The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Straight Outta WalMart! February 8, 2020

Filed under: Freaky Happenings,Mood Swings,Whatever — DDKlingonGirl @ 3:55 pm
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Hello, all! Boy, I just had the weirdest experience! I got off work from my Saturday job (Joyful, joyful) and had to go to WalMart, of all places. First thing is, I’m basically so broke I can’t even pay attention, as my dad says. But I had an old WalMart gift card in my purse, and a few dollars on another card I have, and I needed to get some more protein shakes. (Why, I’ll never know, because I am most assuredly not sticking on my prescribed eating plan very well at this point.) Anyway, I went to get them. Naturally, I couldn’t get out of the store without buying SOMEthing I wasn’t there for, and I wound up with two little tiny bags of Cheetos and a king size pack of peanut M&Ms, along with my case of Equate brand chocolate protein shakes. (Don’t even get me started on how aggravating it is to have to settle for the el cheapo brand instead of the Premier. Premier is SO much better!)

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So anyway. I bought these things after waiting in line in the ‘20 Items or Less’ lane behind this rather crazy looking old lady who literally had $200 worth of stuff and nowhere NEAR only 20 items! Maybe that was what caused what I am about to describe. Maybe it wasn’t. I’ll never know, but as I walked toward the door, I saw the employee they have stationed there to check your receipt as you walk out, and that’s when it happened.

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Now let me just give some background info here.  There is a local Facebook page in our area called Rants & Raves Carter County where people are constantly griping about every possible aspect of shopping at our WalMart. It’s too busy, it’s too expensive, it’s too understaffed, you have to check yourself out (“And I don’t work there! I don’t get paid to check my own groceries!”), and on and on and on. One of the favorite things people love to nag about is having to show their receipt as they walk out. They’ll say it makes them feel like they are being treated like a thief, which is just adding insult to injury after WalMart has had the audacity to expect them to check out their own groceries! There is a small contingent on the page who recognize the absurdity of complaining about such a thing, and frequently share their opinion, explaining repeatedly that it’s for the customer’s benefit because it’s supposed to help prevent theft and keep costs low, and so on. Unfortunately it falls on deaf ears, and there are a number of people who seem to take pride in being rude to the poor door person who is just trying to do their job by asking to see the receipts, and even if they aren’t actually rude, they still refuse to cooperate, simply saying ‘No, thank you’ and never breaking stride as they sail out the door.

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Now I’ve always been one of those people who will stop and show my receipt and never even care about it. No big deal, right? I understand why it’s done, and I don’t feel offended and I don’t even get bent out of shape about having to use the self checkout. But for some reason, today was different. I noticed someone having their receipt checked when I walked INTO the store, and I thought about the rants and raves page and I saw the somewhat annoyed look on the guy’s face who was having his receipt checked, and I wondered if he was having a hard time keeping his cool about it and whether I’d see yet another post about receipt checking on Fb later.

*

The weird thing was, when I finally got my own four items checked out and headed for the door, I was still quite a little distance from the receipt checker when I saw her glance my way and she was speaking to someone else, but began to turn her body and reach out her hand ever so slightly toward me as her next stop, and the jolt of anger that went through me was like a lightning bolt in my stomach. It was a shot of pure rage that screamed in my head, “Don’t you DARE ask me to stop and show you my receipt!!” And I have NO IDEA WHY!! And I glanced at her as she said in a syrupy-sweet voice, “Hello! Do you have your receipt today?” And without slowing down one iota, I snatched my receipt out of the top of my purse, held it up without even looking at her, (I’m pretty sure I had a sarcastic/snarky/snotty look on my face) and walked right past her out the door. I’m pretty sure I heard her call behind me, “Have a nice day!” When I got outside I was muttering to myself, and I’m pretty sure there was some inexplicably foul language in there somewhere, warning her after the fact that she better not even think of asking me to stop and show my receipt and she could kiss my…well, you know.

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So there you have it. The strangest thing that has happened to me in a while.  I can’t explain it. I can’t defend it. All I know is it happened. I was kind of a jerk to the door person at WalMart for absolutely no known reason.  Better beware… who knows who I’ll turn on next!!

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Until next time,

D.

 

For the Love of Zanax!! May 24, 2018

Filed under: Mood Swings,Whatever — DDKlingonGirl @ 8:46 pm
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Hello, all! I’m reaching out via The Journals tonight because I just need a place to vent. I took my “Happy Medicine” late today, might possibly have missed a day earlier this week, and now I just want to grab the entire world by the shoulders and shake it until its collective teeth rattle.

