The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

It’s Just the Gas- The Saga of the Unexpected Dental Visit February 26, 2020

Hello, All! Well, today ended up as one of the more bizarre days I’ve had in a while. Oh, it started out nice and normal. Daughter J was off work so I didn’t have to drive to town and back before school, and my mom didn’t have to wake up at 7:00 a.m. to come get The Squirrel. (My grandbaby, for those who aren’t up to speed.)

*
So I went to school, had a good day… right up until my planning hour, when I went to take (as I usually do at that time) my calcium chews.   These things are about the size and consistency of Starburst candy and I had just put the first one in my mouth and started chewing when I suddenly realized there was something hard in it. At first I thought it was just a hard lump of sugar or something like that- maybe a lump of calcium that didn’t get blended into the mix right. What made me assume that I’ll never know, because these things don’t have sugar in them and I have never had one that wasn’t perfectly normal. Maybe I am just particularly slow on the uptake.

*
Anyway. After a few seconds I realized this was not a lump of sugar or any other ingredient in the chew itself.  It was, in fact, a part of my lower left back tooth. Great.

*
So, funny story. I haven’t been to the dentist in too long to remember. So I called my most recent one and they could get me in in like a week. A week!? Are you kidding? So I said ok, fine, and I walked down to the office to clarify which type of time-off request I needed to ask for. While I was in there, the sweet secretary suggested I call this other particular dentist right there in my little small town, and I hadn’t really thought of that, but decided what the heck, I’d go ahead and give it a shot.

*
So I went back down to my room, called the office, and wow! They could get me in today right after school!! Talk about serendipity! So I emailed the assistant principal and told him I wasn’t going to need a day off just yet after all, and I’d let him know if anything changed.

*
Fast forward to the dentist’s office, 3:45 p.m. I got there and filled out their little health form on a computer and got called back pretty quickly. They took an x-ray, which was actually a little more horrible than it should have been. I got a little uncomfortable with that thing in my jaw and got all choked up trying to keep from gagging. Coughed until I just about barfed!

*
So the doctor comes in and it turns out that I will need a filling and that, surprisingly, he can do it right then. Nice! So they ask me if I need or want the nitrous gas while I’m doing this, and of COURSE I say yes. Are you kidding? It’s been several minutes since I’ve been to a dentist. So they put the little clown nose on me. (That’s what my pediatric dentist used to call it!) Started with a little oxygen to get the ball rolling and said they would start the actual good stuff in a few minutes.

*
So one reason I dislike going to the dentist is I am always afraid of getting the giggles when they hit me with the gas. Like who wouldn’t be, right? Turn on the gas, get the giggles, feel really stupid. You know, that whole thing. So as they start the actual nitrous I’m sitting there waiting for the goofy feeling to start, and WHAT starts going through my head but a charming ditty from a little Broadway show called Little Shop of Horrors, a song sung by the crazy, sadistic, nutty cuckoo dentist character, entitled ‘Now (It’s Just the Gas).’  (Note- We did that show at the theatre a few years ago and I stage-managed. It was one of the best ever!)

*

So all I can see in my head is our crazy actor, John Pryor, laughing and guffawing his way through that song, while one of our best leading men, Nathanael Durbin, sits squirming in the dentist chair, and I’m sitting there just PRAYING I won’t get the giggles. My mouth twitches, but I rein it in. (I know, anticlimactic.)

*
So they shoot me up, let me sit there a while and baste, then they do their thing and I’m done. I expected to feel a lot loopier than I did. I was worried about driving, even, but they assured me I was fine to hit the road. So then I’m standing at the check-out desk, marveling at how utterly freaking weird my face feels, and sort of wondering if I can even sign my name when they hand me the ink pen.

*
But I got it done and now I’m at home, lying here with The Squirrel while she pulls my hair out, wondering how long it will be before I can take a chance on eating supper without biting my tongue off or chewing a hole in my cheek. Guess I’ll have to give it a while!

*
Until Next Time,

D.

 

Automobile Auditions, Car Callbacks, and My Parathyroid January 20, 2020

Hello all! It’s been quite a while!  Although I can’t exactly remember what all news I have talked about in my most recent posts (which really aren’t recent at all, if the truth be known) there is virtually nothing in my life that is the same. My kids are all legal adults now. In fact, Daughter S and Daughter J are 26 years old, and J is married with a baby!! (Sadly, the hubby, whom I will refer to hereafter as Dufus Jr., is not my favorite person in the world.) It’s a long, complicated, and sad story, but suffice it to say I would not be broken-hearted if he were to get abducted by aliens or kidnapped by a traveling circus. The most difficult part is that they live with me. The situation drives me bananas on the daily, but they say necessity is the mother of… something or other. Just kidding. I know it’s ‘invention.’ The only thing I find myself trying to invent around here are ways to make him disappear without a trace, but I am pretty sure that will never happen.

