The Therapy Journals of the Fat-Headed Klingon Woman

One woman's journey to becoming Her True Self

An L Tale and Motivation April 15, 2014

Filed under: A-Z — DDKlingonGirl @ 8:26 pm
Tags: , ,

Hello all! Perhaps not shockingly, I continue to be running behind on the A to Z challenge, so let’s see if I can make this a Twofer.

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L- I could, of course, write about Love and Lust and the world of difference between the two.  I could write about Lazy, which I confess I am. I could even write about Lemon, which is my favorite flavor in the world.  How about a story combining all of those?

Little Lottie loved lemon. She loved lemon lots and lots. Lottie lived for lemon, and, lacking love in her life, Lottie was a little lazy. Lottie lounged all day in her lemon-yellow lounge chair, in her large lounge dress, licking lemons and laughing at the lack of likelihood that Love would ever find her.  Lottie’s laugh was a lie. Lottie was actually a little lonely. Or a lot. What Lottie didn’t know was that Linus, the local grocery delivery lad, liked Lottie quite a lot. Late in the day, when he left Lottie’s lemons on her doorstep, Linus would look over the fence into the yard and long for Lottie. But Lottie never knew. Lottie left town one Labor Day weekend, moved to Lincoln, and Linus lost Lottie’s love forever. The End

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M-  Motivation:  Motivation is hard to come by sometimes. In recent months, my motivation to really keep working hard on my weight loss journey has dwindled down to nothing. For those who haven’t been following me all along, I have been attending Weight Watchers meetings since January 2010. In 2 1/2 years I had lost 129 pounds. Since then I have gained back almost half that. Over the course of this journey I have gone from being an exercise hater to an exercise lover to an exercise tolerator. I have gone from breaking toilet seats to participating in two 5k obstacle mud runs, to forcing myself to go to an exercise class twice a week. I honestly don’t know what happened. I have been happy. I have discovered community theater and have enjoyed it. I have had relatively few problems with my kids of late. They have been sort of cruising along on a good plane for a while.  So I really couldn’t say why I just quit trying, basically.  All I know is that I have decided to rededicate. Again. I was about ready this morning to cancel my automatic payment to Weight Watchers, but I was hoping someone would talk me down off that ledge. As it turned out, I didn’t need anyone else. I went to both exercise class AND WW meeting today, and felt sufficiently strong and capable to keep plowing along. Starting today I am going to turn it around and get on the right path. My missing motivation had been found. I’m not sure exactly what my motivation is- mostly just the ability to live the live I want, healthy and fit.  But I am going to make it happen.

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Until next time,

D.

 

 

 

 

A Week’s Worth of Letters in One Handy Post! April 14, 2014

Filed under: A-Z — DDKlingonGirl @ 9:27 am
Tags: , , , , ,

 

Hello all!  Well, despite my best intentions, I have fallen behind on the blogging challenge.  I normally write while I am at work, and we moved our offices last week.  It took a few days for our internet to be turned back on, and what with one thing and another, I was unable to stay the course.  But I’m back now, and I will try to give you a 6 For 1 post.  Wish me luck!

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F- Fear:  My son is 12.  He will be 13 in only a few weeks.  This is scary.  He is a wonderful, bright, loving, funny kid with a ton of potential.  But he has a few issues.  Impulse control.  Anger management.  Social cues.  Sometimes it is really hard for me to know exactly how to handle him when he is having a bad day, and when that happens, my fear grows exponentially.  Because he is only 12.  What happens when he outsizes me by a foot, is stronger, and more ruled by raging teenage hormone syndrome?  In theory, I stomp the guts out of my current fear, get a grip on him now, and by the time he is 16 he will be well under control, right?  I really hope so.  He is so special and sweet sometimes that the thought of my failing in the task of getting him ready for adulthood is absolutely unbearable.

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G- Good times:  It has been a good weekend.  I have had a lot going on, and much of it has focused on churchy things.  Friday night I went to a Ladies’ Retreat at a nearby church camp.  It was hosted by my home congregation, and was a nice evening.  I only stayed for part of it, because not staying overnight was the only way I could get Daughter S. to go.  She is a homebody deluxe, and the only way she was willing to at least go for the Friday portion of the weekend was if she didn’t have to spend the night.  So we drove out to the camp, enjoyed the dinner and visiting with other ladies.  Mom and I did a skit wherein I played a Tech Support person answering a call about how to “install Love” and I read the whole thing in a “typical tech support India-type accent.”  I hope no one is offended by that, but I guess if you are… lighten up, for crimeny sakes!  Mom and Daughter J. stayed the night and planted flowers for the camp the next day with the rest of the ladies.  Daughter S. and I drove home that night and on Saturday I drove up to another Ladies’ Day at my friend’s church.  After that, I hung out at her house, and we went to a cupcake shop in the next town, watched really tacky movies that totally negated all our church stuff from before, and ate pizza.  But we laughed ourselves silly and had a good time.

