The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Like a Proverbial Burr Under a Saddle… August 30, 2010

Hello all.  For the last few days, I have wanted to write an entry entitled “In the Dictionary Under ‘Galling’...”  But up until today I haven’t taken the time.  I’ve just been really aggravated lately.  You know the feeling, right?  Where it seems like everything that happens is specifically designed to raise your blood pressure a couple of notches? 

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Like the other day.  Somebody let it slip to me that somebody else has been running their mouth about me behind my back.  Which I know they always do, but for somebody who doesn’t have a creative or talented bone in their body to criticize me for what I write in MY OWN blog?  Whatev.  Don’t like it?  Feel free to go read something else.  See what I mean?  Galling.

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Also filed under galling:  realizing that every teacher I ever had in school whose style in the classroom was anything like the style I would later have- the kids shredded.  I remember them.  Pre-Algebra teachers?  Shredded.  Spanish teacher?  Shredded.  Librarian/Yearbook teacher?  Shredded.  In fact, I don’t remember a teacher who had a personality like mine (soft-hearted, soft-spoken, and loving, if I do say so myself) in the classroom above about 3rd grade.  After that, they were all ‘Rambo with Chalk.’  Why in the name of all that is sane and holy could I not have realized this before I got the bright idea of becoming a high school teacher?  And why can I not let go of feeling like I was totally screwed as a first-year teacher?  And is there any hope for my teaching career, short of my checking into a clinic and receiving a Classroom Bitch transfusion?  Because in a high school teacher…  soft-hearted, soft-spoken and loving translates into indulgent, gullible, and doomed.

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Want more galling?  Try this on.  Hearing that the person to whom I am still legally married and who supposedly still cares about me would not have accompanied me to my class reunion even if I had asked.  Or more accurately, was hoping I would not ask because he didn’t want to have to say no.  Not that anyone would have wanted him there or that any of us would have felt the slightest bit comfortable with him there, but he should still be willing to go with me if I were dumb enough to ask.  Petty and small of me, perhaps, but still… galling!

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Galling:  Wanting to tell somebody something and not having the guts, not being able to make a decision and stick with it and not second-guess it to death until you drive yourself and everyone else around you completely berserk, not having the self-control you desperately need to develop if you’re ever going to become a Person At Her Ideal Weight, knowing that nobody is ever going to invent self-folding laundry.

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So there is plenty more, but in the interest of not driving away my few surviving readers, I’ll skip it. (You:  clapping and cheering gratefully)  Instead I will let my poetry speak for me by posting some more of it in the comments section under the Poetry and Fiction tab at the top of the page.  Check it out.  And maybe I will be in a better mood by my next post!  Thanks for sticking through it all with me!

Until next time,

D.

 

New Poetry is Up! August 25, 2010

Filed under: Mood Swings,Poetry and Fiction — DDKlingonGirl @ 10:13 am
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Hello all.  I finally managed to post a new selection of poetry.  You will find it in the poetry tab above under the ‘comments’ section.  Forgive the typos.  I hope you enjoy these.  Keep checking for the next selection, which will have elements of the best of my dark and light moments!

Thanks for reading!

Until next time,

D.

 

I Wanna Be A Cheechako!*

Hello all.  Ok, anybody who is familiar with my life lately knows that I am often the complete opposite, the absolute antithesis of Little Mary Sunshine.  I am often self-described as “bummed,” “blah,” “depressed,” “moody,” “ho-hum,” and so on.  Today though?  Oh yeah, it’s a good day!  And again, anybody who knows me well, and who lives in my same area of the country can probably guess with some accuracy at the origin of my good mood.  Which is just this:  IT IS 66 DEGREES THIS MORNING, PEOPLE!!! 

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I love me some cool weather!  I will grant that since this IS Southern Oklahoma, and August is not yet over, we will probably have a few more days where the mercury is creeping toward triple digits.  But in the meantime, a day like this is like taking your high heel shoes off after a night out- it is such a relief!!!  I know the rest of the country, too, has had unusually warm temperatures this summer, but it has just been brutal here.  Most of July and August up to this point has been over 100 every day.  Until the last day or two it had been weeks since we had had a good rain.  So forgive me if I’m a little hyper today, because Cold Weather (or in this case, even cool weather) is My Thing! 

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It really is, you know.  I have been obsessing about, and daydreaming of, and wishing to move to, Alaska for about the last 5 years.  I even wrote a poem about it, which if I remember correctly is up in the poetry section here.   True, I am a little concerned that I’ve never actually been there before, and I don’t know if I would really like it, but I’d love to experience it someday and find out.  It’s just so indescribably beautiful, and again, I Heart Cold!  I want to go to Fairbanks in January.  I want to see what -20 or -30 feels like, just once, at least.  I want to ride a snowmobile and watch a dog sled team take off!  I want to see the Northern Lights

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Aren't they stunning?

up close and paddle a kayak in a glacial pool and get splashed by a whale!  I want to see huge elk and moose and bald eagles by the dozens, dance outside in the midnight sun, and camp in the shadow of Denali! 

