The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Up From Here. Except for the Scale! August 28, 2012

June's multi-colored eyes

This cat kinda looks like I feel!

Hello all.

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Allow me to re-introduce myself.  I am a struggling-with-weight loss, struggling-with-loneliness-and-non-dating, struggling-with-parenting, full-time-working, home-educating, brilliant-but-confused, hot mess.

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Let’s take it from the top, shall we?  I’ve been on a weight loss journey for two years, seven months, and nine days.  My current total loss stands at 116.8, down from an all-time high net loss of 130.6 in June.  I have basically been hovering and bobbing like a cork in the water, weight-wise speaking, for almost this entire calendar year.   Somewhere, I have lost my way.  I have lost my motivation and my drive.  In theory I should congratulate myself on basically maintaining my weight for this long, rather than going into a full-scale retreat and gaining scores of pounds.  But I went to my Weight Watchers meeting tonight, and registered an obscene gain.  Obscene.  I was expecting a gain, but not one that made me want to scream and cuss.  So as of tonight, I am back on track.  I am once again following the WW plan to the letter, even if it kills me.  And it won’t.  I have set new goals and I am going to move forward no matter what.

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Secondly, the struggling with the loneliness and non-dating thing.  This is something that is SUCH a source of confusion and just…being torn.  On one hand, I would really love to find a boyfriend-type person, someone to go out to dinner and a movie with, someone to talk to, someone to hug and kiss on, a little.  I feel like in the dictionary under ‘Needs a Life’ it says ‘See Her.’  BUT.  The kicker is that I usually feel too overwhelmed with all the other stuff I have going on, too busy, too mentally scattered to be in a relationship at this point in my life.  I’ve had one or two minor relationship opportunities/possibilities that have fallen through in the last couple of months, and I have been quite alone in dealing with the disappointment.  But there is also a slight feeling of relief that they never really developed, because I’m not sure I was really ready for them anyway.  And then there’s the question of who am I really looking for and what do I really want in a significant other?  I know you’re thinking, ‘Wait, didn’t we cover this a month ago?’  Well, yeah.  But it’s still on my mind, especially with regard to all the other personality traits, opinions, likes, dislikes, and REALLY dislikes that my 13 Things didn’t cover.  All I know is, I’ve read a LOT of profiles on a major dating site recently.  This could be a whoooole other post, but there are some apparently decent guys out there, and some real wackos, to put it nicely.  So much so that I’m thinking, “Eh.  Dating can wait.  The kids come first.”

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Which leads me directly into the next two points:  1) home-educating is a huge chore, especially when you’re trying to work full time literally at the same time! and 2) getting your High School graduates launched is much more difficult when, despite your half-hearted attempts at trying to do otherwise, they’ve been kept sheltered, coddled, indulged, and allowed to get away with immense amounts of slacker-ness.  I’ve got one daughter I’m trying to get set up with Vocational Rehabilitation services to help her identify and acquire a job that she can do and wants to do, and one daughter who finally at the 11th hour got signed up to take some college classes but still doesn’t have a job and doesn’t drive very much.  All the paperwork, applications, meetings, assessments, etc. is what you might call seriously overwhelming when you’re just one Momma!  (And yes, I could and should delegate some of that responsibility to the slackers-in-question, but haven’t managed to do that yet.)

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So yeah.  Just needed to get all that off my chest.  I was planning to start a new blog about our home-schooling adventures, but haven’t really got the kinks worked out yet.  Stay tuned for that.  Alternate titles I considered for tonight’s post were “If You’re Not in the Mood for Debbie Downer, Skip This One” and “In the Dictionary Under ‘Overwhelmed’…”  but I decided it was best to go with the positive.  Stay with me- it can only go up from here!

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Until next time,

D.

 

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