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Let’s see. Where to start? Primarily I think the problem arises because I spend too much time on Facebook. It’s my nemesis, my downfall, my electronic drug of choice. It’s the place where I share most of what I’m doing but comparatively fewer of my actual thoughts, lest I get into an argument with a stranger, or worse, a friend, or possibly get a free diagnosis of what I call FDD: Facebook Disclosure Disorder. FDD is the tendency to share one’s EVERY thought, mood, opinion, struggle, triumph, meal, baby, pet, funny meme, or religious conviction. I have a mild case of it, and I have many friends who are suffering from TERMINAL FDD.

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So I edit myself. I don’t say what I think the vast majority of the time, especially not on days like today.  I wouldn’t have any friends left. Seriously. Unflattering selfies, political GARBAGE, whiny life problems (I deleted two of mine in that particular category today for fear I was coming across as a big ol’ baby), you name it. I was in Super B^*% Verbal Slap Down mode today. I would have given anything to just let go on some people.

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Politics is driving me crazy. I can’t stand either side, but I think I have become more liberal-leaning at this phase of my life, and I am absolutely sick to death of the posts I see every day. “They want you to die in a school shooting so they can take away our guns”?!? Seriously? Nobody in politics WANTS children to die in school shootings!! I saw that meme today and I nearly lost it.

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On the other hand I have a friend who shares no fewer than 50 anti-Trump memes a day. Every last one of them just makes me want to gag, not because I like the guy, but because “OK, WE GET IT! You are a liberal and you hate Trump!! Why don’t you post about what you had for lunch or something, like everyone else!” I can’t stand him, I’ll admit it. I cringe and retch every time I see his face, hear his voice, or read something he supposedly said. But for crying out loud, find something else to talk about once in a  while!

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Anyway. I’ve got a million other things to whine, complain, and worry about, but I am beginning to get to that point in my rant where I fully realize I just sound like a cranky douche-canoe and I should just shut up. I just have so much work to do in and around my house, so many things I need to be doing, and so little desire and energy to do them! And I need help with about half of them and help is taking its sweet time coming.

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Even Alaska has become a source of stress. I can’t make up my mind on my itinerary, what days I want to do what tours, and whether or not I want to cut my stay short in one town and add a day in another. I have several options, I guess, but I just don’t know how we’re going to feel or what kind of mood we (read: The Boy) are going to be in, so I don’t know what I should plan for. I know I’m trying to cram a whole summer’s worth of recreated memories into a week-ish  vacation. I just want The Boy to enjoy Alaska and love it as much as I do. Mostly I am super aggravated at myself for not making it longer to start with, because now it is much too expensive to change my flights, so I am stuck trying to prioritize what experiences I most want him to have, and it’s hard.

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Anyway. I just hope and pray we have a good time. I’m sure we will, but it will help if I learn to relax and go with the flow. I’m definitely going to try.

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Until next time,

D.

 

C’s The Day April 5, 2016

Filed under: A-Z,Mood Swings,Weight Woes,Whatever — DDKlingonGirl @ 10:31 pm
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Hello, all! I have technically failed the April writing challenges already, since I didn’t write yesterday. But you know what? We are not going to worry about that.  Not a thing we can do to turn back time, so might as well move forward from here. I was going to try to catch up by combining this entry into a C post AND a D post but I decided it was too late at night for that. My C topics are cats, candy, and crying.

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About the cats.  We have three. Yes, I know for most people that is three too many, but hey, I know someone who has NINE cats. Anyway, I don’t love them and I don’t necessarily hate them. I just hate the consequences of having them in my life. When the kids don’t clean out the litter box, my house smells. They have literally destroyed the carpet under every single door in this house by scratching to get into or out of rooms with shut doors.  And they have also destroyed my couch. I mean, granted, that thing is on its third owner. But it would still be in better shape if we didn’t have cats.

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Candy is just something there is no longer any of, left in my house. My family had their Easter celebrations late because my parents were out of town until this past weekend. My mom made baskets for everyone and there was quite a lot of candy to be had around here. This is, of course, a bad thing, because where there is candy, I will, of course, eat it. I have been engaging in a fierce battle with myself lately about eating and food and weight and self esteem, and I am losing that battle in spectacular fashion: I eat, I gain weight, I utterly loathe myself and everything about me.  This is a bad thing, and I know it. I know I am supposed to believe that people are beautiful no matter what size they are.  I am supposed to remember that sexy is an attitude. And I am supposed to know without a doubt that the most important part of any person is NOT what you see on the scale or in the mirror. I can’t do that and I don’t know why. I can’t believe or remember or know. I wish I could. I’m working on it.

