The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Spring Break! And The Internal Angst It Causes! March 14, 2010

Hello all.  So how are things?  I hope everyone is well and happy, because it is Spring Break! and it is most important to be well and happy on Spring Break!  Not that I’m going to go anywhere.  I always wish I could go somewhere fun, and I never end up going.  Not that I know exactly where “somewhere fun” is, but it always seems to be wherever I’m not.  I guess I sort of envision some Carribean or Mexican or Hawaiian beach, under a big umbrella with dry-grassy fringe on it.  Sunglasses.  Big floppy hat.  Fruity, buzz-inducing beverage.  A soft, salty breeze.  Someone tall, dark, “ripped,” and coated in suntan oil standing there fanning me with a palm frond, ready to do my bidding immediately if not sooner. 

Yes, I know, that totally doesn’t mesh with the whole Alaska scene I’ve been yapping about for the last 4 years, but maybe I’ve watched too much of the Travel Channel.  I’ve always sworn I’m not a ‘summer person,’ that the beach and the sunny vacation destinations don’t interest me.  Apparently they do interest me, but I try to pretend they don’t, because I’d look like the Michelin Man in a swimsuit on the beach:  blindingly white and extremely round.  That, and I can’t ski, scuba, parasail, or any of those other things you do in water or near beaches, so I just figure I might as well write off the whole scene.  And I’m scared of skin cancer.  Anyway.

It’s actually a little funny, because I always wanted to do one of those all-girl trips, where you go to Mexico or somewhere with three or four of your best girlfriends and see how much trouble you can get into.  Only now I think maybe I’m too old and should be much more mature, and way past that gently nagging urge to party it up.  If only I didn’t have this sense that I’m missing something by never having gone on one of those vacations- even if it were hiking through Europe or spending a weekend in retreat with the Dalai Lama or something, at least it would be doing something with my girlz!  Problem now is, the people I would want to do that stuff with all seem like they’re all about being Wonder Moms and Super-Wives or Career-Building Young Professionals.  In short, they don’t seem to want the ‘Girlz Vacation’ scene like I do. 

Consider, for example, all my Facebook friends who are always posting about how it throws them into absolute bliss to be piled on the couch with their kids, scarfing popcorn and watching a movie, or taking their kids to the mall, or whatever.  Don’t get me wrong. I usually enjoy those things, but am I weird to be wishing I could have some quality adult time?  (Driving to and from work totally doesn’t count, by the way!)  Maybe they do have an occasional night out with grown-up company and we just don’t hear about it on Facebook.  Maybe I’m a little jealous that being with my kids doesn’t feel like the end-all and be-all of life to me they way it does to them.  Maybe I am under the impression (mistaken or not) that they’ve already done the Girls Gone Wild thing and that’s why they’re content to remain eternally in contention for the Mary Poppins Mom of the Year Award while I sit here wondering when Life starts?

Anyway, I want to make it clear that I’m not downing these people.  I think it’s great.  I’m happy for them.  I’m totally glad they are happy just being with their kids and doing whatever it is they do.  I’m just wondering why I’m not the same.  I guess the point is that it gives me something to look forward to- when the kids are grown and I’m old and grey and decrepit and wrinkly, I’ll go sit on the beach and drink something from a coconut and gross out the poor pool boys by being the old lady pinching their butts.

Wow, I totally went off on a tangent again.  I was going to talk about the plans we DO have for Spring Break.  The kids are going to go visit their father, about which they’re very happy.  I’m taking them over there tomorrow when I get off work and they’re going to stay with him for a couple of days.  I’ve been trying to iron out some plans for my cousin to come here for a visit, but so far, nothing has been finalized.  If my cousin doesn’t come here, I am hoping to take next Saturday off from work at the very least, and try to come up with something to do with the kids.  Just us.  Something fun that they will love and that won’t cost a bundle.  I’m sure I can come up with something eventually.

While they’re gone to their father’s house, I will also be spending time with my other cousin, and also probably with RMB.  I’ll TRY to make myself do a deep clean on the house, and I’ll enjoy the ‘me’ time, even if it’s not on a Mexican Beach or the Lido Deck of The Love Boat.   

Until next time,

D.

PS- I totally just realized that the truth is that I just wish I could afford to take the kids somewhere big. like Disney World, or anywhere, and let them have fun, and have fun watching them have fun, and also have my adult fun somewhere in there at the same time.  That would be the ideal.  It’s not that I don’t want to do anything with my kids.  It’s that I can’t afford to do what I really want to do with them, and nothing else seems adequate.  That’s why the popcorn-and-movies-on-the-couch scenario seems so unfulfilling- because I wish I could do more for them.  Maybe I’m not a cold, selfish, unfeeling parent after all. 

Until next time again,

D.

 

4 Responses to “Spring Break! And The Internal Angst It Causes!”

  1. lisa Says:

    Feel the same sometimes, and think most people in facebook land would loose face to admit as much. Disney World awaits, but when I went in the 9th grade the thing that I remember most was that as soon as someone would throw a cigarette or gum wrapper on the ground a groundskeeper would immediately swoop in and sweep it up. And that the lines were really long and the people from Germany that kept getting in line ahead of us on EVERY ride did not believe in deoderant! You’ll think of something great to do on the cheap! It builds character to be poor 🙂 That’s how we all turned out so great!

    • LenaDeeAnne Says:

      Lol! Sounds like a memorable experience, either way! That’s too funny about the Germany people. I’m hoping I can get Peggy to come down here this weekend and take the kids to the zoo or something. Thanks for reading! Love ya!

  2. conancolby Says:

    Hey you are not weird! Everyone needs a little adult time.
    I hope I can get down there this weekend, maybe we can just go sit at the lake. We will think of something.

  3. conancolby Says:

    Oh and theme parks are so overrated and over priced, they are fun, but you do have to beware of the stinky international travelers.


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