The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

The Big 5-0… July 7, 2010

Hello all. 

… no, not years!  I’m just now planning my 20-year high school reunion, remember?  I’m talking about the big 5-0 POUNDS that I’ve lost since starting Weight Watchers in January!  Yesterday at my meeting I hit and exceeded the 50 lbs. lost mark.  51.6, to be exact.  I got a little bronze-y colored medal.  The 25 lb. one was silver.  Wonder if the 75 will be gold?

But in all seriousness, I am very proud of the work I’ve done.  I’m proud of the choices I’ve made to put this in my mouth instead of that, do this walking instead of that sitting, and go to this meeting instead of that fast food restaurant.  Not all my choices in the last 6 1/2 months have been perfect, but I can truthfully say they’ve been more aware, more conscious than they had been in a long time. 

You know, I didn’t realize that I actually have some pretty good self-control.  I finally clued in when The Golden Goddess* enlightened me that choosing to eat a doughnut, but first breaking it in half and throwing half in the trash, as I did at work the other day, was in fact self-control.  (Obnoxious co-worker’s contradictory but both disparaging comments, “I thought you were on a diet./That’s wasteful!” notwithstanding!)  Better wasteful than waistful, I say.  Besides, OC-W has no idea what being obese is.  She is forever complaining about needing to gain weight.  I wonder how much weight my foot would add for her if I shoved it… never mind.

Anyway.  Another way I need to practice my self-control is to try not to think about how much farther I have to go.  I must try not to think about the fact that I might not ever be firm, taut, sculpted or “buff” even if I get to my ideal weight.  Yes, I’m realistic– I said ‘if’.  I’d like to say ‘when’ but based on the size I attained in previous weight loss attempts and considering the weight I was at that size, my ideal weight range is lower than that at which I looked and felt healthy.  Specifically, I was a size 10-12 and I weighed almost 170 lbs, and people thought I looked sickly.  If I got down to the recommended weight of 145-155 I’d probably be a size 6 and look like walking death.  So I think my personal ultimate goal is probably 165.  That’s a good size 8-10 for me, and I think it’s smaller than my sister the exercise fanatic, which I cannot imagine.

Instead, I’m thinking about how exciting it will be when I get back down under my Big Number.  You all know what I mean by that.  All people who have ever had to worry about or try to change their weight have a certain number that either they haven’t been under since high school or they haven’t seen in way too many years.  For me, that big number is a weight I haven’t been under since about 2006, since I started gaining weight back after doing the Atkins diet.  I low-carbed it for a year or so and lost almost 100 lbs.  Didn’t quite get to say “100 lbs in exactly one year!” so I slacked off, and back it all crept.  But now I am a mere eleven pounds away from that number again.  And I won’t think right now about how many pounds there are between that big number and the next one!

I am wondering about one thing, though.  I am wondering if losing the weight slowly enough will allow my skin to shrink and tighten, at least a little.  I don’t look forward to being skinny and still having “hello-goodbye arms,” or “chicken wangs,” or a “goozle,” or an “apron pouch.”  For the uninitiated, the first two on that list are my sister’s and my terms for flabby upper arms; the third item is my mom’s and her sisters’ term for a saggy neck and chin, and the last item is, of course, the tummy flap.  (Given the fact that I’ve carried twins and did not have access to a personal chef and team of trainers, the tummy flap may be unavoidable.)  The Golden Goddess was raised on ranches and she says that she and I both are Black Angus cows:  we have dense skin, which will work in our favor because it tends to shrink back more easily.  If we were the other kind of cow, we could look forward to having chicken wangs no matter how skinny we got!

Anyway.  All hail me, the Black Angus who is now worth a few dollars less at market because she’s lost 51.6 lbs since January 19th!

Until next time,


* For a reminder of who the Golden Goddess is, click on the Meet the Cast tab above and scroll to the end.


5 Responses to “The Big 5-0…”

  1. Amanda Says:

    Hooray you!!!! I hit 25 lbs gone at my meeting last week! However….I was on vacation this weekend and while I made mostly better choices than I would have before I did indulge here and there, so I might have crept backwards a little! It’s all part of the journey! I am so proud of you D! And when we get there we will have to go shopping in any store we want for our size 10!

    • LenaDeeAnne Says:

      Wow! Super kudos to you for your 25lb loss!! I’m so proud and happy for you! Vacations are hard to handle. I just had a family reunion weekend, and I think I had a small gain, but I can’t imagine how much bigger it would have been if I had not been trying to be careful!

      Creeping backwards is ok every now and then, as long as we are aware how we got there and that we won’t want to stay there, and we have a plan for beginning to move forward again.

      Love ya bunches! Thanks for reading!

  2. De Leica Says:

    Congratulations! Your hard work is working!

  3. Spanky Says:

    You GO GIRL!! You can’t tell, but I’m clapping over here! Way to go!

  4. LenaDeeAnne Says:

    Thanks so much, you guys! I’m really pleased with myself and I am really determined to keep it up and go all the way!

    Thank you for reading!

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