The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Just Breathe. And Trod. October 20, 2014

Filed under: General Observations — DDKlingonGirl @ 9:45 am
Tags: , , ,

Hello all.  It’s been a while, as it usually has.  You know, some days I feel like I have so much to say, and no idea how to say it.  Some days I feel like I should have much to say, and I just… don’t.  Right now, I’m feeling something I just don’t have words for.  I’m tired.  I think this tiredness stems from being too much aware of the complexities and eccentricities of this thing called Life, and humanity, and this world, and the things in it.  Things that are exquisitely beautiful, and things that are so ugly as to tear the heart and soul into tiny little jagged-edged pieces.

*

I wonder sometimes if we wouldn’t all be better off if we lived back in the frontier days.  The pioneer days where we didn’t have to deal with knowing what was going on in so many other places, days when all that mattered was whether or not there was going to be enough food on the table for that day, and whether we were secure from attack by outside forces like foreign soldiers or Native peoples or the unpredictable nature of the weather.

*

Life was always a battle, though.  Life was always a struggle to contend with, a path to be trod with unrelenting determination.  The reward for some was something looked forward to in the unknowable future- heaven.  For some the reward was simply the pride that came from continuing to survive and live to trod another day.  Maybe there are more rewards that I just don’t have the ability to articulate now.  Maybe the only reward for topping one hill is the gift of a brief, easy downhill stroll until the next hill starts to rise in front of us.   Maybe, just maybe, the reward is the view from the path, and the little pebbles and flower petals we reach down and pick up along the way.

*

So many little stresses.  So many things to worry about and think endlessly about.  So many things to try to figure out what’s going to happen about.  Jobs, parenting, friends, relationships, family, beliefs, society, the world.  We can drive ourselves bananas in a heartbeat.  There’s only so much room on a mountaintop in Tibet, or a cabin in an isolated woods in Alaska, two of my favorite locations for “escape jokes.”  We can’t all go there.  We can’t all run away and hide.  Eventually all the problems and stresses and things to handle would join us there and we’d have to find another place to run.

*

What do people do?  What do people do when maybe they don’t know what they think or where they stand or what they can lean on?  How do they keep trodding?  I know some don’t.  Most do.  How do they fill their lives with enough light to see the next step?

*

I realize this post is just chock full of the rhetorical, metaphorical, and vague.  I don’t really know what I’m even trying to say.  These are just my thoughts.  On a day when it feels like you actually have to push up on the air around you to have space to even breathe.  On the elevator to my office this morning I was thinking about some fairly insignificant things I needed to handle, and I sort of growled to myself and thought “Argh.  This is the day I’m going to have.”  And of course many of you might know what immediately happened when the Universe caught that thought and lobbed it back at me with a quick backhand:  “This is the day that the Lord has made.  I will rejoice and be glad in it.”  The words popped into my head as soon as my own thought left it.  So that’s the goal.  Just rejoice and be glad.

*

Until next time,

D.

 

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