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H- Help:  When we moved our offices Monday night, which by the way took place in a raging rainstorm, we could not have done it without the help of two members of our board of directors.  One of them apparently has the nickname “Ox,” and trust me when I say, we needed one.  We moved only a few blocks away from where we were, but the new location involved a 6-story elevator ride OR 6 flights of stairs, and we had a lot of large, heavy office furniture.  They managed to fit almost all the heavy stuff in the elevator (one at a time, obvs.) except for one very tall bookcase, which they manhandled up SIX FLIGHTS OF STAIRS!  It took half an hour.  I cannot tell you how much I appreciate and respect the effort that must have taken.  I was still at our old location overseeing the last of the packing, but wow.  We basically started moving at about 6:30 and by 10:30 we had everything in the new offices.  It was quite an achievement, if I do say so myself.  And now I am absolutely loving my new office and my new view.  Except for the one problem that still remains, which is that I can’t get my most important printer back online.

Well we're movin' on up...!

Well we’re movin’ on up…! (The view from my new 6th floor office on Tuesday 4/8/14)

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I- Incredible Creativity:  My aforementioned 12-year-old son went with me to help on set construction for the current play at my beloved community theater yesterday.  He loves helping with hammers, power drills, and paintbrushes, but yesterday they were still sort of in the engineering stages and there wasn’t much for him to do.  He did a few little tasks, but in between, with materials obtained from the generosity of the set design supervisor, The Boy actually made his own Harry Potter wand!  Set Design gave him a half-inch dowel and a glue gun, and he proceeded to make a swirly grip from glue lines around the handle, and he sanded and painted it and there it was!  It looks pretty good, too.  He’s such a character.  I think he has his sights set on building a yard shed/clubhouse next!  The yard shed part, I totally welcome!

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J- Joke:  As in “This weather is a…”  Yes.  We live in Oklahoma.  It’s April 14.  It’s usually about 85 degrees by now.  Today…?  It’s FORTY DEGREES!!  I know some of y’all are used to that sort of thing, but here it’s just downright bizarre!  Don’t get me wrong- I don’t mind it at all.  I love the cold.  I want to go to Alaska.  The point is, it just seems a little on the weird side.  But maybe I’m wrong.  Easter is this weekend, and it seems like there is usually one last cold snap before Easter.

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K- Keep your eyes on the skies!  Yes, despite the fact that today feels more like February than April, yesterday was our first round of potentially severe weather.  Last night at around 6:00 the storms were coming into our area and despite the fact that we live in a brick house, we headed over to my parents’ house where there is a cellar.  Just one of the many joys of living in this part of the world.  Luckily for us, nothing much happened in my town.  The weather just seemed to split and go north and south of us.  But as we all know, that was the herald of spring here in Southern Oklahoma, and there will be more nervous, sky-watching, cellar-hiding nights ahead in the next few months.

Nature is amazing!

Nature is amazing!

 

 

 

This was the wall cloud that covered our entire area last night about 6:30 PM! Scary, right??

This was the wall cloud that covered our entire area last night about 6:30 PM! Scary, right??

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Next post I will deal with the letter I’m actually supposed to be using today, which is L.  Hopefully I’m not all blogged out before I can at least catch up to today, where I’m supposed to be!

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Until next time,

D.

 

Examination, Comma, Self. Also Extreme Stupidity. April 5, 2014

Filed under: A-Z,Dreams and Passions — DDKlingonGirl @ 10:35 pm
Tags: , , ,

Hello all. Today has been a good day, but one that I have spent a portion of in serious self examination. Not the breast kind, although for the record, that is really important too. No, this was examination of what I may or may not have been born to do.

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I used to be a teacher. I went back to school at age 35 and got my degree in English education. I taught one year and got out. The story of why that happened is something for another day’s post, but part of it was that I was not fond of the classroom management part of teaching. I loved my kids. I wanted to see them succeed. I wanted them to maybe learn to love literature and writing as tools for experiencing the world on a bigger scale, a wider scope. I didn’t have the skills or experience to be successful at managing their behavior in the classroom in order to get their attention and show them how that whole ‘loving literature and writing’ thing was supposed to work.

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Anyway. Today I went to a special event that made me want to think about teaching again. Just maybe not in a regular public high school classroom. This event was an open mic day of sorts, at a local coffee house, with some kids from our area’s alternative ed programs. We are talking the toughest, most damaged, most vulnerable kids, and I watched them sing. I watched them perform competitive speech pieces. I watched them perform rap that they wrote themselves. I watched them come alive through creative expression, and I thought “THAT is what I wanted to do as a teacher. Precisely that.” But realistically- I do not know how to be tough. I do not know how to set consistent limits and endorse them with consistent consequences. God knows, I have tried. I tried in my classroom. I tried with myself. And I tried with my own children. Still never have learned the trick to it.

