The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Merry Chrismarch! March 1, 2016

image.jpgHello, all!  Merry Christmas!  Wait, what?  It’s March 1st?  Super Tuesday?  Oh.  Well, here’s my thinking:  when one works in the shipping and postal business at Christmastime, it causes a certain distaste for the whole season, a certain dread of the holiday and a certain feeling of just looking forward to surviving and to the holidays being over.  So I woke up today thinking about politics, and the haters and complainers and the complete circus the election process has been this time around, and I thought, “Wouldn’t it be great if all the love and good will and peace on earth stuff could be back at the forefront of people’s minds on a day like today??” So I pulled up my iTunes and started digging my Christmas playlist!  Admittedly, it’s not very extensive, consisting mostly of Glee versions and a two-album set by the Osmond family from the late 70s that I utterly loved when I was a kid.

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So, love and good will and peace on earth notwithstanding, I am coming out of the closet.  I never talk about politics with anyone I expect to get an argument from, because I detest arguing politics.  I don’t like confrontation in general, and the people in my personal circle who are most vocal about politics are not people who are likely to agree to disagree.

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I haven’t taken the time to research a lot of facts about voting records or the facts surrounding the many scandals, nor have I studied definitions of socialism in a while, or looked at government reports or independent studies.  I don’t know their bios by heart, their successes and failures in the worlds of education or business.  But I do know what I perceive without all that.  Hillary strikes me as utterly corrupt.  Donald Trump strikes me as utterly worthless.  Bernie strikes me as well-intentioned and capable.  The rest of them haven’t been on my radar enough to form an opinion. Carson, I am having trouble describing and categorizing.  He seems like a very decent person and for the most part I like his values.

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Ok, so I didn’t really come out of the closet very far.  The thing I hate about politics is the way it divides people.  It has broken my heart to see hot-headed people spouting their beliefs with no tolerance for opposing views, even to the point of breaking off ties with family and friends.  Over POLITICS!  Really?  When it comes right down to it, how could these issues be more important than the people in our lives?!  There are a couple of people I know who have voiced support of candidates, and I know how that influences my opinion of them, but I can’t bring myself to call them out on it, express to them that I think they might possibly be crazy.  However, I do very strongly believe in the importance of taking advantage of the great privilege of voting.  That’s the bottom line.  If you don’t vote, you can’t complain.  You can threaten to move to another country, or you can go hide in the wilderness and live off the grid, but you can’t complain.  If you don’t vote, you give up that right.

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Thanks for reading!  Now GO VOTE!

Until next time,

D.

 

 

 

Maybe I’m Too Easily Entertained March 25, 2015

My motto for life, apparently!

My motto for life, apparently!

Hello all!  Ok, I don’t think this is likely to happen:  I don’t think I am in any danger of anyone thinking I am cool.  Or hip.  Or with-it.  Or fleek, or whatever the word is these days.  Ok?  Pretty sure nobody has ever mistaken me for any of those things, BUT.  Just in case I’m ever on the verge of being thought of as having or possessing in any way, any modicum of cool-ness, let me dispel that notion right here and now.

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See, because it takes a certain kind of person, a certain kind of personality, to enjoy at the age of 42 something meant to entertain 6-year-olds.  Today on the way to school, The Boy and I were listening to a CD recording of a book in the Hank the Cow Dog series.  First of all, if you have never heard of this adorable series, let me just say it is Hilarious.  With a capital H.  It is, in fact, so cleverly written as to border on brilliant.  The books themselves are adorable, but listening to them read on CD is even more special.  They are read and voiced by the author himself.

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Now, the particular story we were listening to was called The Case of the Tricky Trap, wherein:

Someone has been stealing feed out of the feed shed, and Hank knows that it’s his job to do whatever he can to help nab the culprit. Slim sets a live-animal trap in the shed, and Hank checks it in the middle of the night. Unfortunately, the trap is a little trickier than Hank anticipated, and in the process of his investigation Hank manages to get himself…well…trapped. Can Hank find a way out of this sticky situation?

