The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Some Thoughts From A Special Guest! April 29, 2013

Filed under: Whatever — DDKlingonGirl @ 4:24 pm
Tags: , , , ,
English: Scroll of the Psalms

English: Scroll of the Psalms (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hello all!  I have something new for you today-  I have a guest writer.   Allow me to introduce you:

*

Michelin Mama is her bloggy code name, and well, she’s a glimpse of Jesus on earth.  This is a woman who gave almost 32 years of service to her job, and now continues to give of herself in every possible sense.  Need your flower bed thinned out?  She’s there with a shovel, and when she’s done, she will haul the flowers and plants miles away to plant them at a Christian summer camp.  Need food made for a sick friend, a new mom, or a grieving family?  She’s on the doorstep with a full meal and a smile.  Need a ride somewhere?  She doesn’t just go across town, she’s been known to drive people on a 4-hour road trip to visit loved ones in prison.   In short, she’s a practicing saint.  She’s also my mom.  (Bet you figured that out.)  She’s a novice to blogging, but she comes complete with a lifetime of experience at seriously, contemplatively studying the Bible, loving the Lord, and showing her faith by her works.  What follows is a devotion she wrote on the subjects of depression and Divine comfort.

 

*

 

Psalm 130: 1-8   Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord;  Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive  to my cry for mercy. 3 If you, Lord, kept a record of sins, Lord, who could stand? 4 But with you there is forgiveness, so that we can, with reverence, serve you.  5 I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope. 6 I wait for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning7 Israel, put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with him is full redemption.  8 He himself will redeem Israel  from all their sins.

Depression is often accompanied by an overwhelming sense of loneliness and self-loathing.  As we descend into the darkness of our pain, fear, or loss, we sometimes assume that our depression separates us from God.  We feel we have disappointed God and that He won’t have any more to do with us until we are “fixed.”  No.  According to this psalm, written by someone who had known the darkness of depression, God joins us in the darkness!  When you face depression, repeat the psalmist’s assurance to yourself:  God’s love is unfailing.

“More than sentries long for the dawn.” 

Anyone who has ever worked a midnight shift can understand this feeling.  Working at night in a factory, you are busy.  There are lights on and you can’t wait for your shift to be over.  But a sentry is alone on a quiet tower, peering into darkness.  It strains the eyes, it’s quiet…your eyes want to close so badly, but everyone’s safety depends on you.  Every snap or rustle startles you.  Is something out there?  Can’t you imagine how they long for the light:  Hurry, dawn!  We are tired of looking into darkness.

Verse 6:  “I long for the Lord more than sentries long for the dawn.”  Have you looked into the darkness of what is going on in your life and desperately longed to see what God had in mind?  To see His hand in all of it?

“Like a small child is quieted with its mother.”

Psalm 131:2 I have stilled and quieted myself, just as a small child is quieted with its mother.  Yes, like a small child is my soul within me.  Oh, Israel (author add:  Oh, Christian) put your hope in the Lord now and always.

Don’t you love how the Bible paints word pictures to put a point across?  Is this the acid test for truly following Christ?  Trusting the Lord?  Fighting depression?  If we only will, we can calm ourselves and imagine climbing up in our Father God’s lap and just feeling so relaxed and safe.

       Michelin Mama

*

Isn’t that the truth?  No matter what age we attain, sometimes we just need the comfort of a loving embrace that speaks without words to our hearts and says, “You know what?  It’s all going to be ok.  You’re not alone.”  Whether from God Himself or from a parent, a sibling, a friend, or even on occasion, a stranger, comfort comes from the strength of the arms around us.  All we have to do is walk into them.

*

Until next time,

D.

God’s Plan for Man

  • Hear:  Romans 10:17
  • Believe:  John 8:24
  • Repent:  Luke 13:3
  • Confess: Romans 10:10
  • Be Baptized:  Mark 16:16
  • Be Faithful:  Revelation 2:10

(credit: http://mclishchurchofchrist.com/ )

 

A New Creature February 1, 2013

Hello all.  You know what I love?  Helping people.  Encouraging people.  Always have, always will.  I’m a cheerleader at heart.  I’m guessing there have been plenty of occasions where I have failed spectacularly at encouraging the people around me at the moment they needed it most, but there is not much I love more than trying to pump people up and help them have faith in themselves.  I realize this proclamation comes totally at odds with my last few posts wherein it has probably seemed like I loved nothing more than making like a younger Maxine comic, grouching like an old bulldog about every topic that comes up.  And it is definitely true that I can be a Negative Nancy at times.  But overall I hope I am more of an encourager than a bring-er down-er.

