The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Trying Something New. Well, Sort Of. August 25, 2014

Filed under: Weight Woes — DDKlingonGirl @ 9:41 am
Tags: , , ,

Hello all.  Hope everyone is having a beautiful day.  Mine is looking pretty good so far, because I have made a choice to try something and see how it works out.  So you know a while back, I posted that ‘rah-rah cheerleading, never give up, weight loss is a battle, no butt prints in the sand, go team’ post? Well, I haven’t exactly stayed on the straight and narrow I intended to stay on since that post.  I have tried, but it hasn’t really been a consistent success.  Basically, I track and watch my points the first few days after the Weight Watchers meetings, but then the weekend hits and I turn into a Tasmanian Devil. 

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So anyway, several years ago I did Atkins for about a year.  I was very successful- I lost nearly 100 lbs in one calendar year.  Looking back it seemed pretty easy, except for the part where my family will never ever let me live down that “low-carb” pecan pie I tried to make for Thanksgiving.  Remind me to tell you that story sometime.  But basically I thought maybe I’d try that again.  I’m not cancelling my WW membership, and I’m going to keep going to the meetings, but I’m going to see if I can do a sort of mash-up low-carb/points tracking thing and  see how it goes. 

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I went to WalMart today and bought a few things to get started with, and when I arrived at work, I made me some cheap imitation Bulletproof coffee (cheap imitation with the exception of the imported Kerrygold Irish butter- nom nom!), and a “coffee mug in the microwave” egg-whites dish involving provolone cheese and Canadian bacon. Now my little tummy feels very full and satisfied, and I am quite pleased.  Now, though, comes the part where we see how the WW points will accumulate.  Since I’ve gained so much weight back, I have a pretty high points allowance, so I think I can do this without too much deprivation.  Drumroll please……………………………………. The points total is:  9!  Yes! I can totally work with that. 

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I also started a new blog.  It’s private for now, but I’m using it as a journal.  Maybe soon I will share it as a co-blog to this one.  It’s called the Low Carb Chronicles of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman. Yeah, I thought you’d like that.  So.  Wish me all the best in this endeavor, and for now I will leave you with a totally un-weight-related Monday rant: 

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People, please.  Do not ride other people’s butts when they’re going slow in the passing lane.  It’s just rude.  And it’s dangerous.  If they get ticked off and decide to tap their brakes just to teach you a lesson, you’re going to wish you’d been just a little more patient.  All it does is make you look like a jerk.  So, as my father used to like to say when he was teaching us to drive, “Just hang back and go easy.”  In fact I think I’ll make that my motto for the day.  Sounds like a good way to handle The Monday. Peace out, y’all! 

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Until next time,

D.

 

Regarding A Weight Loss Journey- Almost Epiphanies March 20, 2012

Hello all!  So today I realized something about the whole ‘struggling with Weight Watchers‘ thing.  Maybe I’m a little slow on the uptake and I should have realized this a while back.  But here it is.  I’ve been doing this for more than two years.  I have been going to meetings.  Every Tuesday.  For two years.  I haven’t skipped a weigh-in unless I was out of town.  In two years.  The first year, I had wild success.  Crazy wild.  Lost like 80 lbs.  Second year, mild success- lost about half that.  But for the last few months, I have basically just been maintaining my weight, gaining and losing within the same 5 lb. range.  And for much of the time I’ve been on this journey, but especially in the last several months, I notice that every time I weigh in, my day (and perhaps even the rest of my week) is shaped by what happens at the scale.  If I have a loss, everything is good and I am in control and life is fabulous.  If I have a gain, everything is horrible, I am out of control, can’t handle any part of my life, and my entire existence is just plain awful.  HELLO?!  What is wrong with this picture?

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Because I have been doing this for so long, (and because the success I have had at WW has been the main thing I have felt successful at in the last two years) I seem to have let my entire self-worth as a human being, my entire perception of what makes me good or bad, become wrapped up in what number pops up on the scale on Tuesday mornings!  Sure, I have enjoyed seeing the clothing sizes drop, enjoyed being given hand-me-downs from people I always think of as much smaller than me and being able to fit into them, enjoyed shopping for clothes, finding things off the rack, and looking darn good in them, enjoyed being able to accomplish certain physical feats like my 2 (count them – two!) 5k mud runs.  But for some reason I cannot fathom, I keep going back to judging myself by  weight loss or gain alone and using those numbers as medieval weapons like spikes and cudgels to beat myself to a pulp with!  Why?!

