The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Go With the Flow or Get Run Over! March 15, 2020

Hello, all! Okay, so… new perspective.

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I’m sitting here holding my sweet grandbaby. She’s just turned a year old. She had some vaccines the other day (Thursday): MMR, hepatitis and chicken pox. She’s been feverish and cranky ever since and now she has a pretty significant rash. On the doctor’s advice we’ve been giving ibuprofen, Tylenol, Zyrtec and Benadryl.

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What I’m thinking is how terrifying life must have been before all these things, before you had medicines to relieve their suffering when they caught the diseases we can now protect them from, unlike in the days when, if your baby popped up with a rash, you immediately began to worry how long you were going to have them with you and how much misery they were going to have to endure while you did.

*

I can’t imagine having a child suffering from a disease like measles or any other serious ailment with no decent means of relief or comfort, to say nothing of any idea of a cure or a preventative.

*

So many people right now are operating out of fear. Running to the store to stock up on what they can get while they can get it. This, I admit, I did today myself. I heard WalMart was completely out of the baby’s size of diapers in any brand, so I hurried to the dollar store to see what I could find. Thankfully, they had quite a lot of diapers, but not a lot in her size. I did find one case and purchased it. But I also bought some noodles and beans and crackers and peanut butter, milk, and things of that nature just because I thought they might come in handy. This is how this emptying of the shelves starts.

*

I was trying to think of an analogy that fit and I think it’s kind of like we’re all on the highway. Everybody is going along at the normal speed. Then for some reason everyone starts going faster. So most people think, “Look at those crazy people, all speeding along! I’m not going to speed. There’s no reason to speed. I’m just going to keep it normal.” But then more and more people start speeding, and the general thinking becomes, “I’m going to get run over! I’d better stay with the crowd, even if it is scary to drive this fast!” So then you’re forced to speed right along with everyone else.

*

I don’t know what the solution is. I don’t know if you really should just stay at the slow speed no matter what the rest of the traffic is doing, or if you’re truly endangering yourself by not going with the flow of traffic. I just know we are lucky, because we live in an age where there are preventative measures, because we know what causes things. We have meds to relieve suffering. We have hygiene. People need to be reasonable and NOT. PANIC! This is not the apocalypse. (Although it is still a bit disturbing because we now have a pretty good idea how our society would behave if it were, and in my opinion, it ain’t pretty.)

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Regardless, thank goodness for Amazon, because I ordered a month’s supply of diapers online before I ever went to the store. I just wanted to make sure we didn’t run out. Hmm. There we go again.

*
Until next time,

D.

 

It’s Just the Gas- The Saga of the Unexpected Dental Visit February 26, 2020

Hello, All! Well, today ended up as one of the more bizarre days I’ve had in a while. Oh, it started out nice and normal. Daughter J was off work so I didn’t have to drive to town and back before school, and my mom didn’t have to wake up at 7:00 a.m. to come get The Squirrel. (My grandbaby, for those who aren’t up to speed.)

*
So I went to school, had a good day… right up until my planning hour, when I went to take (as I usually do at that time) my calcium chews.   These things are about the size and consistency of Starburst candy and I had just put the first one in my mouth and started chewing when I suddenly realized there was something hard in it. At first I thought it was just a hard lump of sugar or something like that- maybe a lump of calcium that didn’t get blended into the mix right. What made me assume that I’ll never know, because these things don’t have sugar in them and I have never had one that wasn’t perfectly normal. Maybe I am just particularly slow on the uptake.

*
Anyway. After a few seconds I realized this was not a lump of sugar or any other ingredient in the chew itself.  It was, in fact, a part of my lower left back tooth. Great.

*
So, funny story. I haven’t been to the dentist in too long to remember. So I called my most recent one and they could get me in in like a week. A week!? Are you kidding? So I said ok, fine, and I walked down to the office to clarify which type of time-off request I needed to ask for. While I was in there, the sweet secretary suggested I call this other particular dentist right there in my little small town, and I hadn’t really thought of that, but decided what the heck, I’d go ahead and give it a shot.

*
So I went back down to my room, called the office, and wow! They could get me in today right after school!! Talk about serendipity! So I emailed the assistant principal and told him I wasn’t going to need a day off just yet after all, and I’d let him know if anything changed.

*
Fast forward to the dentist’s office, 3:45 p.m. I got there and filled out their little health form on a computer and got called back pretty quickly. They took an x-ray, which was actually a little more horrible than it should have been. I got a little uncomfortable with that thing in my jaw and got all choked up trying to keep from gagging. Coughed until I just about barfed!

