The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Stream of Consciousness Rambling. With a Soundtrack. October 11, 2012

Hello all.

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Ok, so right now, here’s how I’m feeling:  restless.  I’m at work, and I’m all caught up, and I’m completely alone in the building, and I’m bored senseless.  I’m listening to my iTunes (yes, in a church building.  Currently I’m hearing “What Doesn’t Kill You (Makes You Stronger)” and desk-dancing to it)  I’m dying to text someone and check in to say hi.  Almost anyone will do at this point.

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Man, I wish I could dance.  My favorite self-disparaging remark on my dancing talent is that I move like the Tin Man getting electrocuted.  I’m listing to “Dynomite” now, and I’d love to be up and moving instead of sitting here typing and tapping my toe and bobbing my head and shoulders.  That’s about the extent of my rhythmic abilities.

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Next up, “Firework.”  I would so love to sing this one at karaoke.  And I think I will, eventually.  We’re having karaoke at the next family reunion if I have to sell a kidney on the black market.  At least I can sing here at work.  It goes over a lot better in an empty church building than behind the counter at the register at the UPS Store.  (That’s where I worked before, and where I plan on spending a few Saturdays leading up to Christmas.  Extra funds for gifts for the spoiled rotten offspring, you know.)

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I actually love the freedom of this job.  I can come in and leave whenever I want.  I can bring my kid with me and homeschool him.  I can listen to music and sing, and hope someone doesn’t come down the hall and surprise me making a fool of myself.  As long as I get my tasks done and don’t do anything sinful in the process, they don’t care.  I literally write and sign my own paycheck.  It’s actually kinda weird.

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And finally, we’re hearing “Fire Burning” by Sean Kingston.  This is another one I’d kill to be able to dance to, no kidding.  Maybe I ought to just check into lessons or something.

A Different Church Building

A Different Church Building (Photo credit: justshootingmemories) Our building looks a little like this.

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Ok, well, must go now, because my co-worker/boss will be here shortly and requires my assistance to follow him over to the tire shop and give him a ride back over here, so I’d better go clean out my embarrassing car.  The inside isn’t even the most embarrassing part.  The worst part is the horrible screeching grinding sound my brakes are making continuously, even when I’m not braking.  I really need that looked at, but I can’t afford it right now.  Y’all can pray they don’t fail at the most inopportune moment and get me killed.

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Thanks for listening to my ramble along with my dance party playlist.  More later.  Holla! 🙂

Until next time,

D.

 

 

I Don’t Know Where I’m Going, But I’m Making Good Time December 27, 2011

Royal Caribbean's Freedom of the Seas luxury c...

Image via Wikipedia

Hello all.  Ok, so some of you might think that I’ve been taken back to my home planet or that I’ve run off and joined the French Foreign Legion (an expression of my Dad’s) or that I’ve become a goatherder at the top of some mountain somewhere.  Nope.  None of you are right, but thanks for playing.  The truth of the matter is… life is just busy, peeps!  What with everybody’s favorite ready-made excuse for everything, the Holidays (shudder) and changing jobs and all, things have just gotten away from me.  But here’s the deal:  I’m going to try.. TRY to start updating more often.  Shorter posts, more to the point.  I mean you guys don’t have to know every detail of what’s on my mind, just the highlights, right?

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With that in mind, the new job is going great.  Things got smoothed out fine with my old boss.  Misunderstanding.  All good now.  Crazy co-worker, not so much.  She sent me a Christmas card with a sort of perfunctory apology for all the junk that’s gone on between us, saying she missed me and she wanted us to still be friends.  And I said, “Whaa…?!”  So I wrote her a little Christmas card, which I also did for everyone there, and I included a little letter that said, in effect, that I accepted her apology, but she needed to know how she had made me feel most of this past year.  I basically thanked her for making the environment there miserable enough to push me to get out of my comfort zone and try to find another job (which wasn’t hard, because this one just sort of fell into my lap) because I am much happier where I am now.  I ended by telling her I hoped that she found something that made her happy and joyful, and that she was a good homemaker and a great mom, both of which are true.  Overall, best response I could have made?  Probably not, but she needed to know that “Sorry” doesn’t fix everything.  I am definitely happier with where I work now, so that’s all that matters.

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Job-related happiness aside, the children are causing all sorts of emotional turmoil for me at this point.  The girls are graduating in May, which is just one of those “Where have I been the last 18 years?” things.  You wake up one day and realize your job is almost finished, and you hope like crazy that you did it well enough.  Thankfully, I’ve still got…The Boy.  He is enough of a challenge to keep me busy for another three lifetimes.  His educational issues and mood issues and social issues, or rather teaching him to function in society despite those issues, is going to be the focus of my life for the next 10 years at least.  Getting him through high school alive and finding him a direction in life is going to be my main goal.

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Despite the challenges in raising them, the kids are a lot of fun.  We had an awesome 18th birthday party for the girls.  We hired a karaoke DJ and decorated a local small meeting space to look like a club, sort of.  They had a great time.  We all did.  I discovered that I make dorky faces and dramatic gestures like some kind of Diva Wannabe when I sing.  Except I knew that already.  I’ve been a Wannabe singer my entire life.

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Also under the category of Kids and Fun, I am really, REALLY looking forward to our vacation in May, when I take them on a cruise.  I could literally spend hours just looking through my planning notebook, staring at packing lists and flight schedules and touring plans.  I have read reviews of our ship and looked at hundreds of pictures, read Frommer’s Carribean Ports of Call backward and forward.  Just can’t wait.  Except that when it finally gets here, it means the girls have graduated and are now free to go make their own lives.  As tough as it is for me to let them be free, I hope they get where they want to go.

