with that I’m going to bring this post to a close.  I did wake up manic, after all, and there are things that need done around here that are literally screaming at me in my head:  Take the Christmas Tree Down!!  Clean up the mess from deciding what to wear from the party last night!! Get rid of a bunch of clothes! Clean the bathroom!  Eat something healthy!  Exercise!  Go clean up Mom’s yard!

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So you guys have a great year.  Make it awesome.  You don’t have to make it huge and mind-blowing and all-encompassing and un-toppable.  Just be like Jack on Titanic.  Make each day count. Love and blessings to all!

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Until next time,

D.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Guess I’d Better Get On the Ball! January 29, 2015

Soon to be Home Away From Home!

Soon to be Home Away From Home!

Hello ALL!!!  I have really got to learn how to do shorter updates here, more frequently.  There are so many times that something runs through my head and I’ll think, “Oh, that would be a great blog entry” or “I really have something to say about that, I should blog it” but then time gets away and I don’t.  The other day I wanted to talk about how much I love it when things happen like my son being pretty cranky on the way to school and then something reminding him about one of his favorite songs from the show I’m in right now for Ardmore Little Theater, and he starts singing it under his breath, and then we both do the whistling part, and then by the time he gets to school, he gets out of the car and says “Thank you for making my attitude better.”  I really like that.

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Or how one of my huge-est, most unbelievable dreams is coming true and I’m going to Alaska in three months to work at a tourism job (Mt. McKinley Princess Wilderness Lodge) All. Summer. Long!  More on that later.

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But for right now I wanted to talk about my list of 101 Things to Do in 2015.  I wrote this shortly after New Years Day as a road map for the year and a reminder of things I wanted to accomplish.  I didn’t actually make it to 101 things, though.  I got stuck at about 89.  But here’s what I have so far:

 

