The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

(Hear this in Gomer Pyle’s Voice) Surprise, Surprise, Surprise! July 12, 2015

Filed under: Alaska Summer,Class Reunion — DDKlingonGirl @ 12:26 pm
Tags: , , , ,

Hello, all!  It’s a fine sunny day here in Alaska, and I woke up to a surprise.  A friend of mine from high school who actually lives in Anchorage stopped by to see me on her way back home from a camping trip!  It was just a very brief visit- a quick hug and introductions to the family and pics as evidence. 🙂  So without further ado, I bring you the LGHS Class of 1990 25 Year Reunion- Alaska Division!

*

Hey! Long time, no see! Thanks for dropping by.  <3

Hey! Long time, no see! Thanks for dropping by. ❤

*

I was supposed to work at 11:00 a.m. today, but a co-worker had something come up, so now I don’t have to work until 2:30.  I was thankful to have gotten to sleep in a bit though; I had been on 7:30-4:00 for a few days.  My new roommate and I have been bonding over an OOOOLD TV miniseries she has on DVD.  We’ve been watching North and South on her laptop.  It has been really fun.  And sad.  Patrick Swayze.  All the tears.

*

Anyway.  I’ve been working on a special experience the last few days.  My work schedule (and all of ours in the gift shop) has been mostly one day off a week.  I had one week a while back where I had two days off, but it was the only one so far.  We’ve been short-staffed all season, so not as much time off.  Which is fine, obviously.  (Hashtag: overtimeisgood) But time off is good too, and I finally have another week with two days off, AND… they are consecutive!!  So what people do up here with consecutive days off is try to find a way to get, how shall we say, OUT!  To get “off-property” and go have some adventures elsewhere.  So that is what I have been trying to do.  Employees get a special room rate at our other lodges, and since I have tomorrow and Tuesday off, I was going to try to get a room up at Denali Princess Wilderness Lodge, take a wildlife tour, see their dinner show, and (the thing I have been most wanting to do) ride the train with the pretty glass top where you can see all the scenery.

*

The problem is, they have to have enough room.  And you have to put in a request.  And you have to arrange transportation.  And managers have to help you. And if you didn’t get advance notice or plan ahead, your adventure could be derailed at any one of those steps.  So basically it is Sunday morning 10:13 a.m. and I still do not actually know if I have to plan and pack for a two-day trip leaving early tomorrow morning!

*

Fortunately, there are options.  If I don’t get a room in Denali, I can always go to Anchorage, get a room anywhere for a couple of days and rent a car and explore.  There is a big zoo there that I have been wanting to see, and also the Performing Arts Center, and all sorts of adventures just waiting to be had.  So.  One way or another, I should be having some good fun over the next couple of days.

*

Thanks for stopping by.  I still have yet to share my flight tour experience, and as soon as I can get ALLLLLL those pictures uploaded I will try to put them into my certain-to-be-inadequate words.

*

Until next time,

D.

 

Apologies: Another Opportunity to Grow October 3, 2014

Hello all.  This is a follow up to my last entry.

*

My last post hurt my friend.  I didn’t mean it to, but it did.  I failed to point out a few important facts.

*

I didn’t mention that she was not beating me out for these roles on purpose, trying to take them from me for no good reason.  I failed to point out that she began taking music lessons literally before I was born.  I failed to point out that she has been involved in theater and music since she was in high school, that she has done community theater off and on for years, that she has a degree in music, that she has taught music and acting every day of her career, and that she has yearned to be onstage her entire life.  I posted her picture of her in her first breakout role with ALT because I am proud of how awesome she is.  Despite the fact that I have held my talents and abilities up against hers and found them lacking through my own ridiculous insecure nature, I am proud of her.  She’s amazing to have as a friend.  She gets applause when she merely walks in to audition.  She is loving and kind and friendly and caring, and she’s a wonderful person.  Nothing in my previous post was meant to imply anything different.  She has wanted to be onstage like this her entire life.

*

I have only been involved in community theater for a year and a half.  I auditioned mainly on a whim a year ago, but I have always wanted to sing.  All I ever wanted to do as a kid was to sing and be a mom.  I used to stand in my bedroom for hours, singing along with cassette tapes of my favorite singers, pretending I was giving a concert.  The acting thing I have always thought would be fun, but I always felt like I would never be able to actually make anybody believe I was a different character, so I never tried to do it before.

*

My last post wasn’t really at all about her. It wasn’t meant to be, anyway. It was about me and how I have to decide how to deal with not getting what I want and how to know where to go with the knowledge that I am not as good as I want to be. It was about me dealing with a newly discovered issue, (as if I didn’t have enough already) and trying to figure out what to do about it. She just happened to be the person who cast the spotlight on the lesson. If it were one of our other much more experienced theater friends rather than my best friend, it wouldn’t be nearly as obvious that it was something I needed to realize and learn.

