The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

The Perfect Match: 13 Things I Will Not Be Without in my Next Relationship Partner! July 4, 2012

"Ai," the traditional Chinese charac...

“Ai,” the traditional Chinese character for love (愛) consists of a heart (middle) inside of “accept,” “feel,” or “perceive,” which shows a graceful emotion. It can also be interpreted as a hand offering ones heart to another hand. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hello all.  I visited a website yesterday that I hadn’t been to in over 5 years- eHarmony.  I’m not sure what drew me there, exactly.  Curiosity, maybe?  I wanted to look again at the personality profile I’d made years and YEARS ago, and see how much it had changed, but for some reason it was unavailable.  I wasted a little time updating some profile information, and briefly (VERY briefly) considered forking over the money to have a membership again.  That was before I really looked at the prices and decided it was rather expensive for what it was, and I’d just procrastinate on that particular action a little longer.

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One profile I was able to see was the ‘Ideal Match‘ profile where it tells me in detail all about the person who would, in theory, be perfect for me.  It seemed like a lot of information, too much detail to take in or even share, but I wondered how much of it was relevant now, based on a bunch of questions I answered nearly 10 years ago!  So it got me thinking (And it also happened to be an assignment from my counselor, The Golden Goddess. See ‘Meet the Cast’).  What exactly are the vital qualities in someone I’d like to have in my life?  What do I want that person to be like?  So I whipped out my little notebook and started jotting down some thoughts, and here is what I discovered:

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1) Spirituality/Emotional Strength–  I want a fighter.  I want a faith-filled, non-giver-upper.  But they also need to be comfortable expressing their needs and leaning on me when they need to, and they need to be able to accept my encouragement and strength.  Most importantly, they need to have a strong basic faith/belief system/philosphy that they draw strength from.

2) Passionate–  They love deeply and strongly.  They enjoy every day.  They live to experience life.  They look for beauty and are open to experience.  They love to laugh and are not afraid to cry.

3) Bright/Intelligent/Curious– They can carry on a conversation, express their views and beliefs, and they’re open to learning.  They don’t mind reading a book!

4) Patient/Calm/Low boiling point– They can deal with me (and much more importantly, with my kids!) without losing their temper.  More preferredly, they don’t HAVE a temper!

5) Interested in health and fitness– Not dogmatic or preachy about it, but they care about their body and try to treat it right the majority of the time.  They enjoy some type of physical activity and exercise, and would be open to encouraging and competing with me in that area.

6) Affectionate– They like to hug and kiss, but are not overly showy in public.  They like to demonstrate their love through small gestures.  Fluent in all five Love Languages:  acts, gifts, time, words, touch.

7) Sexually balanced– Not frigid, but not oversexed.  They recognize that physical connection is a vital part of a healthy relationship and they are comfortable expressing needs and discussing problems in that area.

8) Musical/artistic/creative– They enjoy expressing themselves through some sort of creation or performance.  It could be anything- musical, visual, technical, mechanical, stylistic, written, etc.

9) Committed/trustworthy– When they give their word, it is as good as gold.  Whether it’s marriage vows or parental rules, they mean what they say and they stand behind it, and honor it.

10)Responsible (Financially, socially, and personally)- They work.  Financially they contribute equally.  They don’t abuse the environment unnecessarily.  They share equally the work around the house and  wouldn’t mind giving of their time to give back to society if they found the right opportunity.  They are balanced with money- not cheap, but not indiscriminate.  They accept and own their past and their choices, and are not afraid to look back on them, to see the good, try to find value, and look for lessons to apply.

11) Moral/honest/open– They try to do what’s right; they follow the law (mostly.  Speed limits are negotiable. 🙂 ).  They are truthful and they express their feelings and needs, encouraging and inviting me to do the same.  They accept my feelings as valid even if they feel differently.

12) Value autonomy- They recognize that we don’t have to be together every single minute to still be very deeply and strongly connected.  They have interests and they allow me mine, but they never let them come between us.

13) Faithful- They believe with all their soul that I am the best partner they could ever have.  They thank God for bringing me into their life, and they would never, ever, EVER be unfaithful, no matter what.

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So there it is.  The profile of Mr. Right.  It’s somewhat hard for me to put this out there, because I often feel like my kids are all I can handle in my life.  They are a huge focus,  but I very often wish wholeheartedly that I had someone to walk through life with, someone to love.  There are also many times when I think, ‘Well, I’ve had two chances and they’ve both ended.  Maybe that’s all the chances I get and I’m just going to have to learn to be complete in myself and accept my single-ness as permanent.’  Which is a little misleading, because I actually believe I need to be complete in myself anyway, to be able to be complete in a relationship, but that’s beside the point.  The point is, sometimes I feel ready, sometimes I don’t.  Sometimes I feel like relationships are overrated, over-complicated, and not worth the time and trouble.  But when I see friends and family finding love, getting married, being happy, feeling like they found their soul mates, I just get a little jealous, darn it!  I long for that, I crave it.  I grieve when I think I may never have it. (And I feel guilty for not being satisfied with where I am, but that’s a whole other post.)

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Ah, love.  Both beautiful and terrible.  Thanks for sharing this with me, and if you really want to make me happy, leave a comment and tell me what’s on your “Won’t be without” list!

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Until next time,

D.

ETA:  I realized that a couple of vital bits of information on this subject were missing or ambiguous:  this person needs to be a man between the ages of 35 and 45.  Notice there is not one mention of physical appearance anywhere on this list.  Physical appearance is very less likely to be important to me than overall health and fitness.  That being said, however, taller than me is a plus. 😀

 

4 Responses to “The Perfect Match: 13 Things I Will Not Be Without in my Next Relationship Partner!”

  1. Emily Says:

    I met Ryan on OKCupid.com. I wanted someone like me but strong where i am weak. Faith, laughter, intelligence- I didn’t want another person that I felt smarter than, genuine, patient, caring… Then I got bonuses that I didn’t realize could be. Loves me for exactly who I am, I can be as goofy and gross as possible and he only loves me more. 🙂

    • LenaDeeAnne Says:

      Hey there! As always, thanks so much for reading. I’m so glad you found your other half! Definitely encouraging to know that it happens!

      Keeping the faith…
      D.

      • bert Says:

        Sometimes I feel the same way about life ,is there really someone out there for me or am I destined to be alone. I read your blog and your profile, but i am a little older than the age you say you are looking for. I will be 56 on 9-23-12 I work alot and I live in Healdton which isn’t too far away from you. Well take care and if I do hear from you i will respond. Good night and sweet dreams to you. Smile Bert

  2. […] for and what do I really want in a significant other?  I know you’re thinking, ‘Wait, didn’t we cover this a month ago?’  Well, yeah.  But it’s still on my mind, especially with regard to all the other […]


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