*

Anyway. I didn’t start this post to complain about Dufus Jr. Another really weird thing in my life is that The Boy has moved out. He is living with my baby sister a couple hours away from here and it’s really bizarre not having him around. I miss him a lot. He’s been my reason for living for so long and now he has finished his school, and is trying to make his way in the world. Thankfully he has my little sister and her husband, who are taking good care of him. It’s not like I have to worry about him too much. Or at all, really, but I do it anyway. I’m a mom- it’s what I am supposed to do!
*

So what do I do with my free time now that I’m not focused on keeping The Boy alive? Did I mention there is a baby?! Yes! My sweet little grandgirl whom I will refer to as The Squirrel. (I know that’s a silly nickname. I just called her that one night and it stuck.) She is my heart and soul. She is ten months old now and she is the most precious thing I have ever seen. So when I am not at work, I’m hanging out with The Squirrel, letting her crawl all over me while I am flopped on the bed scrolling Fb or watching Netflix. She is amazing and smart and perfect, except for a tiny little hair fetish she seems to have where her favorite thing in the world is to pull on my hair or hold it in her hand while she sucks her thumb or takes her bottle.

*

I’m still teaching, amazingly enough. There are days I think I am not so bad and days I think I am the worst teacher in the history of the Universe, but they continue to keep me around, so I will keep doing my level best.

*

On the theatre front, I haven’t been able to do anything since last summer. I was in our summer show, which was “Annie Get Your Gun,” but I haven’t been able to do anything since.  For most of us in community theatre, we go through seasons. There are times in our lives when we can give it a lot of attention and other times when our attention is required elsewhere. Right now I am going through a season when I am needed at home to help with my sweet grandgirl.
*

I still love it though, and sometimes I fall into fantasizing about it, which is where the title of tonight’s post comes from.  I had to drive up to a nearby (sort of) city for a doctor appointment today and on my way home I was listening to my iTunes and singing along at the top of my lungs, and about every other song was one I would imagine auditioning for a show with, picturing myself onstage, wishing I were better than I am, pushing my range to its limits in both directions, and just generally having a good time. They are doing “Hello, Dolly” right now and I would have loved to have been in it, but not only do I have to help watch the Squirrel in the evenings, I also have school stuff that could need to be done. Granted, I rarely do any school work at home, but you never know.

*

Now the parathyroid part of tonight’s title is what the appointment was about. I had some blood work done the other day for my one-year follow up on my weight loss surgery. (By the way, I have lost 106 pounds since September 2018. It should be more, but I am a bad rule-follower.)  Anyhoo, my blood work showed elevation of my calcium and parathyroid hormone AND a little bit on my  Vitamin D, so my doctor sent me to an endocrinologist.  He wants me to adjust my Vitamin D, take some more labs at the end of March, see him again in mid-April, and if it still seems to warrant attention, he will refer me to an endocrinology surgeon, who will, after doing some studies, most likely want to take my parathyroid gland or glands out. Rest assured this does not thrill me. I have spent the last year trying to dig out from under the medical bills that have piled up as a result of my weight loss surgery. Alas, I have realized that if you have medical insurance, you will ALWAYS have outstanding medical bills because they will always keep finding things that need fixed!

*

Oh well. I am extremely thankful to have insurance through my job, and to have been able to have my weight loss surgery and to know that if I have anything else that goes wrong, I will be able to have it taken care of.  That’s always a blessing.

*

Well, I guess that’s about all the news that is news. I’ll try to think of more entertaining things to write about and post here more often.

*

Until next time,

D.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do You Hear the People Sing? May 17, 2018

Hello all!!  Wow, am I all over the map today.  I have the whole “Do You Hear the People Sing” thing stuck in my head because… it’s the last day of school AND Les Mis auditions at Ardmore Little Theatre were five years ago tomorrow.  OBVIOUSLY I’m an emotional wreck. But totally in a good way.

*

First, the last day of school is a major milestone.  It feels like barely a few days ago I was working in my classroom, getting ready for school to start, being scared, nervous, intimidated, and completely unsure if I were supposed to be here.  I made it through the year though, survived all the moments when I felt like I should run away and become a sheep herder in Tibet, and kept plowing despite a somewhat critical bout with depression.  I think I’ve come to the conclusion that the first year of teaching is about like the first year of college:  I’ve probably gained at least fifteen pounds since I was hired.  Still, it’s been a good year.  I’ve tried to operate in a mode of loving these kids and remembering that they ARE just KIDS.  They are not fully formed humans yet, and they can be jerks on occasion.  Sadly, many adults can be jerks too, but that’s another post.  The point is… IT’S THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL!! WOOOO!

