The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Just Keep Swimming April 1, 2013

Filed under: Mood Swings,Sweatin' It Out! — DDKlingonGirl @ 4:35 pm
Tags: , , , , ,
Medieval Fair in Norman, Oklahoma, United States.

Medieval Fair in Norman, Oklahoma, United States. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hello all.  Feeling the urge to write today, but not really feeling what I want to say, so that tells me I’m just looking for an outlet.  A vent.  An escape hatch.  Don’t worry, I’m not going to do any of that today.  I wanted to write a post last week all about the marriage equality thing that was causing firestorms all over Facebook and elsewhere.  I wrote some notes on things that I wanted to say about it, but I can’t seem to find the right moment.  Sadly, I haven’t spoken my mind because I know how it will be received, and quite frankly, I’m just not up to the criticism.  That should give you a clue.

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My new presence on Twitter (@DDKlingonGirl) is taking off rather slowly.  I have “protected my Tweets” so that people have to send me a request to follow.  I did this because I didn’t want any fake profiles, spammers, or porn-promos following me, and I’ve already had to reject about 10 of them.  Also because I really didn’t plan to stay on there after The Blathering, unless I make some really good friends through the experience.

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Ok, maybe I do need to say one vent-y thing, and I know I’m not in a solo boat here:  I hate mood swings!  In the dictionary under ‘just want to cry’ it says see me.  Some things in life just keep turning up like a bad penny, and it seems like they show up for no other reason than just to jack with your mind.  My eating habits, my thoughts about church stuff, my plans for my son’s education, and a few other things come to mind.  I wish I had insurance, because I’m about 99% sure I need to be on meds for bipolar, at the very least.  (My regular long-time readers’ response:  “Ya THINK!?”)  Or maybe I am just a moody sort of person who needs an attitude adjustment from time to time?

*

Anyway.  It’s all good, because as soon as I get off work (about 45 minutes from now) I plan to go to my mom’s work fitness center and do my C25k.  Just hit the treadmill until I can shake this off.  And also, I’m going to look forward to next weekend.  I’ve got a new experience planned!  I’m going to Medieval Faire up in Norman.  Partly because I love that stuff and I’ve always wanted to go to one, but primarily to check out one of the Irish bands that’s playing.   I used to talk to one of the band’s members on an online dating site, and I’ve never heard him play.  🙂  That sounds like stalking, doesn’t it?  Maybe I shouldn’t admit to that.  Oh well.

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Until next time,

D.

 

Just Another Manic Friday November 30, 2012

Hello all!

*bungee jumping vom Dortmunder Fernsehturm; Pla...

Y’all, I live in a state of emotional bungee jumping.  If you’ve been reading me longer than five minutes you know this, and today is one of those days.  Today is a day where my body feels like nothing so much as leashed power.  Like if you could stick the right electrodes on me I could power a small city.   Today is one of those days where I want to do things like go climb mountains with Sherpas.  Do meditative yoga at sunrise with a bunch of monks in a temple somewhere.  Kiss my soul mate at midnight on New Year’s Eve at the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris.  Make love on a bearskin rug in front of a blazing fire in a snowbound cabin in Alaska.

*

It all started when I was awakened at about 3:30 this morning by the noise from the living room where one of the cats was attempting to violate a package of cookies the kids left in there.  I got up and took it away from her and put it in the fridge.  Then of course I couldn’t get back to sleep.  I just lay there and tossed and turned and flipped and flopped.  I killed a little time doing some exercises.  (Yes, you can exercise while lying in bed.)  I did some leg lifts and butt squeezes and crunch-ish things, some arm presses against the wall over my head.  Stuff like that.

*

By the time I got bored with that, it was about to get light outside.  I decided it had been a while since I’d watched a sunrise, so I rolled over and pulled the curtain back from the window and started watching the darkness lighten.  There was only one star in my view and it was a great big bright one.  I decided I’d watch it continuously until it got so light I couldn’t see it anymore and see how long it took.  This was about 6:30.

*

So I lay there and held the curtain back and just watched.  The light crept upward and the star I watched got smaller and dimmer.  A couple of times I took my eyes off it and thought it had gone, but then I’d find it again.  Finally, it just disappeared.  It was 7:18 a.m.  The sun still wasn’t actually up.  And I started thinking about how that star is still there, and when I go to bed again, if I look out the window, there it will be.  Some things are always there whether you see them (and acknowledge them) or not.

**

So when I wrote all the above, I was flopped across my bed with Clairol #43 on my hair, scribbling furiously across the back of a transcript of something I printed out and brought home from work.  Now I am AT work, and today is what I might call Fashion Experiment Day.  I was in the mood to do something different, so I’m wearing a rather blindingly bright neon yellow A-line thing (it’s either an oversized shirt or a short dress) over white pants, with robin’s egg blue ballet flats.   Dabbling in color makes me happy.

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Yesterday was my twin daughters’ 19th birthday.  I wanted to do a long, mushy post about how amazing and wonderful and fabulous they are, but I got busy at work and didn’t get around to it.  But let me just say that they are two of the brightest spots in my universe, and I don’t know what I would do without them.  They represent all I ever wanted from the time I was in middle school:  to be a mom.  I understand now that there’s a lot more in the world to be experienced than just having babies, and if I could do it over again, I would probably go do some of that other stuff first, but make no mistake:  I would not trade those two amazing young women for all the baguettes in France or all the monks in Tibet.   Happy Birthday, my girls!

*

Until next time,

D.

 

Short and Sweet Yet Again November 7, 2012

Filed under: Mood Swings — DDKlingonGirl @ 5:37 pm
Tags: , , ,
The Drowned, 1867

The Drowned, 1867 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hello all.  It’s post-election day.  Like many other people in this country, it seems, I am absolutely drowning in depression today.  But not for the same reasons.  This is my forum, so I can say what I want here.  Unlike Facebook, if you read here, you’re doing it by choice, not because it just popped up in front of your face on your newsfeed.