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I don’t really have an answer to that last question, but maybe

Human

Human (Photo credit: Gramicidin)

the discovery of that fact is a step toward ending the pattern.  I need to keep in mind all the different aspects of the things I have accomplished and resist the urge to reduce them to cold numbers that don’t really show the whole picture.  Just this moment, I realized also that I use my food choices as weapons to beat myself down with, too.  As in when I eat healthy foods, (or eat any food in an appropriate amount!) I’m acceptable as a human being, but when I eat unhealthy foods or over-partake of any food, I am a spineless slacker who has no control or self-discipline.  Is that true of me?  Of course not.  I have clearly demonstrated some amount of control during the last two years to have lost over one hundred and twenty pounds.  I have clearly demonstrated some measure of strength to get up at 5:00 a.m. for months on end and go to exercise classes, and to compete in two strenuous athletic competitions like the Dirty 30 and the Fitness Freak Race .  So what is it about food that presents such a big stinkin’ challenge?

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Unfortunately, I have no answer for that one either.  All I know is, I have to figure out how on God’s green earth, to LOVE myself, to appreciate and value and embrace myself, in all my flawed glory, no matter what I weigh.  And this too is true:  “We ain’t what we should be.  We ain’t what we gonna be.  But at least, we ain’t what we WAS!”

 

Until next time,

D.

 

Recovering From a Slump with Crumb Crunchers, Casseroles, and Classics! June 14, 2010

Hello all.  Ok, people, I’m going to try really hard to say something entertaining here.  It’s just that I’ve recently been coming up empty in the writing department.  I know anybody who’s written longer than five minutes has suffered from this syndrome, but I usually don’t have so much trouble!   

It’s not just my writing that’s suffered.  I haven’t been doing much of anything lately.  Not sure why. Ever since school has been out, it seems like I do nothing except go to work, come home, check the Facebook, and then stick my nose in a book of some sort.  (I’ll tell you about that in a moment.)  Occasionally I fix supper for the crumb-crunchers.  Other times I tell them to go scrounge around and find something for themselves. 

Speaking of the children, it seems they have recently been on a mission to drive me completely insane.  Saturday when I was at work, they all got in a big fight, even though one of them had just that day gotten home from being away for a WEEK at church camp.  I made the mistake of buying them a secondhand PS2 and some games from a customer at work, and they couldn’t agree on who got to play it.  So after much ugliness and crying and foul language, after Grandma had to come over and administer beatings upon their backsides, I grounded them for two weeks from the video games and made them write notes to Grandma apologizing for ruining her day. (Her 40th anniversary, which already had to stink, because Dad was on his way home from out of town and she was in between 12-hour shifts at Uniroyal (Michelin) tire plant. Then she had to go referee rotten grandkids who told her they hated her when she spanked them.  So yeah.) 

Aside from the Saturday incident, they have been ok.  They’re leaving to go spend a few days at their father’s house tomorrow.  Not sure how long they’ll stay.  Until they get sick of it, I imagine.  I’m anticipating they’ll be there 3 or 4 days.  Their dad would be happy if they stayed for a week, but he knows Daughter S. well enough to know she’s too much of a homebody for that. And once she decides it’s time to end the visit, she pretty much gets her way and the other two have no choice but to go home with her. 

Tomorrow is my Weight Watchers meeting.  Joy.  We’ll see how I do, but I am trying not to have any expectations whatsoever.  I’ve tried to be good at home, but we had a church dinner yesterday, and let me just say we have some great cooks at our church.  I tried to eat mostly vegetables, but this being The South, the vegetables in question were prepared with plenty of extra added fat.  Like bacon in the green beans, carrots and potataoes soaked in the juice of the roast they were accompanying, peas prepared ‘en salade’  (pea salad with boiled eggs and mayo in it), and a beautiful broccoli and cauliflower salad that had red, yellow and green peppers in it, as well as celery, and which was dressed in some kind of Italian-type dressing that was probably not fat-free.  There was also Grandma Pat’s Very Famous and Well-Loved Poppyseed Chicken Casserole and Mrs. Neill’s Legendary, Textbook Perfect Nestle Tollhouse Cookies.  Lord, I love church dinners!