*

Second, the anniversary of the auditions for Les Miserables (I don’t know how to type it with all the correct little accent marks) is tomorrow.  FIVE years ago tomorrow, I got on a stage and sang in front of strangers, and opened the door to a world I couldn’t have imagined.  It has brought me some of the greatest joy and the worst pain I’ve experienced in the last few years.  Between great new friends, disappointing audition results, crushes that were not meant to be, sharing the worst pain of those new friends,  celebrating victories and learning new things I never knew I could do… theatre has been a blessing in my life.  Note: the featured image of this post is my best friend who I met at auditions and who played Madame Thenardier.  She was and is nine kinds of awesome!

*

I haven’t been actually ON stage in a long time, because I allowed myself to feel like I was too fat and ugly to be up there, (and also that I wasn’t really a good enough actor) but I’m hoping to conquer that this season.  There are a couple of shows I wouldn’t mind auditioning for, directors I would love to work with, and of course, the chance to reprise a role and play the same character I played when I first started, when we produce a new entry in the Buttermilk series: A Dark and Stormy Night at the Buttermilk Hotel, written partly by one of those new theatre friends.  I’ll have hopefully had my weight loss surgery a few months before the Buttermilk play is ready to audition, and I’ll be feeling a lot better about my weight. I’m also probably going to start working with a practitioner of FDN, functional diagnostic nutrition, and getting some health issues solved even before I have surgery.  We’ll see how it works.

*

So back to the last day of school.  I just feel like I want to try to remember everything.  So far it’s been a good day, but it’s only 2nd hour!  I’m going to finish this post and grade the tests from 1st hour.  Let the day only go up from here!  And in only three weeks, I’ll be on my way to ALASKA!!! Yessss!

Until next time,

D.

 

 

Big Dreams and Near Horizons April 30, 2018

Hello all!  This has been a crazy year and I have really fallen off the habit of updating this blog.  With any luck, maybe I can improve upon that.  Let’s see.  Where to start?

*

One of the biggest things that has been going on has actually just concluded.  Last night was the final performance of the final show of the season for my local community theatre, and * I * was the director!  The show was called Ripcord.  It was about two little old ladies who live in a senior center and share a room.  One of them is bitter and jaded and cranky, and the other is perpetually perky, chirpy and talkative.  The cranky one wants the room to herself (of course) and the perky one just wants the bed by the window.  They decide to make a bet.  If Cranky Abby can make Chirpy Marilyn mad, she wins.  If Marilyn can make Abby scared, she wins.  They begin to pull all kinds of pranks on each other to win the bet and achieve their ends.  It’s a wonderful script, and it was a wonderful show.

*

The experience started with auditions back in mid-March and ended last night with the final performance and set strike (arguably the least enjoyable part of community theatre, or any theatre, from what I understand).  I was blessed to be able to cast a bunch of really talented people, and also had some VERY talented set designers and light designers.  They helped me out every step of the way and I couldn’t have done it without them.

*

I expected to be emotional at the end.  You know, to cry during the final bows of the closing performance, but I didn’t.  The only time I cried was actually the second night, when they had had an exceptional performance and a great audience, and I cried during one pivotal scene and during the final bows that night.  Last night, all I felt was pride and relief.  People keep asking me if I’m going to do it again, and even though there were moments when I said “NEVER AGAIN!” I will probably end up doing it if the right show comes along.  I expect that to take a long time though, and I would really like to try to be back ON stage again first.  Right now, though, I feel too fat and unattractive to be onstage, and I don’t plan to audition again until I lose more than a few pounds, which leads me to one of the next big things I have hopefully coming up this year.

*

Since I returned to teaching, I found out that our insurance covers weight loss surgery.  I have been contemplating doing that for a long time now.  Within the next month I am planning to start the process toward surgery and will hopefully be having the procedure done in September or sometime in the fall.  I’m not sure which procedure it will be; it all depends on what the doctor recommends.  In the meantime, I have something REALLY special to look forward to, and it is one of the biggest dreams I have had for many years.

*

The Boy and I are going to Alaska!  Yes, indeedy, we have a vacation planned to Alaska in June.  I haven’t been back since I worked there in the summer of 2015 (one of my most amazing adventures EVER!) and now that I will have some free time in the summer, I’ve saved some funds and I’m taking at least ONE of my kids and showing him the most beautiful and awesome place in the world!  I’m SO looking forward to it.  I can’t wait to show him the places I went and the things I got to do.  I’m just really praying we have a great time.  I have so much planned!