*

I got on Fb last night and saw where a few people from my town were posting about how they were embarrassed for our town and our state by the poor performance of a local girl who auditioned for a certain talent search reality show.  At first I was really angry.  (Which is usually the first indication that a severe case of ‘Open mouth, Insert foot’ is about to occur!)  I could just imagine how that girl would feel when she saw all those comments.  I thought about how disappointed she would already have been in the outcome and how that would be compounded and magnified by the lack of support she received from people in her own hometown.  I had not watched the show at this point, and I had trouble believing how self-centered and snarky people could be in witnessing this girl’s very public failure and then making it all about how it made them feel.  Then I watched the show, and saw that this girl was definitely not a gifted performer.  Or if she had any performing ability whatsoever, her nerves overshadowed them completely.  But not only that, she told the judges that God had told her to audition, which of course made her even more the object of ridicule.  I posted what I saw as a defense of this girl and an admonition against such hatefulness as I had seen displayed.  And then I got really angry, not just for this girl, but for all Christians.

*

I mentioned in my last post that one of the things that makes me unhappy in my life right now is that I feel I should be doing more to share my beliefs, to stand up for what I believe in and try to help others believe it too.  I don’t know that I’ve ever really done that, as it applies to my religious beliefs.  I’ve shared my enthusiasm for TV shows and movies, songs, books, foods, even exercise programs, but I’ve rarely if ever said, “This is what I believe and here’s why.”  I’ve often copped out and said “Well, I don’t know what I believe.  I’m not sure.  I’m searching, I’m seeking, I’m questioning.”  And sometimes it’s because some of the things that are being preached to me are things that I struggle with accepting, myself, and so don’t feel comfortable trying to convince other people.  And very, VERY rarely, I have tiny, brief moments where I wonder, “What if it’s all just nonsense?”

*

But then I decide that I believe God exists.  I believe Jesus existed and was who He claimed to be.  I believe we should worship.  I believe in a Judgement Day and eternity in Heaven or Hell.  But here’s where it gets so dicey for me.  I believe in baptism, immersion in water, for salvation.  I believe that there are some denominations and religions that are completely wrong and that you can’t be in them and be saved.  I believe that if you do what the Bible says, you will go to Heaven, but the trouble is that a lot of groups of people who are doing different things all believe that they ARE doing what the Bible says.  How can they all be doing something different and all be doing what the Bible says?   Jesus built one church.  If you’re not in that church, you’re lost.  That is what I see and hear every single day at my job.  Regarding specific issues, there are a few things that they would call “sinful” that I really struggle with believing are sin, such as using instrumental music in worship, or even listening to “praise and worship” music that uses instruments, clapping hands, etc.  Then there are other issues that I believe they are right about and I’m ok with what I’ve been taught:  the leadership structure of the church, roles of men and women, communion, adultery and fornication, homosexuality, and even, I’m sorry to say, divorce and remarriage.  As much as I’d like to argue the point, I’ve read enough Scripture now to be convinced that my second marriage was not scriptural because I did not divorce my first husband for the reason of unfaithfulness or sexual immorality, and that I am not eligible to remarry until both of my former spouses are dead, if ever.  (Obviously, I really struggle with this one, as well.  Not really thrilled about spending the rest of my life alone.  Some folks say life’s too short, but for me Eternity is too long.)  I will continue to study on these issues and search the Scriptures daily like the Bereans did, but for now, this is where I stand.

*

And I’ve basically lost sight of where I was going with this, but I think that I admire people who have the guts to just state what they believe, whether it brings them ridicule or praise.  I admire people who have the courage to live by their beliefs.  It makes me sad that my adult life has been shaped by a theme of my wants and desires having overridden my beliefs and thus caused my actions, my decisions, my choices.  I’ve been supposed to be a Christian since I was in 7th grade, but I have never really lived like it.  I’ve never been strong enough to live like I knew I should, to publically condemn what I believe to be wrong, and to abstain from it, myself.  But I think I’m going to make it my goal this year and from now on, to walk the walk that matches my talk, no matter what it is.  If I believe that it’s wrong to use bad language, then I can’t only abstain from using it, I have to abstain from watching movies and TV that contains it.  If I believe that certain sexual relationships are wrong, then I can’t condone books, TV, or movies that contain them.  All I can say is I’m going to try.

*

Until next time,

D.