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The thing I enjoy most about these stories on CD is absolutely the voices.  What intrigues and entertains me about these voices is that they are all done by the same person, but each one is a completely different, completely developed character.  For the last two evenings I’ve been watching auditions for the new show ALT is doing, their final show of the season, Tuna Does Vegas.  I usually love watching auditions because it’s interesting to see how people interpret characters, and it’s something I am just learning.  Sometimes people take things in a way you would never expect, and the result is usually pants-wetting funny!

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So back to Hank.  As you might expect from a story set in the Texas panhandle, there are two buzzards in the series- a father and son duo of buzzards called Wallace and Junior.  In this episode, Wallace is getting a huge kick out of the fact that poor old clueless Hank has gotten himself stuck in a trap, and decides to entertain him with a song.  (There’s almost always a song in these stories, and they are genius!)

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Right about the time it was time for The Boy to get out of the car and go in to school, this song was cueing up.  Now don’t we assume that most moms would turn off the kid music when the kid gets out of the car?  Aren’t most moms dying for adult music, news, ads, talk radio, or anything you might hear on your morning commute?  Well, not this mom. The Boy gets out of the car, flashes me a wicked grin, and says “Enjoy your song, Mom!” And as he shuts the door, I crank up the volume a little more and listen to this:

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…and laugh and laugh.

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Maybe I’m just blowing off stress because I leave for Alaska SIX WEEKS from tomorrow!  I have three weeks to pack up my office and get it ready to move to Tennessee.  Then three weeks more to get new clothes bought and ship a few things I can’t take on the plane with me.  It’s going to go super fast.  Yikes!  Stay tuned for my new blog detailing my Alaska adventures.  Also plan to join Instagram for the purpose of sharing all the pictures people keep begging me to post, so watch for that.

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Until next time,

D.

 

So Many Moods, So Little Time! March 16, 2015

Filed under: General Observations — DDKlingonGirl @ 9:22 am
Tags: , ,

Pos Neg balance

Hello all!  Today has been such an emotional roller coaster day that it’s actually comical.  You can tell this by observing my first two Facebook posts of the day.  Except, oh- you can’t observe them because I posted them to Only Me.  That’s ok, Therapy Journals readers will be in the Secret Inner Circle. The day started great, and went downhill in a hurry.  My first two Facebook posts of the day demonstrate the point.

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First post:  (accompanied by a smiling picture of me in a new pink, lacy shirt my little sister gave my mom, who felt it didn’t fit her properly and passed on to me) “And the Pink Princess got both her contacts in on the first try and there was much rejoicing throughout the land.”

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Second post:  “If I don’t throat-punch someone by 9am, it will be a miracle!”  (I later meant to add, “Of epic proportions” but I haven’t yet.)

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The sad part is there’s really no huge reason for me to have gone from the first mood to the second mood so quickly. There were half a dozen tiny reasons, though.  When Daughter J. and I dropped Daughter S. off at her work, we went in and I bought a couple of things for my breakfast and lunch. Daughter J. had packed her a lunch at home, but unfortunately failed to grab it on her way out the door.  She picked out a replacement lunch and I paid for it, but then when we were leaving the parking lot, she stated that she wanted to go to McDonald’s.  I tried to convince her we should just go back in the store and try to find something healthy-ish for her breakfast, but I caved in, as I am famous for doing, and we went to McDonald’s.

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Before that, though, I called the telebank number for her and we checked her balance, and then I tried to check mine, and it kept telling my I had my password wrong, which was another annoyance that began to tilt the scale of balance of my mood. Anyway, back to McDonald’s.  Today is the beginning of Spring Break around here, so McD’s drive-through was dead.  We pulled in and I ordered J’s favorite, the McGriddle combo, but she likes it with bacon instead of sausage.  Here’s what I said:  “I need a McGriddle combo with bacon rather than sausage and a Sprite.”