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Mt. McKinley, aka Denali- Who wouldn't want to camp out at the foot of this guy and wake up in the shadow of its awesomeness?!

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Now, is all that a romanticized, Frommer’s-guidebook view of Alaska?  Sure, probably.  I realize that Alaska has its negatives besides temperature.  The hard, subsistence living of many people, the cabin fever, the high rate of sexual crimes against women, the long, cold winters that probably never seem to end, followed by muddy springs and summers filled with mosquitos the size of canaries!  You know what?  I don’t care- I want to go anyway!  I think the positives probably outstrip the negatives by a wide margin.  So if anybody from Alaska reads this and wants to start an exchange program, let me know! 

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Until next time,

D.

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* What does that chee-whatever-is- mean, you ask?  http://www.decorphoto.com/ak-slang.htm

 

I Had No Ideas Whatsover! (Wonder how you say that in Spanish?) August 24, 2010

Hello all.  Tonight is one of those nights where I don’t have any particular ideas in mind, or things I really want to talk about, so I’m just going to start typing and see where the road leads.  I apologize in advance for the loss of the next few minutes of your life, but gratefully thank you for reading!

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My son cracked me up this morning.  I was still on my own bed, but I was yelling at him, asking if he was up yet.  He didn’t answer, so I yelled his first and middle name, and I heard this exasperated, sighing, more than a little annoyed voice answer, “YES, MOTHER!”  🙂  Then again, he always cracks me up.  He prides himself on his funny little antics and absolutely loves making people laugh. 

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Great thing today- we got rain.  I mean real rain, not one of those that’s just enough drizzle to make the grass strain upward desperately and beg.  It sprinkled a few days ago, which was good, but it wasn’t enough.  We hadn’t had rain in so long, I turned on my windshield wipers and they looked at me with puppy-dog eyes like they didn’t know what to do!

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I was reading some other blogs this morning.  I should never do that.  It just gives me a complex and makes me feel like I should give up writing and apply to clown college.  Some of the writers out there seem soooo talented.  Some of them just like to say f*ck a lot. 

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My 20-year class reunion is coming up next month.  I absolutely deny that I am old enough to have been out of school for TWENTY years!  I was a child prodigy who graduated from high school at age 10.  That’s what it is.  Yeah, that’s my story.  What do you mean I’m full of crap!?  Well who needs you, anyway?  Oh that’s right-  I do, or this thing would be non-existent!  Ok, so the reunion is coming up and I don’t have a thing to wear!  It’s not a fancy-schmancy, la-di-da affair- just a catered dinner and dance at the Elks’ Lodge.  (Boy, does that sound Small Town!)   The dress code isn’t too demanding- it’s just business casual.  The problem is that everything I own is either 3 sizes too big or looks like an old lady, or both!!  I bought a dress a while back, that I actually love, but I don’t have the proper undergarments to wear with it.  It’s a halter top dress, and since I don’t have a strapless or halter top bra, I could either wear a tank top under it or some kind of shirt over it, but I don’t really think it would look right.  So I’m stuck either wearing something I already have that is all baggy and old lady-ish, or borrowing something from I-know-not-whom!  Guess I’ll just have to keep working on it.  The date is Sept. 18, so I have a little less than a month to get this problem solved! 

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Daughter S. is taking Spanish this year, and I think it’s going to be really fun to re-learn it along with her.  My poor Spanish teacher in high school only lasted one year because she was not accustomed to what rotten little beasties high school kids can be.  She found out quick when one little punk made a hairspray can torch in the back of the classroom.  Miss Rosa was much better suited to teaching elementary school, I think.  I was showing off to Daughter S. this morning the only things I learned in that class:  the words to La Bamba, and the Pledge of Allegience in Spanish.  (Which I can never recall the first phrase of- arguably the most important part- the ‘I pledge allegience’ part!)  Just for the halibut, I’ll show it off again, minus appropriate punctuation marks:

(I pledge allegience)

a la bandera

de los Ustados Unidos de America.

y a la Republica que representa

Una nacion, bajo Dios, indivisible

con libertad y justicia para todos.

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This post is dying on the vine, so I guess I’m going to give it up for now.  The Boy was working on his homework and he decided he was going to “take a break.”  Only now it’s after 9:30 p.m. and he’s not doing homework and he’s not getting ready for bed either, so it’s time to provide some gentle guidance:  GET READY FOR BED, YOU LITTLE CRUMB-CRUNCHER! 

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Maybe for the next entry I’ll translate the meaning of the words to La Bamba.  You guys totally better run for the hills! 

