The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Why Me?! (My Day of Unwelcome Visitors) November 5, 2010

Filed under: Freaky Happenings — DDKlingonGirl @ 9:09 am
Tags: , , ,

Hello all.  Yesterday was a day of unwelcome visitors!  You know, there are just some days when it seems the Universe is out to tell you something, but you’re not sure what it’s supposed to be! 

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The first of yesterday’s odd incidents was that the cops came calling!  I was sitting in my chair, facebooking, blogging and what all, when the doorbell rang.  I answered it, and it was two of Lone Grove‘s finest.  (Of course, I use that term facetiously.)  Now as sad as it is to admit, when I saw them on my front porch, the first thing I thought was “Dear God, what did The Boy do now?”  But it had nothing to do with him, thank heaven!  Instead, they informed me that someone matching my description and my vehicle’s description had shoplifted from the local dollar store the day before.  They proceeded to ask me where I’d been yesterday, if I was married, if I lived here alone or if anyone else drove my car, etc.  I didn’t think of it later, but I wish I’d said “Well I’m certainly not married to anyone matching my own description!” Twits.  Anyway.  I also wanted to ask the guy to take off his sunglasses while talking to me on my SHADED FRONT PORCH but I thought it might not go over well.  So then he tells me that they recovered the property and it was being fingerprinted, but “I’m just gonna ask. Was it you?”  I thought, Wow, so that’s how police work works.  Just go find everyone in town who has a vehicle that matches a description and ask Was it you?  Like I’m going to tell the truth if it was!?  “Yes officer, it was me. I made a bad decision.” NO, it wasn’t me, you moron! 

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Then my friend who works at that store said the vehicle just looked like mine, but if that was the case, why did the little jack-booted thug cop say the person matched my description?  First of all, he didn’t even know what I looked like before I came to my door.  It sounds like the person at the store just described the vehicle and they go, “Oh, I know where there’s one of those.  Let’s just go question her!”  Whatever.  It was just generally weird, but it did not give my ANY faith in the ability of the local police force to actually solve a crime. 

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So the second crazy thing that happened was when I got home from work last night, I opened the screen door and there was a little snake inside the screen door.  He was down on the left side and it looked as if he were coming out from between the door facings.   I shrieked a little, of course, and the kids heard me and wanted to know what was wrong.  I told them not to open the door because there was a snake.  Then I very carefully tried to end Mr. Snake’s life by dropping upon him the dog food bag I’d just bought!  So I pummelled him a couple of times and he seemed to be mortally damaged, but he stopped moving for a minute and I thought it was safe to open the door and let the kids look at it.  Daughter S. immediately noticed it was thick in the middle and had obviously eaten something recently.  Then it started writhing again and they said “it’s sticking its tongue out!”  No.  It was regurgitating the mouse it just ate.  (I know, EWWWW!) So after it got done barfing, we got a long fork thing and flipped him out away from the door, over toward the driveway.  Daughter S. got a big rock and bombed him with it.  That didn’t seem to completely do the trick, so I got a big flat cinderblock square and dropped it flat on him.  Then S. decided he needed to be squished between the broken halves of the block for good measure.  Here’s a photo of the carnage:

The little Freakster who scared me senseless when I found him inside my screen door yesterday!

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Comparative photo. That's my keys lying on the ground beside him.

Of course, I’m quite disturbed and thoroughly grossed out now, and I’m really hoping that Mr. Snake didn’t have a posse who are out there somewhere right now, just waiting to introduce themselves.  I checked out some pictures online this morning, and I’m not sure what kind of snake he was.  I thought it was a baby rattlesnake because he was shaking his tail, but the pictures looked like it might have just been a ratsnake.  Either way, I’m not sorry he’s dead.  Daughter J., though, I swear she is going to be some kind of wildlife conservationist.  Her remark on the way to school today?  “Oh, poor snake. He was probably just trying to get to his mama!”  WHAT?!  Poor snake?  Sheesh.  What about poor Mommy who didn’t stop shaking for 20 minutes after the incident was over?!

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So there you have the details of my Day of Unwelcome Visitors.  I’m still not sure what the Universe was trying to tell me.  Maybe it was just “Don’t shoplift and watch out for snakes!”  MESSAGE RECEIVED!!!

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Until next time,

D

 

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