The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Fly, Fly Away May 4, 2018

Hello all!  Things are finally starting to settle down here.  The show is over, school is almost out, and very soon I will be returning to my beloved Alaska!  I can’t wait to show The Boy all the places I went when I was there, the tours and other adventures.

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One thing I dread is the flights.  Both there and back, I dread flying.  I’ve gained back a lot of weight in the last few years and the prospect of flying and worrying about whether some fellow passenger is going to be hateful to me if I am crowding their space is just not pleasant.  I read an article on Fb today about some women who got into it on a short flight because they were in each other’s space, and man, the comments!! The hateful attitudes toward overweight people are absolutely incredible.  People are cruel, people are judgmental, and people have NO love.

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Now granted, I don’t feel like I encounter this in my everyday life, partly because I live in the South-ish, where most people are fat and most people don’t see the need to be hateful about it.  There is a fitness subculture in my town, with many gyms and groups of women jogging through the streets at all hours, and more power to them.  But for the most part, as far as I can tell, the average fat person around here does not encounter hatefulness about their weight from random strangers on the street.

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So what’s my problem?  Well… I won’t be in the South.  I’ll be on a plane with people from all over, with a layover in Seattle, where people are crunchy-granola, healthy hippie, tree-hugging hiking types.  However, I’ll be traveling with my son, who, while he’s not huge, is a nearly 6 ft. tall, broad-shouldered, 17 year-old boy.  I figure I can put his smaller body between me and any strangers and hopefully neither of us will infringe on anyone’s space.

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What’s really sad is that I let this fear and dread of fat-shaming strangers dampen my enthusiasm for this much anticipated, greatly longed-for trip to Alaska, my happy place of all happy places.  I even bought my own seat belt extender online so I wouldn’t be embarrassed by having to ask the flight attendant for one. I guess you could say, short of losing 100 pounds, I’ve done all I can think of to do to limit the likelihood of pain, hurt feelings, embarrassment, etc. Now I just have to go and try to enjoy the adventure. (Except I also still have to worry about river raft floats and water boots and other size-related humiliations just waiting to happen.)

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If it were this time next year that I were going, it would be a whole other story.  If all goes as planned, I will be having weight loss surgery over Christmas break.  I’m not sure yet whether I’m doing the RnY or the sleeve- that all depends on what the doctor recommends.  I can’t even start the process until September, unless I wanted to just pay for a bunch of fees and stuff out of pocket, which, why do that when I can just be patient a couple months longer and have it covered on insurance?  Regardless, I am REALLY looking forward to having a little help in that department.  Sometimes the right tool helps get the job done.

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So basically, I guess one thing to be happy about is that these are the last flights that I will have these fears and worries.  I thought about putting off this trip until next summer, but we’re not guaranteed another day, so I might as well go now and try to enjoy it.  I know I will, because it’s freaking Alaska, and I love that place, AND I’ll be sharing it with my precious kiddo. I hope he loves it as much as I do.

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Until next time,

D.

 

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