*

And I also realized, amazingly, I have never felt like I was in direct competition with anybody, much less someone who was my best friend. And it’s not like it is a direct competition between me and her, but the reality is this theater thing is somewhat of a competition and I’ve never really even been in ANY competition. I’ve never been in sports or really done anything that was individually competitive like this.  It’s just that I’m new to competition on the whole.

*

I’m really, really sorry, Mama T.  I’m new to all of this, and it’s no excuse, but I’m on the right track now.  Forgive me.  Love you bunches!

Until next time,

D.

 

 

After the Class Reunion… September 20, 2010

Members of the Class of 1990, Lone Grove High School, Lone Grove Oklahoma

(Originally written Sunday, Sept. 19, 2010)

Hello all.  I woke up early this morning despite the lateness of when I went to sleep last night.  I’m just… thinking so much!  I don’t know if I can put everything I’m feeling and thinking about into words.  I thought about getting up and going to church, but I have to get this down on paper.

*

Last night had a kind of surreal quality to me.  Like falling down a rabbit hole and going back in time.  But it’s better now than it was in high school because now there is a quality of love and friendship that had not had time to develop back then.  Maybe it sounds dorky or overdramatic, but I kind of fell in love last night.  I fell in love with us as a class and how close we still are, and how much we really do still mean to each other, how we can come together and have fun, so much fun, despite the years between visits.

*

For me personally, this morning I somehow feel more ALIVE, more wide open to the world of possibility!  It’s hard to explain, but last night there were people there who had always represented limitations for me- restrictions against doing or saying certain things because we were raised in the same religion.  Seeing them doing the exact things I had always felt I shouldn’t do for fear of their opinions or judgements… hugely, surprisingly liberating!  Maybe they limited themselves because of others’ opinions too.  Maybe they were a little concerned about what I thought.  (Well, I doubt that, but still, the idea is intriguing.)

*

Now the question remains, where do I go from here?  From the moment this year began, it was significant:  20 years removed from high school!  Are we having a reunion?  When is it?  Let’s PLAN!  I have put so much mental energy into this for so long and now it’s over.  But in between that, I have been working on this journey of self-discovery, trying to more fully develop who I am as a person:   I’ve been trying to improve my health and my body.  I could continue to focus on that.  I’ve been trying to improve my parenting, trying to help my kids be happy and prepare them for their own adult lives.  I could continue to focus on that.  I’ve been trying to define myself in a context of my religious and spiritual life, trying to identify just what it is I believe and then really live it.  I could continue to focus on that.  I’ve been searching for a direction in my career and my job, trying to discover what really, truly I was meant to do, something that fulfills me and makes me love working at it.  I could continue to focus on that.

*

Or I could find something new to try- take a painting or cooking class, join a club, research and plan a trip somewhere, design and landscape my back yard, write the next Great American Novel.  The possibilities are just too endless!

*

Last night for me was a revelation and a removing of some of the chains and shackles I have been carrying for a long, long time.  I can definitely say I’ve made progress, however insignificant it may seem.  For example, I wore sleeveless shirts both nights of this reunion.  In the past, I would have limited myself to something that covered my arms, but this time, I chose to wear something that made me feel beautiful. Amazingly simple, but a very big step for me.

*

I can say only this:  choosing the next step is going to be fun!  Oh, and this:  CLASS OF 90 RULZ!!! 🙂

*

Here is a new poem I wrote Saturday morning after the football game experience.  It’s how I’ve been feeling about this whole weekend.

Me reading my Class Reunion poem. Again!

Seeing Classmates After 20 Years

Staring in the mirror-

search deep in the reflection

in front of me.

Trying to understand myself,

wondering if I see what the others see.

Am I beautiful or ugly?

Am I brave or courageous or strong?

Do I inspire?  Do I uplift?

Am I getting it all right or getting it wrong?

Searching myself and questioning,

Where is this journey taking me?

Do others see the work I’m putting in

to get to a place where I’m not faking me?

I look in the mirror again,

for the first time resist the urge to criticize.

I see beauty and strength and amazingness,

and self-approval shining in my eyes.

DB- 9-18-10 — 10:13 a.m.

*

*

Until next time,

D.

 

3 Movies: What I Loved and Learned from Meryl, George, and Emily May 2, 2010

Hello all.   This weekend has been a pretty good one.  Because the other two are at Campfire camp, Daughter S. and I have been by ourselves since Friday after school.  Friday night we went out to eat at the local Italian place, Luigi’s, and rented movies.  The three movies we rented were all so different, and they made me think about a lot of different things that I wanted to share in this entry.