*

That is, of course, all depending on surviving the last few weeks of school.  I totally expect to be fine, but these final days of the school year will be challenging.  The kids get restless, the schedule gets busy and packed with interruptions, and the days get hotter.  I know I won’t have too many difficulties, and if I do, at least I have some big things to look forward to, and one big thing to look back on, and hopefully that will keep my head above water.

*

With that, I need to get back to lesson planning.  So many things to anticipate, it’s hard to keep my focus, but the only way to get to where I want to go is to pass through where I am.

*

Until next time,

D.

 

Teaching, Directing, And Other New Adventures July 22, 2017

Hello all!  What a hot, hot day here in my world.  So much has been going on lately, it’s quite crazy.

*

First of all, I think I have probably posted before about going back to college, getting my degree after 30, my one year of teaching, the tornado, the house fire, how difficult it all was, and how I survived and grew stronger, but I didn’t really think I’d ever be able to teach again?  Well… I wouldn’t have believed it, but the Universe had other plans.  An opportunity arose, I seized it, and now I am the new 10th grade English teacher at my hometown high school!!  It’s almost miraculous, honestly.  I would probably never have gotten the chance without the help of a couple of amazing women and outstanding teachers, my friends D.B and D.J.  Between the two of them, they made me aware of the opportunity, encouraged me to go for it, prepared me for it, put in good words for me, and are helping make my first year back in about nine years easier by leaving a road map of lesson plans and complete units for me to use.  I am excited and nervous, and scared and thrilled and determined and ready.  I just pray so hard that I do a good job and make a difference in my students’ lives!!

*

Theatre things are also cooking along like crazy.  I am now not only on the Board of Directors for the theatre, I’m the VP.  That in itself would be amazing for me, but on top of that, in their wisdom or insanity, I’m never sure which, my fellow board members voted to allow me to direct a show in the next season!  I’ll be directing a small cast play in March and April, called Ripcord by David Lindsay-Abaire. I am so, so looking forward to it, and I am so amazed and thrilled they gave me a chance.  In other news, the theatre is doing Oklahoma! this summer.  It has already opened and has five performances left.  I am planning to see it tonight and I’m sure it will be wonderful.

*

Theatre is bittersweet for me now, in a lot of ways. It is one of those places where the faces stay the same but the relationships ebb and flow, and someone you felt close to in one show may feel like a stranger in the next.  Or you may feel you fit in, and then feel like a stranger peeping in the window of your own living room.  I miss certain people who used to be part of it all, and I miss feeling like I am close to the heart of it.  Oddly, I became VP and immediate began to struggle with my enthusiasm for it, in the face of changing friendships and allegiances.  But I suspect that’s normal.

*

I’m really looking forward to tonight, though.  As I said, the theatre is doing Oklahoma! this summer and my mom and I are taking my 90 year old grandfather.  I think he will very much enjoy the show.  I was supposed to be shadowing the director on this one, learning and preparing for my directorial debut, but after I got the school job, everything else in my mind just kind of jumped into the backseat and I gradually faded out of the show.

*

Also, my son has had a rough summer.  He did some summer school, which he hated, but he has also been struggling with his moods and emotions, and it has been difficult.  We struggle on a daily basis to be able to see his path and his future, and it is… well, difficult.  He is just not your average bear, and we have a hard time knowing what to do with him.

*

Clearly I have a million things occupying my mind, so much so that sometimes, like now, when I want to be able to SAY something, my brain is nothing but drowsiness and white noise.  OH!  I have also been doing my best to plan another trip back to Alaska, AKA The Mother Ship.  If all goes well in school this year and I am rehired for next year, I am taking The Boy and myself, and we are going to the Great Northern Frontier, and we are going to have many, many adventures.  No matter what!

*

I think maybe that’s all for now.  I’m going to do my best to write more often here.  Maybe I’ll find something worth saying.

*

Until Next Time,

D.

 

 
The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Shawn L. Bird

Original poetry, commentary, and fiction. All copyrights reserved.

Broadside

Smart and surprising

Mostly Bright Ideas

Some of these thoughts may make sense. But don't count on it.

Mad Scientist.Crazy Mom

Welcome to my laboratory: five kids on a farm

A Clean Surface.

simplicity, organization, inspiration, minimalism, humor...and reality

She Likes Purple

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Crazy with a side of Awesome Sauce

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

musings of a madwoman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Glam-O-Mommy

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

happily ever me

a life in progress

mighty maggie

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Writing Finger

Translations of Poetry from Galician and Spanish into English

The Better Man Project ™

a man chasing dreams