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Which leads me to the final topic, crying. I have done a lot of that lately and I know it hasn’t done me a bit of good. I just have to throw off my pity party hat and throw on my “I have done this before and I can do it again” hat. Yes, it sucks royally to have to re-lose weight you have already lost once, to fight yet again a battle you have fought over and over before. I don’t know what the secret is, but if I figure it out, I will be sure to pass it on.

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And now, my C poem:

Catch me if you can

as I fall into a river of tears.

i shed them.

They come in a downpour

and rise high enough to sink ships.

My sunglasses sit on my face.

I’d like to think they hide my eyes

but really

they don’t.

my eyes are seen behind them

as the tears seep out from underneath.

Crying.

DD

4/5/16

11:25pm

 

Until next time,

D.

 

 

 

Just Hanging Ten and Riding the Old Mood Wave September 2, 2013

Honey Badger

Honey Badger (Photo credit: Rainbirder)

Hello all.  Today is one of those days where it wouldn’t take much for me to become that woman in the news clip who is seen being wrestled into the back seat of a police car by five or six burly cops who could give The Incredible Hulk a run for his money, simply because the cashier at the grocery store, or the guy in the next car at the stoplight, or the neighbor to the north whose back yard just went up in flames, or one of her own offspring, said something that she in her pre-hormonal state just kind of took wrong and with little or no warning became a raging ball of psycho that even a rabid honey badger would skirt around with caution.

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In short… I AIN’T in a good mood.  Aside from the reasons for this hinted at in the preceding paragraph (pre-hormonal state, obnoxious neighbors, offspring), I am basically just at a loss as to explain why I am so volatile at the moment.  It’s not like things are going badly.  My birthday’s coming up, I have plans to go to the local Little Theater and see a new play this week, an event for which I will also be reuniting with my Les Mis castmates, the house didn’t catch on fire when the neighbor’s yard went up in flames this afternoon… I have plenty of reasons to be in a better mood than the one I’m in.

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Today was one of those days where I had to self-edit much more heavily than usual.  Every time I wanted to post something on social media or send someone a text message, I had to think, “Ok, do I REALLY have anything to say that is worth hearing at this point, or am I merely about to complain, whine, gripe, grouch, or otherwise suck the joy out of someone’s day?”  When it turned out that the answer to that question was ‘no and yes’ then I decided Grandma’s old adage was definitely applicable, and if I couldn’t say something nice… well, you know the rest.

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Then finally, late in the day, I was able to share something humorous and positive, which was that I had finished my playlist for Little Theater set construction days.  When I help with building sets, I am surrounded by several older guys who, for the most part, don’t appreciate music by people like Gaga, Beyoncé, or any of the other artists whose music might be likely to appear on my teenage daughter’s iTunes, so I created a playlist of mostly 50s and 60s rock and similar songs, which I know my set-building cohorts will likely really enjoy.  We just finished the set for the play that opens on Thursday, and now I can’t wait for the next one to start.  And hopefully, I will be working on set as a cast member next time, because I plan to audition for a role in this one.  Granted, I have never acted in a non-musical play in my life, and I really don’t know what I’m doing, but what the hey.  Gotta start somewhere, right?

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So anyway.  Not much else going on, really.  My trip to Charleston is a mere four and a half weeks away, which is amazing.  I can’t wait to go, but I wish I had gotten my act together and stayed serious about WW a couple months ago so I could have been at a smaller size for this trip.  But oh well.  It is what it is, as they say.  And besides, if I’d been a smaller size, I would have had to shop for new clothes for the trip, and ‘ain’t nobody got funds for that!’  (Slight adaptation of the popular meme.)

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With regard to men and relationships, my current dry spell makes Death Valley look lush.  I still have the monster crush on the one guy from Les Mis, but not much is happening there.  We are friends, and we work on sets together, and that is all.  Possibly one day something will change, but I am thinking perhaps I should resign myself to a future career as a sheep herder in Tibet, or start looking into becoming a nun.

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In reality though, I will probably be too busy to worry about the non-date-filled status of my schedule, because I am about to begin training to be a literacy tutor volunteer, and once I get assigned a student or two, I will have several hours less time to think about it.  The recommended amount of time to spend with a student is two hours, twice a week.  Which is actually quite a lot to expect of a volunteer tutor, if you ask me, but no one did.  And again, I will be building sets for the next play, and with luck, will be in rehearsals for same, so I will have plenty to occupy my time.

