The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Jumping Off The Hamster Wheel February 9, 2011

Spectra of constituent blue, green and red pho...

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Hello all.  I can’t seem to get it together enough to post more often than about once every week and a half.  It’s not that I don’t love my little blog here.  Really.  It’s just that my head is in about 40 other places!  Orlando.  The Carribean.  My garage.  China.  You know, from the time my mom told me that she was definitely, officially taking us to Disney World in May, I became obsessed.  I started reading guidebooks and message boards and using words like touringplans.  I learned what acronyms like ADR, FP, and CRT mean.  (In Disney context, anyway.)  Then I started thinking about going overseas to teach ESL.  Then that all got blown out of the water and on to The Boat.  I got the idea to plan a vacation with Daughter S., Daughter J., and The Boy after the girls graduate next year.  We kicked a few things back and forth for a while and finally found the cruise idea to our liking.  Then we promptly discovered and fell in love with Royal Carribean‘s Allure of the Seas.  (See my previous post for the full story there.) 

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As per usual, I was reminded that I have a one-track mind.  No, not that track.  Perv.  Get your mind out of the gutter.  What I meant was that I seem to be able to focus on only one thing at a time.  I get my mind set on one thing and go full-force, all-out, force of nature to be reckoned with, Crazy!  Kind of like Weight Watchers.  I piddled around with my eating habits for years, but once I finally committed to WW, I lost 85 lbs in a year.  None of this is necessarily a bad thing.  It’s not, right? 

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Ok, well the thing is… I can’t get things done in my everyday life when I’m wrapped up in some fantas-tic idea like Disney World or a once-in-a-lifetime cruise.  I forget things.  Important things like vacuuming.  Laundry.  Feeding the fish.  Paying the electric bill.  Brushing my teeth.  Ok, I exaggerate, but only slightly.  I start browsing online, searching for things like RideMax.  Or shore excursions in St. Martin.  Or the Unofficial Guide to Walt Disney World.  And little things like jury duty completely slip my mind.  In my defense, your honor, I didn’t find that letter telling me to be in court on the 24th until Monday.  The 31st.  Hey, those things I forget to do?  Reading the mail’s right up there.  Cleaning off the computer desk where the kids throw the mail so I don’t know it’s there and don’t read it?  That’s another one. 

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I’m sure I must have had a point.  Oh!  I got it:  I need to focus on important stuff.  Like getting my house in order.  Getting my garage cleaned out and ready for my Great Disney Fundraiser Garage Sale Extravaganza!  And blogging.  After I got out of my session with The Golden Goddess today, I was thinking about how this blog came to be and what it was supposed to be about- me working through things, working out things, figuring out what I thought about life and what I wanted to do with it.  I haven’t been doing a lot of that lately.  I’ve been cruise-pricing, Disney dreaming, Facebooking and just generally avoiding reality every chance I got. I know I’ve been running on that “Need to Pull My Head Out” hamster wheel for a long time now, and I decided that I need to either rip the hamster wheel off its axle, flatten it out and get to the end of it, or jump off the thing and find some other place to run!

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I think I lost the point again.  Maybe it’s this:  the world is big.  I have friends and family with big problems, big needs, big fears.  I am so blessed, in so many ways.  I have a tendency to whine sometimes- I know that.  I have a tendency to fret the little things, see only the negative things, and hang onto the knotted end of my mood swings and twirl until I drop into the pool below.  On the opposite end of that spectrum, I can be the most enthusiastic cheerleader anybody ever had.  I can pep-talk, crowd-pump, and enthuse with the best of them.  I can be hyper and happy in one moment and on the edge of a fit of despair the next.  In short, I’m moody.  I know there are improvements to be made and “everyday life” things I need to accomplish.  But overall I’m in a good place right now.  I’m happy.  I’d like to think my outlook would be as positive if I didn’t have Disney and Allure on the horizon, however distant.  For the most part, it would be. I’m sure it would.  I’d have my moments where I couldn’t see the forest for the trees, but mostly I’d know the forest was there.  And I’d be thankful for it.

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Until next time,

D.

 

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