The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Big Dreams and Near Horizons April 30, 2018

Hello all!  This has been a crazy year and I have really fallen off the habit of updating this blog.  With any luck, maybe I can improve upon that.  Let’s see.  Where to start?

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One of the biggest things that has been going on has actually just concluded.  Last night was the final performance of the final show of the season for my local community theatre, and * I * was the director!  The show was called Ripcord.  It was about two little old ladies who live in a senior center and share a room.  One of them is bitter and jaded and cranky, and the other is perpetually perky, chirpy and talkative.  The cranky one wants the room to herself (of course) and the perky one just wants the bed by the window.  They decide to make a bet.  If Cranky Abby can make Chirpy Marilyn mad, she wins.  If Marilyn can make Abby scared, she wins.  They begin to pull all kinds of pranks on each other to win the bet and achieve their ends.  It’s a wonderful script, and it was a wonderful show.

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The experience started with auditions back in mid-March and ended last night with the final performance and set strike (arguably the least enjoyable part of community theatre, or any theatre, from what I understand).  I was blessed to be able to cast a bunch of really talented people, and also had some VERY talented set designers and light designers.  They helped me out every step of the way and I couldn’t have done it without them.

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I expected to be emotional at the end.  You know, to cry during the final bows of the closing performance, but I didn’t.  The only time I cried was actually the second night, when they had had an exceptional performance and a great audience, and I cried during one pivotal scene and during the final bows that night.  Last night, all I felt was pride and relief.  People keep asking me if I’m going to do it again, and even though there were moments when I said “NEVER AGAIN!” I will probably end up doing it if the right show comes along.  I expect that to take a long time though, and I would really like to try to be back ON stage again first.  Right now, though, I feel too fat and unattractive to be onstage, and I don’t plan to audition again until I lose more than a few pounds, which leads me to one of the next big things I have hopefully coming up this year.

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Since I returned to teaching, I found out that our insurance covers weight loss surgery.  I have been contemplating doing that for a long time now.  Within the next month I am planning to start the process toward surgery and will hopefully be having the procedure done in September or sometime in the fall.  I’m not sure which procedure it will be; it all depends on what the doctor recommends.  In the meantime, I have something REALLY special to look forward to, and it is one of the biggest dreams I have had for many years.

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The Boy and I are going to Alaska!  Yes, indeedy, we have a vacation planned to Alaska in June.  I haven’t been back since I worked there in the summer of 2015 (one of my most amazing adventures EVER!) and now that I will have some free time in the summer, I’ve saved some funds and I’m taking at least ONE of my kids and showing him the most beautiful and awesome place in the world!  I’m SO looking forward to it.  I can’t wait to show him the places I went and the things I got to do.  I’m just really praying we have a great time.  I have so much planned!

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That is, of course, all depending on surviving the last few weeks of school.  I totally expect to be fine, but these final days of the school year will be challenging.  The kids get restless, the schedule gets busy and packed with interruptions, and the days get hotter.  I know I won’t have too many difficulties, and if I do, at least I have some big things to look forward to, and one big thing to look back on, and hopefully that will keep my head above water.

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With that, I need to get back to lesson planning.  So many things to anticipate, it’s hard to keep my focus, but the only way to get to where I want to go is to pass through where I am.

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Until next time,

D.

 

Teaching, Directing, And Other New Adventures July 22, 2017

Hello all!  What a hot, hot day here in my world.  So much has been going on lately, it’s quite crazy.

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First of all, I think I have probably posted before about going back to college, getting my degree after 30, my one year of teaching, the tornado, the house fire, how difficult it all was, and how I survived and grew stronger, but I didn’t really think I’d ever be able to teach again?  Well… I wouldn’t have believed it, but the Universe had other plans.  An opportunity arose, I seized it, and now I am the new 10th grade English teacher at my hometown high school!!  It’s almost miraculous, honestly.  I would probably never have gotten the chance without the help of a couple of amazing women and outstanding teachers, my friends D.B and D.J.  Between the two of them, they made me aware of the opportunity, encouraged me to go for it, prepared me for it, put in good words for me, and are helping make my first year back in about nine years easier by leaving a road map of lesson plans and complete units for me to use.  I am excited and nervous, and scared and thrilled and determined and ready.  I just pray so hard that I do a good job and make a difference in my students’ lives!!

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Theatre things are also cooking along like crazy.  I am now not only on the Board of Directors for the theatre, I’m the VP.  That in itself would be amazing for me, but on top of that, in their wisdom or insanity, I’m never sure which, my fellow board members voted to allow me to direct a show in the next season!  I’ll be directing a small cast play in March and April, called Ripcord by David Lindsay-Abaire. I am so, so looking forward to it, and I am so amazed and thrilled they gave me a chance.  In other news, the theatre is doing Oklahoma! this summer.  It has already opened and has five performances left.  I am planning to see it tonight and I’m sure it will be wonderful.

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Theatre is bittersweet for me now, in a lot of ways. It is one of those places where the faces stay the same but the relationships ebb and flow, and someone you felt close to in one show may feel like a stranger in the next.  Or you may feel you fit in, and then feel like a stranger peeping in the window of your own living room.  I miss certain people who used to be part of it all, and I miss feeling like I am close to the heart of it.  Oddly, I became VP and immediate began to struggle with my enthusiasm for it, in the face of changing friendships and allegiances.  But I suspect that’s normal.

