The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

ValJean, Javert, O’Hara, and Me April 24, 2013

Hello all!  I have needed, I mean literally needed to write a post here for so long, and I just haven’t been able to find a moment.  I don’t have a way to blog at home in the evenings.  Our family laptop is painfully slow, and also always being hogged by one of the kids.  I know it makes me sound like a Slacker Extraordinaire, but I usually write my blog posts at work.  When you’re a church secretary who basically gets paid to sit by a phone that rarely rings, you can do that.  The bad part is that all the things I have needed and wanted to write about have sort of fallen by the wayside.  I wanted to do the A to Z blogging challenge, NaPoWriMo, etc.  I wanted to talk about the bombings and explosions, and loving oneself and loving humanity and like, God and religion and tragedy and survival and all those things that swirl in our collective head when our lives are disrupted by ugliness and accidents.  But when I finally have a moment and sit down to try to write about it all, I just can’t think what I wanted to say about it.  Or I feel everything’s been said and I don’t have anything worth adding, or maybe I deal with certain kinds of things by just blocking them out of my head.

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Or maybe I’m just a remarkably selfish individual, because the things that are filling the space in my head right now are as follows:

First of all is Les Miserables.  (Sorry I can’t do the little punctuation marks in the right places.)  So right now I am obsessed with Les Mis.  I rented the movie the other night and have watched it about 3 times.  I downloaded the 40-song soundtrack on iTunes and have listened to it incessantly ever since, and to top all that off, my local Little Theatre group is putting on LM this summer.  I would love to audition for a part, but I realize I don’t have enough experience for that.  No experience at all, actually.  Therefore, I am thinking of auditioning for the chorus.  (Ok, I am going to audition for the chorus if I can find a really good song to use for my audition. I’ve blown about ten bucks on iTunes instrumental tracks of different songs I could audition with.) I can think of nothing else!  I have been reading the novel, looking at the SparkNotes info on the novel, reading about the June Rebellion and the whole barricade thing, just obsessing in general.  I don’t know why.  I have realized that there is so much more story than the movie could have included, and even reading the small part of the novel that I have read thus far, it’s just so much more tragic!  I just feel I have to keep reading and thinking about this book until I find out why it is just sort of taking root in me so completely.

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The other thing is The Blathering.  The trip to Charleston in October that I think about every single day.  I check flight prices every day.  I read Twitter every day looking for other writers mentioning it.  I dither and vacillate back and forth on whether I should really go, whether it’s a selfish and ridiculous expense, whether I’ll have fun and make friends.  I think about how much I’d love to lose more weight before the trip, but how every stinking day is a struggle not to put the wrong things in my my mouth and thoroughly defeat that goal, and how I have absolutely GOT to learn to love myself and develop a style and rock my look no matter what.  I think about how maybe I should be planning the tours I want to take and the plantations I want to see, but what if I don’t find anybody who wants to do those things with me?   Or what if the planned group events  take up all the time that I’m there and I don’t actually get to see anything but the resort and the airport shuttle?  I think about how I really want to ask all these questions and find fellow early-planners on Twitter and Facebook but feel like it’s too early to be obsessing over these things, and most people probably won’t even know their plans for a few more months yet.  (Maybe next year I should help organize!  That would put my pre-planning obsessive skills to good use.)

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So anyway.  I have plenty of other things that I continue to worry about, that as I told a friend the other night, are the usual things that decorate the hamster wheel that is my life.   Many things that I need to make decisions about and then follow through and be at peace with, many things that I need to just determine and do, so to speak.  But now is not the time.  Luckily for my dear, devoted readers, as Scarlett O’Hara said, tomorrow is (another post and) another day!

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Until next time,

D.

 

4 Responses to “ValJean, Javert, O’Hara, and Me”

  1. By the way, the songs I have narrowed down to for my audition are: On My Own from LM, Unexpected Song (Bernadette Peters), Don’t Cry For Me (Madonna in Evita) and… Stars, from Les Mis. Yes, that is a Russell Crowe song. Yes, it’s a Javert song, but darn it, it’s beautiful and I love it. Can I also just say I am totally tickled that two out of three of my children are now randomly bursting into songs from Les Mis!! 🙂

  2. […] ValJean, Javert, O’Hara, and Me (lenadeeanne.wordpress.com) […]


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