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So overall, I guess I can consider today a success primarily because I did NOT go ballistic and commit aggravated assault on someone for no apparent reason other than hormones and mood swings, and my house didn’t catch on fire, and I have a ton of things to be thankful for, and really I am.  I have much to look forward to, and much to keep me busy, so those tiny little issues that are mere ‘fly in the ointment’ things should be pretty easy to just ignore.  I’m going to give it my best shot, anyway.

 

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Until next time,

D.

PS- By way of announcements, I have been doing a lot of editing and adding to the Poetry and Fiction page at the top of the blog- if you like poetry or are interesting in reading mine, please feel free to check it out.

 

White-Coat-and-Hypodermic Rant on the Subject of Attraction July 12, 2013

English: Robert Plutchik's Wheel of Emotions

English: Robert Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hello all.  Fear sucks.  Can we just get that out of the way right here and now.  Fear of rejection, fear of pain, fear of embarrassment.  When you don’t really know someone all that well, but you know just enough about them to think you could really like them a lot, but you don’t know if they are in a place where they’re looking for someone, and you don’t know if they see you the same way you see them, because sometimes you get little tiny vibes, but they’re completely unreliable because the object of your attention is equally friendly, kind, charming and respectful to everybody, and also because you have serious self-worth issues and every time you start to think that maybe they do like you, that voice in your head tells you you’re not the type of person someone as awesome as this would ever like, much less love, and you start to decide the vibes are just your own wishful thinking, and while we’re on the topic, why is this still a problem at the AGE of 40?!  High school was a lifetime ago.  Have you really not matured that much??

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And then you stop and breathe.  And all the excuses and the justifications and the reasons why you are and should be alone start creeping in and battling with hope, and you suddenly find you have given up again.  Until the next time you look in his eyes and hope starts stirring and breathing again, and getting to its feet for another round.

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Until next time,

D.

 

Just Keep Swimming April 1, 2013

Filed under: Mood Swings,Sweatin' It Out! — DDKlingonGirl @ 4:35 pm
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Medieval Fair in Norman, Oklahoma, United States.

Medieval Fair in Norman, Oklahoma, United States. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hello all.  Feeling the urge to write today, but not really feeling what I want to say, so that tells me I’m just looking for an outlet.  A vent.  An escape hatch.  Don’t worry, I’m not going to do any of that today.  I wanted to write a post last week all about the marriage equality thing that was causing firestorms all over Facebook and elsewhere.  I wrote some notes on things that I wanted to say about it, but I can’t seem to find the right moment.  Sadly, I haven’t spoken my mind because I know how it will be received, and quite frankly, I’m just not up to the criticism.  That should give you a clue.

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My new presence on Twitter (@DDKlingonGirl) is taking off rather slowly.  I have “protected my Tweets” so that people have to send me a request to follow.  I did this because I didn’t want any fake profiles, spammers, or porn-promos following me, and I’ve already had to reject about 10 of them.  Also because I really didn’t plan to stay on there after The Blathering, unless I make some really good friends through the experience.

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Ok, maybe I do need to say one vent-y thing, and I know I’m not in a solo boat here:  I hate mood swings!  In the dictionary under ‘just want to cry’ it says see me.  Some things in life just keep turning up like a bad penny, and it seems like they show up for no other reason than just to jack with your mind.  My eating habits, my thoughts about church stuff, my plans for my son’s education, and a few other things come to mind.  I wish I had insurance, because I’m about 99% sure I need to be on meds for bipolar, at the very least.  (My regular long-time readers’ response:  “Ya THINK!?”)  Or maybe I am just a moody sort of person who needs an attitude adjustment from time to time?

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Anyway.  It’s all good, because as soon as I get off work (about 45 minutes from now) I plan to go to my mom’s work fitness center and do my C25k.  Just hit the treadmill until I can shake this off.  And also, I’m going to look forward to next weekend.  I’ve got a new experience planned!  I’m going to Medieval Faire up in Norman.  Partly because I love that stuff and I’ve always wanted to go to one, but primarily to check out one of the Irish bands that’s playing.   I used to talk to one of the band’s members on an online dating site, and I’ve never heard him play.  🙂  That sounds like stalking, doesn’t it?  Maybe I shouldn’t admit to that.  Oh well.

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Until next time,

D.

 

The Opposite of Yesterday March 20, 2013

Filed under: Lovin' Life,Mood Swings,Victories! — DDKlingonGirl @ 11:19 am
Tags: , , , , , , , ,
JOG fleet heading for the finish Solent race.