101 Things to Do in 2015

1.  Get The Boy’s CDIB card and tribal citizenship

2. Make 2 new photo albums every month

3. Build bookshelves in the garage

4. Vacation Work in Alaska

5. Climb a mountain

6. Hang pictures around my house

7. Make theatre scrapbooks

8. Get Daughter S. to the doctor

9. Visit the Chickasaw Fitness Center

10. Use my grill

11. Haul off the junk on the north side of the house

12. Clean out garage

13. Really organize garage.

14.  Get new car

15. Feed a homeless person

16. Start and finish major writing project

17. Study philosophy (or philosophers)

18. Begin re-decorating house

19.  Price new carpet

20. Get a massage

21. Visit an Oklahoma tourist attraction

22. Take a solo road trip

23. Attend a writing conference

24. Build a yard shed

25. Give a random person $20

26. Continue taking voice lessons

27. Learn a song in another language

28. Send a card to Grandpa every month

29. Read 5 classic novels I’ve never read

30. Read 20 new books randomly recommended by someone

31. Exercise

32. Walk a 5K

33. Run a 5K

34. Try caviar

35. Read through the entire Bible

36. Memorize a psalm as a poem

37. Build a fire pit

38. Have/host an ALT party

39. Get a NEW dishwasher and microwave

40. Get a good yard sale couch and loveseat

41. Grow a plant and keep it alive (maybe a bonsai)

42. Attend a Mass

43. Attend a cultural event in Ardmore

44. Learn to cook again

45. Family game night once/mo.

46. Car headlight fixed

47. Road trip with each kid solo

48. Get to know The Niece

49. Random gifts (Dad, Mom, Sisters, Bros-in-law)

50. Get Charleston pics framed

51. Postcards to 3 cousins every month

52. Walk on a beach

53. Babysit for a friend so they can have a date night

54. Sign up for health insurance (Done)

55. Cure my toenail fungus

56. Special beauty treatment once a week

57. Teach Daughter S. to cook

58. Teach The Boy how to tie a necktie

59. Teach Daughter J. something important

60. Learn to make candles like Grammy did

61. Take makeup lessons from Elisa

62. Develop a character

63. Track WW 6 days out of every week

64. Road trip with all 3 kids

65. Buy The Boy a nice dresser

66. Try cotton candy grapes

67. Stage manage again

68. Attend an Open Mic Night

69. Sing with Community Chorale

70. Have Christmas presents bought by Thanksgiving

71. Clean and organize kitchen

72. Help build a Habitat house

73. Visit an art gallery

74. Write a love story that doesn’t have a happy ending

75. Learn to change a tire.  Actually do it.

76. Ride Amtrak to Dallas or OKC for a day

77. Offer to carry a baby for my sister and her husband

78. Buy a new Christmas tree

79. Wear a colored wig for a day

80. Use my PiYo mat and routines 2x/wk

81. Play in the rain

82. Rent paddleboat at Lake Murray Lodge

83. Transition TGOC to TN

84. Play ball with The Boy 2x/wk

85. Pay bills on time

86. Vote

87. Bury a dog (I only added this to the list after I actually had to do it in early Jan.)

88. Clean and organize bathroom and keep it

89. Be in a play (Done)

90. Learn to love myself for real

91. Go to one of those Wine and Art things (where everybody paints the same painting)

92. Raft the Chulitna river

93. Ride an ATV on a bear-watching adventure

94. Paddle a kayak on Byers Lake

95. Visit a place called Devil’s Canyon

96. Visit an Alaskan sled dog kennel

97. Float the Talkeetna river

98. Ride in a plane that lands on a glacier

99. Catch a salmon

100. Make a new friend

101. Live Out Loud with a Capital L

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So there we have it.  That’s my plan for the year. Those last few completed my list after I spent this morning looking at the CruiseTour excursions offered from my lodge location where I’ll be working in Alaska.  Employees get discounts.  I hope they’re good discounts, because otherwise I’m going to spend every dime I make up there!  I’m sure I will be starting yet ANOTHER blog, detailing my Alaskan adventures.  I can’t wait to get started.

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Until next time,

D.

 

Thoughts On January 1, 2015 at 10:23 PM January 2, 2015

Filed under: Dreams and Passions,Looking Forward — DDKlingonGirl @ 4:27 pm
Tags: , ,

dawn pic

Who do I want to be in a year?  Where do I want to be?  There is no way to know, NO way to know, what the future will bring, but … but what?  I stopped that sentence and didn’t know what to say.  But odds are whatever the future brings will be survivable with the right attitude?

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What are my dreams?  What do I want to see come to pass in the next year?  I mean what do I REALLY want to see?  First, I want to see Daughter S. healthy and happy.  Whether she is working at a job or attending school or both.  I want her to take pride in her health and her life.  I want her to make an effort to be alive.  I’d like to see Daughter J. happy and safe.  If she is married to The Boyfriend, then so be it.  I want to see The Boy happy and continuing to do well in school.  I’d like to see him taking pride in his health and grooming.  I’d like to see him begin to formulate a dream or a plan for his life.  What does he want to do or be for a career, and how can he make sure it happens?

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And now, what do I want to see for me, for myself, come to pass in 2015?  Who do I want to be?  I want to be a person who cares more about people.  Not just who pretends to care, but who genuinely cares.  I want to be a person who smiles with enthusiasm at people going out as I am coming in, people on the elevator, people in line behind me.  I want to be real and honest.

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I want to find out how to live within my belief system.  What do I really believe?  Do those beliefs by definition necessitate a certain course of action vis. morality and religion?  Does belief in the existence of things define how I live my life, or just inform my life?

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I want to enjoy my gifts.  I want to enjoy my ability to sing, my love for theater, my talent at writing.  Maybe all in the same place, maybe not.  I want to exercise those gifts, strengthen them, hone them, develop them.  I want to start and finish a major writing project this year.  I want to be published in some printed media beyond blogging.

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I want to be a person who loves and accepts herself.  I want to look at myself in a mirror and see someone of value.  I want to love my body because of the things it allows me to do, not hate it because of the things it hinders me from doing.  I want to lose weight and get healthier and fit into the cute clothes I rescued from the garage.  I want to believe I am beautiful always.

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I want to identify other goals and dreams.  Where to I really want to be?  What do I want life to look like?  What will it take to accomplish that?

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I want to find a different job.  One that will pay well and allow me to accomplish my goals and dreams, but also one where I have a contributory value.  One where I am making a difference and being challenged.  I want to not be afraid of the fact that ONE of the possible careers I just described is Teacher.

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I want to enjoy every day, be present in the moment, and reject the negative.  I want to be a source of inspiration, encouragement, and strength for my friends and family.  I want my 2015 to have an overall theme of love and joy, strength and determination, growth and exploration.  I want to forge my path with purpose and yet be open to possibility.

