The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

A Night To Remember November 16, 2010

Filed under: In Memoriam — DDKlingonGirl @ 10:00 pm
Tags: , , ,

Hello all.  Last night my kids and I were able to share a special but sad occasion together.  We spent the evening at their father’s house, celebrating the memory of their big sister, who would have been 18 yesterday.  She was stillborn at 25 weeks’ gestation on November 15, 1992. 


I don’t always make a big deal of her birthday.  Some years, I have actually failed to remember the date until after the fact.  But this year, possibly due to the fact that it would have been her 18th birthday, I just felt the need to acknowledge it in a special way.  For some reason, I really wanted to be with her father on this day, even though we’ve been separated for years and he is remarried and has another child.  Fortunately, we’ve been able to maintain a mostly civil relationship, so when I texted him Sunday night and reminded him of the next day’s date and told him I really felt like I needed to spend a couple of hours together in honor of Baby K’s birthday, he was accepting of the idea. 


I had told my mom we would probably be going over to Ex’s house to remember Baby K together.  So being the loving, special mom she is, when she got off work at 7 in the morning, she went to the store and bought a birthday cake.  I took off work early and when the kids got home from school, we got in the car and drove the hour or so to their dad’s house.  I had told him I’d buy groceries for supper, and we decided on sandwich stuff.  The kids stayed at the house with their stepmother while Ex and I went to the grocery store.  We also picked up a mylar birthday balloon. 


When we got back to the house, we fixed the sandwiches and sat around visiting for a while.  Then we got a piece of paper and all of us wrote messages on it.  We rolled it up and tied it to the end of the string, took pictures of everybody with the balloon, then took it outside, and the kids and their dad and I released the balloon together.  After we watched it as long as we could, we went back inside and shared the cake. 


Despite the sadness of losing her, of never having known her or taken care of her or looked in her eyes, our evening remembering her was a happy time.  She brought us together as a blended family for one evening, 18 years after her death. Even now, her impact is powerful and profound. 


Until next time,



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