*
So the doctor comes in and it turns out that I will need a filling and that, surprisingly, he can do it right then. Nice! So they ask me if I need or want the nitrous gas while I’m doing this, and of COURSE I say yes. Are you kidding? It’s been several minutes since I’ve been to a dentist. So they put the little clown nose on me. (That’s what my pediatric dentist used to call it!) Started with a little oxygen to get the ball rolling and said they would start the actual good stuff in a few minutes.

*
So one reason I dislike going to the dentist is I am always afraid of getting the giggles when they hit me with the gas. Like who wouldn’t be, right? Turn on the gas, get the giggles, feel really stupid. You know, that whole thing. So as they start the actual nitrous I’m sitting there waiting for the goofy feeling to start, and WHAT starts going through my head but a charming ditty from a little Broadway show called Little Shop of Horrors, a song sung by the crazy, sadistic, nutty cuckoo dentist character, entitled ‘Now (It’s Just the Gas).’  (Note- We did that show at the theatre a few years ago and I stage-managed. It was one of the best ever!)

*

So all I can see in my head is our crazy actor, John Pryor, laughing and guffawing his way through that song, while one of our best leading men, Nathanael Durbin, sits squirming in the dentist chair, and I’m sitting there just PRAYING I won’t get the giggles. My mouth twitches, but I rein it in. (I know, anticlimactic.)

*
So they shoot me up, let me sit there a while and baste, then they do their thing and I’m done. I expected to feel a lot loopier than I did. I was worried about driving, even, but they assured me I was fine to hit the road. So then I’m standing at the check-out desk, marveling at how utterly freaking weird my face feels, and sort of wondering if I can even sign my name when they hand me the ink pen.

*
But I got it done and now I’m at home, lying here with The Squirrel while she pulls my hair out, wondering how long it will be before I can take a chance on eating supper without biting my tongue off or chewing a hole in my cheek. Guess I’ll have to give it a while!

*
Until Next Time,

D.

 

Straight Outta WalMart! February 8, 2020

Filed under: Freaky Happenings,Mood Swings,Whatever — DDKlingonGirl @ 3:55 pm
Tags: , , ,

Hello, all! Boy, I just had the weirdest experience! I got off work from my Saturday job (Joyful, joyful) and had to go to WalMart, of all places. First thing is, I’m basically so broke I can’t even pay attention, as my dad says. But I had an old WalMart gift card in my purse, and a few dollars on another card I have, and I needed to get some more protein shakes. (Why, I’ll never know, because I am most assuredly not sticking on my prescribed eating plan very well at this point.) Anyway, I went to get them. Naturally, I couldn’t get out of the store without buying SOMEthing I wasn’t there for, and I wound up with two little tiny bags of Cheetos and a king size pack of peanut M&Ms, along with my case of Equate brand chocolate protein shakes. (Don’t even get me started on how aggravating it is to have to settle for the el cheapo brand instead of the Premier. Premier is SO much better!)

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So anyway. I bought these things after waiting in line in the ‘20 Items or Less’ lane behind this rather crazy looking old lady who literally had $200 worth of stuff and nowhere NEAR only 20 items! Maybe that was what caused what I am about to describe. Maybe it wasn’t. I’ll never know, but as I walked toward the door, I saw the employee they have stationed there to check your receipt as you walk out, and that’s when it happened.

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Now let me just give some background info here.  There is a local Facebook page in our area called Rants & Raves Carter County where people are constantly griping about every possible aspect of shopping at our WalMart. It’s too busy, it’s too expensive, it’s too understaffed, you have to check yourself out (“And I don’t work there! I don’t get paid to check my own groceries!”), and on and on and on. One of the favorite things people love to nag about is having to show their receipt as they walk out. They’ll say it makes them feel like they are being treated like a thief, which is just adding insult to injury after WalMart has had the audacity to expect them to check out their own groceries! There is a small contingent on the page who recognize the absurdity of complaining about such a thing, and frequently share their opinion, explaining repeatedly that it’s for the customer’s benefit because it’s supposed to help prevent theft and keep costs low, and so on. Unfortunately it falls on deaf ears, and there are a number of people who seem to take pride in being rude to the poor door person who is just trying to do their job by asking to see the receipts, and even if they aren’t actually rude, they still refuse to cooperate, simply saying ‘No, thank you’ and never breaking stride as they sail out the door.

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Now I’ve always been one of those people who will stop and show my receipt and never even care about it. No big deal, right? I understand why it’s done, and I don’t feel offended and I don’t even get bent out of shape about having to use the self checkout. But for some reason, today was different. I noticed someone having their receipt checked when I walked INTO the store, and I thought about the rants and raves page and I saw the somewhat annoyed look on the guy’s face who was having his receipt checked, and I wondered if he was having a hard time keeping his cool about it and whether I’d see yet another post about receipt checking on Fb later.

