The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Two Dead Dreams (And I Mention a Giant Squid) February 27, 2010

Filed under: In Memoriam,Whatever — DDKlingonGirl @ 10:50 am

Hello all.  In recent entries, I have mentioned job and travel possibilities that I was excited about.  Well, both have been shot out of the water, so I can now tell you about them with no enthusiasm whatsoever.  The job was a position I got an email ad for, from looking for a Client Services Manager.  It sounded like a big deal, probably nothing I couldn’t handle, but at the same time, a little out of my league.  I didn’t think I had a great chance of getting it, but I applied.  Got an email a couple of days later.  You know the one.  “Thanks, but no thanks.”  It was disappointing, but I expected it.  I had already begun to think about the places I could take the kids with the kind of money that job paid- 36K.  I know that doesn’t sound like a windfall to some people, but to me it would have meant a lot.

The other thing was the big travel possibility.  My baby sister is in a choir group, Canturbury Choral Society, in Oklahoma City, and she got information the other day about a possible trip for the choir to go to Europe in Summer 2011, and family members could come along.  I immediately got all excited, thinking I could save enough money to go with Baby Sister on this trip, and how wonderful and exciting and once-in-a-lifetime it would be.  Or twice, if you’re her.  She’s already done the two-week tour of Europe with a music group thing, when she was selected to Oklahoma Ambassadors of Music and went over there with Mom. 

But then I was discussing it with certain counselor people, who reminded me that my mom and I have been promising the kids we’d take them to Disneyworld for about 10 years now, and Mom has been to Europe and Hawaii, and on two cruises since then, and that if I went flitting off to Europe with Baby Sister, the children would probably get pretty peeved.  They would get the message that they were secondary, and not important, and that we would never do anything we said we would for them.  Plus, I am obviously smart enough to know that, barring nuclear war, Europe will always be there, but my kids will only be kids for a very, VERY short, precious amount of time.  So I set the ‘Europe With Emily’ dream adrift in a bottle and watched it promptly get eaten by a giant squid. 

On the job front, I don’t know where things are headed.  Right this minute, I don’t feel drawn to the idea of trying to go into a classroom and control 26 teenage children who don’t care and don’t want to be there, and try to get them interested in Shakespeare and poetry and subordinate clauses.  And I’d rather become a circus clown than spend much more time in my current job, and my new writing gig isn’t going to pay enough to put gas in the car, much less take care of anything major.  It’s actually more of a hobby job, I guess.

I just realized I’m right back where I was before I went back to school.  Except now I have a piece of paper that says ‘if you have the guts to teach, here’s the paper that says you can.’  Unfortunately, I think I left my guts in that room in WHS.  At least when it comes to teaching.  I know I have a lot of strength left for other things, but I can’t really go into all that now. 

Anyway.  Thanks very much to those who read, comment, and encourage me.  Sorry this isn’t my norm.  I’m in a difficult mode right now, but things will be better soon, I hope. 

Until next time,



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