The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

The Domino Effect: A Little Pressure in the Opposite Direction January 4, 2013

English: Paris Exposition: moving sidewalk, Pa...

English: Paris Exposition: moving sidewalk, Paris, France, 1900. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hello all.  You know what I’ve noticed about my life lately?  It bears a strong resemblance to one of those moving sidewalks, you know, like they have in large airports, or someplace like that?  I’m not exerting any force or effort to go in any particular direction.  I’m just standing there, going wherever it happens to take me.  I. Don’t. Like. That!!  I feel like I’ve kind of always been that way, though.  When there are things I know I need to be making a choice about, taking an action, moving a direction, I just stand there kind of frozen in an attitude of indecision, until finally something else happens that takes the choice out of my hands and points me in its own direction, which was probably not the direction I would have gone if I’d just made myself move my feet.

*

I don’t like that either!  I’ve decided it’s time to hop off the moving sidewalk and take my own walk in life.  Even if I end up exploring the boiler room or the janitor’s closet, or the No Access Control Room, at least I’m not just riding straight through the main thoroughfare like a zombie.  Here’s what I’m really talking about:  food.  Eating.  Weight loss.  Weight gain.  As much as I try to listen to people who tell me I am not defined by my size, my weight, my fitness level, whatever… my inner voice is just not buying it.  What else defines me?  My societal roles, i.e. mother, daughter, sister, friend, employee, etc.?  Partly, I guess.  My beliefs?  They’re supposed to, but it’s hard to be defined by something you sometimes find yourself questioning.

*

Anyway.  I don’t think my purpose is to get incredibly deep in this post.  My main point is to express to the world that I have been gaining weight like crazy through the holidays, and I am not happy about it.  My first thought when I look in the mirror in the morning is “Holy hell, I look like that Judy Blume character!!” (You know the one.  On the cover of Blubber.  Potato-shaped head.  Lank, stringy hair.  Dorky clothes.  Dumpy body.  Yeah.  That one.)  My underwear is getting tight.  Do you know what a mistake it is to have a garage sale in October and get rid of all your ‘fat underwear’ right before the holidays?  Well, I can tell you.  It’s Huge.  There was this one darling older lady at my Weight Watchers meetings.  She would literally say anything.  One day she shared one of her motivational strategies. It was to buy her underwear a size too small, because there is very little in this world more uncomfortable than too-tight underwear!!   Let me assure you.  She was not kidding.

*

So basically, I have an immediate goal.  Rather than continue to eat as I have been the last few weeks, resisting nothing, refusing nothing, inhaling everything, I am starting today to exert a little pressure in the opposite direction.  (Another WW object lesson involving dominoes.  The game pieces, not the pizza franchise.)  I’ve tracked my food intake.  I bought healthy foods to keep at work for lunches.  I am going to start using that C25K app that I downloaded almost the minute I got my new phone a month ago, but haven’t used yet!  I’m going to try.  Just try.  That’s all.  If I don’t try, I am guaranteed to fail, and THAT… is unacceptable.

*

Until next time,

D.

PS. I’ve also removed the life sucking electronics from my home because our constant web-surfing, Netflix-watching, slacker-ness was causing me serious stress.  The wireless router, the laptop, and the PS3- gone.  At least for now.  When we get control of the house and ourselves, perhaps they will return.  Here’s hoping I can survive the Daughters’ displeasure when they discover the changes I’ve made! (Lord, give me strength!)

 

One Response to “The Domino Effect: A Little Pressure in the Opposite Direction”

  1. LenaDeeAnne Says:

    Update: The domino tumbled. I haven’t tracked since that day, I haven’t used the app, and the electronics are right back where they were. Gee, spineless much?


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s