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So anyway.  Things are good.  I have been working on what I want next year’s theme to be, so be watching for a post on that.  Life theme, I mean.  This year was action, last year was transformation… I’ve been trying to examine where I am in my journey and where I want to get to from here, and that is never easy.  But hopefully with prayer and hard work, I’ll eventually make a start at it, at least.

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Until next time,

D.

 

Night and Day, and the Difference Between the Two November 17, 2011

Compact Disc

Image via Wikipedia

Hello all!  Yes, I realize it’s been a dog’s age since I updated.  I apologize.  Really.  Things are so different now than they had been at the time of my last few posts.  Some things are better, some not so better, but right now I am on an upward spike in the old mood graph, so let’s just go with that, shall we?  The biggest, most awesome news  is that I escaped from my job!  Yes, Virginia, I actually broke free of the cult-like pull of a place I had been for 10 years and took a step in a new and different direction, and it’s not even teaching high school English!  The new job is kind of in a field all it’s own.  You could call it ministry, you could call it television/radio broadcasting, but basically I am the new secretary for an evangelistic tv program called The Gospel of Christ.  It is under the supervision of the elders at one of the churches of Christ here.  I have a wide range of duties, including your usual secretary stuff, answering phones, taking messages, but in addition to that, I package and ship all the CDs and DVDs that go out, I enter donations received and pay the bills and do payroll and taxes, I order supplies, I send the media to our tv and radio stations, I burn the discs from new master recordings, design and print the disc labels, send out supporter letters, etc.

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So yeah, it’s definitely a departure from the Trained Monkey world I was in before.  And best of all… no crazy co-worker who hates me!  I’m in a Christian environment, with people who are young and energetic and passionate about what they are doing.  I’m learning new things that challenge my brain, and I am literally working for God!  It’s pretty awesome.

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Despite its numerous advantages though, there are a few drawbacks, extremely minor in nature.  I’m now putting the same number of work hours per week into 5 days instead of 6, plus I am still at my old job on Saturdays through the end of the year.  That means I have to be at work earlier in the day, which has rather wrought havoc with my exercise schedule.  I have dropped out of TurboKick class for a month or two because I am trying to get caught up on bills while also saving money for the girls’ birthday and Christmas.  In addition to that, the pay raise looks great on paper, but only resulted in about a $50 per paycheck increase in my net pay.  Not what I was hoping for, but it will do for now.  (I expect that when things settle down around here after the transition, they will realize they can afford to give me a substantial raise.)  The major negative about this job is that it does involve a lot of sitting on my caboose, which was not something I got to do very often at my old job.  This in turn makes me worry about the likelihood that my caboose will notice an increase in mass and volume, translating to an increase in size, which will make me very unhappy.  More on that in a minute.  Another drawback is that certain relationships at my old work, long and generally amiable relationships, have, I fear, suffered irreparable damage by my leaving and the timing of it all.  Coming up on Christmas in the pack and ship business, it’s kind of a kick in the teeth to a boss you’ve worked for, for more than 10 years, to suddenly take a new job on only a week’s notice. (But in all fairness, it was a now or never kind of thing.)  Worse, I’m no longer as close as I was to the few people there I did like, and worst, I was left out of a raise that was given to everybody else the week after I stopped being there full time, even though I’m still working Saturdays through the rest of the year.  That hurt, let me tell ya. I still haven’t had a talk with the boss about that one, but will hopefully have a chance to do so while I’m there this Saturday.

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All in all, though, it has been a change for the better, I think.  I don’t know what to expect about how long I will be here or where this will take me, but I am hoping that eventually it might become a part-time job that I do in addition to being a Weight Watchers leader and writer.  I have continued to attend Weight Watchers meetings, even though I honestly feel I have been sort of “phoning it in” for a while now.  By that I mean I haven’t really, truly dedicated myself to staying on Plan, but have been eating almost whatever I want, not counting the points, and depending on the 4x a week Turbo classes to keep me out of trouble.  I realized with a significant degree of dismay that this was not going to work for me any longer when I dropped out of turbo and gained weight two weeks in a row!  (By the way, I know only two weeks ago I was all fired up about Simply Recommitting and getting back on track with WW, but unfortunately I had not been able to make it happen until this week.)

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In case anybody was wondering when I was going to get around to it, the title of this post is a figurative reference both to how much happier I am at this new job versus where I was before, and also the difference a little extra motion makes in my weight loss journey.  But I am actually trying to look at this short break from Turbo as a good time to get back to essentials on the WW plan.  I want to really re-familiarize myself with the PointsPlus values of foods so that the overall picture stays clear in my head.  That probably makes absolutely no sense to anybody.  But the title is also referring to the difference between yesterday and today for me, because yesterday was one of those days that I think we all have every now and then (I hope to goodness I’m not the only one!) where we just sort of hate ourselves and our lives and everything we own!  That sounds pretty extreme, but in all honesty, The Boy and his twins sisters have been driving me berserk lately with their constant bickering and fussing, their complete lack of motivation to be much help around the house, and their entitled attitude in general.   In addition to that, my car kept dying when I was taking the kids to school, I couldn’t find any decent clothes to wear, and I had lost my temper with The Boy before we even left the house.

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Today, on the other hand, I’ve been in a great mood, didn’t mind my clothes (or lack thereof), the car didn’t die, and I got the kids out of the house and taken to school without any major breakdowns!  Furthermore, today at work has been a lot of fun, what with the guys trying to re-build and decorate the studio set and a few other goofy mishaps, and I’ve stayed on plan with WW, so it’s just been a much better day than tomorrow.  And isn’t that always a blessing?!

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Until next time,

D.

 

 

 

 
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One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

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