The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Sweating, Hatching, and Breathing! May 16, 2013

English: Drops of sweat

English: Drops of sweat (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hello all!  Technically this is the second post of the day, but really the first, since the first-first was a  re-blog.  I want you all to know that this post is coming to you from inside a universe of sweat, both literal and mental.  For one thing, I just finished exercising.  At work. Never let anyone tell you that working in a church building is a bad deal, because hey- at what other job can you exercise and write a blog all in the same day and still get paid.  Ok, there are probably a lot of others I’ve never even thought of, but just let me have my moment.

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Anyway, the phone hasn’t been ringing much today, and I’m caught up on all my other tasks, and in the face of that boredom my weakness just crumbled.  I found myself scrounging in the fridge in the fellowship hall and discovering leftover triple chocolate fudge cake from their last gathering.  Now, I knew if I ate it, I’d be down to about ONE Weight Watchers point left for the day, but, sadly, I didn’t choose to stop myself.  So in order to combat my weakness, I decided to try to hike up some points on my ActiveLink monitor by going for a jog in the upstairs hall.  And that is the source of the sweat.  A) Heat rises, and it’s hot up in that old hall.  B) I just did something I’ve never done before in my entire life.  Now for some people, what I’m about to tell you is probably your warm-up for the actual exercise, but for me it was a pretty big deal:  After climbing the stairs to the second floor, I jogged up and down that hall…for 20 minutes straight!  Initially, I set my timer for 12 minutes.  At the end of the timer, I thought I might collapse, but instead, my mind said, ‘Hey, why not try for 20?’ So without stopping, I set my timer for another 8 minutes and kept going, and I finished it!  I was all proud of myself for the 10 straight minutes I did a couple of days ago, but this is a whole new dimension for me.  (At least I hope it will be a whole new dimension, as I want to lose 40 lbs. in the next four and a half months before The Blathering in Charleston.)

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The mental sweat is coming from the audition for my local Little Theatre that is looming on Saturday like a date with death.  A few days ago, I had talked myself out of it.  I told myself I didn’t really want to do it anyway, and that if I am selected, it will mean a huge time commitment once rehearsals start- 7-10 pm every weekday for about a month, and who has time for that, right?  But here’s the deal.  This is just another one of those big steps for me, those ‘hatching’ moments where I take a chance on doing something just because I’ve always thought it would be fun.  This is just. like. Charleston.  Despite my misgivings and fears, I have to give it a try, or I will hate myself.  Seriously.  If I let this Saturday and Sunday go by without forcing myself to go to that audition, I will feel like a giant failure.  I really don’t know what the big deal is.  I mean, I’m not even trying for a part- just the chorus, for crying out loud.  Maybe part of me is secretly hoping they’ll think I’m good enough and just give me a tiny small part, but I don’t even care about that.  Really.  I just want to say I tried it, I took a chance, and I went for it.

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Ok, calming down now.  Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Repeat.  Oh, that reminds me!  I was about finished with the 12 minute section of my jog when I noticed the Bible verse on the bulletin board at the end of the hall.  I thought it was perfect for the moment, and that if/when I do another race of some sort, I will have this put on a t-shirt:  Psalm 150:1, which reads in part: “Let everything that has breath praise God!” So for the rest of my jog, I prayed thankful prayers that I had breath (albeit huffing and puffing breath), that I was physically able to even attempt to move, that I would have strength to finish the goal I had set for myself, both for today and for the next few months.  And I finished today’s, so woot-woot for me. 🙂  I know you’ll be holding your breath to hear how the audition goes.

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Until next time,

D.

 

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