*

[EDIT:  Correction to the above.  I’ve changed my thoughts on the above topic and I now know that a)my first divorce was scriptural.  I know why I went ahead and divorced;  b)my second divorce was scriptural, but some people would dispute that.  Therefore, my conclusion is that I can, in fact, remarry, but I have decided that I will not choose to do so until after Hubby # 2 (hereafter referred to as Old Track Shoes because of how he left, made tracks, as it were, and refused to return) has kicked the bucket.  Not that I have to worry about it really, because I have absolutely zero prospects at the present time. :)]

 

Some Thoughts Arising From Recent Events December 17, 2012

Filed under: General Observations — DDKlingonGirl @ 3:45 pm
Tags: , , , ,

Hello all.  I wanted to share and express my thoughts and feelings about the Sandy Hook Elementary school shooting, but the odds are pretty good that what I’d say has already been said, and said better.  No amount of poetic words, political posturing, so-called expert opinions, debating, arguing, name-calling, or any other pointless reaction will change what has been done.  It seems to me that incidents like this bring up three main talking points:  guns and gun laws, mental health and the social and health care systems pertaining to it, and religion or lack thereof in today’s world.

*

I’m not a gun enthusiast, nor a politician.  I know next to nothing about guns, rights to own guns, or laws governing them.  For my two cents, I think that Americans cannot, nor should not, be expected to give up their right to bear arms.  That much is certain.  But there are certain guns that just do not need to be available to anyone except trained military or police personnel.  They need to be outlawed.  Period.  I’m not saying that if they had already been outlawed, that any of the recent tragedies could have been prevented, but I still think they should not be in the hands of just anyone.

*

On the other hand, I don’t believe that it would be a good idea for everybody on the street to be carrying a weapon.  For example, I have heard people put forth the theory that if someone in the Aurora movie theater would have been carrying a gun, they could have stopped the shooter much sooner in his rampage and saved lives.  But if half the people present had been armed, what would have happened when that guy burst through the door?  I think it is most likely that in all the fear and confusion, an all-out gun war would have erupted and probably more people would have died.   What’s the solution?  Maybe owning a weapon is a right, but carrying it on your person when not engaged in hunting or overthrowing a despotic government should not be?  As I said, I don’t have a clue.  I’m just thinking out loud here.

*

Now, about the mental health issues and the health care and social systems.  That one is way too hard to even get into, and way too close to home for me.   There are so many people out there with mental health problems, and it is an overwhelming problem when there are too few social workers, too few therapists, too few hospital/facility beds.  Too few clear answers, definitive diagnoses, and  educational options.  This article gave me pause and made me feel a certain solidarity with the mother.  My child is nowhere near as difficult as the child in this story, but he can be very similar sometimes.  What is there to do?  How do we fix this problem?  I definitely don’t know the answers, but that brings me to the last of the three major issues that these events always stir up.

*

When these horrific events happen, people always start arguing about God.  Those who believe, crying out for people to lean on Him, trust in Him, turn to Him for comfort.  Those who don’t believe, calling names, blasting believers’ ignorance, simplicity, foolishness, asking how believers can stand to trust in a God who could allow this type of thing to happen.  Believers then try to patiently explain that God gave humankind free will, and in that exercise of free will, humankind often chooses evil.  Then believers also express the opinion that part of the reason we have so many of these problems today is a general reduction in the number of people who truly believe in God and follow Jesus Christ.  Which, of course, makes non-believers pretty defensive, saying that just because they don’t go to church, that doesn’t make them more likely to pick up a weapon and commit a mass murder.  Then you get into all sorts of debates and arguments over “religion” versus relationship with God, and pew-sitters versus true followers, and the crusades and all the other heinous acts in history that have been committed “in the name of God.”

*

That’s all true.  People have done and continue to do things in the name of God that He would certainly never ask, accept, or approve.  I just don’t know what there is to do about it all.  Sometimes it feels like there is such anger, bitterness, hard feeling, and hatred toward believers these days.  Almost any group you could think of has its rights and is to be tolerated.  Except Christians.  (Real ones, not crazy, hate-filled ones.)  Sometimes it’s hard to tell which ones are which, and therein lies the problem.

I don’t really know where I’m going with all this.  I just fear that we’re moving toward a point in this world where Christianity is well on its way to being a persecuted minority.   It’s a scary thought, and one that I’m sure a lot of people share, but I know those whom it most directly affects have the faith and trust to endure whatever comes, and to place their strength in a Wisdom that is higher than their own.  In the meantime, we need to just remember to tell our loved ones how much they mean to us, and remember that we are not guaranteed one day or hour upon this earth.  If we live as though each day were our last, with respect to our basic integrity, our treatment of others, and our reverence for the Divine, we will probably not come to the end of our lives with anything to regret.

