The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

The Dirtiest Thing I’ve Ever Written (Part 2- the REALLY Dirty Part) August 5, 2011

Hello all!  Thanks for sticking with me for this long story.  Where were we?  Oh yeah, we picked up our race packets.  We flashed our IDs and were handed our free race shirt and a large envelope containing marketing materials and the most marvelous thing- our race numbers!  You know, the little bib thing you pin on your chest that has a number on it?  I got one!  It even had my name pre-printed on it.  There was also a little orange rubber strap with a little box on it that I was told was our timer chips.  This racing business is serious, see, and these little orange thingamajigs go around our ankles or on our shoelaces, and they capture our race time!  Who knew?  (My entire team did, of course, because I was the only 5k virgin in the group!) 



So we had time to kill before our heat, and we took pictures and sat in the car trying to soak up the cool air and get un-nervous.  (I was, anyway.)  Then it was time to line up and we were herded into what can only be called a chute, grouped under a tent and crowded together like so many sheep.  Some guy was giving instructions over a bullhorn, but I couldn’t hear a single word he was saying.  I’m deaf like that.  Then we heard the start siren and we were off!  I’m not sure how many people were in each heat, but I’d bet it was at least 75.  We jogged off down the path.  I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep up the jogging too far into the thing, but I wasn’t going to start off from the gate walking!  So we went down the straightaway and around a little curve, where we encountered our first obstacle, a minor one considering what was to come.  It was a tire run, where there were maybe about 10 or 12 tires laid out for us to run through.  Did that with no problem, although I wasn’t breaking any speed records.  I was terrified of rolling my ankles or twisting my knees, because they are my weakest points.  I came to finish, not to finish first.  So we cleared the tires and on we went. 


Middle sis and Bro-in-law had long since left me and the youngest behind, because hey, Sis is a fitness instructor and her hubby is in the second best shape of the group.  They amaze me- they ran almost the whole time.  So anyway, we continued the course.  Now I might get these somewhat out of order, but this is basically everything we went through.  I think The Wall was next.  It was a big plywood reinforced wall with ropes hanging down.  The idea was to use the ropes and climb up and over the wall.  I got up to the second knot on the rope, which translated to about 2-3 feet off the ground, and I had to let go because I had somehow caught the rope between my second and third fingers, and I was about to break one or both of them.   Not a good thing!


So around the wall we went, down through a little patch of mud, down into a ravine, a dry creek bed sort of thing.  We plowed along through there for a while, and it was difficult because the rocks made it very treacherous for weak ankles.  Finally we came to the next obstacle, which was similar to the rope wall, except it was the side of a ravine and it wasn’t straight up like the wall.  There were ropes hanging into the ravine, which were anchored to trees on the upland.  This was fairly intimidating.  Youngest sis went first, climbing up and over the edge with relative ease.  I tried to let the three skinny girls behind me go first so I might not embarass myself, but they said “We’ll let you.”  Which I think meant, ‘We want to have a good time laughing at your big butt climbing that ravine wall.’  But either way, I got a running start, grabbed that rope and powered on up the wall of dirt.  Sis was there, cheering me on, as I tried to figure out how to get my legs or feet up over the edge.  Finally I was able to get a knee up.  I jumped up and let the obstacle have a little of my rage as I called it a not so nice name.  “That’s right b****!  Woooo!”  Yeah.  I got a little carried away.  I hope the three skinny girls didn’t think I was talking to them.


Next, I think was the spider web, a bunch of small ropes crisscrossing the trail, that you had to crawl through.  This wasn’t really hard at all.  Then there was the section they referred to as “Over/Under” which was a series of waist-high walls followed closely by barbed wire things you had to jump over and then crawl under.  Next came a frame with a bunch of tires hanging down that you had to kind of beat your way through.  Somewhere in there was a series of three mud pits you had to go down into and come up out of, one after the other.  Later there was a pond to wade through, about chest deep.  Toward the end was a cargo net, which was like a big playground swingset frame covered in rope net, which you had to climb up and then back down the other side.  This particular obstacle was pretty scary for me- it was pretty high and shaky, and when you got to the top, the hardest part was figuring out how to get one leg over and then turn it back toward the net while trying to keep your footing on the other foot that was still standing on the backside of the net!  Quite an adventure.  Then came the hay bales, the big round kind, that you had to run and jump and scramble over, and finally a long hike to the finish line crawl, where you had to army crawl through the mud under the flags to get to the end.  There was supposed to have been a fire jump in there somewhere.


All in all it was a great adventure and I really loved the opportunity to push myself and see what I could do.  The obstacles were not quite as scary as I was afraid they would be, and the walking/jogging in between was more the test of my endurance.  I may or may not do it again.  There is a similar event scheduled right here in my hometown in October.  Odds are, I will find myself once again slogging through mud pits with close friends and family cheering me on.  We shall see.  For right now, this …

My Beautiful Sisters and Me- Mud Warriors! RAAAA!

… will be one of my greatest accomplishments!!!


Until next time,



PS- The mud on my face was less from the race itself and more from me giving myself a ritual ‘mudding’ like hunters do that ‘blooding’ thing with their first kill!  I did it when I crossed the finish line and got my medal.  Here it is, btw:

The Spoils of Victory!


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