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Someone among my friends once noted of me that I like to let people know when I’m down.  Yeah.  That’s called reaching out.  Between the concern for this country, the continuing battle with compulsive eating, the neverending struggle not to backslide on my weight loss efforts, the despair of wishing I could just not care about those last two and knowing I can’t, the struggles with faith, and parenting, and relationships, and the utter self-loathing it all engenders, I am in an ugly place today.  A very lonely, ugly place.

*

So that’s it.  A few days ago I was soaring, and today I’m drowning.  It won’t last- it never does.  I just hate it when I’m down here.  With that said, I’m soldiering on, and my next entry will probably be another happybouncy ramble of goofiness…

*

Until next time,

D.

 

My Future Oscar Winner: The Drama Has GOT to be Good for SOMETHING! January 6, 2011

Wishes fireworks shows in the Magic Kingdom Wa...

Image via Wikipedia

Hello all!  You know how I’m always saying that my son will someday either end up on The Oscars or America’s Most Wanted?  Well, I’ve decided.  It needs to be The Oscars.  This boy has got such an incredibly strong imagination, and he’s so extremely emotional!  Not that I think his mood swings are an act at this point, but I think he could use his tendency toward drama to really take him places!  Consider tonight, for example:

*

We had been having what I called a Disney Dance Party, which was my way of getting these little couch potatoes moving in preparation for our trip to Disney World.  Since it’s still too dark for us all to go for a family walk when I get home from work, I decided we were just going to put on some peppy music and boogie it out as hard as we could for 20 minutes a night, working up to longer times as the trip gets closer.  So we had done that tonight, dancing to Sean Kingston‘s Fire Burning, Jay Z and Kanye’s Down, and Lady Gaga’s Disco Heaven.  (And Daughter J. insisted on listening to two songs from A Goofy Movie.)  I showed them a few exercise moves like holding a squat against the wall, and just holding a crouch for as long as we could.  I helped The Boy do a few sit-ups, and we finally stopped and sat down.  I told them we would find a calming, relaxing song to cool down to, and then I got a bright idea that turned out to be not so bright for The Boy. 

*

I sat on the edge of my chair, with my arms stretched out and down against my knees.  I told them I imagined all the negative energy, dark stuff, bad moods, and ugliness shooting out of my fingertips as I stretched them downward, until my entire body was empty of anything negative.  Then I turned my palms up as I rested them on my knees and told them to imagine positive energy, light, and warmth being poured into their hands until it ran up their arms and filled up their whole chest and exploded outward.  So The Boy decided to give this a try, and my poor Little Man had been ‘receiving the positive’ for about half a minute when he just burst into tears!  He said he was crying because it was so beautiful and that he imagined little white angels falling into his hands.  He sat on my lap for a while and I tried to explain to him that I wanted him to just feel relaxed and positive, not cry!  So he got back on the couch and gave it another try and this time, he almost started crying again, because he said he saw himself being hugged by God! 

*

And this after he had just earlier in the evening been grouching and griping and completely unmanageable and unreasonable about every tiny thing, up to and including having a tantrum because his hamburger bun came apart as he tried to take it out of the bag!  I swear I do not know what comes over this kid! 

*

And at the same time, he  is such a comedian!  His birthday is four months from today, and he’s been bugging me about this Harry Potter merchandise he wants, something he found on one of those dvd inserts where they advertise wands and sorcerer’s stones and time-turner necklaces and golden egg pendants.  And $300 pewter HP chess sets.  You get the idea.  So he’s been bugging and begging, and since he had done nothing but be a hateful old grump to Daughter J. all evening, I told him he wasn’t getting anything until he could learn to love his sister and get along and be kind!  So they are both sitting on the couch, and a moment after I tell him this, he LAUNCHES  himself across the couch and wraps his arms around her and puts this silly, happy grin on his face.  Then when she looks over at me like “WHAT is he doing?”  he snuggles his head into her side again and grins even bigger.  Then he cuts his eyes over to me and asks “What do you think?  Can I have it now?” 

*

SIGH!  I’m hoping the ‘receiving the positive’ technique will help him sleep better.  He’s always complaining that he can’t sleep, because he keeps thinking about scary things that he’s seen in video games and movies (which he was NOT allowed to watch by me, for the record!  The movie was something Daughter J. let him watch and the video games were something he watched his father play).  We were supposed to do a family project for counseling and make him a dream catcher from stuff we found around the house, but we haven’t done it yet.  He’s usually satisfied with me singing him a few songs when he gets in bed. 

*

So.  We’re going to stick with the Disney Dance Party idea and hopefully will build up some stamina in my little chubby-bubbies and prepare them for tackling the World.  For my own part, I’ve been making extra trips up and down the stairs at work for the last few days.  Sadly, I think tonight’s boogie wonderland might possibly have resulted in a few stress fractures!  What I wouldn’t give for a couple of foot transplants!  Have they invented those yet, and if not, WHY NOT!? 

*

And while we’re on the subject of Disney, readers should perhaps be aware that this particular topic will be increasingly on my mind in the weeks to come, because our trip is 4 months and three weeks from tomorrow!  I discovered an online message board that has the potential to become the mother of all obsessions for the next few months, www.DISboards.com , and my family is beginning to suspect cult activity!  I’m sure by the time we leave for our trip, they will have the intervention lined up for the moment our return flight lands, and all my Facebook friends will have blocked me from their feeds because they feel they may hurt someone if they see the word ‘Disney’ from me just once more!

Until next time,

D.

 

 
The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Shawn L. Bird

Original poetry, commentary, and fiction. All copyrights reserved.

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