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I’m really looking forward to tonight, though.  As I said, the theatre is doing Oklahoma! this summer and my mom and I are taking my 90 year old grandfather.  I think he will very much enjoy the show.  I was supposed to be shadowing the director on this one, learning and preparing for my directorial debut, but after I got the school job, everything else in my mind just kind of jumped into the backseat and I gradually faded out of the show.

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Also, my son has had a rough summer.  He did some summer school, which he hated, but he has also been struggling with his moods and emotions, and it has been difficult.  We struggle on a daily basis to be able to see his path and his future, and it is… well, difficult.  He is just not your average bear, and we have a hard time knowing what to do with him.

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Clearly I have a million things occupying my mind, so much so that sometimes, like now, when I want to be able to SAY something, my brain is nothing but drowsiness and white noise.  OH!  I have also been doing my best to plan another trip back to Alaska, AKA The Mother Ship.  If all goes well in school this year and I am rehired for next year, I am taking The Boy and myself, and we are going to the Great Northern Frontier, and we are going to have many, many adventures.  No matter what!

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I think maybe that’s all for now.  I’m going to do my best to write more often here.  Maybe I’ll find something worth saying.

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Until Next Time,

D.

 

So Far, So Good! January 6, 2017

Hello, all!  Well, one week into 2017.  How’s it looking?  Things are ok in general, I think.  We got some rare winter weather here, which basically means the roads are like a skating rink after dark.  I was on my way home from work a minute ago, didn’t realize how slick it was, lost control and slammed sideways into a curb on the right side.  Scuffed both my rims pretty good, but if there was any tire damage I couldn’t tell it.  SIGH!!

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I’m pretty concerned for my children.  They decided it was a good day to go to the movies.  And when they got out of the movies they found it necessary to stop by Wal-Mart for a minute.  This is disconcerting.  I hope and pray Daughter S. doesn’t have any trouble driving.  If she kills her car she is going to be distraught.  Daughter J. already doesn’t have a car.  She ran her engine out of oil some time ago and has been riding the Mom Taxi ever since.  SIGH again!!

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So in my last post I talked about goals and projects for the new year.  You know, like everyone does.  I didn’t really outline any major plans at that time, but I thought I would share the ones that I came up with after I posted.  In 2017 I am working on the following:

1: Every day I am going to do some form of purposeful exercise, even if it’s tiny. It may be 20 pushups, or 50 leg lifts, or even just lying in the floor breathing from my abdomen with a heavy book on my stomach (a voice lessons thing).  Someday I may feel like doing something more substantial, but for right now that is all I can muster.

2: Every day I am going to drink at least a gallon of water.  I started that the day after Christmas and I have done well.  It definitely seemed to have a positive effect on my Weight Watchers efforts.  My inspiration was something like this:

daily-gallon-water-jug

3:  Every day I am going to take one item, no matter how large or small, from my garage to the trash.  I can’t tackle my garage all in one day.  It’s just a given.  Sometimes I come home from work on Saturday and feel like working on it, and I’ll open the garage door, start dragging things out into the driveway, attempting to sort and organize and cull… and after a few hours my energy disappears and all have done is rearrange the chairs on the Titanic, and I give up and shove it all back in and shut the door down.  So I figure if I take one thing out every single day of the year, by the end I will have made some real progress.  As a side note, I discovered it is super easy to donate things to the new Goodwill store we have here.  I’ve already unloaded one big bag of clothes in 2017 and it’s only the first week.  So I figure if I donate a bag or a box a week, along with the one item a day from garage to trash, I’m golden.  I’ll have a clean garage by this time next year.  I hope.

4:  I’m also going to try really hard to take better care of myself, health and beauty-wise. My mom has always been really good about that. She washed her face, brushed her teeth, and put on her Oil of Olay or whatever, with the result that there was a particular smell to “Bedtime Mom” when she came in to tell us goodnight: Listerine and Moisturizer.  Unfortunately, I’ve never been one of those “nightly beauty ritual” girls.  Truthfully, there have been evenings I’ve slept in my stage makeup.  I know, it’s a horrible habit.  So I don’t wash my face every night, or put lotion on my dry cracky feet, or mani-pedi, or any of that stuff.  Half the time I don’t even brush my teeth before bed.  So this year I am going to work on all of that, right down to my toenails.

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All of this is on top of the continuing Weight Loss Saga, as well as the ever-present search for Love and Truth and Answers From The Cosmos, and also trying to learn everything I can from my theater stuff so I will be ready to direct in the next couple of seasons.  I don’t know what I want to direct; I just know I want to do it.  I believe I can.  I would really like to write something for our theatre to produce, and then direct it myself.  That would be the ultimate.  I just don’t have any good ideas yet.

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For now, my most important goal is to not crash my car on my way to work in the morning.  And holding my breath until the kids get home from town.  Everybody be safe out there!

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Until next time,

D.

P.S.  The kids just pulled in the driveway.  Whew!!!

 

 

 
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One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Shawn L. Bird

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