The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Indecisions September 4, 2013

Filed under: Stupidness! — DDKlingonGirl @ 9:28 am
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This is a "thought bubble". It is an...

Hello all.  You know, sometimes I really drive myself nuts.  Ok, maybe more often than sometimes.  But today I am really struggling with two things.  One of them kind of speaks to my tendency to have these big ideas and plans and then when the plans are set in motion I start to feel like I don’t want to do them anymore, which could be seen as a function of my manic phases.  Then there is another thing that is just a general decision I need to make, and I can’t decide whether to think long term or short term.  Or something.  Here’s the scoops.

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The first one is the whole literacy tutor volunteer thing.  I signed up for the original workshop thinking that the training I received would be enough to get me certified to teach ESL overseas if I decided I wanted to do that someday.  I have thought about it a lot, but I don’t think I have really, seriously, thought about it, about the distance and logistics and MONEY and all the other things involved.  But I wanted at least to have the training in place, just in case the opportunity ever presented itself.  So I went to the workshop, which was less a workshop and more an introductory information session.  I filled out the volunteer form, scheduled the required training, and so forth.  I have gone to two small training sessions and I have the BIG training scheduled for this Saturday.  The problem?  The lady in charge of the tutors called me yesterday and wanted me to give her days and times I am available to teach TWO 2-hour classes per week.  She wanted evenings, from like 5-7pm.

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Ok, first of all, classes??  I was looking at this as a one-on-one tutoring situation with an individual learner.  The idea of even hinting that this is a classroom situation makes me start squirming and backing for the door.  I have a bad history when it comes to classroom teaching.  In short, it scares the bejeebers out of me.

Secondly, as I mentioned in my last post, they want the students to get two hours, twice a week.  I am going to have to cut work hours to be able to do this, and it comes at a really bad time because I am already needing more money than I have coming in each week even with a full 40-hour check.  So that is a problem.

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The other thing is a decision I need to make that also ties into the money situation, but it is actually a lot more important because it has to do with health.  A few months ago, I had something going on health-wise that I thought needed checked out.  I tried to get into the “poor people” clinic, but in order to get in, I had to have applied and been denied for this low-cost (I guess) insurance they have here in Oklahoma, called InsureOklahoma.  So I applied, and naturally I qualified.  So I went ahead and signed up for the insurance and have been paying for it for about 3 months, but still haven’t gone and gotten checked out what I needed checked out.  I don’t think it’s anything critical, based on what I have read about it on various medical websites, but I don’t think I can afford it and still pay for my son’s school, too.  (NOTE:  Taking him out of this school and sending him back to public school around here is NOT an option.  It’s just not.)  So I am thinking maybe I should just cancel the insurance.  But I really don’t want to die of some hideous disease I could have prevented if I hadn’t been so cheap.

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I am just basically stressing out.  I don’t know what is the best thing to do in either of these situations.  I really don’t want to inconvenience the literacy volunteer coordinator, but I also can’t really afford to lose work hours at this point.  And I think probably what I should do about the other situation is to call my doctor and make an appointment for a check-up for the thing I needed checked out, and if everything turns out good there, THEN I will cancel the insurance.

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Well, I just emailed the coordinator and explained the situation.  I hated to do it, but there was just no way to fit in the amount of time they needed without missing work.  I’m kind of getting teary-eyed now, but I had to do what would be best for my family and not add to my stress level.  Now I just have to call a doctor and make an appointment to get checked out for the other thing, which I still really can’t afford, insurance or no insurance, but which really, really needs to be done, for the reason I stated above- I don’t want to die because I was cheap.  If you think about it, pray for me.

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Until next time,

D.

 

EDITED TO ADD:  I just took a step to solve the other problem as well.  I have a doctor appointment for 2:15 tomorrow.  Proud of myself.  Those big-girl undies feel kinda good. 🙂

 

Loving Life In No Uncertain Terms! August 8, 2013

My favorite piece of art by one of my talented new theater friends!

Hello all.  Have you ever been at a point in life where everything just seems to be right?  I am there.  I am just so in love with my life right now!  It’s actually pretty scary.  If you’re a regular reader, you all know I auditioned for community theater, was cast in the chorus of Les Miserables, and proceeded to have the most amazing, life-changing summer I have ever had.  I met some incredible, talented, fun, beautiful people, fell in love a time or two, learned about myself, and discovered a new passion.  But honestly, that’s just the beginning!

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I also recently saw a billboard that may turn out to be life-changing as well.  It was a call for volunteers to attend a workshop to learn to be literacy tutors and ESL teachers.  I was immediately intrigued, but I didn’t get the number down the first time I saw the ad; I had to wait a few days until the next time I passed the billboard at the right time, but finally I got the number and called.  I have always been intrigued by the possibility of teaching ESL (English as a Second Language) overseas.  I used to work in a shipping/postal store, and we served a lot of customers who were ESL teachers overseas, coming in to ship things to their foreign addresses when they were getting ready to go back over.  I always tried to get as much information from them as I could, and frequently in fact, talked their ears off!  (It was the same with anybody who had anything to do with Alaska!  And Lord help them if they knew about both!)

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So this workshop is coming up on August 10th, and it is just the first step in what could become a new direction in my life.  But in addition to that, there is the oft-mentioned The Blathering, a blogging meet-up I am attending in Charleston the first week in October.  I will be rooming with some incredible writers and meeting even more, and I couldn’t be more excited about that.  I’ve never been to Charleston before, but have always wanted to, and my roommates and I are already planning to take plantation tours, ghost tours, and all kinds of super fun stuff.  Who wouldn’t be excited about that?!

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And if all goes well, the trip to Charleston will occur in the middle of rehearsals for the next community theater play, a new production called The Secrets of the Buttermilk Hotel.  I plan to audition in late September, and several of the Les Mis cast are already getting excited about potentially being in Buttermilk together.  I have to say, the newfound camaraderie with the Les Mis cast is absolutely one of the most fun things about life right now.  We are always goofing around on Facebook, posting pictures of our shenanigans, making plans to do more projects together, and plotting our reunions!  I just literally could never have imagined how much the decision to be brave and audition for a community theater summer musical could change my existence.  And the amazing thing is, I’m not the only one!  There were many others in the cast for whom this summer was a transformative, life-changing experience.  It has also opened doors with regard to my writing.  One of the cast (who, incidentally, co-wrote and will be directing Buttermilk) asked me to adapt some of my entries from the blog here into an article about being a theater newbie who overcame fear and insecurity to try something new and benefitted hugely from it.

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Thankfully, all the good things are not just about me.  We have found a new school that has already made a huge difference in the life of my son, who up to this point has hated school with a passion and struggled mightily, even though he is bright and inquisitive.  He attended their summer program and made a great deal of encouraging progress.  He starts in a couple of weeks and is actually looking forward to it, which is a miracle!

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The sad part (you had to know there would be one) is that when life is this good, I often have to fight a tendency to be afraid, to wonder what hideous bad thing is going to happen that will ruin all of this for me, or at least put a serious damper on it.  I don’t like that about myself, but that is just how I seem to operate.  But it gives me a good opportunity to work on strengthening my faith, to remind myself that I can get through all things with God’s help.  In life, like in theater, Attitude is Everything!  Every night of the show, we had a motto from our director; it was Latin, and loosely translated, meant “We Dare to Be Great!”  All we have to do is keep that in the forefront of our minds and keep plowing forward, enjoying the moment and having faith that there is nothing that can’t be overcome.

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Until next time,

D.

 

 
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