The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

How I Got Over Wishing I Were Bear Chow April 25, 2010

Hello all.  I realize I already posted an entry today, but I felt like I just had to relate the weirdness that was me yesterday when my cousin Vallerie and I went walking.  It was just so much harder for me to walk than normal.  I felt weighed down and burdened by a million aggravations.  I could barely drag myself along because I had so much stuff on my mind- just stuff about me and where I’m trying to get to, The Dufus and his situation, lots of stuff.

You know things are bad when you visualize yourself getting eaten by a bear, and you kind of think it would be a good thing!  I was walking along an area of the path that had some woods next to it, and I could totally see a big, snarling, fur-coated, drooling, bloody-fanged creature jumping out of the trees, sinking its teeth and claws into me, and dragging me back into the brush, where it would devour me with absolutely no conscience.  And unbelievably, I thought that might’ve been kinda preferable to the mood I was in!  No, really, I was!  I was in such a bad mood that I thought I might enjoy getting eaten by a bear!

Anyway.  I haven’t exactly been Little Mary Sunshine today, either.  I was in a rather awful mood at church today, having had to yell and scream and nag and referee my children all morning.  I didn’t want to be there in that moment, and I certainly didn’t want to force a civil reply out of my face when the annoying lady who asks questions and doesn’t stop to listen to the answers asked me why I wasn’t in Sunday School.  Or Bible class or whatever you wanna call it.  I felt like saying, “Seriously?  I haven’t gone to Bible class in like 3 years and you’re gonna ask me where I was today?” 

Normally when I get in this heinous mood, I feel awful and I don’t sing, and I bawl all during church and get virtually nothing from being there.  But today!  Oh, you’d be so proud of me.  See, what happened was that I actually put forth the effort to change my pattern and try to make things different than they usually would be.  The simplest change would be to go ahead and sing, instead of sitting there feeling miserable.  So as I sang the first song, I actually listened to the words and tried to allow them to teach and admonish me the way we’re supposed to do.  Amazingly, the first song we sang had a lot to do with singing.  It was called “We’re Marching to Zion.”  The lyrics are: 

Come, we that love the Lord and let our joys be known-Join in a song with sweet accord, join in a song with sweet accord, and thus surround the throne, and thus surround the throne. 

Chorus:  We’re marching to Zion, beautiful beautiful Zion, We’re marching upward to Zion, the beautiful City of God.

Let those refuse to sing who never knew our God. But children of the Heavenly King, but children of the Heavenly King, may speak their joys abroad, may speak their joys abroad.

(Chorus)

The let our songs abound, and every tear be dry.  We’re marching through Emmanuel’s ground, we’re marching through Emmanuel’s ground to fairer worlds on high, to fairer worlds on high.

So in the first stanza, I thought about the meaning of the words and what they were calling us to do:  we that love the Lord must join in singing, and by doing so, we’re approaching and surrounding the throne of God and offering our worship and praise.  I got a really great visual here of a golden throne surrounded by circles of people singing on their knees, just for the sheer joy of praising God.

The second stanza really spoke to me, just in the simple fact that refusing to sing is equated with never having known God!  If I had refused to sing just because I was in a bad mood, I would be the same as a non-believer!  And then if we are a true child of God, we will have joys that we just can’t keep inside, and we will speak our unrestrainable joy through singing.

And finally, in the third stanza, the connection I made is that if our songs abound, then our tears should be dry.  In other words, singing cheers us and lifts us up when we’re down, and then it also makes us less likely to be down in the first place.  And the reason our tears should be dry is that we are on a journey to be with God- “to fairer worlds on high.”

It went on like that the rest of the song service.  It seemed like almost every song had something to do with singing itself, but no matter what the song lyrics were, I was trying to listen and let the words sink into me and help me to be in a better mood.  And it really worked.  I was able to get out of my bad mood, listen to the lesson, quit feeling sorry for myself, and try to make a plan to improve in the future!  I was quite proud of me!

Keep singing, everyone!

Until next time,

D.

 

2 Responses to “How I Got Over Wishing I Were Bear Chow”

  1. What an encouraging account! God is good. The one thing in all of life we can count on is that God is good. Forget that bear. Let him eat cake. Ha!

    • LenaDeeAnne Says:

      Thank you so much! God has definitely been good to me. Sometimes I just forget for a split second and start whining. Thankfully, it doesn’t usually last long before I start remembering again!

      Thank you for reading!


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