Some of you may be wondering about the title of this blog. What is a fat-headed Klingon Woman, anyway? Well, first a little background information. You may or may not be ready to hear this, but I’m fat. I’m overweight. I can say it. I’m not chubby, chunky, dumpy, or fluffy. I’m just plain fat, ok? But I’m working on it; I’m changing habits and actions, and someday that statement will be in the past tense. Got it? Ok, good. Now the story.
In the winter of the year of my 20th Class Reunion (STRESS!) the skin on my face suddenly went insane. When I got out of the shower on New Year’s Day 2010, (where I had been imagining a conversation with God about my Facebook status- more on that later) my face felt different. As I air-dried under the ceiling fan, it became a tight, flaky mask that made me wonder how something could sag and puff simultaneously! I studied myself in the mirror, thinking about what I’d just written on Facebook about this year being one of transformation.
I briefly considered, in the motorcycle sidecar of my mind, how much moving I was going to have to do to gradually shrink this body. I saw a hazy, cloudy vision of myself becoming one of those exercise fiends, one of those people I like to refer to as sick and twisted, who get up at 5:00 a.m. to make it to a 6:00 a.m. Turbo class. And I saw a much clearer verson of myself as the Fat Headed Klingon Woman I now saw in the mirror. (Apologies to Gene Roddenberry.)
It was just that I had reached the point where even my forehead had enough padding on it to smoosh as I slept on my sides in the night. Consequently, I woke up and looked in the mirror every morning at these great, fading, diagonal red lines over both sides of my face that reminded me of the Klingons on Star Trek!
Life as an Extra-Terrestrial was not what I had envisioned for myself, so as my 300+ pound body silently double-dog-dared me to try to change it, I moved my thoughts of me as a “Person Who Exercises” from the sidecar to the driver’s seat of my mind, hoping that they would grab the handlebars and just take off down the highway.
So far, they’re just idling in park, but if we ever get anywhere on this exercise road trip, I’ll get the word out.
Until next time,