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Now, this menu item, in its normal, company-ordained, prescribed design, comes with, does it not, 1)sausage, 2)egg, and 3)cheese?  Yes, I believe it does.  I just Googled it to make sure.  But what J got was a McGriddle sandwich….with ONLY bacon!  This turn of events annoyed me greatly, but what annoyed me further was J’s refusal to admit that she deserved what she paid for, and what she wanted, and that if we’d had time, which we didn’t, it would not be out of the realm of reasonableness for her to return to the restaurant and request that they fix it.  She kept trying to tell me I shouldn’t make a big deal of it, and she just wasn’t picky, and that maybe they were all out of eggs and cheese or something.  (This is how far this child will go in excusing other people’s stupidity.  She has a long history of it.)

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So she ate her food and went in to her job, and I went to the survey link on the receipt and gave them a scathing review, my attempt to call them and tell them on the phone what complete morons they are having failed when nobody picked up the phone.  Lucky them.

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Then I went to the post office to check the mail for my work, (while mentally telling off someone in another office that I have had to deal with recently about a REALLY annoying situation that is not getting anywhere and is time-sensitive) and there was a slip in the box to pick something up at the counter.  Turns out someone had sent something to us by return mail and it was POSTAGE DUE!  I had only brought in my car keys and my work keys, not any money of any kind, so I didn’t even bother with the pick-up slip.  I went back to my car, still grumbling like Yosemite Sam, and drove to my office. Dropped my fizzy flavored water bottle in the elevator, which meant I couldn’t open it for a while, lest it blow up.  Then when I was trying to unlock my office, I locked it instead, because I hadn’t done so when I left the last time.  Walked into my office and apparently the maintenance powers that be have decided mid-March is a great time to switch from heater to AC because my office is so cold I am pretty sure I could hang hogs in here.  Also, despite my having gotten my new contacts in on the first try today, they are blurring up a lot, which drives me insane and makes me waste half my day waiting for them to clear up.

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ANYWAY.  I checked Facebook as I so often do, and there were videos shared of my same type of church (but not my congregation) doing their normal Sunday morning acapella singing.  Which improved my mood again, because it was so pretty. And then for some reason I found myself scrolling through my friends list and I thought, “You know?  I have beautiful friends.  Look at this list of awesome beautiful people, and they are MY friends!  How cool is that?!”

So now I am typing with frozen fingers  (I didn’t even bring a jacket today because it wasn’t that cold OUTSIDE!) and my mood is about on an even keel.  For now.  I just lit a candle on my desk to see if I could bring the temp up to frigid.  Also just remembered that, DUH, I have a space heater right behind me that I forgot I had to buy because they didn’t turn OFF the AC in this building until like October.  Ah, the joys of life.  Good, bad, or in between, there is always something that’s gonna tick us off, and always something that’s gonna make us smile.  The trick is to try not to notice so much of the former and try to noticre a whole lot more of the latter.

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Until next time,

D.

PS- Stay tuned for my Alaska blog, in which I hope and plan to chronicle in detail my journey and experience in Alaska over the summer.  And here is the pic that accompanied my first Fb post today about the contacts.  That really did make me happy. Later, guys!

pink princess contacts pic

 

Couth- And Why Do So Few People Have It? December 3, 2014

Filed under: Fierce Woman Roaring,General Observations — DDKlingonGirl @ 10:10 am
Tags: , , , , ,

politeness

Hello, all!  It’s a cool, drizzly, rainy day outside my window.  The route I took to work this morning followed the route for our local Parade of Lights which was held last night, and in which I took part as a member of Ardmore Little Theatre.  ALT entered a float in the parade, and I was one of the three people walking in front of the tow-vehicle and carrying our banner.  It was a great time, and thankfully, I’m not as sore as I feared I would be from the unaccustomed and rather speedy walking I did last night.

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It was a well- attended parade.  Particularly toward the beginning of the route, people were packed in shoulder to shoulder.  There were plenty of little ones in strollers and lawn chairs, wrapped in blankets, clearly having a great time.  So what does this have to do with the title of this post?  Well…. it’s not a pretty picture.  This morning as I drove that same route to get to my office building, I noticed the sides of the streets looked very littered.  Candy wrappers, coffee cups, soda cans, and water bottles, just left there on the sidewalks and curbs for… I don’t know, someone else to pick up?