*

Until next time,

D.

 

Strutting and Fretting September 24, 2012

Corcovado jesus

Corcovado jesus (Photo credit: @Doug88888)

Hello all.

I’m typing this from memory.  Go ahead, be amazed.  (I can do the prologue to R&J too):

“The Queen, my Lord, is dead.”

“She should have died hereafter.  There would have been a time for such a word.  Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in its petty pace from day to day, down to the last syllable of recorded time.  And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death.  Out, out brief candle!  Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player who struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more.  It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

*

This post will be nothing more than the satisfaction of my need to be writing and sharing my mood, which is dismal.  I’m circling the drain right now, folks.  Seriously.  Right this minute I am just heartsick.  There are so many reasons why, so many things, so many sadnesses and disappointments and stresses and worries and fears and dreads, none of which I can really share here.  I suppose it would make for much more real, honest, raw, gritty reading if I could, but I can’t find the words right now.

*

Facebook.  Man, what a source of depression.  You’re sitting there looking at something that tells you you have 213 “friends” and you can’t think of one person you could really call and talk to, one real live “human bean”, as it were, who would listen to your litany of bummed-ness and understand and not say “your life is not really all that bad compared to (fill in the blank).  Suck it up, Buttercup.”  And really, who needs a friend to tell you that, when you tell yourself that every moment of every day?

*

I know so many people who would tell me “Just pray about it!  Let go and let God!”  But for some reason, most times when I pray about things, I don’t feel any feedback coming my way.  I don’t feel any change in the situations or any peace in my heart about them.  I just feel like I’m shouting over the edge of a canyon and all I can hear is the echo of my own voice.  But then sometimes I pray and something happens the next day or the next hour or whenever, that convinces me Someone was listening.  That happens just often enough to keep me from giving up completely.

*

I blame it on hormones, darn those rotten little things.  (The moodiness, not the echoing canyon phenomenon.)  A 5-7 lb water weight gain and a few days of utter despair every stinking month, and for what?  Fertility I never plan to use again.

*

So anyway.  I’ll soldier on.  One does, you know.

Until next time,

D.

PS: Also typed from memory:  🙂

“Two households, both alike in dignity

In fair Verona where we lay our scene.

From ancient grudge break to new mutiny

where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.

From forth the fatal loins of these two foes,

a pair of star-crossed lovers take their life.

Whose misadventured, piteous overthrows,

doth with their death bury their parents’ strife.

The fearful passage of their death-marked love

and the continuance of their parents’ rage,

which but their children’s end, naught could remove

is now the two hours’ traffic of our stage.

The which, if you with patient ears attend,

what here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.”

 

Simply Recommitting October 10, 2011

Hello all.  You know, sometimes, when I’m going through my day thinking, “I REALLY need to write a blog entry, I really need to update, etc.” I’ll sit down and try to write an entry and nothing really comes.  Often, I will just keep writing, rambling, ranting, and I’ll post the result, whether it’s good or bad, like that’s a cure for writer’s block, but it doesn’t mean that what I wrote has any quality to it.  That post may not necessarily be my true voice.  There’s something wrong with that.  There’s something wrong with a lot of things, and I am in the mood to change that.

*

I went to a revival-type church service tonight that was sponsored by my sister’s church.  I had never heard of the speaker, a man named Ken Freeman.  My sister attends a Baptist church, but I got the feeling this man was inter-denominational in his preaching career, meaning he didn’t just go to one type of church.  His message was about the difference between ‘good’ and ‘great,’ and how we have to let go of certain things in order to fully accept God’s grace and blessings.  I realized there were a lot of things I have been holding on to, and I need to let go and re-commit.  I need to re-commit, not just in my spiritual life, but in everything- my job, my parenting, my health and fitness, and even my writing here. 

