Y’all, I live in a state of emotional bungee jumping. If you’ve been reading me longer than five minutes you know this, and today is one of those days. Today is a day where my body feels like nothing so much as leashed power. Like if you could stick the right electrodes on me I could power a small city. Today is one of those days where I want to do things like go climb mountains with Sherpas. Do meditative yoga at sunrise with a bunch of monks in a temple somewhere. Kiss my soul mate at midnight on New Year’s Eve at the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris. Make love on a bearskin rug in front of a blazing fire in a snowbound cabin in Alaska.
It all started when I was awakened at about 3:30 this morning by the noise from the living room where one of the cats was attempting to violate a package of cookies the kids left in there. I got up and took it away from her and put it in the fridge. Then of course I couldn’t get back to sleep. I just lay there and tossed and turned and flipped and flopped. I killed a little time doing some exercises. (Yes, you can exercise while lying in bed.) I did some leg lifts and butt squeezes and crunch-ish things, some arm presses against the wall over my head. Stuff like that.
By the time I got bored with that, it was about to get light outside. I decided it had been a while since I’d watched a sunrise, so I rolled over and pulled the curtain back from the window and started watching the darkness lighten. There was only one star in my view and it was a great big bright one. I decided I’d watch it continuously until it got so light I couldn’t see it anymore and see how long it took. This was about 6:30.
So I lay there and held the curtain back and just watched. The light crept upward and the star I watched got smaller and dimmer. A couple of times I took my eyes off it and thought it had gone, but then I’d find it again. Finally, it just disappeared. It was 7:18 a.m. The sun still wasn’t actually up. And I started thinking about how that star is still there, and when I go to bed again, if I look out the window, there it will be. Some things are always there whether you see them (and acknowledge them) or not.
So when I wrote all the above, I was flopped across my bed with Clairol #43 on my hair, scribbling furiously across the back of a transcript of something I printed out and brought home from work. Now I am AT work, and today is what I might call Fashion Experiment Day. I was in the mood to do something different, so I’m wearing a rather blindingly bright neon yellow A-line thing (it’s either an oversized shirt or a short dress) over white pants, with robin’s egg blue ballet flats. Dabbling in color makes me happy.
Yesterday was my twin daughters’ 19th birthday. I wanted to do a long, mushy post about how amazing and wonderful and fabulous they are, but I got busy at work and didn’t get around to it. But let me just say that they are two of the brightest spots in my universe, and I don’t know what I would do without them. They represent all I ever wanted from the time I was in middle school: to be a mom. I understand now that there’s a lot more in the world to be experienced than just having babies, and if I could do it over again, I would probably go do some of that other stuff first, but make no mistake: I would not trade those two amazing young women for all the baguettes in France or all the monks in Tibet. Happy Birthday, my girls!
Until next time,