The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Forward. Just Forward. October 22, 2010

Hello all.  Today’s assigned topic for Day 7 of 30 Days of Truth-ish is “someone who has made your life worth living for.”  Typical answer- my kids.  There have been times when I would have cashed in my chips if it hadn’t been for the three small humans I brought into the world.  And there have been times when I thought I couldn’t do that to them and considered taking them with me (something I probably shouldn’t confess in this forum.) But then I somehow managed to kick Satan in the ‘nads and get him out of my face and off my case and the kids and I all lived to face another day. 

*

I would never actually have done it.  I just thought about it at times in some of my darkest days.  But then I knew I had to make the choice to keep living, to make life better so I could set them an example.  I wanted them to see that sometimes life can really get you down, to use a sadly inadequate phrase.  I wanted them to see that even when life is really painful and you’d do anything to escape it, you have to keep going, because life and everything in it are temporary.  Or to use another trite but true expression, the only constant in life is change.  Sometimes we can’t live year to year or month to month or week to week or day to day or even hour to hour.  Sometimes we have to live moment to moment.  But if we just give it a minute to change, it might just get better. 

*

I honestly think that in that effort to teach them persistance, I’ve also taught them strength.  I think, and hope, that I’ve taught them that the only way to live life is just to keep plowing on and keep moving forward.  Sure, sometimes you have to pause a moment and take stock of yourself and your life and where you are and where you want to get to, but mostly you have to keep moving forward, as my poem below says, and not just with aimless motion, but with purpose and determination.  If they have learned that, then I have succeeded in some measure.  And that makes everything worthwhile.

*

Until next time,

D.

.

.

**Forward**

I wanna be cruisin’ the strip,
watch the lights blur by on either side,

drivin’ blind
not knowin’ where I’m goin’
-just feelin’ the sensation.

I wanna be strokin’ in the ocean,
muscles screaming for oxygen
– salt in my face, goin’ no place
but forward.

Forward.
Out of the place I’m stuck in,

on to a new day.  Oh somehow!

Lookin’ for a new way to be
Forward.

I wanna be screamin’ down a mountain,
bitter cold air bitin’ me-
hittin’ bumps at full throttle,
think I oughta slow down, but no-
I gotta keep movin’ forward.

If I’m not pushin’ forward-
I’m either standing still or moving back.

That ain’t gonna cut it,
can’t hack it, gonna crack
If I’m not moving forward.

1-10-05…. 4:15 pm

 

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