The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

In the Dictionary Under Random and Incoherent… June 20, 2010

Filed under: Whatever — DDKlingonGirl @ 12:21 pm

What would you attempt, if you knew you could not fail?

“Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us.” – Unknown

What other people think of you is none of your business.

If you are eating when you are not hungry, you are trying to fill a void that food won’t fill.

“I can’t fix the rest of my life today. What I can fix is what I do today.”

You don’t have to experience the world in the way you have been told to.

You only have to get up one more time than you fall.

_______________________________________________

…it says see This Post. 

Hello all.  I was browsing through the Weight Watchers message boards just now and I came across all these quotes, and I liked them.  I really liked them! 🙂  I am just feeling particularly inspired and inspirational right now.  Have you ever had that sensation where you look back on something you said or wrote and thought, “That was the stupidest thing that has ever come out of my mind!”  I have been feeling this way about something I wrote a while back. I don’t think I’ll mention what it was, because then you’ll want to go back and look at it again, thus drawing even more attention to my asininity.  Is that a word?  Whatever.  The point is, I realized that what I said was not what I really want.  Oh, fine, I’ll tell you- it was in this post, toward the end, where I’m talking about what I want to become.  That part about wanting to love myself, who I am, what I look like, what I’m wearing, and how I make men feel.  I have been thinking about that statement, and I realize 1) that I didn’t really even mean it when I said it, and 2) how stupid it sounds.  I really don’t care one whit how I make men feel. I care about how I feel about myself, and who I am in God’s eyes. 

The truth is, I don’t really want to be some self absorbed, sex-kitten hoochie mama, basking in the glow of her own sensuality and trying to soak in admiration from every living thing within a 20-mile radius, 24 hours a day!  All I want is to be able to look at myself and say, “You know what?  You’re actually kinda beautiful!”  And sometimes I do.  Last night, for example.  I was getting ready for bed.  I had had a fairly good hair day, and I was looking at myself in the bathroom mirror and, vain though this might sound, I was telling myself that very thing.  It felt good.  Unfortunately, sometimes I get in the opposite mood, where I look at myself and go “Ugh, where’s my barf bag?”  Like last night when my cousin and I were walking, I was extremely cranky because the kids were fighting and The Boy was demonstrating his Longshoreman Vocabulary.  There was this girl jogging around the track, and the negative inside me took over, and all I could tell myself was “Nope, no matter how many thousands of times I drag my fat A around this track, I’m never going to be skinny enough to be able to move fast!  To run and dance and jog and not feel that I move and look like an elephant in a circus.  Truth be told, I did jog a few yards of every lap at a very gentle pace, but still felt rather like a lumbering giant.

So anyway.  I’m having difficulty with the coherence in this entry.  I really liked those quotes I found above, but one of them I added on my own, to remind myself of its truth.  The one about what other people think of you is none of your business.  I had to remind myself of that because the kids come home from every visit to their father’s house regurgitating the crap that I know they hear from his mouth and that of his wife, and the kids have basically acknowledged that my former hubby and his current spouse sit over there and talk down about me, but of course they don’t tell me specifically what they’re griping about.  So I have to remind myself I don’t give a rip what they say about me, because it’s probably right up there with what I think about them, but I try not to say it in front of my kids. 

Anyway.  I don’t think it’s too late to go take a nap before time for evening church and perhaps sleep off this Very Crabby Mood I feel brewing, so that’s what I’m going to do.  Or maybe I’ll just go do dishes and laundry so I can feel good about myself and that will help me care even less what other people have to say about me.  Man, it’s going to be a looong two weeks! 

Until next time,

D.

 

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