The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

Examination, Comma, Self. Also Extreme Stupidity. April 5, 2014

Filed under: A-Z,Dreams and Passions — DDKlingonGirl @ 10:35 pm
Tags: , , ,

Hello all. Today has been a good day, but one that I have spent a portion of in serious self examination. Not the breast kind, although for the record, that is really important too. No, this was examination of what I may or may not have been born to do.

*

I used to be a teacher. I went back to school at age 35 and got my degree in English education. I taught one year and got out. The story of why that happened is something for another day’s post, but part of it was that I was not fond of the classroom management part of teaching. I loved my kids. I wanted to see them succeed. I wanted them to maybe learn to love literature and writing as tools for experiencing the world on a bigger scale, a wider scope. I didn’t have the skills or experience to be successful at managing their behavior in the classroom in order to get their attention and show them how that whole ‘loving literature and writing’ thing was supposed to work.

*

Anyway. Today I went to a special event that made me want to think about teaching again. Just maybe not in a regular public high school classroom. This event was an open mic day of sorts, at a local coffee house, with some kids from our area’s alternative ed programs. We are talking the toughest, most damaged, most vulnerable kids, and I watched them sing. I watched them perform competitive speech pieces. I watched them perform rap that they wrote themselves. I watched them come alive through creative expression, and I thought “THAT is what I wanted to do as a teacher. Precisely that.” But realistically- I do not know how to be tough. I do not know how to set consistent limits and endorse them with consistent consequences. God knows, I have tried. I tried in my classroom. I tried with myself. And I tried with my own children. Still never have learned the trick to it.

*

So now I wonder whether that is something I can learn, or whether the ability to give “tough love” is just a skill you’re born with. I can’t say I know the answer yet, but I know watching those kids today was inspiring and made me wish I could be making a difference in kids’ lives. I am trying to make sure my own kids get what they want out of life, but they are already ahead of the game in that they have support; they have a pretty decent home life; they know they are loved and that someone has their back.

*

Some of the kids I saw today didn’t know that, until they met their arts teacher. Having just recently discovered community theater in all it’s different aspects, I know just how much someone can blossom and grow in a creative and expressive environment, and I was born to encourage that. I was born to cheerlead. Maybe. Maybe I am thinking of this for the wrong reasons- my own gratification in being The Mentor versus the simple fact of these kids’ growth and improved potential because of creativity and expression.

*

Anyway. Enough navel-gazing. The extreme stupidity referenced in my title was something i had never seen before, but I witnessed it tonight at the gas station. I have seen those little “No Smoking” symbols on gas pumps all my life. Never seen anyone smoking at the pump until tonight. There was a man at the next pump digging through the back of his pickup truck with a cigarette in his mouth. Granted, I don’t think he had taken the nozzle off the hook yet, but still. I was just thankful I didn’t somehow get blown up.

*

Until next time,
D.

 

2 Responses to “Examination, Comma, Self. Also Extreme Stupidity.”

  1. Thanks for sharing its was a really interesting post. It’s nice to follow and connect http://aimingforapublishingdeal.blogspot.co.uk/

  2. I think people who work with disadvantaged youth end up being the student rather than the teacher. Children can teach us so much through their resilience and ability to adapt to things they should never have to adapt to.

    Visiting from the A to Z Challenge signup page. Great to meet you!

    Stephanie Faris, author
    30 Days of No Gossip

    http://stephie5741.blogspot.com


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