Until next time,

D.

(ETA:  MILESTONE!!!  Apparently this is my 100th post!  I know it’s just a beginning compared to some of the blogs that have been out there for a while, but wow!  I can’t believe I’ve already gotten this far!  I’m also pushing 2700 total views since I started this thing.  Thanks again to everyone who has taken the time to read me, and super thanks to those who keep coming back!  Hugs to you!)

 

That’s Not a Euphemisim! August 20, 2010

Hello all!  I wanted to send my son’s teacher a note today:

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“Dear Teacher, We are late today because my son was hunting his lizard.  And that’s not a euphemism.  There is now a lizard loose in my living room.  And that’s not a euphemism either!”  *

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Yeah, The Boy was outside last night running around the neighborhood and he caught this tiiiiiiny little lizard, kinda like this guy:

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which he immediately fell in love with and brought into the house, bound and determined to make it a good home (in a flap-top plastic box with a few tiny pebbles and some grass.  And some WalMart deli-sliced ham.  (In case Senor Tiny Lizard fancied a sandwich, I guess.) ) and they would have many good times and be lifelong friends forever. 

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But then this morning when he was supposed to be getting ready for school, Little Man took his new friend out of his box and was playing with it, pondering whether if you held it on the palm of your hand and then turned your hand sideways, would it stick.  And he made the mistake of setting him down (there was something about ants and crumbs in that story- I got lost there.)  And the next time he looked, “BAM, he was gone.  But I just feel that someday we will find him again.”  So said my 9-year old as we had to abandon the Great Lizard Caper and get in the car and go to school. 

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I hate to rain on his optimistic little parade, but I can almost guarantee we ain’t seein’ that lizard again in this lifetime.  Ok, 1) He’s REALLY tiny.  Like an inch long, tiny.  2) There is nothing for him to eat in here.  I don’t even know what a lizard that tiny would eat!  It’s not like there’s a little lizard buffet lying out in my front entryway with a sign saying ‘All You Can Eat, $5.95!  Lizards Welcome!’  and perhaps most particularly, 3) We have cats.  These cats are vicious carnivorous unmerciful critter-eaters.  They like crickets, wasps, grasshoppers, cockroaches, and the occasional rubber mouse.  It is too much to hope that they would suddenly become picky and discriminating when there’s a juicy little lizard involved. 

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In short, Senor Tiny Lizard has no hope.  One way or another, he is not long for this world.  Would that it were not so, but even if he managed to squeeze out from under the front door and escape to the outside world, he has nothing awaiting him on the other side except a porch full of ants who would love to eat him alive.   Either that or he will mysteriously survive unseen for years in our house and grow to be the size of a small alligator and take his revenge on Los Gatos by sucking their heads off in the middle of the night.  I know, pleasant thought, right? 

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Anyway.  Don’t ask my why I got all fixated on the word ‘euphemism’ today.  I just wondered what the teacher would say if I said we were late because my son was hunting his lizard.  Hee hee.  Ok, you can say it- I’m juvenile.  Besides which, it wasn’t even necessary to write a note, because we weren’t late anyway!  When we were backing out of the driveway, Daughter J. was being all self-congratulatory because we have gotten to school on time every day this week.  And dear Daughter S., bless her heart, said “It’s only the third day!” 

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Well it may be only the third day, but darn it, it’s Friday, and that’s always a reason to smile.  The kiddos made it through the first week, even though it was only a half week.  The girls were a little stressed about their homework assignment on the first day, which was a one page informal essay about “what you think it means to be an American.”  Well, there was much discussion about the subject and they finally finished their essays, but if I had known on Wednesday what I heard about on Thursday, (late in the game, I know, but whatev.) I could have told them they should write, “Being an American means being forced to sit by helplessly and seethe with rage as we watch while our misguided and clueless leaders who have no love or respect for this country despite their pretty lies and flowery speeches, honor and grovel to people who attacked and killed thousands of our citizens by building a place for them to worship right next to the scene of their atrocity, where some of them will undoubtedly thank their god for the victory.”   Right.  When is the next election again??

Until next time,

D.

Update:  Ok, I’ve done some thinking and reading about the above (so-called Ground Zero mosque, and I have some further remarks about it that I don’t have time to make now, but that will not be rooted in hatred, intolerance, bigotry or ignorance.  Stay tuned.)