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In short, I want to Live, with a  Capital L!

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Until next time,

D.

 

The Domino Effect: A Little Pressure in the Opposite Direction January 4, 2013

English: Paris Exposition: moving sidewalk, Pa...

English: Paris Exposition: moving sidewalk, Paris, France, 1900. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hello all.  You know what I’ve noticed about my life lately?  It bears a strong resemblance to one of those moving sidewalks, you know, like they have in large airports, or someplace like that?  I’m not exerting any force or effort to go in any particular direction.  I’m just standing there, going wherever it happens to take me.  I. Don’t. Like. That!!  I feel like I’ve kind of always been that way, though.  When there are things I know I need to be making a choice about, taking an action, moving a direction, I just stand there kind of frozen in an attitude of indecision, until finally something else happens that takes the choice out of my hands and points me in its own direction, which was probably not the direction I would have gone if I’d just made myself move my feet.

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I don’t like that either!  I’ve decided it’s time to hop off the moving sidewalk and take my own walk in life.  Even if I end up exploring the boiler room or the janitor’s closet, or the No Access Control Room, at least I’m not just riding straight through the main thoroughfare like a zombie.  Here’s what I’m really talking about:  food.  Eating.  Weight loss.  Weight gain.  As much as I try to listen to people who tell me I am not defined by my size, my weight, my fitness level, whatever… my inner voice is just not buying it.  What else defines me?  My societal roles, i.e. mother, daughter, sister, friend, employee, etc.?  Partly, I guess.  My beliefs?  They’re supposed to, but it’s hard to be defined by something you sometimes find yourself questioning.

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Anyway.  I don’t think my purpose is to get incredibly deep in this post.  My main point is to express to the world that I have been gaining weight like crazy through the holidays, and I am not happy about it.  My first thought when I look in the mirror in the morning is “Holy hell, I look like that Judy Blume character!!” (You know the one.  On the cover of Blubber.  Potato-shaped head.  Lank, stringy hair.  Dorky clothes.  Dumpy body.  Yeah.  That one.)  My underwear is getting tight.  Do you know what a mistake it is to have a garage sale in October and get rid of all your ‘fat underwear’ right before the holidays?  Well, I can tell you.  It’s Huge.  There was this one darling older lady at my Weight Watchers meetings.  She would literally say anything.  One day she shared one of her motivational strategies. It was to buy her underwear a size too small, because there is very little in this world more uncomfortable than too-tight underwear!!   Let me assure you.  She was not kidding.

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So basically, I have an immediate goal.  Rather than continue to eat as I have been the last few weeks, resisting nothing, refusing nothing, inhaling everything, I am starting today to exert a little pressure in the opposite direction.  (Another WW object lesson involving dominoes.  The game pieces, not the pizza franchise.)  I’ve tracked my food intake.  I bought healthy foods to keep at work for lunches.  I am going to start using that C25K app that I downloaded almost the minute I got my new phone a month ago, but haven’t used yet!  I’m going to try.  Just try.  That’s all.  If I don’t try, I am guaranteed to fail, and THAT… is unacceptable.

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Until next time,

D.

PS. I’ve also removed the life sucking electronics from my home because our constant web-surfing, Netflix-watching, slacker-ness was causing me serious stress.  The wireless router, the laptop, and the PS3- gone.  At least for now.  When we get control of the house and ourselves, perhaps they will return.  Here’s hoping I can survive the Daughters’ displeasure when they discover the changes I’ve made! (Lord, give me strength!)

 

On the First Day of a New Year: Plans, Goals, and Things to Look Forward To! (Pt.2) January 1, 2011

Cinderella Castle at the Magic Kingdom, Walt D...

Image via Wikipedia

Hello all.  Again.  Earlier today I posted about my reflections on last year and the year to come, but I didn’t really touch on my specific goals and dreams for this year.  Last year I wrote that I wanted 2010 to be a year of transformation.  Primarily, I wanted to transform my very obese body into a smaller, healthier one.  Surprise, surprise- I managed to do that!  Not completely, of course.  I had much too far to go, to expect that I could complete that goal in only one year, but I made great progress and began to change bad food habits into good ones.  Along the way I’ve lost almost eighty-five pounds.  Absolutely, I’m proud.  And again, surprised with myself.  I don’t think, when I started, that I really thought I’d do as well as I have on Weight Watchers.  I think I thought I’d do it for a few weeks or a month and then give up.  Thankfully, I have learned persistence in this one area.  (Hopefully it will come in others, but that’s another post.)  I have stayed on WW for a year, continued to try to improve my habits, and remained determined to see it through to Goal. 