The first movie we watched was It’s Complicated, with Meryl Streep, Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin.   I really enjoyed this movie, because it was about a strong, independent woman taking chances and risks and doing what she needed to do to learn about herself and to discover how to be happy.  I could really relate.  I loved the parts where she was having dinner with her best friends and they could talk and share what they were doing in their lives, and be honest without fear of judgement.  I liked how the character of Jane took charge of her life and made the changes she wanted to make for herself and nobody else. 

The second movie we watched was called The Young Victoria.  It was a costume drama about Queen Victoria of England before and immediately after she first came to the throne.  Here again was a story of a strong, intelligent woman who could hold her own in a man’s world.  Emily Blunt played Victoria.  The movie had a lot of other great English actors in it, but that wasn’t the best part.  The part I liked best was how she made her own choices and stood by them, whether they were popular or not.  She knew that even if she made mistakes, they were her mistakes and she would own them.  I loved the passion between her and Prince Albert, how even though they were drawn together by outside forces, they were lucky enough to see each other for themselves and to fall in love on their own.  It also made me think about medicine and childbirth in that time period, because they had nine children!!  I’ve only had one child that wasn’t by c-section, and that was with an epidural.  I cannot imagine going through it nine times, with no pain relief, and no technology.  Even though she was the Queen and she probably had the absolute best care available at that time, I can’t imagine the strength she must have had!  And then the fact that amazed me was that their descendants have become the royal families of about 10 countries!  Just incredible.

The third movie I watched was Up In the Air starring George Clooney, Vera Farmiga, and Anna Kendrick.  This movie just depressed me and ticked me off.    It was about a clueless corporate guy who fires people for a living and gets his thrills from committment-free sex and the elite status of his ever-increasing air miles.  He was also a motivational speaker whose message was basically ‘Let go of everything and everybody in your life, keep yourself free of baggage, and you’ll be happy.  Yeah, you’ll die alone, but your life will have less crap in it.’  Then he gets all sentimental about this woman he’s been seeing and he tries to get more emotionally involved with her and the other people in his life, only to get kicked in the teeth by finding out she’s married and has a family.  Then he achieves his goal in life of racking up 10 MILLION air miles and it means absolutely nothing.  He can’t even remember why it was so important.

After this movie, I went to bed feeling. so. bad!  It was like nothing mattered.  I wanted to take my blog down, blow off the class reunion, tell all my friends to take a flying leap, never be a teacher again, give up on losing weight, and just throw in the towel on everything.  I don’t know exactly why I had this mood crash, but it was awful.  I just let it go and went to sleep, but this morning still woke up feeling blah. 

Today hasn’t at all gone the way I planned so far.  We’re missing church, partly because I waited too long to get up and get ready  because I was messing with blog stuff and messaging on Facebook, but also because Daughter S. had an allergy/sinus attack yesterday and today has a raging sore throat from the drainage.  I had planned to get up early and make it to Sunday School and enjoy going to church, just me and Daughter S., but I guess we can go tonight.

Anyway.  I think the only thing I can learn from this Movie Weekend experience is that I absolutely have to keep working on the things that matter.  I have to keep working on my weight loss, and keep up with my housecleaning, and keep working on trying to be a better parent, and especially keep believing in my writing and relationship dreams.  We all have baggage in life- we’re all going to have baggage.  But I can still be strong and independent, I can make my own choices and mistakes and own them and stand by them.  I can let go of the things that don’t matter, but not everything, because a life free of ties is no life at all.  It’s a drifting, pointless journey.  I don’t mind drifting, but I can’t handle pointless. 

Until next time,

D.

 

 
The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Shawn L. Bird

Original poetry, commentary, and fiction. All copyrights reserved.

Broadside

Smart and surprising

Mostly Bright Ideas

Some of these thoughts may make sense. But don't count on it.

Mad Scientist.Crazy Mom

Welcome to my laboratory: five kids on a farm

A Clean Surface.

simplicity, organization, inspiration, minimalism, humor...and reality

Princess Nebraska

If I am a princess in rags and tatters, I can be a princess inside. If would be easy to be a princess if I were dressed in a cloth of gold, but it is a great deal more of a triumph to be one all the time when no one knows it. -Frances Hodgson Burnett

She Likes Purple

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Crazy with a side of Awesome Sauce

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

musings of a madwoman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Glam-O-Mommy

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

happily ever me

a life in progress

Our Little Geekling

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." - Helen Keller

mighty maggie

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Writing Finger

Translations of Poetry from Galician and Spanish into English

The Better Man Project ™

a journey into the depths

An Unexplored Wilderness

A writer's journey