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The weird thing was, when I finally got my own four items checked out and headed for the door, I was still quite a little distance from the receipt checker when I saw her glance my way and she was speaking to someone else, but began to turn her body and reach out her hand ever so slightly toward me as her next stop, and the jolt of anger that went through me was like a lightning bolt in my stomach. It was a shot of pure rage that screamed in my head, “Don’t you DARE ask me to stop and show you my receipt!!” And I have NO IDEA WHY!! And I glanced at her as she said in a syrupy-sweet voice, “Hello! Do you have your receipt today?” And without slowing down one iota, I snatched my receipt out of the top of my purse, held it up without even looking at her, (I’m pretty sure I had a sarcastic/snarky/snotty look on my face) and walked right past her out the door. I’m pretty sure I heard her call behind me, “Have a nice day!” When I got outside I was muttering to myself, and I’m pretty sure there was some inexplicably foul language in there somewhere, warning her after the fact that she better not even think of asking me to stop and show my receipt and she could kiss my…well, you know.

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So there you have it. The strangest thing that has happened to me in a while.  I can’t explain it. I can’t defend it. All I know is it happened. I was kind of a jerk to the door person at WalMart for absolutely no known reason.  Better beware… who knows who I’ll turn on next!!

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Until next time,

D.

 

Automobile Auditions, Car Callbacks, and My Parathyroid January 20, 2020

Hello all! It’s been quite a while!  Although I can’t exactly remember what all news I have talked about in my most recent posts (which really aren’t recent at all, if the truth be known) there is virtually nothing in my life that is the same. My kids are all legal adults now. In fact, Daughter S and Daughter J are 26 years old, and J is married with a baby!! (Sadly, the hubby, whom I will refer to hereafter as Dufus Jr., is not my favorite person in the world.) It’s a long, complicated, and sad story, but suffice it to say I would not be broken-hearted if he were to get abducted by aliens or kidnapped by a traveling circus. The most difficult part is that they live with me. The situation drives me bananas on the daily, but they say necessity is the mother of… something or other. Just kidding. I know it’s ‘invention.’ The only thing I find myself trying to invent around here are ways to make him disappear without a trace, but I am pretty sure that will never happen.

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Anyway. I didn’t start this post to complain about Dufus Jr. Another really weird thing in my life is that The Boy has moved out. He is living with my baby sister a couple hours away from here and it’s really bizarre not having him around. I miss him a lot. He’s been my reason for living for so long and now he has finished his school, and is trying to make his way in the world. Thankfully he has my little sister and her husband, who are taking good care of him. It’s not like I have to worry about him too much. Or at all, really, but I do it anyway. I’m a mom- it’s what I am supposed to do!
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So what do I do with my free time now that I’m not focused on keeping The Boy alive? Did I mention there is a baby?! Yes! My sweet little grandgirl whom I will refer to as The Squirrel. (I know that’s a silly nickname. I just called her that one night and it stuck.) She is my heart and soul. She is ten months old now and she is the most precious thing I have ever seen. So when I am not at work, I’m hanging out with The Squirrel, letting her crawl all over me while I am flopped on the bed scrolling Fb or watching Netflix. She is amazing and smart and perfect, except for a tiny little hair fetish she seems to have where her favorite thing in the world is to pull on my hair or hold it in her hand while she sucks her thumb or takes her bottle.

*

I’m still teaching, amazingly enough. There are days I think I am not so bad and days I think I am the worst teacher in the history of the Universe, but they continue to keep me around, so I will keep doing my level best.

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On the theatre front, I haven’t been able to do anything since last summer. I was in our summer show, which was “Annie Get Your Gun,” but I haven’t been able to do anything since.  For most of us in community theatre, we go through seasons. There are times in our lives when we can give it a lot of attention and other times when our attention is required elsewhere. Right now I am going through a season when I am needed at home to help with my sweet grandgirl.
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I still love it though, and sometimes I fall into fantasizing about it, which is where the title of tonight’s post comes from.  I had to drive up to a nearby (sort of) city for a doctor appointment today and on my way home I was listening to my iTunes and singing along at the top of my lungs, and about every other song was one I would imagine auditioning for a show with, picturing myself onstage, wishing I were better than I am, pushing my range to its limits in both directions, and just generally having a good time. They are doing “Hello, Dolly” right now and I would have loved to have been in it, but not only do I have to help watch the Squirrel in the evenings, I also have school stuff that could need to be done. Granted, I rarely do any school work at home, but you never know.