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This year, I’ve thought about what I hope to accomplish, both in my weight loss efforts, my career, my parenting, my writing, and my personal relationships with God and humanity.  I think the theme I want to hang upon this year is Action.  Last year was transformation; this year is action.  Physically, I want to learn to be more active.  You know, I have never loved exercise.  I’ve always hated it.  I love to read, I love to write, and I love to sing, but physical exertion?  Not so much.  I have blamed it on my physical problems- flat feet, weak ankles, etc., but the truth is, I just haven’t learned to love it yet, to the extent that I become a dedicated regular exerciser.  Sure, I’ve experienced pure exhilaration when I’ve been exercising and just for the briefest moment, felt like I could learn to really love moving my body, learn to be an athlete.  Unfortunately, those moments just never lasted very long!   The truth is, I DO have abnormally flat feet and weak, painful ankles, but if I made it a priority to get my ankles checked out and get fixed whatever is messed up, and bought good, supportive socks and shoes, using my feet to help me exercise would probably not be difficult at all.  Or I could find ways to exercise that do not involve impact on my ankles.  Either way, there are solutions to the problem but I’ve never bothered to find them and make them happen.  2011 is going to be the year I change that. 

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So what I look forward to in this year is accomplishing that change:  searching and finding some physical activity that I enjoy, that will help me improve my overall health.  Because in my opinion, my first year of WW was just a natural result of reducing the amount and improving the quality of the food I had been eating.  The weight was bound to come off.  I had nowhere to go but down.  But THIS year.  This year, if I want to make it past where I am now, and continue on into an even smaller, fitter body, I know without question that I am going to have to GET. MOVING!  I look forward to that- I really do.

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But the idea of becoming a person of action doesn’t just mean in the physical sense.  I want to get up and take care of things that need taken care of.  I want to keep my house more clean.  I want to take care of homemaking things that I’ve been putting off, like decorating, landscaping, yard work, and furnishing.  I want to write or call people when they cross my mind.  I want to write letters.  I want to meet friends for dinner and do things together.  I want to get more involved in church activities (I mean other church events outside regular worship).  I want to find someone to talk to about the things I need answers for, and I want to devote myself to more prayer and Bible study, so that I can know the Truth and it can make me free.  (in a multitude of ways!)

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Basically, I want to feel like I am a participant in my life and the world, and not just a spectator.  I know, I’ve said all this before, and probably more than once.  But I want to learn how to live and not just exist!  I want to go places.  I know that in 2011, I will be going at least one place, thanks to my amazing, selfless, wonderful mother.   That surprise I mentioned a couple of entries back, that the kids were getting for Christmas?  My mother is taking the entire family to Disney World.  None of us have ever been there before.  It will be a great vacation, and hopefully a fun family trip.  We will enjoy it and enjoy spending the time together. (Even if I have to drop a valium bomb on the entire family!) 

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The girls will start their senior year in 2011 and The Boy will leave behind the Single Digit years, turning 10 in May.  There will be many things to think about and many things to experience in 2011.  Hopefully, there will be closure on some old things and fresh beginnings on some new things.  I plan to become a person of motion and action in this year, and perhaps I will have as great success in this as I had in making 2010 a year of Transformation.  Here’s to accomplishing goals and meeting challenges!

Until next time,

D.

 

 
The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Shawn L. Bird

Original poetry, commentary, and fiction. All copyrights reserved.

Broadside

Smart and surprising

Mostly Bright Ideas

Some of these thoughts may make sense. But don't count on it.

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A Clean Surface.

simplicity, organization, inspiration, minimalism, humor...and reality

Princess Nebraska

If I am a princess in rags and tatters, I can be a princess inside. If would be easy to be a princess if I were dressed in a cloth of gold, but it is a great deal more of a triumph to be one all the time when no one knows it. -Frances Hodgson Burnett

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Crazy with a side of Awesome Sauce

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Glam-O-Mommy

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happily ever me

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Our Little Geekling

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Writing Finger

Translations of Poetry from Galician and Spanish into English

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An Unexplored Wilderness

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