The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Shake It Off, Rock! January 31, 2013

Filed under: Mood Swings — DDKlingonGirl @ 1:44 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , ,
Grinch

Grinch (Photo credit: Mad Manchegan)

Hello all.  I hate to follow up a rant-y, cranky post with another one just like it.  Really, I do.  I generally try to avoid extensive periods of rant-yness, at least in this forum, if not in life.  At least I think I do.  But here’s where I am today:  1.  Facebook has outlived its usefulness.  Instead of the majority of friends posting actual updates to their actual lives, everyone posts politcal articles, fitness-nazi rants that actively belittle 98% of the populace, the “Verse of the Day,” and posters with cheesy, “Duh”-inducing quotes on them.  2.  When I was preparing to leave the house this morning, my entire attitude could be summed up as follows:  It would be a totally ideal day if I could only be allowed to wear my fluffy green Grinch slippers, ((love)) everywhere, all day long.  3.  I am currently in the throes of a surge of negativity concerning my job.  It’s cushy, no doubt.  (See: freedom of schedule, autonomy, decent pay.) The negativity lies in the expectation to believe certain things that are currently beginning to make me want to simultaneously sigh, growl, and roll my eyes every time I hear or read them.  (For those not in the know, I work for a ministry, of the type of church I was raised in, certain tenets of which are now beginning to chafe, some because I question and sometimes do not want to believe them, and others because I do believe them but am currently failing miserably at sharing said beliefs.)

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((deep breath))

Ok, on the plus side, I am doing very well on my Weight Watchers this week.  The meeting was just on Tuesday, and I had another obscene, unmentionable gain, but since then I have measured and tracked everything most carefully.  If I can (I shouldn’t say ‘if’ but oh well) continue to stick with that through the weekend that usually kills me, I will manage to have a good loss next week, and that will help me to continue doing the same for a second whole week in a row, and then perhaps it will snowball into a sustained period of success.

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So I will look ahead to that success with hopeful anticipation.  I will forget all the things that have been making me have a particularly cactus-like personality today.  I will be thankful for my silly Daughter S. who stopped by my work to kill time between college classes and succeeded in making me laugh, even when I didn’t think I felt like it, and also thankful for the fact that she is especially skillful at recognizing when I need to laugh and making that happen with her wonderful goofiness.   I will finish this post and do my job, and we will be one day closer to the weekend.  And I will think of others instead of myself, like for example my poor baby sister, bloggy code name: SparkleAndGrowl, who is suffering from back issues and is in extraordinary pain.  My Mom is taking her to the ER today, and hopefully Little Sis will feel better very soon.

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Thanks to all of you who read and stick with me through my rants, my raves, and my emotional bungee jumping.  You rock!

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Until next time,

D.

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PS- The title of today’s post comes from something that my former husband used to say (that I’m quite sure he stole from somewhere else) whenever I started being all rant-y and whiny.  I didn’t think of the title until I finished the post.  Sometimes it happens the other way around.  Later, peeps!

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I’m Leaving On a Jet Plane (I Wish) January 11, 2013

airplane halo

airplane halo (Photo credit: Sean MacEntee)

Hello all.  If it is true that I live in a state of emotional bungee jumping, as I once said, then today is the day where the stretchy band attached to me is pulled to its full length, stretched to capacity and I’m momentarily hovering two inches above the rocks.  It’s not that I feel down, necessarily.  I don’t.  I just feel a very strong urge to get. away.  I wish I were on an airplane somewhere that was taking me some place exciting and far away.  I’m remembering our cruise last June, how much I looked forward to the adventure of it.  I made a playlist of “beach/vacation/get away” songs and played it until I drove the kids berserk.

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Of course, getting away is not really a possibility at this point.  But in the interest of trying to find some way to make life more interesting, I left The Offspring a note when I left the house this morning.  (They were all still asleep, of course.)  I told them if they would work on laundry and finish the pots and pans today, we would try to come up  with something fun to do tomorrow.  I have no idea what that might be, as there is little to do around here, but I guess we’ll give it the old college try.