*

Now the parathyroid part of tonight’s title is what the appointment was about. I had some blood work done the other day for my one-year follow up on my weight loss surgery. (By the way, I have lost 106 pounds since September 2018. It should be more, but I am a bad rule-follower.)  Anyhoo, my blood work showed elevation of my calcium and parathyroid hormone AND a little bit on my  Vitamin D, so my doctor sent me to an endocrinologist.  He wants me to adjust my Vitamin D, take some more labs at the end of March, see him again in mid-April, and if it still seems to warrant attention, he will refer me to an endocrinology surgeon, who will, after doing some studies, most likely want to take my parathyroid gland or glands out. Rest assured this does not thrill me. I have spent the last year trying to dig out from under the medical bills that have piled up as a result of my weight loss surgery. Alas, I have realized that if you have medical insurance, you will ALWAYS have outstanding medical bills because they will always keep finding things that need fixed!

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Oh well. I am extremely thankful to have insurance through my job, and to have been able to have my weight loss surgery and to know that if I have anything else that goes wrong, I will be able to have it taken care of.  That’s always a blessing.

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Well, I guess that’s about all the news that is news. I’ll try to think of more entertaining things to write about and post here more often.

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Until next time,

D.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Sad Day July 12, 2019

Hello, all. It’s been a tough week. This week I experienced a first in my almost 47 years on this earth. Last Saturday night I was sitting in a lawn chair in my parents’ driveway, watching fireworks, holding my uncle’s hand and talking to him, hugging him goodbye when he and my aunt left, and the next afternoon he was dead.

*

I’ve lost people before. Of course I have. But never someone I was just talking to and having fun with the day before. I mean, I knew he wasn’t well. He was on oxygen and was really struggling with his breathing that night, but none of us could have known he was in such danger.

*

My family is a very loving one. Even if we don’t see each other for months at a time, (a fact made somewhat more pitiful by the realization that we live in the same county) we still love each other and enjoy seeing each other. I feel very blessed by that. Last Saturday night was an example. It was a throwback to the days when we had big family gatherings at my parents’ house, with aunts, uncles, and cousins from both sides of the family. We’d eat, maybe grill burgers or make a huge pot of spaghetti. Then afterwards we’d have watermelon and homemade ice cream and pop fireworks until late into the evening.

*

That’s what we were doing that night. Not everyone was there- but a few family members from both sides made it feel like the old days for the first time in a long time: simple, homemade country joys, shared with at least part of a loving family.

*

Then today, the rest of that family were all together for the first time in ages, as we said goodbye to my uncle. His service was in the church we all grew up in, with congregational acapella singing. That was one of the best and yet hardest parts for me. My aunt and uncle sat behind us for years in church, and many of the songs they chose to sing today were my uncle’s favorites and I could hear his singing so clearly in my mind. Afterwards, the police stopped traffic for us when we had to leave the church and get on the highway that runs through town. My uncle’s youngest son rode honor guard on his motorcycle.

*

But the part that struck me, one of the things I loved the most, was the way all the traffic on the roads pulled over and stopped until we passed. It’s such a small thing, and I guess maybe it’s not done in all parts of the country, but the comfort I felt from seeing that show of respect can hardly be described. It made me feel proud to have grown up here. I wished that I could have said thank you to all those people who had taken time out of their day, stopped for a moment in their busy schedules, to sit by the roadside as we followed my uncle to his final resting place.

*

As lovely and comforting as that was, though, it was nothing…*nothing* compared to the comfort of knowing my uncle was a Christian, and having an utterly firm conviction that he was in paradise at that very moment. I honestly never realized it before, because at the times of other losses, either I was too young to really think about it or appreciate it, or I unfortunately could not be absolutely certain the people I had lost were in a saved condition. Today, I knew. I knew without question that my uncle was literally in a better place. There is nothing that compares to the joy that comes from that certainty.

*

Now, I know all of this gets into religion and theology or whatever, and not everyone shares the same beliefs and convictions. I am not even the most churchy person myself at the moment, but today made me want to start living my life better. It reminded me, as funerals always do, I guess, that someday this life will be over, and all I know is that I want to go to heaven. I want to have my poor fragile physical body exchanged for a spiritual heavenly body that will never get sick or broken. I want to spend eternity in the presence of Jesus, singing and worshipping God and walking streets of gold.

*

I know this feeling may not last. This inspiration, this determination. It never does. Death happens, losses happen, and they make you think. And then the sadness goes away a little, the thoughts and introspection fade and you get caught up in the busy-ness of life again until the next loss happens. But maybe I can make it stick around and get back to how I was raised, going to church more often and trying to live a better life. I hope I can. I’m going to try, anyway.

*

Until next time,

D.

PS. I have another family member, a cousin who was in a terrible motorcycle wreck. He could use some financial help if he is to make a full, long recovery. Here (I hope) is a link to his GoFundMe:

https://www.gofundme.com/f/joshua-findley-medical-fund?utm_source=customer&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_campaign=p_cp+share-sheet

 

 
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