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Am I the only person bothered by this?  It sickens me.  It astounds me that people will go out to a public event, a thing that is free for them to attend, that hundreds of people have worked countless hours to plan, organize, and complete, and not even be thankful enough for others’ effort, not even be proud enough of a community that offers such pleasant holiday events, to pick up their trash?!  How is this so hard to do?  How is it hard to say “Hey, kids, look around and pick up your trash before we go.  This is our hometown.  Let’s take pride in it and take care of it.”  Am I just completely over-idealistic?  I mean, I don’t know about the rest of the world, but I was brought up on “Let’s leave it cleaner than we found it.”  Same applies for entertainment and sporting events.  It drives me bonkers to leave a movie or a football game and see trash left everywhere in all the seats, floors, and aisles.  BON… KERS!!!! How hard is it to carry it out with you and dispose of it properly?  For that matter, how hard is it to return shopping carts to the store or the cart rack?  I almost always bring in at least one or two carts left in the parking lot when I enter a store.  It’s really not that big a chore, folks.

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When did people get so tacky?  I’m just asking.

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Here’s another example.  So many people nowadays, “celebrities” and non-famous folks alike seem to think it’s great to show off their bodies to the general public, both on social media with their half-nude “selfies” and on the streets and sidewalks by the too-tight, too-short, show-and-tell, immodest clothing they wear.  And if it’s not clothing that shows off their own bodies, it carries pictures of others’ bodies, or signs or slogans that objectify, denigrate, and disrespect others’ bodies.  And if it’s not offensive content relating to bodies, then it’s just disrespect in general.  Questionable humor, distasteful words, slogans, language.  When did society decide it was ok to show off the content of our intellect by advertising it on our clothes?

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I realize that overall, the subject of manners, common decency, politeness, and “couth” as I called it in my title, is a huge, deep, multifaceted conversation to have.  We could talk about causes, roots, contributing factors, and historical culture differences all day long.  I’m not really able to intelligently discuss how or why we got here.  I don’t know.  All I have is a call to action:  My fellow humans…please…Let’s try to have more consideration, more gentility, more refinement, more manners!  Or at the very least, bring a trash bag to the parade.  Let’s just start there.

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Until next time,

D.

PS:

COUTH:  ko͞oTH
humorous
adjective
adjective: couth
  1. 1.
    cultured, refined, and well mannered.
    “it is more couth to hold your shrimp by the tail”
noun
noun: couth; plural noun: couths
  1. 1.
    good manners; refinement.
    “their hockey team had more talent but less couth”
 

We Journey On… November 10, 2014

Filed under: General Observations — DDKlingonGirl @ 10:33 am
Tags: , , ,

Pos Neg balance

Hello all.  There has been so much I have wanted to talk about lately, but when I sit down to write here, the thoughts just won’t untangle themselves and travel down through my fingers to the keys so I can get them out.  So many things have been on my mind, things that I know are on other people’s minds as well.  A woman I went to college with posted an excellent status on Facebook about social media and isolation.  I wanted to talk about that.  Campaigns and elections happened.  I wanted to talk about that.  Local news and world news and personal news happened.  I wanted to talk about that.  But today, just for now, the thing that is foremost in my mind is:  all of us have a daily battle we fight.  Ok, yeah, most of us fight a couple dozen battles every day.  The one I’m talking about is one that always seems to be in the foreground for me personally, and it is simply this:  positivity versus negativity.

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I’m sure the rest of you have noticed this battle going on around us.  Just check social media.  You have friends who post every single day about how awesome life is, how good everything is, how happy they are, how “blessed” they are.  You see them post things from Upworthy and ViralNova and whatever sites are the favorites of the most positive-seeming people.  You see them post memes (I didn’t know those had an official name, those things people post that have pictures and sayings on them.  Until I found that out, I always just called them posters.)  You see them post memes with a river or a forest, or clouds, or rainbows, with some expression or scripture on them about peace, love, and happiness.  They post their personal successes, their love stories, their befores and their afters, and they preach the Gospel of Never Give Up!

