The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Finding a Life, From Wildly Different Places. Or Maybe Not. April 25, 2013

Russell-Crowe-as-Javert

Hello again.  I wanted to talk a little more about the why of the fact that I considered, even for a moment, auditioning for Little Theater with the second lead MALE’s best song.  There’s just something about Javert.  He just reminds me of myself, in the way that he’s a dedicated rule-follower, kind of fanatical about upholding the tenets of the System he represents and works for, but he seems most content and happy when he’s subverting that system.  And yet it’s the internal struggle between what duty demands and the heart compels that ultimately destroys him.  Unlike Javert, I’m hoping to get that balance worked out before I throw myself onto a water-covered brick wall thing with a resounding crunch that is quite possibly the WORST-sounding death I’ve ever heard on film.

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On the audition thing, though, I finally did come up with the perfect song for me.  Are you ready for this?  “When You’re Good to Mama” from Chicago!  It’s not too high, not too overdramatic, (Evita, really? {see comments in last post}) and it will demand that I come out of my shy little shell and show a little sass.  Which is something I have long felt the need to do, and part of the reason I am even doing this.  In short… it’s perfect.  Instead of being nervous, I am now completely excited and looking forward to the audition.  If I had any experience in theater whatsoever, I’d probably have been auditioning for the role of Mme. Thenardier.  The Thenardiers are awful, awful people, but since I’m too old for Eponine or Cosette, she’s the only semi-major role I’d be suited for.  Until they make Javert a woman. HA!!

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I also thought I’d share a little bit about some of the things I’ve mentioned in passing in the last few posts.  Our trip to Medieval Fair in Norman went as planned.  I was able to meet the guy I had talked to online and hear his Irish pub band.  I even bought his CD.  He has jumped the ‘ship, though- hasn’t been online in weeks, so we’ll probably never talk again.  On a related note, anyone want a free CD of this group?  Their song, The Scotsman, is really fun.

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I went to a few “church lady” events the last couple of weekends, which I really enjoyed.  One was an overnight retreat at a Christian youth camp where we planted flowers and did some volunteer landscaping for the camp.  It was a blast, although nobody got any sleep.  Picture a big dormitory room that sleeps about 25 or 30 people, half of them little old ladies blissfully snoring in symphony, and the other half 30- and 40-somethings and teenage girls, who didn’t have the foresight to fall asleep before the snorers, lying there praying to GOD they could get at least a couple hours’ sleep before daylight! But it was a really nice weekend.  The theme was joy.  The guest speakers talked about finding your joy and learning to see joy even in the worst times, and for a craft project we made a Joy Journal.  Here’s mine:

photo

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Then last weekend I went to a Ladies’ Day event that was just a half-day thing, with some singing and a couple of lessons by another guest speaker, and a luncheon.  The theme for this one was courage, with lessons from the book of Joshua.  I enjoyed this event too.  I didn’t get quite as much cup-filling from the lessons themselves as I did from just riding in a van full of crazy, wonderful, beautiful Christian sisters for a few hours.  Something different to do on a weekend.

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What’s interesting about all this is that I have talked before about sometimes feeling just the tiniest bit like maybe my “religion,” by which I mean the church I attend, the things I say and do in the public eye (read: social media), and the things I believe and endorse or don’t, is kind of like an act.  A performance of sorts.  But I’ve recently been creating and building a more satisfying life by finding fulfillment in both true acts of expression of my beliefs (retreats and ladies’ events) and performance that everybody KNOWS is an act; that is, theater.  And it’s got me thinking that maybe the two things are often more similar than they should be, but that’s deeper than I want to get today, so I’ll save that for another post.  Just something to think about:  in what areas of your life do you find yourself ‘acting’ most frequently, and should you be working to change that at all?

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Well, I really need to get busy and get some work done.  Thanks for reading, and I hope YOU have a blessed and fulfilled day!

Until next time,

D.

UPDATE:  ETA:  Ok, NOW I’m nervous.  Just looked at the Facebook Event invite for the auditions, and looking down the list of all those names and thinking of trying to sing in front of those folks…I’m definitely feeling that little whisper that says, “Never mind…you didn’t really want to do this anyway, did you??”  Must. Ignore. The. Whisper!

 

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