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It’s been a pretty good work week, really.  My boss’s out-of-town girlfriend has been hanging out with us.  We’ve accomplished a lot- cleaning, organizing, that sort of thing.  We received a huge donation to the program and I got a $0.50/hr raise.  It doesn’t seem like much, perhaps, or sound like much, but I just did the math and over the course of the year it actually will be about equal to, or a smidge more than the salary increase my boss got.

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So anyway.  I’m going to be mostly alone in the office today, and I am going to try to remain productive.  Boss Boy is taking off today, since it’s his girlfriend’s last day in town before she goes back to college.  But you know what they say about cats and mice and being away and playing and all that.  I may have to make a list and force myself to not goof off all day.  It’s pretty tempting when you’re completely alone in a huge old church building, stuck in a dreary-ish, back-room office, with nothing really pressing hanging over your head to do.   But that’s not what I’m getting paid for, so I guess I’ll crank up the iTunes, make a list of things to do today, and get busy.  First item on the agenda- write my paycheck for the week!  🙂

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Until next time,

D.

 

Just Another Manic Friday November 30, 2012

Hello all!

*bungee jumping vom Dortmunder Fernsehturm; Pla...

Y’all, I live in a state of emotional bungee jumping.  If you’ve been reading me longer than five minutes you know this, and today is one of those days.  Today is a day where my body feels like nothing so much as leashed power.  Like if you could stick the right electrodes on me I could power a small city.   Today is one of those days where I want to do things like go climb mountains with Sherpas.  Do meditative yoga at sunrise with a bunch of monks in a temple somewhere.  Kiss my soul mate at midnight on New Year’s Eve at the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris.  Make love on a bearskin rug in front of a blazing fire in a snowbound cabin in Alaska.

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It all started when I was awakened at about 3:30 this morning by the noise from the living room where one of the cats was attempting to violate a package of cookies the kids left in there.  I got up and took it away from her and put it in the fridge.  Then of course I couldn’t get back to sleep.  I just lay there and tossed and turned and flipped and flopped.  I killed a little time doing some exercises.  (Yes, you can exercise while lying in bed.)  I did some leg lifts and butt squeezes and crunch-ish things, some arm presses against the wall over my head.  Stuff like that.

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By the time I got bored with that, it was about to get light outside.  I decided it had been a while since I’d watched a sunrise, so I rolled over and pulled the curtain back from the window and started watching the darkness lighten.  There was only one star in my view and it was a great big bright one.  I decided I’d watch it continuously until it got so light I couldn’t see it anymore and see how long it took.  This was about 6:30.

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So I lay there and held the curtain back and just watched.  The light crept upward and the star I watched got smaller and dimmer.  A couple of times I took my eyes off it and thought it had gone, but then I’d find it again.  Finally, it just disappeared.  It was 7:18 a.m.  The sun still wasn’t actually up.  And I started thinking about how that star is still there, and when I go to bed again, if I look out the window, there it will be.  Some things are always there whether you see them (and acknowledge them) or not.

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So when I wrote all the above, I was flopped across my bed with Clairol #43 on my hair, scribbling furiously across the back of a transcript of something I printed out and brought home from work.  Now I am AT work, and today is what I might call Fashion Experiment Day.  I was in the mood to do something different, so I’m wearing a rather blindingly bright neon yellow A-line thing (it’s either an oversized shirt or a short dress) over white pants, with robin’s egg blue ballet flats.   Dabbling in color makes me happy.

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Yesterday was my twin daughters’ 19th birthday.  I wanted to do a long, mushy post about how amazing and wonderful and fabulous they are, but I got busy at work and didn’t get around to it.  But let me just say that they are two of the brightest spots in my universe, and I don’t know what I would do without them.  They represent all I ever wanted from the time I was in middle school:  to be a mom.  I understand now that there’s a lot more in the world to be experienced than just having babies, and if I could do it over again, I would probably go do some of that other stuff first, but make no mistake:  I would not trade those two amazing young women for all the baguettes in France or all the monks in Tibet.   Happy Birthday, my girls!

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Until next time,

D.

 

 
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