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And then there are the others.  The ones who post stuff from places that are meant to absolutely fill you with fear, dread, disgust, etc.  Gloom and Doom, Death and Destruction, POLITICAL criticism, Religious Attack, Medical Attack. General Worldwide Bad Stuff.  And they love Grumpy Cat, and that ventriloquist dummy Walter, and any other person, character, organization, or forum that gives new meaning to the term NAYsayer.  And they post about everything bad that happens.  Their car breaks down, their pants split, their dog ran away, their supper burned and their kid is driving them wacko.

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And what I’m seeing is that for me personally there is a battle.  A battle to make an occasional appearance in the first category so that I don’t take up permanent residence in the second.  I’m not sure it’s possible to be all Sunshine and Light all the time, and I’m not sure it’s healthy.  I AM sure it’s an awful lot easier for some people to be negative most of the time.  I fight so hard against that.  I know I have a tendency to lean that way.  I know about myself that I am moody at best, mercurial and manic and sometimes positive and sometimes not.  I try.  I try to balance it, is what I’m saying.  I try to acknowledge the reality that sometimes it feels like MY particular life couldn’t possibly suck any worse, while also knowing, KNOWING in my deepest soul that there is beauty in the world.  There is goodness.  There is light. There is HOPE!  Overall, I have it pretty good. I know this, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling the other way in other moments.

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I guess the main point here is that I’m asking for patience.  We need to have patience.  We need to be patient with the perpetual cheerleaders when we’d really like to punch their lights out, primarily because we feel that they just don’t understand our reality.  Intellectually maybe, they get it, but in their emotional place, they have never put their feet on OUR path.  But pay attention- here is where it gets real:  they have had their feet on their own path, and we don’t know where it has been and our feet have never been on their path either!  The same goes for the Gloom And Doom-ers. We have to be patient when we feel like finally, finally, we are in a good place, having a good day, and darn it if they are not dragging us down like a human crocodile.  Here’s the thing: we don’t wear their ‘perspectacles’ to steal a phrase from Momastery.  (Highly recommended site, BTW.)  We don’t share the events and feelings that they have walked through to get to their current scenic overlook of the world. We know our own path, and odds are it is very similar to theirs, but like snowflakes, no two people’s journeys have been the same.  AND…our own journey is not going to be the same every single day.  Some days we are going to feel like Pollyanna and some days we’re going to feel like Aunt Polly and Old Mrs. Snow.  But we journey on.  Yes.  We journey on.

Until next time,

D.

 

Just Breathe. And Trod. October 20, 2014

Filed under: General Observations — DDKlingonGirl @ 9:45 am
Tags: , , ,

Hello all.  It’s been a while, as it usually has.  You know, some days I feel like I have so much to say, and no idea how to say it.  Some days I feel like I should have much to say, and I just… don’t.  Right now, I’m feeling something I just don’t have words for.  I’m tired.  I think this tiredness stems from being too much aware of the complexities and eccentricities of this thing called Life, and humanity, and this world, and the things in it.  Things that are exquisitely beautiful, and things that are so ugly as to tear the heart and soul into tiny little jagged-edged pieces.

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I wonder sometimes if we wouldn’t all be better off if we lived back in the frontier days.  The pioneer days where we didn’t have to deal with knowing what was going on in so many other places, days when all that mattered was whether or not there was going to be enough food on the table for that day, and whether we were secure from attack by outside forces like foreign soldiers or Native peoples or the unpredictable nature of the weather.

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Life was always a battle, though.  Life was always a struggle to contend with, a path to be trod with unrelenting determination.  The reward for some was something looked forward to in the unknowable future- heaven.  For some the reward was simply the pride that came from continuing to survive and live to trod another day.  Maybe there are more rewards that I just don’t have the ability to articulate now.  Maybe the only reward for topping one hill is the gift of a brief, easy downhill stroll until the next hill starts to rise in front of us.   Maybe, just maybe, the reward is the view from the path, and the little pebbles and flower petals we reach down and pick up along the way.