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So now I wonder whether that is something I can learn, or whether the ability to give “tough love” is just a skill you’re born with. I can’t say I know the answer yet, but I know watching those kids today was inspiring and made me wish I could be making a difference in kids’ lives. I am trying to make sure my own kids get what they want out of life, but they are already ahead of the game in that they have support; they have a pretty decent home life; they know they are loved and that someone has their back.

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Some of the kids I saw today didn’t know that, until they met their arts teacher. Having just recently discovered community theater in all it’s different aspects, I know just how much someone can blossom and grow in a creative and expressive environment, and I was born to encourage that. I was born to cheerlead. Maybe. Maybe I am thinking of this for the wrong reasons- my own gratification in being The Mentor versus the simple fact of these kids’ growth and improved potential because of creativity and expression.

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Anyway. Enough navel-gazing. The extreme stupidity referenced in my title was something i had never seen before, but I witnessed it tonight at the gas station. I have seen those little “No Smoking” symbols on gas pumps all my life. Never seen anyone smoking at the pump until tonight. There was a man at the next pump digging through the back of his pickup truck with a cigarette in his mouth. Granted, I don’t think he had taken the nozzle off the hook yet, but still. I was just thankful I didn’t somehow get blown up.

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Until next time,
D.

 

D Is For… Dark. REALLY Dark. April 4, 2014

Filed under: A-Z,Poetry and Fiction — DDKlingonGirl @ 11:03 am
Tags: , , ,

Hello all.  I am really busy today.  My employer is packing up and moving offices.  We are getting a lot of the packing done today and plan to actually move on Monday.  I started to call this post ‘D is For Deconstruction’ and ramble on about the move and the transition and all, but in the end, that topic is really not all that entertaining.  On the other hand, currently it’s just a little bit crazy around here, which is why I bring you the following A t0 Z Challenge post for the letter D.  Short and sweet.

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But first some backstory.  I am a poet.  As you can see at the top of the screen, there is a tab that says My Poetry and Fiction.  Unfortunately I haven’t posted any fiction there, no short stories or anything like that, although my Cruise Report is a really entertaining read if I do say so myself.  But I digress.  I am a poet.  I have written poetry since about 8th or 9th grade.  Writing poetry, like most creative endeavors, is somewhat cathartic for me, healing, cleansing, purging, etc.  I have been through a few dark periods in my life, and my poetry usually reflects that.  Also, I have a tendency to have mood swings that would give a person whiplash.  I won’t go so far as to say I have Bipolar Disorder, but I have felt that way at times, and many people have suggested to me that possibility.  So here is a very brief verse I wrote years ago, sometime when I was really struggling with the moody.

 

—”Suicide Note”—

Deep in a Dank, Dark, Dreary, and Damnable mood,

Depression & Despair Dive Deftly to the Depths of the soul.

Daylight Dawns. Depression does not Dwindle.

Despair Deems Death the Decisive and Definitive cure.

7-4-96—— 7:00 pm

 

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Disclaimer:  Not all my poetry is dark and brooding.  Some of it is, but much of it is joyous and/or sensual.  If you go check out that tab, you may think it’s good, you may think it’s crap, you may or may not think it fits your definition of poetry, but it’s mine and I enjoy it.  And further disclaimer:  I am now eons away from whatever crappy day made me write the above poem, so don’t anybody go turning me in to the Suicide Hotline.  Thanks!

Until next time,

D.

 

A-Z Day 3- Community Theater, Cousins, and Cookies!

Cousins!*

Hello all! Just a quick word while I am waiting for rehearsal to start. I know I haven’t mentioned it, but I am helping backstage on our charity fundraising production of Smokey Joe’s Café with Ardmore Little Theater.  Due to an unexplainable series of events, I arrived at the theater much earlier than strictly necessary.  That being the case, I thought maybe I could take this opportunity to throw a post out there for the A to Z challenge, Day 3.

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And…I got nothin’.  I started to write about cookies, because I stopped in at Subway for supper, and I bought a lovely, healthy-ish sandwich, and made it a combo with apple slices, but boy! Those macadamia nut/white chocolate chip cookies were calling my name.  I resisted them like a boss, and I am quite proud. However, there is a distinct possibility I would sell my left arm for some sugar. Addiction sucks. Can I just say this?

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The theater’s next production after Smokey Joe’s is The 39 Steps. Crazy comedy at its finest. I will not be helping backstage on that one. I will probably help with building just a few set pieces, but that will be it. After that, a brief respite and then the big summer musical.  We did Les Mis last year, which I was in, and of course we will never top it. But next summer is Grease.  I might audition, even though there are very few roles for adults in that show. Mostly teenagers. We’ll see.

