The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Name it and Claim it! July 9, 2011

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Hello all.  I usually don’t come up with ideas this fast, but as I was finishing last night’s post, I came up with this idea.  The previous entry was the first in a series.  I think I might call it Daily Victories.  Yesterday, I had a lot of disappointments about a lot of things I’d been hoping for and holding onto, and I managed to stay positive and concentrate on faith that everything is going to be fine, which is something that is usually very hard for me.  So I thought, why not work toward making that a regular habit?  What if I try to search for some kind of victory in every day, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant it may be? 

*

So that’s what I’m doing.  Today’s victory is choosing to believe that yesterday’s bad stuff wasn’t in some way a punishment for some recent mistakes in judgement and making a big donkey of myself.  I think sometimes I have this misguided perception of God as some kind of vindictive scorekeeper, you know?  Like, “Oh, look there- D. acted like a big ol’ jerk and reveled in her pride and judgemental-ness.  How about a little financial crisis there, D.?  Oh, still think you were right?  Still think you want to depend on yourself instead of me?  Boom!  Let’s cripple your career plans.  Pow!  There goes your dream vacation you planned for your kids. ” 

*

It’s ridiculous, right?  I don’t know how I ever developed that perception, but sometimes that’s how my brain seems to think God works.  So today I’ve been trying to figure out some other explanation for all the crapola that’s raining down on me right now, and ALSO I’m focusing on being extraordinarily thankful that my life is as blessed as it is.  A girl from my graduating class was killed in a motorcycle accident last weekend.  Other people have diseases, floods, fires, plagues, locusts!  All I did was lose 1/5 of my monthly income and a career change and possibly a once in a lifetime vacation.  What am I whining about? 

*

Now, to be fair, I do know that it is ok for me to be upset about stuff.  Everybody’s life has “stuff”!  Nobody’s life is perfect, and nobody is 100% positive and thankful every minute of every day.  If such a person did exist, he wouldn’t last long, because one of us struggling Negative Nancys would CHOKE him!  The question is where do we draw that line between acknowledging that we are in pain and difficulty and perpetually whining about little stuff that we can fix if we just decide to?  Or heck, whining about stuff we can’t fix, but that isn’t all that tragic compared to, say, holding your 20-week old fetus-now baby against your chest and watching his little mouth move as he struggles to breathe for a few minutes before he finally goes back to Jesus.

*

Ok, enough heavy.  I had a couple of other small victories today.  Example- I usually eat too much pizza at lunch when I work with this particular boss on Saturdays, and I had 2 small pieces and wasn’t even really tempted to snag the last leftover pieces when no one was looking.  Also, I actually removed some stuff from my garage last night.  And this afternoon sold it to a friend.  🙂 (To whom I am eternally grateful for the funds.)  And finally, Daughter S. was craving Subway so bad she was willing to pay for it herself out of her hard-earned babysitting and long-squirrelled-away birthday monies.  So we went, and part of our meal was three of their macadamia nut-white chocolate chip cookies.  (about a zillion Weight Watchers points each, but super worth it.)  I ate ONE of the cookies, very slowly, tiny bites, and it was like eating half a cheesecake, only better.  I felt so completely satisfied! 

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So that’s it for today’s Daily Victories.  I’m in such a better place tonight.  I am still thinking that things may hold together long enough for me to take the kids on that trip after all, if we can just stumble along and get by until then.  Maybe I’m delusional, but I feel happy and content and strong.  That’s a pretty big victory all by itself!

*

Until next time,

D.

 

One Response to “Name it and Claim it!”

  1. Mandie Says:

    Cause every little thing gonna be all right! Steel drums two days in a row! I refuse to believe in a vengeful God. My God wants what’s best for me in all things. But I also believe that maybe he keeps sending similar challenges our way because we haven’t fully learned the lesson he intended. And everything that happens to you makes you who you are and you are awesome sister!


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