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So many little stresses.  So many things to worry about and think endlessly about.  So many things to try to figure out what’s going to happen about.  Jobs, parenting, friends, relationships, family, beliefs, society, the world.  We can drive ourselves bananas in a heartbeat.  There’s only so much room on a mountaintop in Tibet, or a cabin in an isolated woods in Alaska, two of my favorite locations for “escape jokes.”  We can’t all go there.  We can’t all run away and hide.  Eventually all the problems and stresses and things to handle would join us there and we’d have to find another place to run.

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What do people do?  What do people do when maybe they don’t know what they think or where they stand or what they can lean on?  How do they keep trodding?  I know some don’t.  Most do.  How do they fill their lives with enough light to see the next step?

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I realize this post is just chock full of the rhetorical, metaphorical, and vague.  I don’t really know what I’m even trying to say.  These are just my thoughts.  On a day when it feels like you actually have to push up on the air around you to have space to even breathe.  On the elevator to my office this morning I was thinking about some fairly insignificant things I needed to handle, and I sort of growled to myself and thought “Argh.  This is the day I’m going to have.”  And of course many of you might know what immediately happened when the Universe caught that thought and lobbed it back at me with a quick backhand:  “This is the day that the Lord has made.  I will rejoice and be glad in it.”  The words popped into my head as soon as my own thought left it.  So that’s the goal.  Just rejoice and be glad.

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Until next time,

D.

 

The Things That Amaze You When You Never Leave the House! August 29, 2014

Filed under: General Observations — DDKlingonGirl @ 10:52 am
Tags: , , ,

Cappuccino Lays

Hello all!  Ok, so I really need to get out more!  Went to Wal-Mart this morning and here is a list of the Top 10 Things I Had No Idea You Could Buy at WalMart:

10. Squid

9. Octopus

8. Caviar

7. Apple Ale

6. Cappuccino flavored Lays potato chips

5. Pretzel buns for hamburgers and hot dogs

4. Naked Superfood

3. Champagne salad dressing

2. Prosciutto

1. Ketone Gummies

 

Disclaimer:  Some of these I have discovered only in recent weeks, some I just discovered today.  I did not actually purchase any of these.  However, cappuccino chips, pretzel buns, and champagne salad dressing are on my list of things to buy if I ever fall off the low carb wagon and go completely insane.  I have been known to let out an ear-splitting squeal of delight when I discovered that the Pretzel Dogs were back at Sonic. Not something I’m proud of, per se.  Just confessing.

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So who wants to start a new program where they merely take me out all over town and show me things you cannot know exist when you live with your face stuck in a book all the time?

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Until next time,

D.

PS.  While googling images for this post, I saw an image I SWEAR has GOT to be a joke, but I’m not curious enough to look it up:  Fried Chicken Oreos. File that one under Crime Against Nature!

 

 
The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Shawn L. Bird

Original poetry, commentary, and fiction. All copyrights reserved.

Broadside

Smart and surprising

Mostly Bright Ideas

Some of these thoughts may make sense. But don't count on it.

Mad Scientist.Crazy Mom

Welcome to my laboratory: five kids on a farm

A Clean Surface.

simplicity, organization, inspiration, minimalism, humor...and reality

Princess Nebraska

If I am a princess in rags and tatters, I can be a princess inside. If would be easy to be a princess if I were dressed in a cloth of gold, but it is a great deal more of a triumph to be one all the time when no one knows it. -Frances Hodgson Burnett

She Likes Purple

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Crazy with a side of Awesome Sauce

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musings of a madwoman

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Glam-O-Mommy

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

happily ever me

a life in progress

Our Little Geekling

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." - Helen Keller

mighty maggie

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Writing Finger

Translations of Poetry from Galician and Spanish into English

The Better Man Project ™

a journey into the depths

An Unexplored Wilderness

A writer's journey