 

Back To School- The Strange Juxtaposition of Tears and Triumphs! August 18, 2010

Hello all!  Drumroll please…………………………. Thank you, I’m BACK!  It’s been a long time, but here I am, and hopefully will not have any more problems that will interfere with my posting regularly.  So, on to today’s topic:  The first day of school!   Yes, Virginia, it’s that time of year again.  Today was The Boy, Daughter S. and Daughter J.’s first day of the 2010-2011 school year.  They all got up, bleary-eyed and droopy-tailed, and got ready to head out for a brand new school year and a new day.  Granted, there were snags in the carpet of perfection, as there generally are, to wit:

1.  The Boy started school with no new supplies and is short one required vaccination.  I didn’t have the time to get him in for his vaccination, or the money to get any new school supplies, and I didn’t have the list of what he needed anyway!  But I think I have enough $$ now to get him a few things and I will probably drag us all back to WalMart after church tonight to pick up said things.

2.  Daughter S. didn’t eat any breakfast.  And if I know her, she won’t eat whatever the school feeds them either, because she’s a picky little beast and would rather starve. 

3.  Daughter J. ate generic spaghettios for breakfast.  I know, my stomach’s turning too.  But hey, if it gets her through the day and makes her happy, more power to her!

4.  Traffic!  Can we say ‘completely insane!?’  Let me just illuminate the difficulty of this problem by explaining that we live in a little town that has a state highway running right through it.  Seriously.  If I could draw a little map, I would, and the road, all 4 lanes of it, would just cut straight through the middle of the town!  The school where The Boy attends this year is right on the highway.  Like the highway is literally 30 feet from the front door.  Traffic backs up waiting to loop through and drop kids off, and it’s also waiting to turn down toward the primary elementary school and it’s just a complete disaster!  Did I mention our town only has 2 stoplights?  Yeah.  We’re progressive.  (Speaking of which, I totally snapped my undies yesterday on Facebook and went postal at someone I didn’t even know who made a comment on a friend’s status, in which I perceived, completely mistakenly, I might add, an intended slight on my home state as being a provincial outpost completely lacking in civilization.  I get that all the time and it gets tiring.  Yes, we’re in Oklahoma.  No, we do not live in tents or sod dugouts and get chased by Indians!  We have electric lights and indoor plumbing and social services. More on that later.) 

5.  We didn’t get to take pictures!  I always take pics of the kids on the first day, with their backpacks and all that, and I forgot to do it before we were all in the car and my camera was locked in the house!  So we’ll get pics when we get home.

Anyway.  On the plus sides of the whole Back to School subject, the following: 

1.  I always try to encourage the kids on the way to school, and I asked them to find one good thing about going back to school or one thing they were looking forward to about this year.  Daughter J. is looking forward to getting back in her music class and hopefully going on more music trips.  Daughter S. is looking forward to Computers III and learning photoshop and some other things.  The Boy said he was looking forward to coming home!  He’s so funny!  But then he said he thought he would be able to concentrate better in his smaller special ed class, with fewer kids trying to talk to him.  (He tried to sneak some classical music CDs to school in his backpack to help him concentrate!  He amazes me sometimes.)

2.  After that, I always say a prayer for a good school year and our safety and protection, etc.  I was saying my prayer as we pulled into the high school parking lot, and there, behind the first student car I saw, was a group of 3 or 4 students, and maybe one mother, I’m not sure.  They were standing in a circle, holding hands, heads bowed, praying.  And I said “Oh look, they’re praying too!” and I just about lost it.  I was already getting teary-eyed while I was praying, and when I saw those other people praying too, it just made me so emotional, because I thought that as long as we have some kids who are willing to stand out there on the first day of school, in the parking lot in front of the whole world, and hold hands with their mother and pray on the first day of school… we’re gonna be ok.  (( Cue tears again! ))  Anyway, so then Daughter S. begged me not to cry, ’cause I’d make her cry, and we pulled up in front of the school and I told them to paste a smile on their faces and have a great day, and off they went. 

And then, the Big One:  The Boy.  Last year this child, when I walked him to his classroom, cried and sobbed and wouldn’t let me leave for practically a half hour, and basically had to be pried loose from me.  This year?  We pull into the parking lot and he tells me he knows where his room is and he doesn’t need me to walk him in.  Then when I ask if he’s sure, he says yeah, and when I stop to let him out of the car, he jumps out, gives me a huge grin, says “I love you, Mom!”  I say “I love you too!  You’re gonna have a great year, baby!” and he shuts the door and walks away grinning.  (( Cue Mom’s cascade of tears! ))  And I pull away and out onto the highway, crying like a ninny and praying that all three of my kiddos have a good year.  And you know what?  I really think they will.

Until next time,

D.

 

Watch Out World, I’m On My Way Back! August 17, 2010

Filed under: Looking Forward — DDKlingonGirl @ 12:59 pm

Hello all!  This will just be a short and sweet update to say that I will soon be inundating you with my inane chatter and ramblings, because thankfully I have just today paid my beans to the powers that be who control the internet access that is pumped into my home and will be writing tonight when I get home tonight from work! 

I can’t wait.  I know you can’t either.   🙂

Until next time,

D.

 

 
The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

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