So anyway.  Not sure what to expect on the scale tomorrow, because although I think I’ve been pretty good overall, I’m not sure because I’ve failed to consistently track what I’ve eaten and know my points levels.  I’m going to have to get back on it super strict tomorrow, but I also have another Class Reunion planning meeting tomorrow night after work.  At a restaurant called Catfish Corner.   I think this is a conspiracy. 

As for the books I’ve been reading… well, I made the mistake of going to Hastings with the kids the other night.  Hastings is a place from which I rarely, if ever, emerge without having bought at least two or three new books.  On this occasion I purchased the Stephanie Meyer novella The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner, a companion to the Twilight Saga.  AND…. I bought myself a new copy of an old classic and have been basically worthless ever since because it takes so long to read and I can’t do anything until I’ve finished it.  Between last Wednesday night and last night (Sunday) I re-read Gone With The Wind for the millionth time!  I bought the cheapest paperback copy they had, which I kind of regret, because it wasn’t a great edition.  There were a lot of words I noticed had been changed, and the foreword was mostly pointless.  I tried to start reading it out loud to Daughter S. because I read her most of the Harry Potter books and it’s been something we’ve enjoyed doing together, even though she’s perfectly capable of reading for herself.  Unfortunately though, she bailed after the first chapter and said it was boring.  We’ll see if I can drag her back and make her listen to a little more and give it a chance. 

So that’s an update, and a desperate attempt to just jump in and get back in the blogging habit before I lose it completely.  I’ve got one daughter starting driver’s ed in a couple of weeks- that should provide PLENTY of material!

Until next time,

D.

 

Let Summer Begin! May 31, 2010

Filed under: Kid Kraziness — DDKlingonGirl @ 9:55 am
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Hello all.  Somebody tell me again why I was in a hurry for Summer to get here?  I can’t remember.  I’m used to quiet mornings alone, writing or doing whatever I want around the house.  This morning I got up, and within five minutes, two of the kids are up and in the living room with me.  Within five minutes after that, Daughter S. has the PS3 controller in her hands, and is about to start playing her ‘Avatar’ game.  Well actually, she’s online using the PS3, and she has found a “translator” site to translate English to Na’vi, the language of the natives on ‘Avatar.’   She told me last night she wants a t-shirt she saw online somewhere that says “I’m With Stupid” in Na’vi.   I wonder if they have a shirt that says “Where Did My Sanity Go?”  I’m going to need that soon, I think.

But maybe not.  This week will be a super-short week at work. (Hallelujah!)  We’re off work today for Memorial Day and I’m taking off Friday and Saturday for the Family Reunion.  We’re going to be at Canyon Lake, Texas, which is where my grandpa lives.  For past reunions we’ve reserved the group camp at Potter’s Creek, but an attempt to do something different this time resulted in a snafu, and now we’re using some facility closer to town that has a meeting room, a game room, and a pool.  As for accomodations, I’m not sure exactly where we’ll land.  Mom was going to book us a room or a rent house, but when my dad got sick she didn’t get it done, so maybe we’re going to just be sleeping in the floor at Grandpa’s.  Sounds restful, doesn’t it?

Actually, very little about this weekend is likely to be restful.  We have to leave at about 7:30 in the morning on Friday.  It’s about a 6 or 8 hour drive down there, through Dallas, Austin, Waco, all the fun places to drive.  My sister and cousin and I are supposed to be making the food, and I don’t have a clue what we’re doing!  Dad is making brisket, which is his usual speciality.  Mom and I have discussed the food, but I was only half paying attention. 

The thing I was talking about a couple of posts back when I said the week would be difficult was that Daughter S. was going to go to Grandpa’s early with my dad to help clean Grandpa’s house and get things ready for the reunion.  This was going to leave Daughter J. and The Boy alone together during the day from Tuesday through Thursday.  Not a great idea.  Sometimes they get along ok, but most of the time, these two children get along like they want to kill each other!  J. can’t get The Boy to do what she tells him to, and he yells and fights with her, and she sinks to his level and starts hitting, and they accomplish nothing.  I was thoroughly dreading leaving the two of them alone if Daughter S. went to Grandpa’s house early.  Now it seems that S. has backed out, so I guess we’ll all be ok and there will be no bloodshed this week. 

Now all three kids are up and they’re watching cat videos on YouTube.  Something called ‘Caturday’ that is both funny and stupid.  This post has been brought to you by “I think I’m losing my touch and may never say another funny thing in the rest of my life!” 

Until next time,

D.

 

 
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One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

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