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Oh, perhaps you are wondering about that picture at the top.  I posted that on my Facebook timeline for “Throwback Thursday,” as the young’uns say.  It is me and all my siblings and cousins up to that point.  It was taken in about 1982 and I think we got a few more cousins after that.  Were we rockin’ the style or what? :)

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Until next time,

D.

 

Birthdays and Barbecue! (Family Traditions Series- March) April 2, 2014

Filed under: A-Z,Family — DDKlingonGirl @ 9:15 am
Tags: , ,
Lovin' the parents today!

Lovin’ the parents today!

Hello all!  This post is a twofer:  It will serve as my B post for the A-Z Challenge and will be the continuation of my monthly Family Traditions series.  March is already over and technically I missed it, but I can still talk about the one big family tradition that falls in that month:  my father’s birthday.

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Dads and their birthdays.  How many fathers dread their birthdays because it means another ugly tie, another useless coffee mug, another bucket of car washing goodies?  My dad’s birthday rolls around in late March, and our family always gets together and has dinner on these occasions.  Sometimes Dad gets to choose the menu, and in the past he has wanted super-healthy (NOT!) country favorites like goulash with fried potatoes and corn bread, or chicken fried steak with mashed potatoes.  But sometimes the birthday boy gets elected to actually do the cooking! See, Dad is quite the accomplished Barbecue Grill Chef.  He doesn’t actually barbecue, as such.  What I mean by that is that he doesn’t use sauce on his grilled foods.  He uses things like Liquid Smoke and lemon-pepper seasoning.

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Anyway.  Dad’s grilled burgers have been known to inspire all kinds of promises.  My children will promise anything when they’re craving G-pa’s burgers.  (Ah, the intoxicating power! Mwahahahaha!)  So we call him and ask if he has enough propane to grill some grub, and he’ll say yes, but we have to bring all the goodies, so we go to the store and buy ALL the buns, lettuce, tomatoes, chips, etc.  By the time we get out to their house, he’s already got the grill fired up and running, and the rather torturous waiting begins.  The Boy and his uncles sit outside and watch the grill with Dad; G-ma and us girls are in the kitchen, slicing tomatoes and onions, tearing up lettuce, getting out the Miracle Whip (yuck!) and the mayo (much better), pickles, cheese, etc., catching up, singing, laughing, and yelling for dogs to get out from under foot and Amazon parrots to stop shrieking.

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After what seems like an eternity, he finally brings in the food and we all sit down to eat.  We hold hands around the table and Dad says a prayer, and then the gobbling and snarfing begin.  Not even kidding here- my kids can put away three burgers each.  But it is always enjoyable, and invariably there are one or two burger patties that have to be popped in the microwave for a few seconds, and poor Dad is always greatly chagrined at his inconsistency.  He always wants to know how the burgers are, and we always tell him they’re awesome, because they always are.  After the burgers are obliterated, we finish off the meal with Dad’s favorite birthday dessert.  He’s not much for cake, but he does love a good Jell-0 Instant Cherry Cheesecake.  Some of us don’t care for the cherries, so my dear sainted mother usually makes two boxes of cheesecake, served in a long cake pan, half with cherries and half without.  She’s just accommodating like that.

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Dad has gotten some goofy gifts over the years, but he never complains.  This year his gift was that the family came over and helped do some outdoor yard work and deck construction.  We spent time together in the sun and air, and helped accomplish some things that he’s just not quite up to doing by himself anymore.  It was a really good day.  A belated Happy Birthday to my Dad! Thanks for everything.  <3

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Until next time,

D.

 

A-Z Day 1: Air and Aggravation April 1, 2014

Filed under: A-Z — DDKlingonGirl @ 9:59 pm
Tags: , ,

Hello all!  Thank you for stopping by.  Today is the first day of the A-Z Challenge, and I will open with this:  Air.  As in breathing.  As in what I have to do when I am as Aggravated as I have been today.  Between craziness at work, financial stuff, cranky kids, weight loss failures, and the fact that my bedroom suddenly smells like cat pee tonight, I am getting pretty stressed out.  And also, I am late getting started with the challenge, since it is nearly 11pm on the first day and I am just now posting.  That aggravates me as well.

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I am hoping I will have improved at this by the end of the month.  My usual writing/blogging style is such that I don’t usually post unless I have something specific and important on my mind.  This is, of course, why I have had several months where I only had one or two entries.  Anyway.  It is definitely a challenge for me to come up with something to say and not struggle with the feeling that whatever I have written is somehow not good enough to post.  I will be working on that this month.  I’m looking forward to growing and improving over the course of this challenge and having something worth looking back on when May 1 rolls around.  In the meantime, I guess I’ll just keep breathing.  In…out…in…out.  I can do this.

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Until next time,

D.

 

 

 
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