JOG fleet heading for the finish Solent race. (Photo credit: JOG offshore yacht racing)

Hello all.  Ok, I just re-read my last post, and y’all- I am such a whiner-baby!  Really.  I am so thankful for all my friends, family, and assorted others who endure repeat after repeat of posts like yesterday’s where I am always on the same darned hamster wheel, yet still continue to read me- it makes me feel so loved.  BUT… you know what?  Sometimes, just sometimes, getting it all out and venting a little can be a good thing.

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Specifically, I’m thinking of the exercise thing.  Yesterday was a workout day, and I wanted to get my C25k workout in, but I figured the high school track was still closed and I didn’t really want to do it around my neighborhood.  Ridiculous, I know.  Just bear with me.  So it was about half an hour before I had to leave work, and suddenly it occurred to me:  Why not do my workout… at work?  I work in a church building.  My actual office area is this huge wide-open space, tucked away from the rest of the building, just right for this sort of thing.  So I did it!   I started the app, set my phone down on the corner of a desk on the far side of the room, and took off!  My knees were still a little achy, and I definitely wasn’t setting any land speed records, but I did it!  And since I wasn’t carrying my phone with me, I wasn’t tempted to keep watching the time and feeling overwhelmed.  This was Week 3 Day 1, and I completed it perfectly!  I jogged both of the 3-minute segments and both of the 90-second segments, AND I did arm exercises as well during the walking parts!  And the 3-minute jogging segments that I was so worried about? They were not bad at all!  The workout seemed to go by really quickly, and I felt happy and satisfied with myself, and just… pretty fierce!

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AND… I also came up with the idea to set a timer on my phone to help me hit my WW ActiveLink baseline.  Every 45 minutes or so, I’ve been walking from my little corner in the building alllll the way up to the opposite front corner of the building and going up and down the stairs a couple of times.

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AND… I studied the Help and FAQ sections on Twitter so I kind of get more what it’s all about now, and I might feel a little less inept at actually using it.

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AND… the kids will be going to visit their father for a few days this week, so I will have some time available to cultivate friendships or relationships by maybe inviting someone out to do something.

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There, see?  Ranting, raving and venting can actually sometimes serve a purpose.  Once you’ve gotten all the aggravation and frustration out of the way, you can actually start to consider solutions.  Which is also the focus of this blog post I read today.  I wish I could write more like she does, but at least I can share it and point people in her direction.  Another goodie I found was this post.  I read the obituary she mentioned and thought, “What a great way to go!”

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Basically, I’m on the opposite end of the swing from where I was yesterday, which is always good.  Another thing I’ve been wanting to talk about is that I use the YouVersion app on my phone, and I found a new version/edition/whatever the right word is, of the Bible that I am really enjoying reading.  Now, I know that some of these “contemporary English” versions of the Bible are suspect at best and completely corrupt at worst, but this one seems pretty good so far.  I have been reading it every day this week, which I have needed to do for a long time but just haven’t done.  This version makes it really easy.  I decided I was going to start at the beginning and read the whole thing when I was flipping through and found the part where Jesus is being tempted by Satan, you know?  And in the older English versions he says “Get thee behind me, Satan” but in this one he says “Beat it, Satan!”  I just burst out laughing.  That has never before happened while reading the Bible, and I thought it was pretty great.  So anyway.  I will have to do some more research and see if this version has any serious flaws or problems, but for now, I highly recommend The Message if you use YouVersion.

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Well, I’m behind schedule on my ActiveLink hike, so I’ll shut it down here for now.  Thanks for reading!

*

Until next time,

D.

P.S.  I was looking for images of crossing the finish line, breaking the tape, etc. for this post, and couldn’t find one I liked, but I just thought this sailboat picture was beautiful and happy.

 

 
The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Shawn L. Bird

Original poetry, commentary, and fiction. All copyrights reserved.

Broadside

Smart and surprising

Mostly Bright Ideas

Some of these thoughts may make sense. But don't count on it.

Mad Scientist.Crazy Mom

Welcome to my laboratory: five kids on a farm

A Clean Surface.

simplicity, organization, inspiration, minimalism, humor...and reality

She Likes Purple

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Crazy with a side of Awesome Sauce

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

musings of a madwoman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Glam-O-Mommy

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

happily ever me

a life in progress

mighty maggie

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Writing Finger

Translations of Poetry from Galician and Spanish into English

The Better Man Project ™

a man chasing dreams