*

So that’s what I’m doing.  Starting tonight, I am re-committing my life.  I am going to re-dedicate myself to my weight loss, my writing, my parenting, and most of all to a life that is dominated by Love.  Love for God, and love for my fellow human.  I need to work on showing Jesus to others through my life.  I’ve been in an ongoing cold war with a co-worker for weeks now, and I’ve made weak, pitiful attempts to pretend I was reaching out to her, to delude myself into thinking I was the bigger person by praying for her, but in reality I wasn’t willing to let go and truly acknowledge that I haven’t always been the Christian I am supposed to be.  I gave it lip-service, but I wasn’t willing to completely let down the barriers.  I’m still not.  I know I can’t trust her to be real and honest.  She is an excellent actor and faker- I’ve seen it.  My point is that I can’t worry about that.  I have to just say ‘You know what?  I’m recommitting to living for Jesus, and because I am, I choose to love you.  You can think what you want about me, you can like me or hate me, but I choose to love you in Jesus’ name, whether I can trust you or not.’  And really mean it, because I didn’t before.  I wanted to mean it, but the selfish, immature part of me said ‘Why do you have to mean it?  It doesn’t make any difference.  She’s not accepting your overtures, your gestures, your attempts.  What difference does it make if you really mean it?’  But I know now that I have to forgive all that, I have to forgive what she’s done to me, the hurt she has caused me, and I have to love her in Christ, and I cannot allow myself to add anything else to that sentence.  My judgement of her is irrelevant. 

*

In addition to this, I have to be brave enough to re-commit to my health and fitness efforts.  I have done well.  I can say that.  I have lost almost one hundred and twenty pounds in almost 2 years.  But I have not been fully committed.  I have chosen to take easier roads- skip workouts, eat junk food.  I signed up for another 5k mud run as a volunteer, knowing I would be allowed to participate in the race for free as a volunteer, but thinking I wasn’t obligated to do the race if I chose not to.  That wasn’t committment, that was fear.  I completed the first one, the Dirty 30, back in July.  I did it on adrenaline, not knowing what to expect, not knowing what kinds of obstacles I’d face, but determined to tackle them no matter what.  In this next race, I know what kinds of things I might see, and I feared them.  I was afraid I didn’t have it in me to put that much effort out again, but now- I know I need to re-commit.  I need to grasp the fact that I have the strength to finish that race, complete the obstacles (or go around them if I have to) and finish.  I can’t be afraid that I might twist an ankle or a knee- I just have to take the steps. 

*

I realize this entry has had a serious tone.  I usually like to try to be funny here, and I hope I succeed at that sometimes.  But tonight was a night for seriousness.  I had a talk with my kids on the way home from the revival tonight, because I have been really concerned for them in their spiritual lives, because they have not yet obeyed the gospel and been baptized.  Despite what some people may say or believe, I truly believe what I have been taught, that baptism is the point at which we are saved, and I want my children to be baptized and commit to living their lives for God.  I believe it is on their heart to do it, but they just haven’t taken the step.  I am praying that they make that decision soon, but at least I took the opportunity to share with them what I want for them- the peace that comes with knowing they are saved. 

*

I’m not saying I have it all figured out, or that there aren’t sometimes brief moments when I question everything I’ve ever heard and wonder if maybe, possibly, it could all be crap.  But when it comes down to it, I’d rather just believe what I believe than buy into “something from nothing, for no reason, with no purpose, and nothing after, and nothing matters.”  It’s just not enough.

*

And in the middle of all this recommitting, loving, being brave, and trying to bring my kids to heaven with me, I am going to embrace all I can possibly accomplish in this life that is fun and joyful and meaningful.  To that end, I can announce that my daughters’ senior trip in May is a done deal!  I booked the airfare today, so Lord willing, we’re definitely going!  We’re going to be Royal Carribean cruising fools!  Wooo hooooo!  Allure of the Seas, here we come!

Until next time,

D.

 

 
The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Shawn L. Bird

Original poetry, commentary, and fiction. All copyrights reserved.

Broadside

Smart and surprising

Mostly Bright Ideas

Some of these thoughts may make sense. But don't count on it.

Mad Scientist.Crazy Mom

Welcome to my laboratory: five kids on a farm

A Clean Surface.

simplicity, organization, inspiration, minimalism, humor...and reality

Princess Nebraska

If I am a princess in rags and tatters, I can be a princess inside. If would be easy to be a princess if I were dressed in a cloth of gold, but it is a great deal more of a triumph to be one all the time when no one knows it. -Frances Hodgson Burnett

She Likes Purple

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Crazy with a side of Awesome Sauce

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

musings of a madwoman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Glam-O-Mommy

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

happily ever me

a life in progress

Our Little Geekling

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." - Helen Keller

mighty maggie

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Writing Finger

Translations of Poetry from Galician and Spanish into English

The Better Man Project ™

a journey into the depths

An Unexplored Wilderness

A writer's journey