The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Indecisions September 4, 2013

Filed under: Stupidness! — DDKlingonGirl @ 9:28 am
Tags: , ,

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Hello all.  You know, sometimes I really drive myself nuts.  Ok, maybe more often than sometimes.  But today I am really struggling with two things.  One of them kind of speaks to my tendency to have these big ideas and plans and then when the plans are set in motion I start to feel like I don’t want to do them anymore, which could be seen as a function of my manic phases.  Then there is another thing that is just a general decision I need to make, and I can’t decide whether to think long term or short term.  Or something.  Here’s the scoops.

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The first one is the whole literacy tutor volunteer thing.  I signed up for the original workshop thinking that the training I received would be enough to get me certified to teach ESL overseas if I decided I wanted to do that someday.  I have thought about it a lot, but I don’t think I have really, seriously, thought about it, about the distance and logistics and MONEY and all the other things involved.  But I wanted at least to have the training in place, just in case the opportunity ever presented itself.  So I went to the workshop, which was less a workshop and more an introductory information session.  I filled out the volunteer form, scheduled the required training, and so forth.  I have gone to two small training sessions and I have the BIG training scheduled for this Saturday.  The problem?  The lady in charge of the tutors called me yesterday and wanted me to give her days and times I am available to teach TWO 2-hour classes per week.  She wanted evenings, from like 5-7pm.

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Ok, first of all, classes??  I was looking at this as a one-on-one tutoring situation with an individual learner.  The idea of even hinting that this is a classroom situation makes me start squirming and backing for the door.  I have a bad history when it comes to classroom teaching.  In short, it scares the bejeebers out of me.

Secondly, as I mentioned in my last post, they want the students to get two hours, twice a week.  I am going to have to cut work hours to be able to do this, and it comes at a really bad time because I am already needing more money than I have coming in each week even with a full 40-hour check.  So that is a problem.

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The other thing is a decision I need to make that also ties into the money situation, but it is actually a lot more important because it has to do with health.  A few months ago, I had something going on health-wise that I thought needed checked out.  I tried to get into the “poor people” clinic, but in order to get in, I had to have applied and been denied for this low-cost (I guess) insurance they have here in Oklahoma, called InsureOklahoma.  So I applied, and naturally I qualified.  So I went ahead and signed up for the insurance and have been paying for it for about 3 months, but still haven’t gone and gotten checked out what I needed checked out.  I don’t think it’s anything critical, based on what I have read about it on various medical websites, but I don’t think I can afford it and still pay for my son’s school, too.  (NOTE:  Taking him out of this school and sending him back to public school around here is NOT an option.  It’s just not.)  So I am thinking maybe I should just cancel the insurance.  But I really don’t want to die of some hideous disease I could have prevented if I hadn’t been so cheap.

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I am just basically stressing out.  I don’t know what is the best thing to do in either of these situations.  I really don’t want to inconvenience the literacy volunteer coordinator, but I also can’t really afford to lose work hours at this point.  And I think probably what I should do about the other situation is to call my doctor and make an appointment for a check-up for the thing I needed checked out, and if everything turns out good there, THEN I will cancel the insurance.

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Well, I just emailed the coordinator and explained the situation.  I hated to do it, but there was just no way to fit in the amount of time they needed without missing work.  I’m kind of getting teary-eyed now, but I had to do what would be best for my family and not add to my stress level.  Now I just have to call a doctor and make an appointment to get checked out for the other thing, which I still really can’t afford, insurance or no insurance, but which really, really needs to be done, for the reason I stated above- I don’t want to die because I was cheap.  If you think about it, pray for me.

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Until next time,

D.

 

EDITED TO ADD:  I just took a step to solve the other problem as well.  I have a doctor appointment for 2:15 tomorrow.  Proud of myself.  Those big-girl undies feel kinda good. 🙂

 

2 Responses to “Indecisions”

  1. singinglady Says:

    Hey there! I think you are definitely doing the right thing about the literacy program. Your son has finally found a place where he feels he belongs and I’m glad you decided to drop the tutoring. I know money is tight but if you go to the Dr. tomorrow and find out it’s nothing then you’ll feel better about dropping the insurance. And if it is something to worry about then you’ll have the insurance in place just in case. Sounds like you’re on top of things. I’ll be praying for you and can’t wait to see you at Osage! 🙂


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